AN: I have this little theory that Arlen is some kind of ruined town with an ugly history. Maybe I'll look into that sometime. Takes place between All Those Things You Fear and College Days, probably while they're packing up to move.
SwordStitcher-The song is hilarious. And catchy. I'm in love. I know. Soft shirt. It is actually very comfortable. Yes. It is. I like that shirt! Give it back! I have nothing to wear. I'm just borrowing it. You'd better be.
Jasmine Scarthing-Yes. I have fond memories of the old hag's last tormented wails... How? You were busy puking into the grass. I can look back on the experience and appreciate it. I guess. You don't believe me? No. Sorry.
KittyComeHere-I didn't shoot him. Alas, all I had was a canister of toxin. And all Harley had was...well...a pair of red heels. They're a bit redder than they were.
"Who's that?"
"Janice Ambry. If you ever get dragged into going to a church potluck, don't eat the turkey. She never cooks it enough."
Ew.
"Thanks for the tip."
"You're welcome." She scans the crowd and points to an old man. "I haven't met him, either."
"That's…oh, my god."
"Who is it?"
"That's Doctor Gottreich."
"Huh?"
"He must be visiting…he left about seven years ago, after the accident."
"Accident?"
"You know Lulu May Johnson?"
"That's the…um…challenged woman, right?"
"Yeah. She's always been a little off, but not like that. She used to be able to brush her teeth, at least. She was just obnoxious. Like a toddler." The old man steps aside for somebody to pass him. "Her mother asked Gottreich to fix her, and he gave her a lobotomy."
"Are you serious?"
"Mm-hm. He'd done it before, but this time it went really wrong and now she's…well. You've seen her. He left, of course. I don't know why he's back."
She looks at the spindly old man and shudders. Lunatic.
"Granny used to tell me she'd take me to get one if I didn't behave. Every time I had to see him for something I was convinced she'd scheduled it and didn't tell me."
"Your grandmum was a nutter."
"Yes…why's he coming over here?"
Why should she know? She hasn't even met the man in person! She doesn't really want to, but it doesn't look like she's got a choice.
"Jonathan Crane?"
"Sir."
"It's been a long time."
"Yes."
"Where is your grandmother?" Why did he have to have clawed hands? Was that an old person trait or just a creepy person trait?
Hopefully the doctor didn't hear the little laugh in Jonathan's voice when he said, "She couldn't come out today."
Or any day ever again, but that will remain their little secret. She'd offered to help him bury her, but he'd shaken his head and said there wasn't enough left. Fair enough.
"What a shame." Somehow, his bent back and tiny spectacles do nothing to make him less creepy. If anything, he's now at the perfect height to drive an ice pick into her eye. "Who's this?"
"This is Kitty Richardson."
"Friend of yours?"
What is it with this town that when they say 'friend', it comes out meaning 'personal hooker'? Like their ex-classmates are little saints. These righteous old people should pop into the girl's locker room at lunchtime. They'll certainly get an eyeful.
"She moved here at the beginning of the school year."
And will be moving out in another month, so there.
"How are you enjoying Arlen, Miss Richardson?"
Ugh, even his voice gives her the creepy-crawlies. And his eyes are most certainly not on her face.
Where's Scarecrow when you need him?
"It's…nice." It'll be nicer when it's in her rearview mirror.
"Yes." This is horrible, but maybe he'll get heatstroke?
"It was a pleasure meeting you. Good afternoon, Jonathan."
Once he's far enough away, she makes a gagging noise.
"I don't like him."
"Can't blame you. Let's go in, it's hot."
Really? She hadn't noticed.
If she never meets that creep again, it will be too soon.
THE END