A/N: Thanks for the reviews, follows, favorites, and reads! The poll has been updated so you can go vote for the next chapter if you'd like.
I tried to get this chapter out as soon as possible for you guys, so I didn't get to proofread it as many times as I normally do. If you find any errors, feel free to let me know and I'll gladly correct them. :)
Also, just so you know, I diverged a bit from the Red K episode storyline with this chapter. Kara didn't cause as much damage to the city, therefore most of her attention is on Alex. The prompt came from a guest, as follows: An alternative storyline involving Red K where Alex didn't suspect Kara was under a mind-altering drug? Kara attacks Alex but Alex assumes that it was because of Astra, and Alex doesn't fight back or even call for help because she thought she deserved it.
Alex felt the bite of the pavement as she was knocked down again by another blow. Gravel stung the back of her head. With a slow, painful movement she leaned to her side and spit out blood.
"Kara," she muttered looking up at her sister; dressed in all black, anger burning in her eyes.
"You killed her!" Kara yelled, delivering a sharp kick to Alex's side. "You took the only family I have left."
The blonde paced, toeing angrily at a pieces of the curb with enough force to send it crumbling to the ground. "And don't try to tell me that I still have you. You're not my sister. We are not family. You've always hated me, since the minute I got here. And now you took the last person I had left… Why would you do that?"
Alex remained silent, only a slight groan escaping as she tried to readjust her position.
"Answer me!" Kara demanded, voice thick and trembling as she turned on her heel to face Alex.
She lowered her head, dropping her gaze. "I didn't want to. I just – I just reacted. She was going to kill J'onn and I couldn't… I couldn't let that happen."
Kara shook her head. "I think you did it because you're jealous of me. Because I will always be faster than you and stronger than you and better than you… Because without me, your life is nothing. It's meaningless."
Alex swallowed hard and didn't flinch away this time when Kara landed another kick to the brunette's abdomen, sending her off the pavement and into the brick wall of the apartment building. It was dark outside, the only source of light a dingy, yellow glow from the surrounding streetlamps. Water from a stale puddle soaked Alex's shoulder and mixed with crimson blood. With each shiver in the cold night air, Alex cringed, the movement sending sparks of pain through her body.
"You don't deserve me in your life," Kara said, "And I don't want you in mine."
She grabbed Alex's shirt by the collar and flung her to the other side of the alley.
Alex hit the wall with a crack, sinking to the ground with a gasp of pain.
"You did this. You tore us apart. So don't bother trying to find me. This is the last time we'll see each other."
Alex pressed her lips together. The pain in her heart was a thousand times greater than the pain radiating through her body. She pressed her head back against the brick wall, then flinched away, trying to find her voice.
Her breathing was shallow as Kara disappeared into the sky. Guilt was heavy in Alex's stomach, because Kara was right. This was all Alex's fault. Kara was mad and Alex didn't blame her.
She deserved it.
Each shuddery breath amplified the burning ache in her side, her ribs, her back and limbs and head. She focused on the pain, tried to absorb it all – feel every bruise and crack and scratch.
She deserved it.
She ruined everything. She failed to keep her eyes open, as her vision went spotty and turned black.
She deserved it.
/
Some time passed, where pain was all Alex knew. She couldn't convince herself to reach for her phone or call for help because she couldn't dispel the voice in her head running in a continuous loop: you deserve this.
It was still dark and she couldn't see, and then there were hands touching her and voices, and a few gaping minutes later blurs of red and blue were intruding her closed eyes. Her head was barely registering the motions and movements, until she couldn't feel anything at all; and somehow, the dark got darker.
/
There was a beep, and then another, and then a few more until the rhythm of a heartbeat established itself in Alex's ear.
She tried to open her eyes but the bright light flooded in, and they fell closed again.
Her mind was cloudy, her memories more fragmented and abstract than a fleeting dream. The harder she tried to remember, the more difficult it became.
/
When she woke again, there was a warm presence on her shoulder – a hand, large and calloused. She squinted through dark lashes, her head throbbing. "J'onn?"
"Alex, how're you feeling?" he asked, consciously keeping his voice quiet.
