Widowmaker

Her lips were an inch from her face. Her eyes wide and dark. They both breathed heavily, arms wrestling with one another. Widow gained control first, exhaling deeply until she had no air left.

'So, what are you going to do, little girl?'

It was supposed to work against the pain, but her isolation was only bringing more agony. It wasn't meant to be this way. She wasn't capable of such feelings. Widow was almost better off caring not. The tiny room and seldom ventures out of it were suffocating. The warmth, comfort, and belonging she experienced when beside Lena…she didn't want to dwell on it, but that's all she could do. She would have to leave Overwatch completely to be free of her. That was the plan when this was all over. Until then, was she meant to suffer?

She had finally admitted it to herself. To the vacant space in the girl's living quarters. Love. A new form of it. She had loved Gerard. But that love was a very different iteration of the emotion. This was all new to Widow; to Amelie. Every effort against the growing notion only urged it forward. Every attempt at murdering the swelling in her heart resulted in further expansion.

It was killing her slowly, and Widow didn't know what to do anymore.

She owed Overwatch her abilities. She promised to help take down Talon. But if Angela couldn't help her, what then? Widow didn't trust herself. She didn't believe she could resist the primal urges festering in her soul. Lena was the closest, and thus, the most likely to be at the receiving end of any emotional outburst. Widow felt like a babe. A child capable of restricting their emotions around strangers, but the moment they returned to mother – to that ultimate source of safety – she would lash out, unloading all her emotions and desires in a temper tantrum. Therefore, hiding from the girl was best. Losing her sanity in isolation until Angela made one final attempt to fix her seemed to make sense.

Until it didn't.

Widow pushed her face into her pillow and grunted, scratching at the sheets and grabbing at her shoulders in frustration. One moment she was furious at herself. At Lena. The other second she gripped between her legs, pushing her fingers within her body deeply and imagining Lena pounding her with the skill she had displayed nights prior. Then she was screaming at her own foolishness. Finally, she would cry, wishing it would all end swiftly and wondering why she even bothered anymore.

That's usually when Athena (constantly monitoring the room and Widow's mental status) would speak over the intercom, resulting in someone checking in on Overwatch's most troublesome member.

Jack Morrison. Sad boy.

'You good? Got a ring from Athena.'

'I'm fine.'

'You don't look fine.'

'Then I'm not.'

'Angela's got you booked soon. Should all be over one way or another within a day or two.'

'So be it.'

'…Can I ask you something?'

'You can. But I may not answer.'

'It's about Gab – Reaper.'

'Heh. One of the few agents that made me feel normal in comparison.'

'…I see.'

'He's a lost cause.'

'Everyone thought you were, too.'

'They'd be right.'

'Not according to Lena.'

'…No. Not according to her…'

Winston. Monkey.

'Hmph. Pretty cramped in here, huh?'

'Not for me.'

'Your chip went off. Did you hurt yourself?'

'Only a little.'

'Oh! Let me get the first aid. My goodness! You need to be careful!'

'I didn't feel it. It's fine.'

'I don't believe that. Especially at this point. Here. Let me see.'

'…Tch!'

'Did you…try and tear off your tattoo?'

'I did not succeed.'

'Amelie…'

'Widowmaker.'

'No. Lena insists you be called Amelie.'

'She is a fool!'

'…She isn't. She's a precious member of Overwatch and one of my dearest friends.'

'Friends with a monkey? A fool it is.'

'You don't mean that. I know you don't.'

'I do.'

'Lena told me you're a kind and gentle soul at heart. Don't listen to Talon. Be your own person.'

'More evidence of her foolhardiness. I'm a killer. I always will be.'

'Heh. I doubt that.'

'How could you possibly say such a thing?'

'Well, as you said, I'm a monkey. An animal. I see your eyes, and they aren't eyes of a predator. Not now, anyway. They're the eyes of someone desperately wanting more.'

'…Just go.'

'Once I'm done with your wound.'

'…'

Ana Amari. Failure.

'You were once a legend, but what are you now? Just a shell of a woman.'

'I take it you don't want my autograph, then?'

'I don't want anything from you.'

'I'm the only one available. Tough.'

