CHAPTER 18

After watching Morgan head out of the bullpen, Hotch walked to his office to drop off the papers Morgan had handed him before going to find Reid. He was fairly sure he knew where his subordinate had gone. One of the advantages of being a profiler was knowing where each member of his team went when they needed some space.

As he was getting ready to walk back out of his office, he stopped when Dave walked in and shut the door. He walked over to the chairs in front of Hotch's desk and sat down. Looking over at Hotch, Dave gestured for him to sit down in the other chair. Hotch looked at the clock and sighed before walking over and sitting down next to Dave.

"Where are you going Aaron?"

"To talk to Reid."

"Did you hear from Emily?" Dave asked concerned.

Hotch shook his head before answering, "No, but Derek asked to go talk to her. He wanted to apologize. I also thought she needed to hear that he supported her. I'll go see her in an hour or so."

Dave nodded and said as he started to stand up, "good. OK, let's go talk to Reid. Do you know where to find him?"

"Dave, I've got this."

Dave carefully observed the Unit Chief. On the surface, he appeared to be his usual calm stoic self however Dave could see the agitation in his eyes. "Aaron, you are upset with him. I can see it in your face. And I understand that…" Dave said before Hotch interrupted him.

"Dave I appreciate what you are trying to do. Yes I'm annoyed that he lied to all of us and walked out. I'm irritated that he upset Emily even more than she already was about this whole situation. But there was something in his eyes when he stood up to leave. I only got a quick look because he was avoiding eye contact. He had been fine when he walked into the room but something that we talked about spooked him."

Dave nodded having had the same thoughts on Reid's reaction in the conference room. "I agree. What do you think?"

Hotch shook his head before looking at Dave as he answered worriedly, "I don't know but I want to find out. If there is something else we need to know before we start investigating this case further."

Dave walked over and put his hand on the doorknob before turning back and looking at Hotch waiting for him to follow, "OK then. Let's go talk to Reid."

Hotch chuckled at Dave's persistence before following him out the door.

####

Morgan opened the door and walk onto the roof of the FBI building. Looking around at the immediate vicinity he didn't see Emily.

He sighed and thought he should have clarified with Hotch where on the roof Emily liked to decompress. He turned to the right and walked towards the end of the building, looking but didn't see anyone. He turned around and walked back past the door he had come out through. It wasn't until he reached the helipad that he saw a small covered area at the far end of the roof. As he walked closer, Morgan smiled as he saw Emily sitting in a folding lawn chair.

Sensing his presence, Emily looked up and after a momentary look of confusion, smiled at him. Morgan took this as a sign that she was OK with him crashing her private spot.

As he walked up to her, Emily rose from her seat and walked a few steps up to a small metal door and unfasten the latch. As he moved next to her, Morgan could see it was a cubby hole built into the structure of the building. Once she had it open, Emily reached in and pulled out another chair. He chuckled and shook his head when she handed it to him. Before she closed the door, Morgan could see several more similar chairs folded up as well. Apparently this wasn't only Emily's secret spot.

Moving back over to where she had been sitting, Morgan set up his chair as Emily sat back down on hers. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes looking out over the Academy quad and at the trees as far as they could see.

"It's beautiful up here." Morgan said quietly.

Emily nodded and said without looking over at him, "I know. I found this spot when I was at the Academy." She paused before continuing, "It's gorgeous in the spring when everything is blooming and again in early fall then all the leaves on all those trees start to change."

Morgan smiled and said, "I'll have to come back and check it out then."

Emily chuckled as she said, "No way, Morgan. This is my spot. Go find your own."

He turned to her and laughed in response. He sobered after a minute before saying, "Emily I wanted to come up to apologize to you. I'm worried that looking into this case will cause you to be hurt even more than already have been. I went about verbalizing that concern the wrong way. If you really want to do this, count me in to help."

Emily looked over at him and could see the sincerity in his eyes. She nodded as she responded, "Thanks. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have yelled at you and walked out. I get your concern. Aaron expressed a similar worry last night. But I need to do this." She looked at him almost pleadingly as she said the last part.

Morgan nodded and responded, "OK then" before they both turned back to quietly look at the scenery. After a few minutes past, Morgan turned to look at her and asked something that had been on his mind since they were in the conference room, "What did you mean by another parent rejecting you?"

