AN: Takes place directly after leaving the hotel in 'Vacation'. Because no, they can't just go to IHOP like normal people.
SwordStitcher-Yes, but Cobblepot has to deal with Harley giving him a plush penguin every Christmas. As for Batman, well...
One sip of the grainy coffee reminded him that he loathed IHOP. This was not coffee! This was a travesty! If he hadn't wanted to draw attention to himself, he would gas the place and make his own damn coffee.
"Ugh. What is this? Are they trying to poison me?"
"No, love. Don't be so paranoid."
"But…this…"
"Shh. Don't draw too much attention."
Fine. But this was still dismal.
The eggs, at least, were edible, but the bacon was thin and slightly limp. Should've gotten pancakes…
"How is it?"
"Terrible. Yours?"
"I've had better, but at least it's food."
That didn't make this taste any better.
The seat was uncomfortable and he wanted to go back to the hotel and lie down and try to forget the horror of eating at IHOP.
"You look pale, love."
"I'm not surprised."
She leaned forward.
"Don't look now, but we've made the evening papers."
Oh, no.
"Decent pictures?"
"Mug shots."
Dammit.
"Now what?"
She shrugged.
"I don't think the waitress has noticed yet. We'll just slip out here without looking at that paper."
"Don't you want to see what they said about us?"
"Good point."
The cashier, unfortunately, was chatty. Oblivious, but chatty.
"Yeah, I guess a couple of crazies broke outta Arkham and went on a killing spree."
It wasn't technically a killing spree. It was more 'idiots got in the way and got gassed and run over'. But that didn't have the same ring to it.
"How awful."
"Yeah. Fuckin' nuts. Isn't that what we got the chair for?"
Name, name…Thomas T. All right, then. Thomas T would be getting a visit in the near future.
"We're against the death penalty."
"What? Are you nuts? Hey, wait a minute, aren't you…"
It couldn't be helped.
He gassed the man, picked up his paper, and slipped out the door before it could really take effect. By the time anybody connected the crying man with him, he would be long gone.
Silence really was golden, didn't people know that?
THE END