I am bored. I have already done all the possible homework I could do, written mother, even tried to convince my idiot of a brother to write to her. I don't even have anyone to be bored with. Wilkes is probably somewhere trying to catch a glimpse of Zabini's sister. Snape must be with his mudblood doing Merlin knows what. Rosier is looking for a new victim to talk about Adil with, and Thorfinn and Rookwood are hiding from Rosier. Said Adil is practicing quidditch with Abbott who keeps looking at me from the ravenclaw table. Freak. I should remember to tell Gi about that-or not. I don't even know why we stopped talking, I mean I know, it's kind of my fault, again. Thing is, I really don't feel like apologizing. Why would I? Because I miss her? I don't need anyone. I'm a Black. Besides I have Gamp to distract me. It's not the same, of course, not even close actually. Okay I can't stand her anymore, can you believe she called me Reg? And her laugh, I'm that far from sewing her lips together. Gi would probably say something really dirty about it, she has the foulest mouth I've ever heard. That's because of her grandma, apparently she's like an older version of her, I swear you would think one is enough and you get two. What. Do. I. Do. If I go down to the common room, Gamp will probably be waiting for me. This means I'm confined here.
"WILLIBAT IS HAVING AN ATTACK DO SOMETHING!" I am interrupted in my thoughts by a yelling Gi that stormed into my room. She throws her enormous ball of grey hair on my face. "MOVE REGULUS, IF HE DIES IT'S ON YOU!"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO WOMAN!"
"I DON'T KNOW MASSAGE HIM!"
"I'M NOT MASSAGING YOUR CAT! YOU DO IT, IT'S YOURS!"
"I CAN'T MY HANDS ARE SHAKING!" She sitcks her hands under my face and indeed, they are shaking. I put the cat on it's back reluctantly and start to massage, is it it's torax? I don't even know what I'm doing! Hey-
"Did you just take a picture of me?" I should have seen this coming. She looks at the said picture and throws her head back in laughter.
"You should have seen your face 'What do I do' Haha, you dumbass." I guess it must have been funny from her point of view. "Fine, I'll keep this as your apology. Oh by the way Willibat really is having an attack, of flees." How can a cat have flees? You know what, nevermind.
"Are you talking to me again then?"
"I don't want you to kill yourself yet." What a generous soul.
"Don't flatter yourself, and I am doing just fine, so that you know." The lies just keep flowing out of my mouth, someone make it stop.
"Yeah, sure. Even Severus was worried about you and I had to stop Willy from spiking your drink with euphoria potion." Okay, I might not have been in my best state but Wilkes is mental. She pats my head and cocks hers to the side, does this mean we're friends again?
"Martapin showed me something I know you'll love, do you want to see it?" She has a mischievious smile on. Not sure if it's a good idea, but i'd rather get rolled over by centaurs than spend one more minute in this dorm. We quickly got out of the dorm and avoided Gamp the best way we could, meaning that I hid cowardly behind Gi, well behind is a great word she's probably the size of professor Flitwick. It was more like me bending over as much as I could not to be seen.
"Since when do you hang out with Lupin?" He's the most decent one of all my brother's friend, but still, he's got that old sick man look.
"Oh we don't hang out, he didn't exactly show me. Here's the thing, I noticed that your brother and his friends were going more to the dungeons than usual, and always leaving with their arms filled with food. So, I figured that they had found the kitchens, I followed them once or twice and-" We're now facing a wall. Fascinating. Gi starts to rub the pear on the painting in front of us until the portrait next to it suggests her to tickle it. "I hope you're hungry." She said with a grin, as she entered the small door.
"Hello miss Nolano, what can Rusty do for miss Nolano and her friend?" A small house elf asks. So that's what the kitchens look like, I mean nothing extraordinary, it's just a big one really.
"Hi Rusty! I don't know, whatever you have on hand, I guess. By the way how's that pie recipe you were working on?" Don't tell me she comes here on her own.
"I have a few still hot from the oven, I can bring it to miss Nolano and her friend, if you would like to follow me please." She leads us to a small table in a corner.
"Do you like it then?" She's looking at me excitingly, like a child waiting for approval, it's kind of cute? In a annoying way of course.
"I guess it's a good spot." It's cool. Super fucking cool actually. I wish I'd found it and not Lupin. The little elf comes to our table with two small pies that smell divine.
"Thank you." Why is she eyeing me like that?
"You thank elves? That's not a very pureblood thing to do now is it?" She's such a pain in the ass it almost hurts.
"Actually, my house elf, Kreattur almost raised me. Mother was here of course, but Sirius was quite a turbulent child and the first born, so he required a lot of attention. I am quite attached to my elf, you know, they are very kind creatures that deserve more attention."
"That's very compassionate of you Regulus, really." Okay! Enough sentimental shit! Let's change the subject now!
"Hey do you know why Abbott keeps looking at me from the ravenclaw table?" That should give her something to ramble about for the next, lets see, two days maybe?
"You'll never know what happened between me and that piece of murlap shit. Well, I see her in the library without Nini. So, I go to say hi, you know, like a polite person. I come to her and I accidently dropped my books on my foot. I might have cursed a little bit, and she said that I was unladylike and that, quote, 'I get why you and Black stopped being friends, I wouldn't be able to bear your talking one minute'. I was so shocked, that I didn't even realize what she said for a good two minutes, obviously, the bitch had time to leave. I'm still thinking about how I'm going to get her payback." She's picking on her lower lip, like she does everytime time she's thinking about something.
