Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS
This chapter talks about body image after pregnancy. I have never been pregnant so everything is based on my research
Tony bent down to finish loading the dishwasher after dinner, Ziva leant against the doorframe.
'Nice view' she said. Tony grinned, closed the dishwasher and walked over to Ziva.
'Tali still asleep?' Tony asked, standing close to Ziva. She smiled and nodded.
'Yes, she is.' Tony grinned. He bent is head down and caught Ziva's lips in a kiss. He gently pushed her towards the wall, the hear in the kiss building.
'Tony' whispered Ziva, when the broke the kiss. She went to say something else but Tony started to plant kisses along Ziva's jaw line, whispering in her ear.
'You are beautiful. You are sexy. I want you Ziva.' Tony started kissing down Ziva's neck and towards her chest, but then he felt her squirm underneath him. He stopped immediately and looked at her. Ziva had an uncomfortable look on her face.
'Zi, are you OK?' he asked, concerned. Just then, Tali woke up, crying slightly. Before Tony knew it, Ziva had slipped out from underneath him and was in the nursery, sorting out Tali. Tony followed her. He stood in the doorway, watching Ziva nurse Tali.
'Zi, what just happened?' She seemed to ignore him, focusing on Tali. Tony walked over to the chair and crouched down at the side. 'Zi, what's going on? Talk to me.' Eventually Ziva spoke.
'I was talking to some of the women at the mom and baby group. Katherine said sex after giving birth was more uncomfortable than losing her virginity.' Ziva looked down at Tali before continuing. 'Willow has two children under three, and is pregnant with her third. Elsie's just discovered that she's pregnant with her second and her son is only two months older than Tali.'
'Did they freak you out?' asked Tony gently. Ziva nodded.
'A little, yes. My body is not the same, Tony. It has changed, with being pregnant and giving birth. I am not sure it will ever go back to the way it was before I got pregnant.' She paused, afraid to continue but knew that she owed Tony the truth. 'I have also had nightmares again.'
'What? Why didn't you tell me? We tell each everything Zi.'
'I know Tony, and I am telling you now.'
'Somalia?' Ziva nodded. 'When what the last one?'
'Last week. I am sorry I did not tell you sooner.'
'I wish you had Zi.' Ziva finished feeding Tali, handing her over to Tony to burp her. Tony threw a burp cloth over his shoulder and started to pat Tali's back gently. Ziva stood up and watch the two of them. Tony turned to face her.
'Have you ever noticed that I don't call you perfect? Do you know why I say you're beautiful and sexy instead?' Ziva shook her head. 'I never want you to think that I have a specific image of what you should look like, because I do not. I do think you are perfect, and beautiful and sexy Zi. I fall deeper in love with you every day. And I wish I could stop the nightmares.' Ziva smiled. 'I know your body has changed, that it isn't the same before you were pregnant. If that was the case, Zi, Tali wouldn't be here. Your body grew and nurtured our daughter and I love you and your body for it.'
Just then, Tali let out an almighty burp, given that she was only three months old. Ziva and Tony laughed.
'Impressive' joked Tony. He turned back to Ziva. 'If you are not ready Zi, then I will wait until you are. Please don't feel pressured to do something you're ready for.' He moved closer to Ziva and kissed the top of her head. Tony went to put Tali back in her crib, Ziva watching them.
Ziva hated what had happened earlier. She was so attracted to Tony and loved him so much, wanted to be with Tony, to have sex with him again. But something in the depths of mind stopped her. Ziva thought about what Tony had said; her body had changed because of Tali. Tony turned to face Ziva. She too fell deeper in love with Tony every day. It had felt good to finally tell Tony about the nightmares, and Ziva mentally kicked herself for not doing so earlier.
When Tony came home from work the next day, the apartment was quiet, the lounge and kitchen empty. Tony went into the nursery and found Tali sleeping. He watched her for a moment, before finding Ziva leaning against the doorframe.
'Hi' said Tony, smiling. They were standing very close. Ziva reached a hand and cupped Tony's face, before pulling him into a passionate kiss.
Breaking the kiss, Tony breathed deeply and smiled. Ziva took his hand and led Tony towards their bedroom. She stopped in the doorway and undid her robe, letting it fall to the floor, pooling at her feet. Tony found his fiancée completely naked, with the exception of her Star of David necklace and her engagement ring.
'Are you sure?' he asked quietly. Ziva nodded.
'Yes. I love and trust you Tony. I thought about what you said last night. It's true. My body gave us our daughter.' She kissed him again. 'I want this Tony, I want you.' Tony kissed her this time, Ziva melting into his embrace. Tony guided them into the room and over to the bed, sitting down on the edge, pulling Ziva onto his lap.
'You are beautiful Zi. You are so sexy' he said quietly.
'Make love to me Tony' she whispered into his ear, which Tony was only happy to oblige.
Like I said up top, I've never been pregnant, but I've had my own issues with body positivity, like a lot of men and women.
Hope you enjoyed this.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the reads and reviews. It makes me want write and be a better writer