AN: If ever there were a time that I seriously considered killing him, this was it. Oh, please, you'd feel guilty in five minutes. I would not! It wasn't my fault. I have a compulsion to cause fear in others. The doctors told me so. Rubbish. You want to know what I think? Always. I think you have a sick sense of humour. I will neither confirm nor deny that. I knew it!
SwordStitcher-I am struck speechless. She's grinning like an idiot. Thank you very, very much. Admittedly, I was good in it. You mean we. I mean I.
Jasmine Scarthing-Naturally. All those sitting ducks...but they were just icing on the cake. I only wanted the one. I hear he can't sleep with the lights off anymore... I'm so grateful for the fourth wall right now.
Just-Me-and-My-Brain-Come to think of it, I haven't seen any, either. That's probably in his best interests. I wonder why? They like to torture me, not give me revenge.
"Jonathan, what are…Jonathan?"
"Down here."
"Why are you under the bed."
He backed out, dust bunnies clinging to his hair. He looked ridiculous.
"My mask has disappeared."
"Why would it be under the bed?"
He shrugged.
"All sorts of things are under there. I found an old notebook."
"I don't want to know."
Oh, god, she didn't like the look on his face. Not one bit.
He'd found his mask, in the end-in his lab, where it belonged-and shut himself in there for the rest of the day. She'd tried to go in, once, and found the door locked. Fine. She'd just enjoy his share of the ice cream.
He should lock himself in there more often!
She was getting ready for bed when it struck her that he was probably asleep at his desk again. She tried the door, failed, and shrugged. Fine. He could get a crick. It would serve him right. How did he think he got upstairs, anyway? By sleepwalking?
"Night, Jonathan."
"Mm."
She got the coffee ready, checked the door, and went upstairs to bed. She sprawled out on the bed, feeling guilty for enjoying all the extra room. Light was off, coffee was ready, door was locked…ahh. Bed.
She was just drifting off when she became aware of the fact that the window was open. Why the hell was the window open? God! Now she had to get up, and close it, and get back to bed without hurting herself.
She was just getting out of bed when she spotted it. A small, brown mass in the middle of the floor.
Roach!
Well, she wasn't getting up now. She was just going to lay here and stare at it, lest it move. Ohh, she hated the Narrows!
It wasn't moving. Maybe it was dead. Or dying-the stupid things took ages to die. Maybe she could squish it…no. What if it wasn't dying? Then it would rush her and maybe be on her!
Had it moved? Oh, god, it wasn't dying!
She became aware that the low whining noise was coming from her. That had to stop.
Okay. She was just going to get up and go downstairs. Just downstairs. She wouldn't even go near it.
She had both feet on the floor when it darted towards her. She shrieked and tried to clamber back on the bed when something shot out and grabbed her ankle.
"Motherfucker!" Wait. "Jonathan Crane, come out of there!" It had stopped moving-probably frightened by the commotion. Good.
He let go of her and she scrambled back and huddled against the wall, watching the brown blob.
"Scared?"
"Kill it!"
"What, this?" He picked it up and held it out to her. Ohgodohgodohgod…wait. Was that a rubber roach? And fishing line? Oh, she was going to kill him!
"You asshole!" Why wouldn't he stop laughing? "One of these days, god help me…"
"I couldn't help it, Kitty, I'm sorry."
"You are not!"
"No." She reached for her pillow and got up. "What are you doing?"
"Killing you." she seethed.
"Don't do anything you'll regret…"
"I'm not." She was gratified to see him back away and reach for the doorknob. "Hold still!"
He flung the rubber roach at her and ran for it. Oh, hell no!
"Get back here!"
"Have some work to do, sorry!"
"Get back here and let me kill you!"
Why did he have to have long legs? Why?
He barricaded himself in his lab before she could catch him-dammit! Well, she'd just get comfy. He had to come out sometime, didn't he?
THE END