Barry just ran, he knew that he couldn't run away forever, that his friends would need him to go back but he couldn't stand to be there with Iris. He has spent so much time pining after her, longing for her that he wondered if maybe he was always in love with the idea of her. She didn't look at him the way she used to look at Eddie, that much he knew. She didn't fawn over him like she did with Eddie either. He wondered if she even really loved him or if all of this was simply because a newspaper from the future said they were going to get married. He didn't like the idea that he'd let something like that rule his choices and for the longest time she was his choice. But was he hers? Was she with him because she wanted him, loved him, or was she with him because she settled on the fact that that's what is 'supposed' to happen.
He knew better than anyone that the future could be changed, that it wasn't always set in stone but he had been so in love with her that he was happy she'd even think that he was someone she wanted. It didn't help that the fear of losing her, of Savitar killing her, loomed over him. He jumped into their engagement in a hope to save her, not because he wanted to rush into marrying her but because she had been a part of his life so long, that he couldn't bare to lose her like that. He knew it wasn't right, even she knew, but he persisted and he convinced her that this was what he wanted. Now after everything that happened, he wasn't sure that was true anymore.
He sped back to STAR labs, changing out of his suit, to find that Iris and Joe were gone. Cisco was sitting in his old spot again and Caitlin was beside him, he couldn't help but smiling. Feeling like it was old times, now he just need a Harrison Wells to make things feel right.
"Hey guys," he said as he sat on one of the chairs in the cortex. "I'm sorry about earlier. Leaving like that." He felt bad, he didn't know if Iris said anything to Caitlin or Cisco.
"It's fine Barry," Caitlin said with a soft smile. She couldn't recall a time when she felt more at peace with Frost and it was all because of Barry. She knew that she forgave him in that moment for everything that happened last year. "They left not long after you did. We are just keeping an eye out for anything. You should probably head to work before Singh has a reason to yell at you." She laughed and took a small sip from her coffee.
"Crap. Yeah. Thanks Cait," he said with a grin before he sped out, leaving Caitlin and Cisco alone once again.
They had spent most of the time that everyone had left to talk about things. She confessed that while she was gone she had worked for a meta named Amunet who owned a meta bar in town and was kind of a nasty piece of work. She told him how part of why she did it was because Frost needed something to focus on. She cared a lot for Savitar in her own way. Caitlin understood why, he had Barry's face, and despite her coldness Frost trusted Barry. Today showed that he cared far more than she knew and it was nice to be able to unload the last six months on him only to have him hug her. She knew she needed to tell Barry to, and she would, but she felt that he had bigger things to worry about. Like his impending marriage.
"Barry seems different right?" Cisco asked after Barry had left again. "I mean besides not letting Iris walk all over him. Which is amazing right? But besides that he just seems...lighter? Like he doesn't feel the burden of being the Flash or something. I dunno." Cisco missed his friend, they had a hard year dealing with Savitar, with Killer Frost, with Iris' impending death, with HR, with all of it. But most of all he missed Barry's laugh and his sense of humor. They didn't go out anymore, they didn't have fun anymore and Cisco missed that. Things just seemed so heavy for so long that he wanted to fix it somehow but he didn't know what was the right way.
"He's definitely different. He said he doesn't feel like he's holding himself back anymore, he's certainly faster. Whatever is going on, I think it's better, don't you?" she looked over at her friend who only smiled and nodded his head.
"We should all go out. OG Team Flash! What do you think?" he said putting his hands up in the air and grinning.
"I say. Let's do it," she grinned back, even laughing a little.
Barry was happy that Singh had let him come back to work, but things seemed as normal as he could imagine them being. Julian had left and Barry felt slightly bad about all the time they spent hating each other. He understood why he wanted to go though, so he didn't put too much thought into it. He was working on several cases that had backed up while he was gone when he heard the door to his lab open and there stood his wife. She looked sad and her hands were clasped together tightly as she walked in, not waiting for him to say anything. He stood up a little straighter and crossed his arms over this chest. There wasn't much that she could say that would make anything better but she was family at the very least, even if he was starting to see that he wasn't really in love with her anymore.
"Barr, can we talk?" she asked softly. She had on a voice he'd heard before. One that she'd used on plenty of people, it was one that he thought was cute for the longest time but not today.
"What do you want Iris? I'm pretty busy here," he said with a sigh.
"I just..I love you Barry. I don't want this to come between us. I forgive you for leaving, and for accepting Killer Frost. I just want my Barry back," she took a step closer to him but her words had him putting his arms up to stop her. Barry had spent six months reliving things that had already happened, seeing things that hadn't happened yet. It was a constant loop showing him mistake after mistake. Every time he rushed into something without thinking, every time he pushed one person away for another, every time he got someone hurt but he put his wants and needs before everyone else. Flashpoint happened because he was selfish and it caused so much pain for the people dear to him. But going into the speedforce, knowing that he could save everyone in the city, knowing that he'd probably be stuck there forever but at least his family and friends could keep on living, was worth it. He didn't need forgiveness for that. He didn't need forgiveness for supporting his friend for once. For putting her before Iris, for once. That was the right thing to do.
"You forgive me?" he said. "Seriously. You think I need you to forgive me? For saving you and everyone else. For being there for my friend for once. For choosing to think about everyone else instead of you or me? I don't need you to forgive me Iris because I haven't done anything wrong." He shook his head and turned around to sit back at his desk to continue working.
