Chapter Three-Hundred
Sara smiled as she watched Beverly exit her private cell, noticing that she was showing with her pregnancy. "We talked to John, and he wants to see you." She took Beverly's hands in her own, noticing the flicker of light behind her eyes. "I'm sorry it took so long… but we finally got a visitation day for you."
She pressed Sara's hand to her baby bump, letting her feel the baby kick. "We're so happy."
Sara laughed, tears coming to her eyes. "I've never been so happy to be infertile."
John scratched his arm, waiting at the front stoop of the Clubhouse. He ran his thumb over his engagement ring, licking his lips as he stared at the ground. He'd told everyone to stay in the house while he met with her. Even though fear coursed through his veins with every passing second, he knew he had to face this. He had to face his mother, face the lesser of his demons to start the healing process. The physical scars would never fade completely, but maybe he could heal the mental.
"Johnny?" Beverly bit her lips as his dark eyes lifted, reminded of the little blue babe she'd given birth too all those years ago. It was hard for her to believe that he was really a full-grown man now… and she'd been to high and drunk to remember his growth.
He stood, motioning to the sidewalk. "How about we take a walk?" He asked, using the clicker in his hand to tell chance to heel to his left.
"I'd like that." She smiled, folding her hands over her belly as they stepped down the road.
"So, why did you use?" He asked, leaning his arms on his knees as he waited for her to rest on the park bench.
She sighed, drinking some water from the bottle John always kept in his backpack. "I suppose… it was the same reason you did." She pulled her jacket closer around her shoulders, trying to think of a way to tell her son about this difficult part in her past. "I wanted to stop the fear… you probably don't remember your Grandpa Mateo, but he was the only man I ever truly loved. They say a girls first love is her father, and that was true for me. He never liked your father, and when he passed —you would have been two at the time— I was so afraid of being alone, that I stayed with Jake. Even though he beat us."
John stood, pacing around the bench to help himself soak the information up. He walked a few yards away, pausing at the edge of the duck pond in a way that Beverly recognized as his father's.
She'd seen that tension in the muscles enough times to know that an explosion of some sort was close. She'd never had reason to fear John, but it was hard to not see Jake in him sometimes. She watched as he picked up a stone, flinching when he screamed in frustration and threw it into the water as hard as he could. "Johnny…"
He fell to his knees on the bank, hanging his head in his hands as he thought of all he could have done if only he'd known. "Fuck me…" He choked out, quickly wiping his tears away when he felt a soft hand on his back. "I don't want to be him…" His breath rattled in his chest, frustration burning inside of him.
She knelt beside him, rubbing his shoulders and placing her fingers under his chin. "You won't be." She rubbed her thumb over his cheek, tucking a lock of wild hair behind his ear. "You're a thousand times the man he was."