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JJ paced the confines of her small office while she ran her hand through her hair and tried to decide what to do.
You should've known! You're supposed to read him better than anyone and he lied to your face.
She sat behind her desk and reached for her cell phone. She'd call him and then she'd do what she could to help him despite his deception. Her hands shook as she dialed his number and anger shot through her gut like acid. Damn! Why didn't he confide in her? JJ thought they were past the days of secrets when he'd come clean about his addiction.
You have secrets, too.
She tossed down her phone without speaking when she got his voicemail instead of his sweet, gentle voice over the line. If that's the way he wanted it – she leapt to her feet and made it three steps from her desk when her phone rang. She felt elation slam into her belly so hard, she almost tripped over a desk leg on the way back to grab her phone.
"Spence?" She answered, breathlessly, and without checking the caller id.
"Is this Jennifer Jareau," said an unfamiliar voice.
"May I ask who's calling?"
"This is Shalise. I'm a nurse at East Allegheny Community Hospital."
"Mom," JJ whispered as her stomach dropped and her heart began to gallop in her chest. "Is it my mom, Jackie Jareau?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so. She's been involved in a car accident and you're listed as next of kin."
"What happened? How is she?"
Hotch entered her office, but she held up a hand when he spoke. He took in her face and his perpetual stony expression softened in concern.
"Your mother has two broken ribs, a compound fracture of her right femur and several burns and bruises from airbag injuries. Right now, she's stable, but we wanted you to know."
"Thank you. Will you tell her I love her, and I'll be there soon?"
"Yes ma'am, I am sorry."
"Thank you, you're very kind."
She dropped her phone, sat and put her hands over her face. "JJ, what's happened to your mom?"
She looked up at him with tears forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Hotch, I know this is a bad time and I want to help Spence, but my mom was in a serious car accident. I need to go to her."
"Of course, go. I'll inform the team and Garcia. She'll set up your flight. Do you need a hotel or –"
"I know where mom hides the spare key to the house. Thanks, Hotch."
"You're welcome. Go!"
JJ grabbed her go bag and her purse. She hurried down the hallway with Hotch following on her heels. She reached the doors to the bullpen when Emily entered. "Hey, JJ, where's the fire?"
"Not now," Hotch snapped. "Meet me in the conference room with Garcia."
"Yes sir," Emily said.
"I'll call you later," JJ said and ran to the elevators.
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"Emily," Hotch said the minute she and Garcia entered the conference room. "JJ's mother was hurt in a car accident. I need you to take point on Reid's case from here. Garcia –"
"Ticket for the first available flight to the Keystone State, on it, boss."
"I'm going to contact HR and see who we can get to fill in as a media specialist."
"Um, Hotch, what about Agent Jordan? I hear she's just returned to Anti-Crime from a task force in New York."
"Good thinking, Emily." Hotch nodded. "I'll run it by Strauss right now. Get to work."
Emily and Garcia scattered as Hotch hurried to Strauss's office without calling first, which he knew would irritate her, but he didn't care as time was of the essence.
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Why is she crying," little Spencer wondered as he stood half-hiding behind the doorway to their living room? He didn't like to see mommy crying, it was scary. His little legs began to shake as she turned from the window and left with her head bowed and tears running down her face. Mommy was sick, Daddy said and sometimes she might be sad, or angry, or sleepy, but she was his mommy.
Little Spencer hurried to the window and peered between the curtains into the sun-filled back yard. Daddy? What was daddy doing? There was a fire in their barbecue pit and daddy threw something with blood on it. Little Spencer knew what blood was, it came out of your body when something hurt you. Was Daddy hurt? No, he didn't look hurt. Clothes, Daddy was burning clothes. Why? Why are the clothes bloody? Daddy?
Adult Spencer burst out of his hypnotic trance like a competitive diver breaching water from a deep dive. His lungs burned and his heart raced so hard, he felt like he might pass out. He couldn't breathe, and he barely heard Rossi say, "Easy Spencer, take it easy. You're okay."
No, he wasn't okay, Spencer thought. Nothing would ever be the same again and he didn't know how to go on from this moment. Forcing his mother to relive her memories cut him like a razor blade skimmed over the throat of an innocent child, but he had to know.
"You mother isn't stable," Morgan told him later.
God, how he hated hearing that from people who thought they knew his mother simply because of her disease. Reid knew his mom, and how she coped with stress and he didn't need Morgan telling him otherwise.
"I don't know how my father is involved," Reid spat out angrily. "I know he is involved."
They noticed Riley's father leaving the station at the same time Lou Jenkins turned and saw them standing on the sidewalk. There was something in his eyes, Reid saw and said. "What's he doing here?"