'Heh. On edge, are we?'

'Hardly.'

'I can tell.'

'Of course, you can.'

'Anxiety over your daughter's choices in life?'

'…I'm proud of her.'

'Are you?'

'I'm not here to discuss Fareeha.'

'In love with another woman? Shameful!'

'It's nothing to be embarrassed over.'

'Yet you are. Old ways die hard.'

'Talkative today, aren't you?'

'Deflecting. A coward's shield.'

'Then who is the coward, Amelie?'

'…Get out.'

'Not before I ensure you're safe.'

'Please. As if you care.'

'I don't, honestly, but Lena does, and she's my friend.'

'That girl again…'

'She's a part of your life now whether you like it or not.'

'I hate it.'

'I almost believe you.'

Finally, Lena herself was the one to check on Widow, although at this point, Athena hadn't summoned her. She came on her own; against Widow's wishes. Against her design. Against her sanity. However, Widow was intrigued, because she saw an expression on Lena she hadn't witnessed in quite some time.

Despair.

Her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were skittish. Her stance was sloppy. She was hardly catching her breath. What on earth had happened to her?

'Amelie…!' She huffed, the door closing behind her.

'What is the meaning of this?' Widow snapped, her temple already pulsating painfully. This girl irked her so. This woman caused her nothing but anxiety. When would she get the hint?

Lena blinked, looked around, and then laughed at herself seemingly, scratching the back of her head and waving her hands as if she had just awoken from a dream.

'Oh! Um…I-I mean…I heard you've been kinda nasty to some of the others, so, I thought I'd check on you, you know? Doin' okay?'

'…Fine.' Widow uttered. 'My operation is soon. We shall see how I am truly after the procedure.'

'Right. Right. You nervous?'

'…A little.' Damn it. How did she draw out such honesty? Why was Widow being filled with relief suddenly? This girl wasn't abiding to her needs!

'Ange is worried, too. Told me…er…you're kinda stressed and stuff. I guess that's mostly why I'm here. Being by yourself can't be too fun, right? Want to hang at my place for a bit?'

'No.' Widow flinched, knowing that was the worst thing she could do now. She was just beginning to distance herself from the girl, and now this? How infuriating. 'You may go now.' She insisted.

'You know how well telling me what to do works out. I can tell you're all kinds of messed up. Got some bags under your eyes. Not sleeping too good?'

'It's none of your business.'

Lena clapped her hands together, and it almost startled Widow the sound was so abrupt.

'Bloody hell it isn't. We're friends last time I checked, and…'

Widow grimaced, waiting for Lena to finish, but when she didn't, the lingering silence annoyed her even more.

'And what?'

'Jesus…' She cursed, pacing in the room. 'Just…I'm all messed up, too, you know?'

Pardon? This was new. Lena's voice lowered, and she was shaking her head in obvious confusion.

'How? Your life is near-perfect.'

'Hah! Right? I'm lucky to even be alive and I still mess things up with this bloody brain of mine. All kinds of messed up.'

What was happening? Lena's tone was shaking. She sounded as though she was about to cry. Widow instantly cared more than she wished to, almost stepping toward the other woman.

'Can I ask you something?' Lena was smiling, but it was agonized, making the expression almost frightening.

'…What?'

'How long…' She trailed off, scrunching her face up. 'How long have you been lying to me?'

It was purposely vague, and this left too much to Widow's imagination. She huffed, repelling any semblance of closeness as she was training herself to do for her own safety with this terrible girl.

'I don't understand your question. Where is the context?'

Lena laughed again, but it was almost like a sob, and a second later, she grabbed at Widow's arm, holding it even when Widow attempted to rip free, pulling Lena in close instead.

'You know exactly what I'm talking about.' She muttered in a voice Widow didn't recognize. So, this is what Lena Oxton actually sounded like. The wonders never ceased.

'I don't. Now, leave me be.' Widow dislodged herself from Lena, but the girl blinked, grappling at her arms again and entangling them until they were face to face, barely an inch apart and breathing one another's air. Widow gained control first, exhaling deeply until she had no breath left.

