Disclaimer: see my profile
A/n we're up to 100. Nothing will change about the outcome of 100 and I'm not rehashing the entire episode. Thanks to all who continue to support this story and my vision of what might've been in this AU.
He felt like a voyeur listening to Hotch and Hayley speak to each other, and he felt his blood boil to know that George Foyet heard every word they said to each other and got off on knowing that Hotch would be too late. For the first time in Reid's life, he questioned reality and wished with all his soul for a way to go back and find some method to stop Foyet and bring back Hayley. He couldn't imagine what Hotch felt because if anyone took JJ from him in such a way – he knew what he'd do.
By the time the team made it to Hayley's home, Foyet was dead, killed by Hotch's bare hands. All they could do was report on the aftermath and sit through Chief Strauss's review board. He wanted to tell her that family was more important than the rule of law, that it was more critical than FBI protocol that said you had to take the criminal alive.
Now, he limped next to Morgan as an honorary pallbearer and thanked whatever God or force that ruled the universe, that he didn't have to help carry Hayley's casket to the place where all of us go in the end. He didn't have to touch the metal of the handles bolted to the polished wood. Then, guilt washed through him for his thoughts, for shouldn't he want to be in Morgan's, or Kevin's, or Rossi's place? He should consider it an honor.
JJ stood next to him and took his hand as they listened to Hotch talk about Hayley. Reid could hear in his voice how much he still loved her and would always love her. He felt tears well up in his eyes and glanced at JJ as she squeezed his hand. Tears dripped from her beautiful blue eyes and fell onto the white rose she held. She looked up at him, and her lips trembled as she pressed them together. He saw the terrible sadness reflected in them that he felt. When Hotch finished his quotation from "The Pirates of Penzance," and he knew it was time to place the rose he carried, he could barely force his feet to move forward.
"Hey," JJ said softly. "It's time."
He took his turn to lay the rose and then it was time to turn away from the casket and go back to his life.
"Why?" Reid asked her. "I didn't know Hayley that well, and yet I feel this terrible sadness. Is it for her or is it for Hotch?"
"Does it matter?" she asked as they lingered behind the others.
"No, I don't suppose it does."
"I think that if there ever comes a time when we can't mourn for a stranger or someone we barely know and save our tears only for the ones we love, then humanity is doomed."
"You're right," he agreed, and they walked back to JJ's car.
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JJ dropped her bag inside the door, several days later and after another difficult case. She turned to Reid as soon as he limped inside. His cane fell to the floor when she pulled him to a stop and dragged him down for a kiss that made breathing impossible, but she didn't care. "Spence…"
"Jennifer."
"I can't do this. I need time away from everything. Please take me somewhere safe with you."
"I already talked to Morgan. I told him we're not coming back for a least a week. He knows we have the time and he'll make sure that Strauss doesn't make an issue of it."
"Good," she breathed and tugged on his hand. "Let's get packed.
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"How did you do this?" Reid wanted to know as they pulled into the parking lot behind, The Inn at Arcadia," a small hotel located off I-64 in the George Washington National Forest.
"It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, and Garcia helped me set it up."
"Tell her I said thank you," he said as he looked around at the hills and the trees that surrounded the property with a thousand shades of fall colors as far as the eye could see. A cold wind blew and reminded him that winter was closing in, but the sunset in the west painted the sky in tones of orange, gold, and pink and the sheer beauty of the view made him forget about the shorter days and the coming of snow.
"Come on, Spence. It's getting dark and cold. Let's go inside."
They went inside and checked-in for their three-day stay. JJ let her surprised eyes wander over the interior of the two-story, eighteenth-century farmhouse that the current owner had converted into a ten-bedroom hotel. She'd have to find some way to thank Garcia for making this happen on a minute's notice.
The lobby featured furniture from the period when the house was originally built. The chairs looked heavy enough to withstand hurricane winds, but also comfortable enough to sit in and watch the view for hours at a time. Colorful throw rugs littered the polished hardwood floors and surprisingly a German Sheppard sat in front of the huge, stone fireplace at her right. A fire crackled merrily away in the grate, its orange and red flames dancing as if it were performing for their amusement. Two huge windows flanked the oaken door and faced west toward the sunset. Blinds covered them and blocked out the blinding sunlight, but JJ could imagine the room in the morning and the view.
"Hey," Reid gently tugged on her hand. "Let's get checked in."
As they were taking care of the business of obtaining their room key, the dog rose from before the fire, stretched out its hind legs and slowly padded over to JJ. "Hi there," she greeted the beautiful black and tan canine. The dog whined and rubbed its head on her jeans-clad legs.
"Kant," chided the man behind the counter. "Wait to be asked, please."
Kant backed away, sat on his hunches and whined low in his throat. He looked up at JJ with black eyes that gleamed with intelligence.
"It's okay," JJ said. "He's beautiful."
"He knows better, but he loves to greet the guests.
"Kant, that's an unusual name," JJ remarked and held out her hand to the dog.
"Go ahead, Kant."
Kant walked to JJ and panted happily as she crouched down to pet his head and scratch behind his ears. "Good dog," she said.
"Kant means –"
"Beloved or brilliant in Sanskrit, it's also the name of an eighteenth-century German philosopher," Reid said.
The man behind the check-in counter raised his eyebrows. "Yes. You're the first person to understand the meaning."
"My husband loves to read," JJ said as she rose to her feet and accepted their key card.
