Chapter Two
"Thank you for the gift, Akaashi," Kaori's mother says as she places the bag of sweet potatoes on the long sofa in the corner of the room and the jar of carnations on the empty nightstand between Kaori's bed and the triple pane window. She then pulls a rolling chair from another side and puts it next to the bed.
"You're welcome… and should I sit there?" I ask.
"Yes, and I'm sorry, but I need to meet a business partner nearby. He'll call me in ten minutes or so. Is that okay?"
A big part of me is about to weep because I don't want to be left alone with Kaori's soul who's standing too close to me. Our height is almost the same, but it's because of the noticeable space between her feet and the floor. She also doesn't stand straight by bending her legs backward slightly, which I think is the most comfortable stance for someone who's used to floating. It drives me crazy that everything she does only makes it more obvious that I'm not dreaming.
"It's okay," I mutter as I seat myself on the chair. I hope resting my feet can help me relax, but it'll be faster if Kaori doesn't glide past her own body to study the carnations. Then again, I can't blame her because why would she spend extra effort to make a U-turn if objects ahead can't block her.
"Aww, Keiji-senpai! Did you ask the florist to write these words for me?" After reading the baby blue card glued on the jar, Kaori begins talking to me like she knows I can listen. This must be what she does to entertain herself and keep her sanity intact in this state of loneliness.
"Akaashi, why do you look a little pale?" Then her mother follows suit.
"What do you mean by 'sorry for not looking after you'? You did nothing wrong!"
"Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat or drink?"
"Ugh, why do I have to be in a coma when we finally meet and have so many things to talk about?! Keiji-senpai, I miss you so much! You have no idea!"
"Akaashi?"
"It's such a pity that I don't know when I'll wake up!"
"You don't have to worry about me, Fujiwara-san. If I'm thirsty, there's a vending machine in the hall," I cut through the overlapping chatters as I stare into the older woman's eyes. "If I may know, how long will the meeting take? Can I buy you dinner afterward?"
She beams with joy. "You're too sweet, Akaashi. It won't take more than an hour, and I'll see the guy at a café nearby. I think we can leave at five thirty. Does that sound good?"
"Yes, but should I stay here, or should I go back to my hotel room?"
"Won't it be boring if you're here doing nothing?"
"Kaa-san, why did you say that?!" Kaori shouts as if her mother can shiver or sense something from her. "Well, he can go if he wants to. It doesn't matter because I can follow him back to his hotel. Hehehe."
I can follow him back to his hotel. Hehehe.
My mind replays some memorable interactions Kaori and I had during our high school days. One thing has been bugging me since the moment I came here, and that is her personality. She used to be very reserved, almost like a weak princess who should experience no harm. She never ran in the hallway or chewed with her mouth open, and I never heard her laugh this foolishly before. It's very out of character when she can't stop commenting about my coming and how much she misses me. Her brain injury might be the culprit behind the sudden changes, but as of now, I believe anything is possible.
"I'm sorry, but can you tell me more about her accident? My friend didn't give me all the details." Instead of responding to Kaori's mother's question about me getting bored, I initiate an important topic.
"It was early in the morning, maybe at eight. She was riding her motorcycle home from taking pictures at the summit of Mount Gozaisho, and a truck rammed her from behind. The driver only had a scratch on his forehead, but she got fractured ribs and hips alongside a brain trauma that caused her to be in a coma." The way she explains without a hitch or pain clouding her face only saddens me. She's either hiding her real emotion, or she's already used to living in the tragedy that it's numbed her.
"In all honesty, it was my mistake for speeding up and not looking around careful enough, but the truck was also going too fast, so I guess it was both on us?" Kaori adds, ruining the solemn moment in an instant. What would her mother feel if she found out that her daughter was well, silly, and aware? If only I could find a convincing way to tell her.
"I'm sure she'll wake up soon. We just have to support her," I say before jumping onto the next curious thing, "How's she been doing? She was a little quiet and shy. Is she still the same?"
"…quiet and shy? Was she like that?"
"Yes. She was respected as the president of the student council. Everybody used to praise her work and depend on her. She was almost too perfect."
"Huh? Is that so? I think she's become bolder, but she's never quiet and shy."
"Here we go again with my mother ruining the good-girl the image I've built!"
"What do you mean?" I try my best to concentrate on the woman's next words because the other voice is too deafening at times.
"She's a high-spirited person around her brother and me. Was she different in school?"
"Kaa-san, stop."
"She was. I'm not sure how she was in front of her closest friends, but she never even raised her voice when angry," I continue, not minding a soul that should've been ignored after all. I doubt she has the power to cause thunder and storm out there, so upsetting her isn't a worry.