'So, what are you going to do, little girl?' She dared her, knowing what Lena would desire this close. Would she cheat on Emily? Did Widow want her to? Was this even fair? What if Widow made the first move? What sort of woman would that make her?

'Tell you the truth.' Lena's lip quivered.

'And you think that will convince me to do the same?'

'I don't care.'

'Yes, you do.'

'Fine! I do! But whatever!'

Widow nearly smiled, and that frustrated her.

'Let go of me.'

'No. I'm never letting go of you.'

This struck Widow in the heart, and her expression faltered, collapsing within the need for composure.

'I…care about you, Amelie. You gotta know that. Whether we're lovers or whatever the hell this is doesn't matter right now. You need a friend. You need someone you can talk to. I'm right here. Stop pushing me away.'

Widow finally wretched her arms free, but she didn't step back. She simply lowered her head, staring at the ground and watching it blur inside her eyes.

'…But it hurts.' She admitted, and although it revolted her, she also felt a semblance of relief. Honesty. The first time in quite a while. Her last bout of earnest behaviour resulted in having a form of sex with this young woman before her. Sex she thought she would hate. Sex she never imagined would take place. Yet, it was sex she couldn't dismiss from her mind. Passion she had always longed for. A type of love she stretched her arm toward even now.

'What hurts, Luv?' Lena whimpered, as if she knew the answer.

'…You.' Widow whispered.

Silence beckoned, and neither girl knew how to proceed. Minutes passed, the quiet and emptiness of Widow's room deafening. How had it come to this? Where had Widow gone wrong? She hated Tracer, yet now that hate had transmogrified into something quite different. Something so similar yet not the same at all. An "emotion" Widow suspected she would never experience again for the rest of her pitiful life. This scene wasn't fair to either of them, but even Widow knew something had to be done lest she truly lose her mind.

'…Because you care about me, too?' Lena finally responded, and Widow held her breath prior to answering.

'To put it simply? Yes.'

More relief. There. At least she said it. Perhaps now she could move on. But Widow knew that was a foolish notion. Her honesty only made for a more complex relationship.

'Was that so hard?' Lena giggled, and Widow stepped away, then, hugging her own arm.

'Very. You know precisely why.'

Lena closed the gap again, tugging at Widow's shirt, the intimacy of the act jarring.

'Yeah. I know. Because you lost everything you loved already. But I ain't going anywhere. Not yet. Too much work to do. And I promised I wouldn't leave you.'

'Right…'

'But I gotta make something clear, okay?'

'Of course.' Widow's chest tightened.

'I'm with Emily now.'

'I know…'

'And I gotta stop trying to be in a bunch of places at once.'

'Indeed.'

'B-but it's hard…'

'Is it?'

'Because…' Her voice cracked, and this vulnerable, broken version of Lena made Widow excessively protective. 'Because honestly? I just…care about you both so bloody much. And it ain't fair. And I'm stupid for feeling that way. And I'm selfish. And pretty much trash. And I gotta get some help. And…'

Something snapped in Widow, then. A loss of control. Widowmaker had taken over before, but this time, Amelie was in charge, and her emotional soul burst at the seams, grabbing Lena and gripping her head, pulling her in close and bringing her lips to Widow's own. She kissed her. Deeply. Passionately. Lovingly. And Lena kissed her back, for but a moment. For a blissful second of truth. Gerard's face passed through Widow's mind. Had they ever had a session like this? This contained, fiery longing that manifested in a blink of time?

'No…!' Lena pushed Widow away, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. 'Jesus…!'

'Stop saying such filth about the only woman in the world I could have ever developed feelings for, you foolish little girl!' Widow hissed, more pleased with Lena's refusal than upset. 'We both evidently need help, but that hardly makes us anything less than human! You taught me that! You made me feel worthy of life again! You showed me the beauty this world still contains for a monster such as myself! You're my hero, Lena Oxton! Never spout such idiocy denying that in my presence again!'

The door to the room slid open, and the two Overwatch agents assigned to guard duty stepped in, confusion painted over their visages.

'We're fine…' Lena waved them off. 'Just having an overdue row. At ease.'