"You left me. We were supposed to have been married already, we were supposed to have a life together and you left me. So yes you did do something wrong Barry," her voice was raising and he was glad that the door to his lab was closed.
"If I had stayed for you, if I had forced Jay back in there in my place, where he didn't deserve to be to begin with...I'd have resented you for it. I would have spent the time I was gone sick to my stomach that I could have done the right thing, but you made me do what you wanted. I hate to break it to you Iris but my world doesn't revolve around you." He stood up slamming his hands on his desk and leaning over it.
"I.." Iris jumped at the sound and backed up a little.
"I'm the Flash. I have been the Flash before you even know I was. I have saved people every day and put others first and do you know what I realized today Iris. That you...you only put yourself first. You want me because that paper said 'Iris West-Allen' on it. You aren't with me because you love me like that. You are with me because you think you have to be. So do yourself a favor and just go. Leave the ring at the apartment and let's just move the hell on," he sank back into his seat and looked at her, pleading for her to just stop this. Admit the truth.
"Barry...We are the Flash. Barry and Iris. We are meant to be. I just didn't realize it before, but I love you Barry. I want you," she walked over to him and tried to reach out.
"You know I spent so many years loving you Iris. Wishing you'd look at me as more than a friend," he moved his seat out of her reach. "You never look at me like you did him. I'm not stupid, I may have been blind but I'm not stupid Iris. So please, face the fact that I'm not Eddie. And he's the only man you'll ever really love. A newspaper from the future doesn't mean we are meant to be. And we are definitely not the Flash. That's me, it's always been me and it will always be me. Alone."
Iris just stood there, not really knowing what to say. A part of her knew that he was right, that she felt that she was supposed to choose Barry because of that paper. It said so, so it had to be true right? If Eddie were still here, that paper would mean nothing, just like it did when he was still alive. She didn't say anything else to Barry, there wasn't anything to say. She turned and walked out of the lab knowing that he was right.
Barry watched Iris go but refused to do anything to stop her. Joe passed by his daughter, who clearly was crying but just shook her head as she passed, to come into the lab.
"Everything okay in here?" he asked slightly confused.
"Iris and I are over Joe," he said with a sigh. "I think we've been over for awhile now, just neither one of us were willing to admit it." He rubbed his face before trying to focus back on his work.
"I came here because we got a dead body and it's pretty rough. I called Cisco to help, guy was trapped in an elevator and it's not pretty but he's the only tech guy I know and apparently the elevator is basically a computer. Or something. I don't know, I'm too old for this.." he said with a little chuckle.
"Yeah okay, let's go," Barry grabbed his kit and followed Joe to the crime scene. He tried not to think about Iris, or about the fact that he wasn't getting married anymore and he probably should find a different place to live. The loft is nice but it was their space and it would be weird to still live there. He, of course, wasn't paying attention as he was lost in thought and ran into the back of Joe.
"Sorry," he muttered as he moved around him to take a look at the scene. Oh Cisco is not going to like this one at all.
He arrived as STAR labs after he'd collected all the evidence and ran all the tests there he could. He walked in to an empty cortex. He wondered where they were, Cisco had left before him and he was sure that Caitlin would be here. He hoped anyway. He wanted to talk to her, make sure that her and Frost were doing okay. He didn't want to neglect her or put anyone else before her again.
"Guys?" he called out before he sped through the building to look for his friends. He wasn't expecting to find them in the time vault, looking at the newspaper that he wished would just go away already. "What are you two doing in here?" He asked as he stepped between them to look at the paper closer.
"It's changed Barry," Cait whispers as she stares at the name, Iris West. No West-Allen anymore. He looked over at Cisco who looked back over at him.
"Dude. Do you know what we've never done?" he said leaving Barry to only shrug. "We've never actually read the article. We see the headline, we focused on the byline, but we never read what happens to make you disappear in the first place."
Barry realized that, they didn't really thing to do that, or maybe they never really had the time? He wasn't sure but maybe they could get some insight into this, understand what happens when he's supposed to disappear so that they can be prepared for it.
"Wait. Cisco. We shouldn't read this. Won't that have paradox written all over it? I mean we aren't supposed to know about this at all," Cait said worriedly.
"True, okay so let's save that for another day. Today, we have a meta that can control technology and from what he did to the dude in the elevator...I'd say he's pretty pissed off," he clapped Barry on the shoulder and walked out of the time vault.
"Why were you guys in here?" Barry asks her. She's the only one left but when he looks over, she is not Cait. She is Frost.
"I was hiding in here. I hit a button, anyway. I see you dropped the missus to be," she spoke with her usual attitude only it seemed more playful than angry.
"How are you?" he asks, avoiding the topic all together.
"I'm better handsome. Thanks to you," she said as she took his hand and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry that I'm the reason Caity betrayed you."
"I'm sorry that I cared more about saving Iris from dying than making sure that my best friend was okay and helping helping her," he leaned his head on top of hers and gave her hand a squeeze. Things weren't going to get any easier, somehow he had a feeling that things were just going to get worse, but at least he had his team back. At least he had Cait.
"Guys stop flirting and get out here! We got work to do!" Cisco yelled causing Barry and Frost to move apart. She let Cait come back in control and Barry was still holding her hand.
"You know," he said as they walked out to help Cisco. "Maybe there is a way that you two could merge together and be one person. Instead of having to be two halves, what if you could be whole? I mean the serum you wanted to take was to get rid of her but I think you should try and bond with her." He gave her hand a squeeze before he let it go as they entered the cortex again.