Emily huffed as she looked back at him and said, "come on Derek. You have heard me for years grumble about the Ambassador." Emily stood up and started pacing while Morgan quietly watched. He knew this her way of gathering her thoughts. He needed to give her time if he wanted her walls to come down enough so she would really open up and talk to him.

As she was pacing, she said without looking at him, "for as long as I can remember, nothing I did was ever good enough." She then came back and sat down before she said barely louder than a whisper, "I was never good enough."

Emily looked down at the ground and shuffled her feet before continuing, "then last month I found out all that I did after she died.

After a few days I realized that nothing I ever did was going to be enough for her. It didn't matter what my major was or the grades I got or where I lived or who I married, it was never going to be good enough." She paused and shook her head. "I'm just glad that I gave up trying years ago otherwise I would be miserable right now."

Emily stopped and took a deep breath before crossing her arms over her chest before continuing, "I've been telling myself over the last couple of weeks it was because she didn't want to be my mother. That at some point she had changed her mind about the adoption though now there's the question if she actually ever consented to the adoption at all. That whatever it was it was her issues instead of me. But now…" Emily stopped and stared blankly before dropping her head down onto her hands that were resting on her thighs.

After watching her for a couple of minutes, Morgan quietly asked, "Now what Emily?"

Emily sat back up and looked out at the quad before turning to him and shrugged, "I don't know how to feel. I was mostly OK with the being adopted part. I had come up with a thousand different ways of why someone would make the selfless decision to give their baby up, hoping to give them a better life."

Emily paused and thought back to how many times she had considered this topic over the last month. She more than most could empathize. Because of her unique circumstances, she had made a different choice however that did not diminish her understanding of the types of potential situations that would lead someone to put a baby up for adoption.

Emily turned to him with pain and sadness evident in her eyes as she said, "but over the last 24 hours, I've found out that most likely my biological parents sold me. That I was just seen as a commodity that was worth a few bucks. I wasn't good enough for them to care or consider where I would be going or who was going to get me or what would happen to me as long as they got their money." As she finished, Morgan could see her wipe a tear away from the corner of her eye.

Morgan sighed and started, "Prentiss."

Emily looked over at him, this time with fire in her eyes as she harshly whispered, "Don't call me that."

Morgan looked back at her confused as he asked, "What? Prentiss?"

Emily looked down at the ground in front of her and nodded, "Yes. I'm not a Prentiss and never was. My adoption was illegal."

Morgan looked at her stunned before saying, "but it's what you've been know as all of your life." He knew she was upset however denying her last name was on a completely different level.

Emily sighed, not surprised by his reaction before saying, "I know but it's all been a lie. Every time today I've heard that name I feel sick." She stopped and took a deep breath while trying to decide how to explain the next part. She turned and looked at him before saying calmly, "he bought me Derek. The man who I thought was my father bought me. He went to these guys and picked me out of a catalog. Then he paid money for me with a shiny new birth certificate as if I was a possession like I was a Cabbage Patch Kid."

Morgan sighed and nodded, not knowing how to respond. As hard as it was to hear all of this happening to his friend, he could only imagine how difficult it was for her to be going through it all. Before he could say anything, she continued, "you know I had always thought that he was the more reasonable one. I don't remember a lot about him. He died when I was 5. But what I do remember he was caring. But now I don't know what to think. Did I tell you how he had his will set up?"

Morgan shook his head as he said, "Just what you and Hotch told us that night at your house. Was there something else?"

Emily took a deep breath before saying, "He wrote it so that my inheritance didn't go to me or at least not completely, it went to my husband too." She paused and rolled her eyes before continuing, "I've been annoyed with that since I first read it. All the what-ifs going through my mind.

I couldn't wrap my head around the rationale for at 30 years old I wouldn't be seen as capable enough to handle it. But looking at it from the perspective of him seeing me as a possession, it completely makes sense." Emily stopped and rubbed her hands together. It was an unseasonably warm day however it was November and they had been sitting out there for a while.

"Have you talked to Hotch about this?" Morgan asked noticing that the dropping temperatures were slowly starting to affect his friend.

Emily shrugged before looking over at him, "some. When we first found out, he offered to sign his part over to me since it was my inheritance. He wasn't comfortable with the situation either." She stopped and shook her head before continuing, "but I said no because even if it had come completely to me, it would have been ours." Emily paused and then said in just over a whisper, "what I haven't discussed with him is now I'm not sure I want any of it." Emily looked over at him trying to read his reaction. She hadn't verbalized these new feelings to anyone else yet.