The two men nodded, taking their leave slowly. The moment they were alone again, Lena slapped at her cheeks, wiping the slight tears forming under her eyes.

'Thanks, Luv. Really.'

'…It's the truth.' Widow uttered, embarrassed by her outburst.

'Means a lot to me.' She hesitated, but went on after collecting herself. 'I was talkin' to Ange and…she makes me feel crazy. Her and Fareeha are so committed to one another, and I just get thinkin', "why the hell can't I just be happy?", you know? It should be simple. I guess it's something to do with my meet and greet with Death. That's what Ange says. Starting to think she's on to something. Gotta have some good one on ones with her or whatever. Figure myself out a bit.'

'As do I…' Widow agreed. 'And we're all a touch insane, wouldn't you say?'

'Heh. Yeah. Perspective and stuff, innit?'

'Precisely.'

They smiled at one another. Something had shifted. Despite Widow's best efforts, she felt closer to Lena than ever, and although she recognized the issues with that, more of her was relieved. More of her found comfort in the presence of this kindred spirit. More of her was willing to venture down this painful path.

'Before we confront this…complexity between us, shall we commit to seeking psychological guidance?' Widow suggested, and Lena nodded vigorously.

'Yeah. That sounds good.'

'Until then…' Widow bit at her lip, but extended her hand shakily, taking the first step outside of her comfort zone. Outside the cage she entrapped herself in. 'Friends?'

'Friends, Luv. Absolutely.'

Widow chuckled.

'How positively tacky.' She blushed.

'Just the way you like it.' Lena laughed more, referring to Widow's taste in television, surely.

'Perhaps you're right.'

The intense confrontation with Lena weighed on Widow's mind. She slept surprisingly well, and the girl appeared at her front door to escort her to Dr. Ziegler's for the operation.

'Good morning, Luv.' She waved happily, her loose t-shirt caught by the wind and exposing her tiny midriff. Widow could see the chronal accelerator glowing behind the thin material, a dark sports bra hidden beneath as well. Her hair was a little messier than usual. Perhaps she hadn't been blessed with a good night's rest as well. Still, Widow was happy to see her, even if she had skipped her morning medication (as instructed by Angela) and old urges were itching.

'Good morning. You didn't have to come.'

'Well, yeah. But someone had to escort you, so, I figured it might as well be me.'

'…Thanks.'

Truthfully, Widow only wanted Lena with her leading up to this frightening procedure. That said something to her. The fact her hand twitched so close to Lena's as they walked side by side to the medical ward said even more.

'You holding up okay?' Lena asked as they proceeded through the first hours of the day, Overwatch Gibraltar quiet save for the overnight staff just finishing up their duties.

'Relatively.' Widow answered almost meekly.

'Just like last time, I won't go too far, okay? Took a vacation day. Unless something insane pops up, I'll be there when you wake up.'

'If I wake up.' Widow finally admitted, and Lena punched her arm, causing her to gasp.

'Um, you're getting Angela Ziegler to help you out again. You'll be fine. She's the best. Seriously.'

And it was the truth, but Widow feared losing this life she was finally beginning to value again. Too much unfinished business. Too much potential for her future. She had time to make up for. Talon had gouged her previous self hollow, but because of this girl at her side, Widow could see the sun again and she basked in it. Her old dreamer of a personality was seeping through the cracks Lena had made in Widowmaker. Her hand was reaching for the audience once more, lights all around her and an applause cascading through her mind.

'I want to live…' Widow said aloud, and Lena clicked her tongue, grabbing at Widow's hands, holding them both up between their faces.

'You're gonna. Ange was sayin' it's best if her patient is in good health mentally going into an operation like this. Sounds to me like you got the right idea.'

'…Because of you.' Widow was feeling emotional, not wanting to let go of her lifeline. She was thankful for the confrontation the night before, but it also made for an overly complicated relationship. Still, it was surprisingly better than pushing Lena away. No. Widow wanted her here. Wanted her around all the time.

'Aw, shucks. I mean, I guess so, but you had to do some soul searching too and all, right?'

'Perhaps.'