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Reid couldn't believe it when his mother entered the police station after they'd brought in Lou Jenkins for murdering Gary Michaels. The whole story came out and the agent in him cringed at the thought that his father covered up a murder, but the son in him silently thanked his dad for sparing his mother the ordeal of implication in the crime. Sometimes it's not black and white despite what he wanted to believe.
"You could've come back," Reid said, once he realized what his father had done.
"I didn't know how to take care of you anymore. When I lost that confidence, there was no going back."
"What's done is done," Dianna said, and Reid heard the forgiveness he couldn't give in her voice and he wondered how she could say the words.
As if Dianna knew what he was thinking, she said. "At least you know the truth."
He forced himself to say. "I was wrong about everything. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too, son," William said.
It didn't make up for anything, Reid wanted to say, but he kept quiet for the sake of his mother. Leaving her was the hardest thing he'd ever done, but he had to go and find a way to live with the new knowledge in his brain, that joined every other memory, and fact stored within his synapses.
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Reid pulled his phone from his pocket as soon as he found the safety and privacy of his hotel room. They had a flight out on a commercial jet in three hours and he needed to pack, but first, he needed to hear Jennifer's voice. He needed it like a man dying of thirst, needs water to live. He saw that she'd tried to call him twice but hadn't left a message.
"Hey," Reid said when her voicemail picked up. "I'm sorry I missed you. I really need to talk to you. Call me when you get this message. We wrapped up the case and we have a flight out in three hours. I'll see you later."
His phone rang ten minutes later as he was hefting his go bag. "Reid."
"Reid," Hotch said and surprised him with his tone. "Yes, sir."
"Morgan filled me in on the results of your investigation. Are you all right?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good, because when you get back, we're going to talk about going off on your own like that."
"I'm sorry, Hotch. I needed to know and – "
"It's okay," Hotch overrode him. "We'll talk later. For now, there is something you need to know. JJ's gone home to Pennsylvania. Her mother was in a serious car accident and she's in the hospital."
Reid's heart crashed into his shoes and his hands began to shake. "H-how is – um, I mean, how is her mother?"
"I don't know, and I was hoping you'd go be with her as her support."
"Me sir?" He cursed the squeak in his voice and its tremor.
"Reid, do I have to say out loud that I know what's been going on with you and JJ for the last few months, or do you want me to pretend that because you're close friends, and as she needs a friend, that I'm sending you as a favor to her?"
"Um, thanks' Hotch. I'll get on the phone and change my ticket."
"No, need. It's already done."
"Garcia knows," Reid jumped to the wrong conclusion.
"Only that I'm sending you to JJ for support. She didn't question me."
He felt so much relief, he had to sit on the edge of his bed. "Right, thank you, sir."
"There's no rule about fraternization, but you're on the same team and after what happened with Strauss, you need to continue your discretion."
"Yes, sir. We will."
"It's up to you when or what you tell the rest of the team."
"I'll talk to JJ about it, Hotch."
"Good, now go. Your flight leaves in less than two hours."
"I will."
Reid shut his phone and began to gather all his belongings as fast as he could, then he called a cab to the airport without telling Morgan and Rossi. Reid considered it payback to them for breaking into his room and inserting themselves into his investigation.
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JJ sat in a chair by her mother's bed. It was after visiting hours, but the nurse said she could stay if she wanted. Her mother slept peacefully, and the doctor said that she'd be all right after a few days in the hospital and then she'd need help at home for a few weeks. She tried again to call her aunt but couldn't reach her. She and her family had moved away from East Allegheny to Ohio and they didn't know about the car accident. She left another message and looked at her phone.
She should try to call Spence again. Had Hotch told him about her mother? Was he finished with the case and if so, had the killer been his father? She left her chair and went to stand by the window that overlooked the parking lot and lay cloaked in darkness and light from the lamps placed around for safety. The shadows from the lights crept over cars and over sidewalks like creatures that lived for darkness and silence. Maybe they'd come to life and devour her mother. She shook her head at her dark thoughts and turned back to look at her mother lying asleep under a light dialed down to the glow of one candle.
She jumped and her heart began to thump when a tap sounded at the door. She knew the source of that tap from her office and apartment door. Spence?
Reid poked his head in and found her eyes as if he knew her exact position in the room without seeing her. "Jennifer," he whispered and hurried in when she nodded silently.
"I'm sorry," he began.
JJ threw herself into his arms and began to cry with ragged sobs that broke his heart.
"Hey, it's going to be okay, right. Hotch said she was stable," he continued in a whisper.
"Yes. I was so afraid, Spence. Thank you for coming. I need you so much."
"I'm glad I came, Jen."
JJ tugged on his hand. "I need to talk to you."
"You sure you want to leave."
"Yeah, she's sleeping, and I don't want to wake her. I'll come back in the morning."
"Let's go," Reid said and led her out of the room.