"Just tell him what you've told me."

"I know. It's just something that has been on my mind for the last few days and more so today after what Aaron told me last night." Emily paused and took a deep breath.

Relieved that Morgan wasn't trying to talk her out of what she was considering, Emily continued, "I don't want to make a rash decision that I'll later regret. I mean financially we are doing well but it would be nice to have a nest egg given the risks of the job." She sighed and shook her head thinking of the potential consequences of what she wanted to do would have on her family.

"Aaron's hearing will never be 100% again and the doctors are cautioning him every time he goes in for a checkup to be careful around loud noises or it may further compromise his hearing.

It just felt so good to finally get those school loans paid off that I don't know if it's fair to ask him to give up the security that this money would mean to our family."

Morgan sighed understanding her position and why she was trying to work this out for herself before talking to Hotch about it. However, ultimately, they would need to both need to agree on whatever they decide. He looked over at her and nodded as he said, "only the two of you can work that out. Even if for some reason he needed to leave the field, Hotch has a lot of different options from a desk position at the FBI to guest lecturer to going back to being a prosecutor to a dozen other possibilities. Just talk to him."

Emily nodded and sighed. She was no closer to a decision but as her friend had pointed out, she needed to talk it through with Aaron before a decision could be made. She sat back in her seat and looked back out at the quad.

After a few minutes, Morgan turned and asked as he noticed that she had been shivering for the last couple of minutes, "are you ready to go back to work? Your kids must be wondering where you are at this point."

Emily rolled her eyes at him as she answered, "My kids are home, hopefully taking a nap. My subordinates will be fine. Alvez and Lewis are working with other teams today and Walker is finishing up his outstanding paperwork before his transfer next week."

She shook her head at Morgan and stood up and said and she folded up her chair, "But you are right, we probably should get back to work or I'll be up half the night getting caught up on paperwork."

After they returned both chairs to the cubby hole, the walked together back into the building, heading back to the BAU.

####

Hotch and Dave walked into the storage room for recently completed case files. Hotch lead the way down past several rows of files while Dave wondered how he had discovered Reid liked to come to this place.

About three quarters of the way through the large room, Hotch turned to the right and into an area that was set up with cubicles for review of the case files stored in this room. There were various agents and trainees scattered throughout the desks. Dave stopped suddenly as Hotch turned left and then stopped to look at his missing agent sitting at the desk in front of them, looking sheepishly back at them.

After looking at each other for a couple minutes without anyone saying anything, Dave looked around at the various people milling around the work areas. This was not the place for this what he suspected was a private conversation. Looking between the two men, Dave said, "let's go for a ride. I know a place we can talk."

About 25 minutes later, they stopped at an empty lot that was familiar to Dave. Hotch shook his head and said sarcastically, "you really do pick the best meeting places Dave."

Dave chuckled as he remembered Emily reaction to this same lot, "your wife said something similar when I brought her here to talk a couple of years ago."

Hotch looked at him surprised and asked, "when?"

Dave nodded, not surprised that Emily hadn't told him where they had gone to talk though he knew Hotch knew that they had talked, "after her friend Matthew died."

Hotch frowned before nodding. He took a deep breath and changed his focus to their colleague standing next to them, "Reid, what happened today?"

Reid was pacing in front of them as he said nervously, "I didn't mean to upset Emily. Why did this happen?"

Hotch and Dave looked at each other and nodded. They had both hypothesized that Reid walking out wasn't about Emily but that there had been something familiar about the names. Hotch asked, "Why did what happen?" at the same time Dave asked, "How did you recognize the names Spencer?"

Reid stopped pacing and looked over at them surprised as he asked, "How did you know?"

Hotch and Dave looked at each other and rolled their eyes. As he shook his head, Dave said,

"You were fine while Emily and Hotch were explaining what they found until Hotch mentioned the names of the men involved. Then you were quiet and distracted until you made an excuse and left."

Reid looked down and thought about what Dave at just said before nodding. He took a deep breath realizing that he needed to explain his reaction. He needed to talk about something that the whole team knew, or at least he thought Dave knew, but never talked about. He wasn't going to lie about being nervous about how this conversation was going to end.

Reid looked up at them and started to say anxiously, "When …. When I was kidnapped." The eyes of both men in front of him widened as neither had expected this discussion to go there. Hotch nodded and Reid continued, "Henkel he gave me …" He stopped and looked at Hotch, not knowing how to continue.