Lena's face hardened, and she lifted her hand to touch Widow's cheek, cupping it tenderly, like a real lover would. Gerard had done such a thing at times, and it was one of the few acts of non-sexual intimacy that made Widow's knees weak. This was no different. Lena's hand was much smaller. But so warm. So honest. So true.

'Don't let any of the guys see you like this, Luv. They'd never leave you alone seeing such a freakin' adorable side of the big scary Widowmaker.'

Widow snickered.

'It would take a special individual to handle my emotional erraticism. That, and they would have to love the colour blue. Truly.'

'Hahah!' Lena guffawed, her voice like wind chimes and expression a star. 'Was that a joke?'

'It…wasn't meant to be.'

'Bloody hilarious!'

Widow blushed, but then began to giggle as well, and some of the overnight staff passing by were rightfully intrigued by the rare sight. Widow collected herself hastily in response, sucking in her lips self-consciously.

The walk was too short. Widow and Lena spotted Fareeha and Angela outside of the doctor's lab, and Lena quickly called out to them, waving happily and blinking over in excitement. Widow could hear the pleasantries exchanged enthusiastically, and she almost wanted to listen from afar for a little while longer, her nerves resisting the movement of time.

'Good morning, Amelie. You've only had some water, as instructed, correct?' Angela spoke calmly.

'Yes.' A beat. 'Thank-you for taking the time to attempt this again, Doctor.'

'Of course.' Angela smiled. 'I consider it a challenge. I will not allow Moira to successfully outdo me here.'

'Good luck.' Fareeha leaned in and kissed Angela on the cheek, causing her face to flush a bit, but she didn't seem too taken aback. Widow watched the exchange with a certain amount of intrigue, seeing the connection quite clearly even with filters in her vision.

'My thanks. I'll be in touch.'

'Good. I'll be around.'

'You best be.'

'I love you two.' Lena was simply beaming, and Fareeha cleared her throat, dismissing herself curtly.

'I'll give you both a moment. There are some preliminary steps that require my attention before we begin anyway.' Angela offered. Lena and Widow agreed to the time given, and the doors leading to the genius doctor's lab closed behind her swiftly.

Lena swung her arms playfully at her side, shrugging and shaking her head in a funny manner.

'Any last words, Missy?' She teased, and Widow turned away. 'Sorry! Sorry! That was a terrible way of putting it!'

'No. It's fine.' Widow tried to laugh, but her throat was tight, and she attempted to swallow through it. 'Nothing more needs to be said, I suppose. If all goes well…then we will proceed from there.'

Was this…possibly her last chance?

'Wicked. Then we should totally get a crazy dessert or something when you recover. Sound good?'

Would she regret it if she said nothing?

'…So be it.'

What was the point?

'Heh. Nice. I'll be waiting. Don't take too long.'

Again, how did she even get to this moment?

'I have little control of that.'

It felt right. Now or never.

'True. True.'

Ready or not.

'Lena?'

Come what may.

'Yeah?'

A blink in her life. A total recall of her soul. She didn't understand it all, but the emotion had festered long enough. She deserved happiness, too.

'…I love you.'

'Your heart rate is almost normalized. Are you unwell?' Angela asked, multiple wires connected to Widow and a number of needles protruding out of her skin.

'It's nothing…' Widow claimed, recalling the way Lena had looked at her before she had cruelly retreated to this very lab after her incredible confession.

'Very well. Would you like to ask me anything before you go under?'

Widow shifted on the operating table, all the connections leading into various machines rubbing against one another.

'…Yes.'

'What is it, Amelie?'

A pause. A moment to calm her mind and heart.

'…How did you know?' Widow uttered quietly. 'How did you know you loved that other woman?'

'Fareeha?'

'Yes.'

Angela made a sound, as if recalling the exact memory in her past.

'It was somewhat simple, really.' She spoke dreamily. 'It was when I could no longer picture my life being fulfilling without her.'

Widow absorbed the words, allowing them to jumble in with the rest of her awakened notions she was finally accepting at last. She imagined the conclusion to Overwatch's battle. She painted her place in the world directly after. As Angela began putting her to sleep, Widow affirmed it with herself.

If she could…

…it wouldn't be the worst scenario possible to have Lena stay at her side.