"Oh!" Kaori's mother lifts one forefinger like she suddenly gains a revelation. "Was it maybe because she had a crush on you?"
Both Kaori and I fall silent, but I'm still staying as cool as a cucumber while her eyes are dilating with terror. It's not long before she flies to her mother and screams "Kaa-san, please stop!" over and over again. After wandering for three months, she should've understood that no one could sense her presence, yet she doesn't give up. Fifteen minutes ago, I was so afraid of her mystic existence, but right now I can see myself playing along with whatever she does. It's fun watching this side of her.
"I hope she doesn't hate me for saying this, but sometimes she still brings you up. 'I used to do this with Keiji-senpai', 'Keiji-senpai loves to eat this', or things like that," her mother unfolds the not-so-surprising reason behind her knowledge about me. "She never specifically told me she liked you, but I'm sure she did."
I form the softest smile I can manage. "She's a nice person."
Before she can ask another question, her phone rings and startles everyone in the room. She takes it out of her back pocket and speaks to the caller about shipping cabbages to Okinawa, which should be the business she was talking about. Kaori mentioned a few times about her grandparents who own a farm in a city far from Tokyo, so this could be the one. Too bad we can't talk more about it because our conversation has to be postponed for an hour.
"I must go now, Akaashi. I'll call you when I'm done," Kaori's mother tells me after hanging up.
"Thank you. I'll be waiting here." I stand up and bow to which she returns the same gesture. She takes a small handbag from the table near the sofas and smiles at me one last time before heading toward the door.
Once her mother leaves the room, I expect Kaori to throw another tantrum, but she remains soundless. From the corner of my eye, I catch her gloomy look like she's holding herself back from tearing up. She might be embarrassed over the humiliation she just received—which can be considered as someone close to her talking behind her back—but it's no one's fault because nobody except for me knows she can see and hear everything.
I don't sit back down and choose to walk closer to the only bed in this room. For the first time in a decade, I can take a thorough look at her real sleeping face. Her hairstyle hasn't changed much. Her eyelashes are as long as how I remembered them. Her lips are a little cracked, and I wonder if she still has a hobby of trying new lip balm brands. This isn't how I picture our next meeting would be, but I'm grateful to find no significant difference in her appearance.
"Am I pretty now, Senpai?" After a while, she makes a sound.
Back then, she wouldn't dare to ask such a question. If her mother's words are true, then I don't understand why she'd wear a mask at school. Did she want to garner votes to become the president of the student council? That'd be stupid. In my opinion, the bubbly and straightforward version of her is better than anything else. It can be because I'm always surrounded by people who live life to its fullest, but I do enjoy being around this kind of individuals.
Spontaneously, I stroke her left cheek with the back of my hand. She squeaks while covering her mouth, but I pay no attention to her reaction as I focus on what is tangible; her body more than her soul. I was never brave enough to treat her this way. I often patted her head after she achieved something great, but I always showed my affection with words of affirmation instead of physical touch. Maybe I've also changed, just like how fast it took me to adapt to her new form after almost passing out because of it.
"I hope you'll be awake soon…" I speak as gently as I can. "…Kaori."
"Wha—you're still calling me by my first name?! If you keep being this nice, then I won't know what to do! And you're getting even more handsome, and I'm just—Senpai, I'll smack your head when I wake up!" she threatens me before running away from this room like a flash of light that my pupils can barely track.
My eyes flutter in awe before I laugh, but not for too loud and long because I can't let her hear me. But how cute was that? I never thought something that should be regarded as a horror experience can entertain me this much. Then a moment later, I realize that I'm all alone in this room. It's the perfect time for me to search about her case because she won't be around to take a peek on what I'm doing.
I lean back against my chair and grab my phone, going to the internet who's now my only friend and savior. I'm not too special to be the first person being stuck in this mad scheme, but after minutes of searching, there isn't a single page that isn't a fiction. However, most of the results describe seeing someone's soul as a hint that they'll soon die. The other one is how I'm not supposed to speak to the soul or look into their eyes because our connection can vanish, which is what I'm already doing.
I'm not worried about her death because if she's meant to leave this world when she's young, then I have no rights to prevent her fate. But then I read about people not waking up from their coma because they don't want to. In other words, their subconscious believes that they'd rather die because life isn't worth living. I can't speak too soon, but judging from how positive she is, I don't think she falls under this category. I hope she doesn't.
Just as she'd predicted, Kaori's mother comes an hour later with her daughter floating behind her. I offer to carry the souvenir I bought for her, and she doesn't refuse as she kisses Kaori's forehead and tells her that she and I will be back tomorrow. It's a no brainer for Kaori to stick with us when we leave the hospital. I bet her daily activity consists of following her mother and anyone she knows, or else she'll really die out of boredom.