Noticing the apprehension of the younger man in front of him, Dave said softly, "I know about the Dilaudid Spencer. It's OK. Tell us what you remember."

Reid looked over at him with wide eyes and immediately calmed when he saw the understanding look on Dave's face. When he looked back at Hotch he gave him a sad smile, knowing how hard Spencer had worked to get past that horrible experience and now they were asking him to dredge it all up.

Reid nodded, calmer than he had been a few minutes earlier and explained, "When he would inject me with it, I would have vivid memories of things that happened when I was a kid. It was mostly around the time my dad left but the memories weren't linear."

He paused as he tried to focus on the one relevant memory, not wanting to be flooded with all of the memories he had from during his time with Tobias Henkel. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing, "One of the memories that was dredged up was from about a week before he left. I had been with my mom in their bedroom. She was having a bad day and hadn't been able to get out of bed. I had asked her to read me a book because it helped her feel better. After a while she fell asleep and when I was walking down to the kitchen, I heard my dad in a heated discussion on the phone. That is where I heard the names."

"What else do you remember hearing?"

"The names, something about offshore accounts and time running out. I didn't hear too much because he hung up as soon as he realized I was there." Both men looked at him with widened eyes before looking at each other. When they had looked into William Reid's life a few years earlier, they had learned that he was he was a financial manager and worked heavily in investments.

"Did you hear him on any other similar phone conversations?"

Reid shook his head as he answered, "no, most of the time he would take calls in his office. I don't remember him ever taking a work call in the kitchen before this."

"What about after?"

Reid stopped and looked down for several seconds while Hotch and Dave observed him. When Reid looked back up to them and made eye contact, they could see that he remembered something significant. He shook his head as he said,"no, but he moved out 6 days later and I didn't see him again until you and Morgan were with me in Vegas."

Hotch and Dave looked at each other, both doing the math in their heads. After a few seconds, Hotch gave Dave a knowing look which Dave responded to with a slight nod. When they got back to the BAU, they would need to check about where this call and Reid's father leaving fell within the timeline of the criminal investigation of that case.

"Did you know what they did before that case in Vegas." Hotch asked, wondering why this was the first time Reid had mentioned this to anyone on the team.

Reid looked at him with wide eyes before looking down and nodding, "yes. I searched the names which lead me to the case file a few months after we came back from Georgia. I needed to find out who they were."

"Why didn't you say anything to any of us?"

Reid stated emphatically, "I did. I talked to Gideon about what I remembered." Hotch could feel his anger rise at this revelation because Gideon hadn't mentioned anything to him about it.

Dave also noticed the change in demeanor of their Unit Chief as he asked, "What did he say?"

Reid took a deep breath before saying in a very quick ramble, "He mentioned that he thought my memories were jumbled from being under the influence of Dilaudid that was cut with a psychedelic. He said that the case was solved and if my dad had been involved, he would have been caught when they were investigating the case. He cautioned me that the Dilaudid could come to light if I started asking too many questions.

Then I started to question for myself what i was remembering. After thinking back about that time, I knew it was a real memory. I was planning to talk to him about it again the morning that we were suppose to play chess and he never showed up. None of us saw him again and I guess at that point, I just let it go. I didn't know what to do at that point because I thought everyone would have the same reaction he had when I first brought it up."

As Reid finished, Hotch could feel anger towards Gideon washing over him again as it had in the days and weeks after he abruptly walked away from the team. As had happened more than once before he left, he gave questionable advice to a member of the team. As expected, Reid had taken his advice to heart and not said a word to anyone… until today. Gideon had then left without mentioning anything to Hotch so that he could check in on Reid.

Taking some calming breaths so Reid would not take his anger as being angry at him, Hotch then said sincerely, "I would have listened to you Spencer if you would have come to me."

Reid nodded at the look on his boss' face before he said more anxiously as he went along, "What was I going to say? As a team we didn't talk about the Dilaudid. I didn't know how to talk about remembering the names without saying how I remembered them. They were already in jail so what could we have done? I didn't know where my dad was at that point."

Hotch looked at his subordinate and sighed, not able to get past the feeling that he had failed him in some way. Keeping Reid's issues around the Dilaudid after the Henkel case was done to protect Reid and his position within the BAU.

Strauss supported the team however she was for the most part a stickler for regulations and would have felt she had no choice but to report it to Donaldson who Hotch was concerned would have made it an issue.