Reid flinched when Kant approached and licked his hand. "Hi," he squeaked.
"Animals don't like Spence as a rule, but it appears Kant's okay with him," JJ observed with a smile.
Reid cautiously reached out a hand and stroked Kant's head. The dog leaned into his touch and panted.
"Come on, Spence. You can play with your new friend later." JJ said over laughter.
Reid looked back at the dog, and expression on his face made her smile. Her husband had the ability to surprise her at the oddest times. Kant went back to his place in front of the fire and they climbed the stairs to the second floor.
"Alone at last," she said when the door shut behind them.
"Yes," he said and they both surveyed their room.
"It's gorgeous," she breathed.
"I concur," he said and went to one of the west facing windows. The sun had set and the sky was the dark blue, nearly black of twilight. He could see the moon and the forest of pine and oaks around them.
"What's this?"
He turned to see that his wife had found his gift. In a carved crystal vase stood a dozen long-stemmed roses. They were so red, they almost appeared black and their perfume filled the room with their amazing scent.
"Why don't you read the card?" He suggested.
JJ went to the vase, breathed in more of the perfume of the flowers and pulled a small, white envelope from the blooms. She opened it and slid out a matching white card with three words printed on it.
Yours forever, Spence.
Tears filled her eyes and when she turned back to him, he stood leaning on his cane and his eyes showed her everything that he felt in his heart for her. She loved the way he looked at her as if she were the only one in the world.
"How?"
"Garcia."
"Of course."
"I wanted to tell you that I love you more than anything. These last few days have – well, they've sucked, as Garcia might say. I could never survive losing you like Hotch lost Hayley."
"I don't want to talk about Hotch or work, or losing each other. I want to spend the next three days talking about anything other than work, or loss, or blood and misery. I want to eat, make love and take long drives and short walks."
"I agree," he said.
"Good because that white lace canopy bed looks incredibly comfortable. Let's try it out."
He held out a hand. "Whatever you say."
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Reid tangled his hand in JJ's hair. "I love the texture of your hair," he whispered. "And the smell," he drew in a long breath and sighed in contentment.
"I think you have a hair fetish," she teased as she stretched and shifted her head to look up at his gorgeous face.
He laughed because the ends of her hair tickled the skin of his bare chest. "Is that a problem?"
"No, as long as you fetishize about my hair."
"You don't have to worry," he assured her. "You're the only one for me. I knew if from the first moment I laid eyes on you. I was lost."
She smoothed back his hair. "I wish I'd been able to admit my feelings sooner. We've lost so much time."
"I wonder," he said as he played with her golden locks. "I don't think I was ready four years ago. As much as I hate my addiction, in a way, I'm grateful for it because it made me stronger."
She touched his bare shoulder and nodded her head. "I understand more than you know. I was terrified to tell you how I felt."
"Why?"
"You say that like you don't understand how intimidating you can be to a girl like me."
"Me, come on, Jennifer."
"I'm serious. You're a genius."
"Yes," he agreed, and confusion colored his voice and bled into the darkened room around them.
"I'm not a genius. I didn't know if you thought I another dumb blonde or –"
"Jen, I never thought such a thing as you're a stereotypical dumb blonde. I knew you wouldn't have gotten to your position without brains, determination and some guile. I was intimidated by you. You're so lovely and smart, and you frighten the press to death."
"Spence!"
"It's true. Do you know when I knew that I loved you? I mean love, not infatuation or lust."
"When," she asked, intrigued.
"During the Hollow Man case. When you got up at the press conference and told them the Hollow Man lacked a certain sophistication and he wasn't elegant, you had this expression of disdain on your face. I thought, 'I hope she never looks at me that way,' he said.
"I'm not sure how to respond to that."
"When the Hollow Man dragged in the guard and you were standing there with your gun on him, and he said. 'He told you to say those words.' My heart nearly stopped, and I was sure he would shoot you. I would lose you and never get to say how much I loved you."
"I was scared, too," she said. "But, I couldn't let it show."
"I was so glad there were a dozen other LEOs and the team as a backup."
"Me, too."
"So," she said after several quiet moments. "Dogs like you now?"
"Interesting segway from our previous topic," he squeaked.
"Thanks. Spill!"
"I don't know," he denied. "Kant is the first dog I've dealt with in months. The last time I had an encounter with a dog was at my apartment. I had a neighbor that lived down the hall and he had a Jack Russel Terrier that went crazy every time it saw me, barking and growling like I was trying to kill him. They moved away and it's been much quieter."
"Hm, maybe Kant is smart enough to know that you're a good man."
"Canines rely on scents to judge humans, Jennifer."
She lowered her head to his chest and drew in a long, considering breath. "Yeah, I get it. You smell delicious."
"Jennifer."
She slapped his shoulder. "Come on. Let's get dressed. I want to try the restaurant we passed on our way here."
He shifted, stretched and levered out of the bed. He grabbed his cane and look around for his boxers.
"How's your knee?"
"It's getting better. I can't wait to get rid of this cane."
"The doctor said two more weeks."
"I'm glad because I'm looking forward to returning to the status quo."
"Which is?" she asked as she pulled on her bra.
"I want to be on top, again."
She stopped, pinned him with a stare meant to terrify the fourth estate and threw her pillow at him. He grinned back and picked up a sock. "Just kidding, dear."
"Ha, let's get dressed, dear. I'm starved."