We walk for around five minutes to a tiny Italian restaurant called CASAMIA with modern jazz music playing in the background. Lucky for us, there's an empty table for two among the Saturday crowd that mostly comprises young people who I assume are students from Mie University. I order panzanella, cheesy garlic bread, and spaghetti aglio e olio, while Kaori's mother only goes for pizza capricciosa. As an ex-amateur athelete, I'm never ashamed of my big appetite.
"Do you drink red wine?" I inquire before ordering the cheapest bottle on the menu. When she shakes her head, I end up getting a cold glass of traditional sangria, and she simply asks for iced tea.
"This place is nice, and it's not too expensive," she remarks after the waitress left with our order and menus.
"It is."
"And you have no idea how much I miss eating here," Kaori joins in as she waits behind her mother's chair. I didn't think about this before, but does she ever crave for food? Her hunger state must depend on her actual body that gets enough nutrients from the feeding tube, but when she looks at a bowl of ramen without the ability to taste it, she should feel terrible about herself. It's impressive that she doesn't seem to be depressed about it.
"Fujiwara-san, if I may know, why did you move out without leaving a single trace?" I carry on with our previous conversation. This day won't end before I get everything answered.
"Can you keep a secret?"
"I don't have a lot of friends."
She laughs at my honest answer. "In short, it's all because of my ex-husband. He left me for another woman and with some unpaid credit cards. I sold my house and had to run away from debt collectors. It was the lowest point in my life."
"I'm sorry," I immediately regret my prying.
"No, what's passed is past. I was lucky because I found people who were willing to help me." She smiles broadly, evincing that there's not a single part of her that's still grieving.
"But why did you choose this city?" I ask.
"I was born and raised here, so I moved back to my parent's house. I went to Tokyo when I got married because my ex-husband worked for a company there."
"Kaori told me that her grandparents own a farm."
"Yes, it's my parents' farm. I'm currently working there. Kaori used to work there as well, but then she got busy with her job as a photographer."
"How did she become a photographer? There was a photography club in school, but she never showed interest. I thought she'd study business or finance since she was doing well academically."
"Don't people suddenly find a new hobby that can turn into a profession? She said the beauty of this city mesmerized her. She found her calling when she moved here."
"That's true!" Kaori validates her mother's explanation, while I can only nod to everything.
"Since I've answered your questions, why don't you answer mine?" Kaori's mother folds her arms on the table, leaning forward to lessen the distance between us. "My daughter didn't share a lot of stories about her high school life. How did you two meet?"
"It was nothing special," I say. "I ripped my fingers during volleyball practice, and she was the one caring for me in the infirmary. We just started to greet each other after that."
Her eyes sparkle with vigor. "Why did you say that it was nothing special?"
"Because it wasn't special?"
"Are you kidding? That was very sweet, Akaashi! I wish that's how I met my first love!"
First love.
I thought I'd have to go through the repetitive scene of Kaori cursing her mother's rash wording, but she bites her lower lip and blushes up to her ear. When looking at her, I must focus on her forehead or anything apart from her eyes, and it gets trickier by each passing second because her expressiveness is something to die for. She's adorable when she's angry, shy, or speechless. It'd be a delight if the real her were here with us.
"And Akaashi, I'm sorry if this comes off as rude," Kaori's mother proceeds. "Where were you for the past ten years? If you and my daughter were close, then something must've gone wrong until you didn't talk to each other anymore."
A waiter who delivers our drinks saves me some time to muster an answer, but isn't enough and I end up asking her back, "Did Kaori ever say anything about it?"
"No. I told you, she never opens up to me."
"Don't tell her… Please don't tell her…" With all heart, Kaori pleads. Good for her, I can hear and understand her wishes.
"I guess… People grow up and apart, and we aren't an exception to that. It doesn't matter anymore, because right now I'm here," I say words that bring a smile on their faces. Although I may not look like it, I'm pleased to have found the best way to tackle this subject. From now on, I'll know what to say.
Kaori wasn't kidding when she said that she'd follow me to my hotel. She's right beside me when I walk to the bus station near CASAMIA until I arrive back at my room that's been cleaned by the housekeepers—even if I don't give her permission, she won't know because I can't directly tell her. As usual, she makes some playful comments along the way about the cold spring weather and how she wants to learn more about my adulthood.
Before taking a shower, I turn on the TV for her to watch—she might think I do it for something else, but I worry more about her getting bored. Fifteen minutes later, I come out in gray pajamas given by the hotel and a towel wrapped around my neck to protect my shoulders from water dripping off my hair. It's quite heartwarming to see her pay attention to the international news because she doesn't even react to me sitting on the bed behind her.