"Don't get caught, we can't loose any house points." I hope she doesn't get hurt, otherwise I will hear her whining for the next five years.
"That's what you're worried about?! I could die you know? Merlin knows what goes through my head!" That's one right thing.
"Worst case scenario, you hurt yourself and complain about it for the rest of our school years." She throws me a piece of her pie trust. I throw some filling back at her and a food fight starts.
Food fights are fun, something a little less fun is having to wash the food out of your hair. Particularly when you have long ass hair, and a lot of those. Honestly, anyone could find me with the trail of her that I leave behind. Thankfully we're at breakfast now. I'm sitting as usual between Severus and Nini and accross Reg and Willy. There's something weird though, in the atmosphere, I can feel it, it's cutting my appetite. Hond on I know what it is, it's the hufflepuf table. It's dead silent.
"Hey, what's going on with the bladgers?"
"Adam told me last evening that there was an attack near Cardiff and that a fourth year's parents were killed, I think her name is Matilda Sanders." Merlin. It feels like I have a lump in my throat. I need air. I get up as normally as I can and avoid my friends's confused gaze. Fuck. I can't feel my legs carry me outside. How did this happen? It feels unreal.. It's almost like until now, it was just theory, just ideologies. People are dead, peole are probably dying and will die. It's war. It's fucking war. Am I a part of it? I'm not english after all, oh my, I can't breathe. I need to sit. Breathe, sit, breathe. Regulus, I know which side he's on, and it's not mine.
"Are you okay?" Nini looks worried, she touches my hair gently. I need to calm down.
"No, I think I'm having an anxiety attack but I do not want you to be worried about me, don't take me to the nursery. Why can't I lie exactly?" Breathe Gi, breathe. What did mom say again? 5 things I can see: the sky, the lake, the grass, Nini, Giant's hut. 4 things I can feel: the grass wetting my pants, cold air blowing on my face, the tip of my wand scratching my wrist, Nini's hand touching the ends of my hair. 3 things I can hear: students talking, the wind blowing, my breathing, slower. 2 things I can smell: the wet grass and Nini's perfume, orange blossom. 1 good thing about myself: I'm on the right side of this war and I will fight. Not now of course, I'm twelve and a massive piece of shit.
"Do you feel better?" She looks a lot more worried.
"Yeah, thanks for staying, means a lot." After that, we both head towards our classes. Thank Merlin we have history, I was feeling a bit tired.
After my little crisis of yesterday I felt really weird, like I was cut out of everything, numb. Reg stared at me and made my tasks in potions, sparing me the slightest effort. It didn't feel as right to be around him but I didn't question it too much, maybe I was just upset? Severus made me eat my whole dinner and lunch. Willy on the other hand pushed a first year that was in my way. Everyone has their ways of showing love.
But this morning, in my bed, I feel weird. Not like with anxiety or migraines or fever. It's another type of weird, one I've never experienced before. I can feel, I am laying in my bed but I can hear Willibat's purring near the bathroom door, Nini's light snoring as if her lips were near my ears. I can feel my covers under my fingers, I could almost count it's fibers. I feel the blood running through my veins, the air filling my lungs, my organs working inside of me, and blood in my underwear. I feel overwhelmed, but still I open my curtains. The sun hits me hard, it's rays burning my skin, I go the bathroom, the floor too cold under my feet, air almost whipping me. What's going on with me?! The water feels hot on my skin but when I dip my head in the water flow, it's quiet again. I've never had my period before. Is this normal? Mom never told me about this kind of feeling- I have to write to her, she always told me that the second I had my first bloods I should go and find her.
I put some sunglasses on and cover my ears with my hands. On second thoughts, writing to her won't be enough, it will take too long. I need to see her. I change my way and go immediatly to the Headmaster's office. How do I get in here? Don't tell me I need a password!
"Miss Nolano, may I ask the reason of your presence here?" His voice. Too loud.
"Please don't talk this loud." Thank Merlin he's down here, I would probably have a fit if I had to figure a password out.
"I don't believe I am talking exceedingly loud. However, we should go up in my office, Chocolate frogs." A minute after we're in his office, I can't look at it there are too much shining objects. He offers me to seat and I take a chair.
"Professor, I swear I wouldn't disturb if I didn't have something really bad, the thing is, I need to see my mother. Like now." I can't stand this feeling anymore. Make. It. Stop.
"May I ask why? See, I have many students that whish to meet with their parents-"
"It's not like that" I screech, interrumpting him "I don't understand what's happening to me.. I feel everything. Your breathing, the lemon candy you just had, you rings rubbing against one another. I just know my mom has an answer to this. Please." Am I crying?
"I see. Maybe a calming draught will do it for now? I shall call your mother of course, but it will take some time for her to come." He takes a flask out of one of his drawers and hands it to me. I don't think twice before drinking. "Slow down, miss, slow down. I suggest you stay in my office for now." He's scribbling down on some paper, Merlin my lids are heavy. "I believe you had a bit too much to drink, good night miss Nolano." The last thing I hear is a chuckle from the old man. Pervert.
[I would really love to have my first review, just to see what you think of this, I'm here for constructed critiscism]