"Like shit," she said softly, wearing a small smirk and looking up at him with tired eyes. "What happened?"
He hesitated, shifting his gaze downward.
"What was it?" Alex persisted.
"You got hurt. Some civilians found you, called the ambulance and took you to the hospital. Kara and you... umm… you got in a fight, but…"
Alex closed her eyes, tears gathering in the corners as memories flooded her mind. "I remember." She pulled a hand through her hair. "Oh my god, I messed up. This is all my fault. We need… we need to find her. How could I let this happen?" She slammed a fist against the bed, immediately flinching.
J'onn grabbed her hand. "Hey, stop. Alex, you need to calm down. Kara's okay. She was under the influence of Red Kryptonite, we've cured her. She didn't know what she was saying."
Alex swallowed hard, shaking her head. "You didn't hear her…" The agent began to pull her legs toward her chest, before it caused pain to burn in her abdomen, sending her backward.
J'onn's voice was calm as he spoke and laid a gentle hand on Alex's arm, easing her down. "Alex, look out there. Tell me what you see."
Alex took a deep breath, peering through the window. In the corner of the glass she saw Kara's frame, bobbing in and out of sight with her back turned toward them, blonde waves bouncing slightly as she moved.
"She's been there for the past few hours, ever since the doctor's at the DEO cleared her. She's refusing to leave, even though she's terrified of seeing you – thinks you're going to hate her."
"No," Alex immediately spoke up. "No, I could never hate her."
"Want to tell her yourself?"
Alex nodded fiercely. "Thank you. And thanks for being here, too."
J'onn smiled. "I'm glad you're okay." He paused at door, lingering for a moment. "And remember, Alex, this wasn't your fault. I know you feel guilty right now, but you've got to let it go." He disappeared into the hall and Alex watched his interaction with Kara.
A few seconds later the door creaked open and shut softly behind Kara. Everything was still and silent for an instant, like the moment was suspend in the air as both girls made eye contact, each heavy with guilt.
Kara broke first, face falling almost straightaway as tears quickly turned to heaping sobs. "I'm sorry, Alex. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. I-I understand if you h-hate me, and I-"
Alex wiped away tears from her own eyes as Kara paused.
"Why aren't you saying anything?" the blonde asked with a hiccup. "Please s-say something, you-you usually don't let me ramble this long."
"It's 'cause I'm sorry, too," Alex said, fishing her arm out from beneath the hospital sheets and stretching it to Kara. "And I could really use a hug right now."
Kara sniffled and moved toward the hospital bed. "I can do that. I think… I think I want a hug, too," she said.
Alex slid over as quickly as she could with all the wires attached to her body. She lifted up the covers. "There's room."
Warmth filled the cold, stiff hospital sheets as Kara slipped underneath them and pulled Alex into the gentlest hug she could.
When they pulled apart Kara looked over Alex, noting each bruise, scratch, and bump.
"I can't believe I did this to you," Kara said, swallowing another sob as she softly touched a purple bruise blossoming on Alex's shoulder. "You had internal bleeding, but the doctors said you'll be okay. You got a concussion, too, and some stitches and oh god, I'm so sorry, Alex."
The older Danvers sister shook her head. " 's okay. There's some truth to what you said. I deserved it."
Kara's head shot up, looking horrified, her guilt forgotten at Alex's words. "You don't actually believe that do you?"
Alex shrugged, grimacing halfway through and lowering her shoulders.
"Alex, you never, ever deserve anything like this. You are the best thing that's happened to me on Earth. You're the best sister I could ask for and you're my best friend, and you do not deserve bad things."
"I killed Astra."
"…To save J'onn. I forgive you, Alex. I should be the one apologizing. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn't mean to," Kara said, more tears pooling in her eyes.
"It's okay," Alex said, pulling Kara down gently and tucking her against the agent's own side. Alex sniffled, tears falling into Kara's hair as she stroked the blonde waves.
"We're a mess," Kara muttered, her head sleepily nestled against Alex.
"Yeah, a little bit," Alex said, pressing a kiss into Kara's hair. "But we're a mess that's going to be okay."