"Keiji-senpai hates being alone, huh?" When a tea commercial is broadcasted, she once again starts speaking to herself. "It's funny that he has to turn the TV on while showering. Don't tell me he's scared of ghosts."
I rub my hair with both hands while keeping my head down as an attempt to hide my stifled laugh. If I ever accidentally interact with her, I'll blame it all on her innocence. I still can't believe that this woman is the girl who used to speak only when needed.
"I don't smell any tobacco." She sniffs around, proving that she hasn't lost her sense of smell, but then she glares at me and almost catches me off guard. "That's good… but does he have a girlfriend? He hasn't called anyone, but I can't be too sure."
How cute. You're right about me not smoking because I can't stand the smell, but no, I don't have a girlfriend.
"How many girls has he dated? He's twenty-eight, so… two in university? Another two after he got a job?"
I don't understand where you get that number from, but I've never been in a serious relationship. You should've known that I don't date around just because I'm lonely and need relief. Yes, I'm a part of a global phenomenon that some people think as pathetic, but I simply haven't found "the one".
"Has he ever missed me? He flew all the way from Tokyo, so I must mean something, right?"
I do miss you, but I did forget about you for a moment there because of how busy I've become. I really consider you as a precious little sister. We shared many memories together, therefore I can't wipe you off my life when you haven't done anything wrong. You mean a lot to me.
"And this is so infuriating!" she roars. "So what if he's single or taken? It has nothing to do with me! He's here because he has the heart of an angel! He'll do this to anyone!"
How could you say that I'll do this to anyone?
A sharp pang in my chest puts me to the realization that I've been inwardly answering her. I hang my wet towel inside the bathroom and switch off the TV and lights. It's stupid of me to think that she'd glow in the dark or show something peculiar to indicate that she's without a body, but she looks the same as me and everyone we've encountered so far. I don't forget to set an alarm at seven in the morning because a single mistake can ruin my trip back home.
"It's still eight. He must be exhausted."
Ignoring her observation, I tuck myself into bed. My back is facing her because letting her watch me sleep doesn't sound like a romantic idea. But I can't seem to put my mind to rest. I keep thinking about her assuming that I've traveled all the way here because I'm kind, and I'll treat everyone the same. I'm angry at myself for not being able to convince hare that she matters, and I wonder if I should risk it by telling her wrong.
"Was it Nakamura-san who told you about me?" she goes on. "How funny is it that I ended up working with her? I wanted to be like her. My mother was right when she said that I became different when I was around you. I heard from your friends that you preferred someone elegant and well-spoken like Nakamura-san. She also has this dolly look that I wasn't born with. I thought you'd like me if I behaved more like her. It was such a fool because clearly, you were more than that."
What are you talking about? Why didn't you ask me when you had all the time in the world? I never saw Nakamura that way, and I don't think I ever will. Praising someone doesn't equal to liking them.
"Heh… Your hands are still as big as the last I remembered it, but I doubt you're still playing volleyball. I used to livestream the matches you had in university, but I never dared to see you. Your back is also broader. Maybe it's always been that way, but it's been a long time since I got to be this close to you. You're always so cool, and also…"
She pauses, then I hear a sob that thankfully doesn't turn into a pool of tears. I've never been prouder of my decision to hide my face because I can cover up my frustration for not being able to do anything to soothe her. She's not supposed to be this miserable, and I'm partially responsible for it. My appearance might do more good than harm, but in the middle of this confusion, I can't help but question everything again.
"Senpai, thank you for not telling my mother about what happened ten years ago," she says with a shaky voice. "I made a promise to myself that if for some reason you appear in front of me again, I'll apologize and won't run away anymore. When I wake up, I'll tell everyone that it's all my fault. Us severing ties for years is all because of my selfishness."
That's not true. We were still kids back then, and we both didn't understand our own feelings. It's not on you or me. Things have changed. We've matured, and when you wake up, it'll be a different story.
"But hey, it's all good! Why am I feeling down? It must be because I'm expecting too much!" The sorrow in her voice is gone as she goes back to cheering herself. "Keiji-senpai didn't love me ten years ago, so I'm okay if he doesn't love me now. From the moment I saw him when I was twelve, and when I see him again now, I still think of him as the love of my life, but it doesn't mean we have to be together. I should thank him for coming here."
Her words are sincere, and I don't deserve a heart this pure. I grit my teeth to suppress my overwhelming emotion. Before today, I never knew that not being able to hold someone in my arms would be this upsetting.