I Will Always Find You

by Sara The Lady Dalian

What if someone knew, beyond a doubt, that James Buchanan Barnes was alive, and hadn't died in that fall. What effect would it have on Bucky to have someone there, to heal his mind, to remind him of who he was, and to provide him some small part of a normal existence, outside of HYDRA? Ali had always been able to find him, and she sets off to do just that.

3. Interlude 1 - HYDRA 1958

I Will Always Find You

by Sara Lady Dalian

Interlude 1 – HYDRA Facility, 1958

Soldat stood in the training room in his facility hitting a bag. The doctor said that he had to keep his muscles strong, so training was something he was allowed to do. It was necessary, he said to himself. As he pounded on the bag, he felt the skin on his knuckles burst and clot in a cycle. He kept going. Bag work was followed by running, which was followed by squats, sit ups and pull ups, these were followed by hand-to-hand. All day, every day, in a never-ending cycle.

The exercise cleared the fog the chair put in his brain and allowed him to remember again. He remembered the missions and the training. He remembered the talks he received about HYDRA's work and the necessity of removing obstacles to order. He remembered the cold violence. He remembered all of it.

HYDRA used him as a weapon, a weapon that killed without impunity for a cause he didn't espouse. When he was fresh from the chair, he didn't care about ideology, just the mission and what he was told to do by his handler. There was no wavering allowed, nor any performed.

What he didn't remember was the time Before. Before the chair, Before the pain, Before not remembering. Try as he might, chasing the Before was like setting fire ants into his brain. He couldn't get rid of them and they stung and a bit. So he eventually stopped trying to recall the Before time.

When the pain from the ants faded, he thought and thought about his missions again. There was something there that he couldn't quite recall. Something special, secret. Those memories were wrapped up in warmth, satin, light, gossamer softness and, conversely, silky toughness. These were the memories that kept him going, even though he couldn't seem to grab hold of them, he knew they were there. They soothed the ants and protected the Before.

Pulling a towel over his head, he walked back through the facility, knowing that every move he made was being monitored and analyzed for deviation from his norm and instructions. Everything was planned out and prescribed. Everything, but those memories wrapped in light. Those were forbidden. If HYDRA found them, they would excise them with ruthless precision, never to be seen again.

He wasn't afraid, but he knew that this was something he must keep to himself, something private. After all, he has done, something he would take for himself without regret. He just hoped he would continue to remember that there was something to remember.

As he fell into sleep, he heard a woman's soft voice say, "Stay safe. Do what you have to do to stay alive. I will always find you again, Jamie." Somehow he knew that that voice was wrapped up in that soft, silky memory. It was that voice he listened to. That voice he reached for when he was alone. And that voice he vowed to protect. He didn't know who she was but wanted her to find him again. He wanted the warmth her memory gave off.

Do what you have to do to stay alive.

They will kill you if they find you.

His new mission, make sure they never found her.

AN: There will be several interludes, published on Wednesdays, between chapters which are posted on Saturdays.