So Hotch and Gideon and later Dave watched him carefully utilizing their skills as a profiler. Hotch also knew that Morgan and Emily were also keeping close tabs on him. For all that that observation could accomplish, it did not replace the importance of dialogue.

Hotch had never explicitly opened that door to him, hoping that Reid would come to him or Gideon if he was becoming overwhelmed. Now as it turned out Reid did go to Gideon and had essentially his concerns had been shut down. And if that wasn't bad enough, the way it was done had resulted in Reid being more hesitant to talk to anyone else about how he remembered this information.

Dave could see the conflicted looks on Hotch's face and decided to change the topic a bit to find out how all of the pieces fit together. He looked over at Reid and said, "Then we got that kidnapping case in Vegas."

Hotch looked up and over at Dave as he finished before saying matter of fact, "and your nightmares started again." The whole team had witnessed the one on the jet and then Morgan had told him about the one at the house.

Reid nodded before saying, "they did and in one of them when I got to the basement and saw the feet of Riley Jenkins visible behind the washer with a man kneeling in front of it. When the man turned around, it was my dad."

"Your subconscious was putting the cases together." Dave murmurs.

Reid nodded, "Yes. But I knew I needed to focus on the UNSUB we were there to find because a little boy's life was in the balance. But when the case was over, I needed to find out what happened to Riley Jenkins. That's why I decided to stay when I was thinking about everything the night I stayed with my mom.

I needed to see if he was attempted victim of that kidnapping ring. I hadn't looked at the case file close enough to see that the ring was only kidnapping infants. I needed to know how my dad was involved with them and if so how."

Dave looked at him said exasperatedly, "Morgan and I were there with you. Hotch, Emily and Garcia were digging information up on your dad."

Reid looked at him and straightened his body still annoyed as he thought back at that case, "Yes but Rossi, you and Derek just wanted me to drop the whole investigation. You asked me multiple times if I was sure if I really wanted to pursue a case where my dad was a potential UNSUB. 'Some rocks don't need looking under' remember that. Stuff about Freud. You had already dismissed my memories of the Riley Jenkins case as having just read it. But it wasn't. I knew him. We were on the same tball team. You and Derek already didn't trust my judgement on looking into the case why would I tell you this. Are you seriously going to tell you it would have helped? Or would you have just dismissed it as delusions under the influence of drugs?"

Dave sighed as he took in what Reid had said. Hotch, Dave and Morgan had all discussed before Hotch flew back with Emily and JJ that there was more going on with Reid and the Riley Jenkins case than he was saying. That was why Dave and Morgan had asked to stay and Hotch agreed.

When Reid had mentioned he thought about his father being involved Dave and Morgan had been concerned that it was about revenge. They had no idea about this other part of the equation. However, if he was being honest, Dave didn't know how he would have reacted to the news knowing how complexed the McRae/Howard case had been. But even now, he wished he would have had the opportunity, especially when he had had William Reid in the same room with him. "I wish you would have told me Spencer."

"Why?"

Hotch took a deep breath before answering, "We were looking into your dad. Since we didn't know about this connection when you were 10, we didn't look at his life in that timeframe. We only looked at what he was doing around the time Riley Jenkins was killed when you were about 4 and then around the time of that case."

Hotch waited for Reid to look at him before continuing, "In addition to that, I would have believed you if you would have mentioned the names. I worked on the case in the prosecutor's office. That experience is how I knew when I saw Emily's adoption papers."

Reid nodded and then looked at Hotch contrite as he said, "I'm sorry Hotch. After we found out about Gary Michaels and how he died, I didn't know how to proceed. I knew I couldn't throw another vague charge against my dad because it that was found to not be anything, I was afraid of losing the respect of the team. McRae and Howard were both already in prison and my dad wasn't. You and Emily didn't find anything on him either. I didn't think about you looking at a different time frame. I didn't know you or Rossi knew who they were or I would have said something."

"You told us now and we will be having Garcia check into him around when he left and then what he has been up to recently. We'll widen the search as needed. If there is a connection, she'll find it."

"Thanks Hotch. I also need to talk to Emily. I want to help. I need to let her know why I left."

"Come by tonight. I'll let her know you are coming."

"If you two are ready, why don't we head back to the office before they send out a search party."

The three nodded and walked back to the SUV.

AN: I hope the next chapter won't take as long to be ready to post. In chapter 19- as the team looks into Emily's adoption, the information discovered shocks a member of the team.