I can feel hands brushing against my cheeks, it's nice; there are also soft whispers, I can't quite hear them.
"Do you understand? You can't tell her anything, just give her this and if she asks questions, you just answer what I told you." She's talking fastly, I can sense stress in her tone. I open my eyes and the feeling is back again.
"Mom?" Her perfume is overwhelming, amber and roses. I push her away a little bit and blink heavily. "What's going on with me?" She looks at me painfully, strocking my hair lightly.
"Oh baby, it's going to be fine. Listen, this is a family thing, yes one more. When puberty comes, we get sensitive. It's more complicated than that actually but you don't need to know everything right now." I can't really understand what she says, I can see my grandma pacing nervously around the room, muttering under her breath. "You can have those pills twice a day, it will attenuate your sensitivity and it tastes like strawberry, don't worry." She chuckles lightly but I don't feel like laughing. At all. Neither does grandma apparently.
"She has the right to know Lilianna! This is stupid! She is twelve not five, she might not be the smartest but she can take it!" She's hissing furiously, wait did she just call me stupid?
"Mom, please. We said we would wait until she's thirteen at least." My fucking head, can't she just hand me those pills? "I wan't her to have a normal childhood."
"Unless you haven't noticed, she can not have that now! Let me remind you that we said thirteen because we thought that her period would come when she's thirteen, obviously it's not the case!" Even professor Dumbledore took a step back.
"Well I guess I would like to know what's wrong with me, but keep going I'm not trying to interrupt." They both look at me as if they were noticing my presence. "If you could give me the pills by the way it would be nice." Mom hands me quietly the steel box and I take one of them. Everything instantly feels less intense. However I can perfectly sense the tension around me. Grandma seems to win the silent argument mom and her were having since she's now sitting in front of me, her hand clutching mine.
"You know the story about our curse right? Well, your grandpa knew that he couldn't decently go back home like that. So he begged the Gamayun for forgivness, it took pity in him but couldn't remove the curse. In exchange for 3 years of work, she promised to do something for the women of his family. He stayed. The Gamayun grew to like him, he was faithful and kept any unwanted visitors away. When the three years ended, she gave a bit of her powers to the women of his family." I think my brain just stopped working "I know it's a bit hard to understand, but the Gamayun is an immortal prophetic bird, that knows everything of all creations. For us, it all starts with hypersensitivity, then dreams about the past. The Gamayun knew that it was a burden heavy to carry, so it gave your grandpa a solution to give up on those powers at sixteen."
"Hold on, why women? Why would I or anyone give up on profecies?" I can feel professor Dumbledore's eyes drilling into my skull. This is too much information, way too much.
"Honestly I don't know why women exactly, but the profecies, they hurt. They hurt a lot, the maximum anyone could bear is three profecies. Everyone ends up giving up on them." Oh so that's just the beginning? Are you kidding me?
"What did you say the next step was again? Dreams of the past? Does those hurt too? What past exactly? I mean do you realize what you are telling me right now?" I'm trying to stay calm but I'm this far from banging my head against the door.
"Try not to get hurt or to die, no you wont die, but it will hurt if you do." Oh that's good news I guess. "It's different for all of us, it depends on where you are and the impacct of this era. Your mom was on holidays in France, so she had the french revolution. I had the portugese invasion in Brasil." I'm dreaming, isn't it so funny? Everyone knows about this, and no one can't lie but no one thought it would be useful to tell me about it, why would they?
"I think miss Nolano can skip her classes today, there's only much one person can learn in a day." I'm not sure I can realize what's going on, is this really happening?
"I don't want to see anyone right now. I want to go back to my dormitory." My mom looks at me with pity, grandma is annoyed and Dumbledore, well he's acting normal.
"Okay, if you need anything or have any questions just owl us, or go to professor Dumbledore if there's an emergency. And baby, you could tell about the curse it wasn't this big of a secret, but the profecies, no one can know about, it could be really dangerous."
"Yeah because one curse wasn't enough right?" I can't hide my anger.
"Don't forget twice a day, okay kitten?" She ignores my sentence and kisses me, grandma pats my head and after I thank the headmaster I quickly leave the room and run to the bathroom. I throw up last night dinner and I'm now leaning against the door, I can't think clearly. Sweat is making my hair stick to my face. My legs don't seem to be able to carry me and I find myself sitting on the cold floor.
Why am I crying? My head feels like it's going to explode, my thoughts don't seem to make sense they're just words colliding. I need to stop and analize everything. Stop and breathe. It's not that dramatic now, is it? Hypersensitivity, it's pretty much what happens to every women who's hormones are going wild. Plus I have pills for that. Visions of the past, they might not be useful but many wizards have visions, right? For the painful ones, let's see how bad they are and if it's too much then I'll give up. That's it. As simple as that.
For the rest of the day, I stay in my room and learn spells. As much as I can, I practice and learn them by heart, it makes me feel better. It's like, the only thing I'm good at. Charms and defense, might as well be the best. I tell Nini that I felt sick, definitly not a lie, but not quite the truth as well. But now, that I am in my bed, I can't sleep. Not that I'm not tired, I'm just, afraid. I get up and put my cow slippers on, the feeling is back, but I feel more in control than this morning. I'm making my way to the nursery as I notice the moon, round and beautiful outside. It's almost the morning and I haven't slept all night, I need to take something to keep me awake. As I enter the nursery, I hear whispers in the back, there are curtains drawn but I can smell something, blood, sweat and something like a dog but not quite like that. The curtain opens on Madame Pomfrey but I can see people inside, is that Martapin?
"Miss Nolano, what are you doing here?" She looks panicked.
"I need something to keep me awake, I didn't sleep and don't intend on doing so. What's wrong with Mar-Lupin?" Oh. Oh nooo, that's good shit. I mean there's no need to be a ravenclaw to figure this one out.
Absences + Monthly sickness + Tiredness + Scars + Full moon + Dog smell = One hell of a secret.
"Don't worry miss, I'm aware of his condition, I just want to check on him." If that doesn't wake me up.
"Fine, but not too long." She doesn't seem too sure of what she's doing and she's right to be.
"Martapin?" He looks terrible, I can't believe I was complaining just this morning about some stupid dreams. He slowly opens his eyes and looks at me terrified, he tries to get up but I push his shoulders down lightly.
"Don't move too much, you have one nasty cut on your shoulder."
"Oh, yeah I cut myself with-" Now he's just being pathetic.
"It's okay, I figured it out, I don't mind."
"You're lying." He eyes me sarcastically, fear and sadness in his eyes. Merlin I need a pill.
"Believe me, I wish I could." I swallow one quickly and I feel better right away. "Do you want anything?"
"A cup of water please," I pour one and hand it to him."Why aren't you sleeping anyway?"
"It's kind of a long story and I can't tell you. I mean I could, it would definitely help me feel better. I know your secret so I got something on you as well that I won't be afraid to share with the whole school. I can't tell Anissa, not that I don't trust her but I don't want her to have that on her mind." I'm just out loud thinking now, really.
"What about what's on my mind?" He asks, falsely offended.
"I don't really care that much actually. Let's make a deal, I won't tell your secret if you don't tell mine, deal?" I put my hand under his nose and he looks at me dumbfounded until he shakes it.
"Deal." This is going to be a long night.