Hello again. This chapter scares the hell out of me. When you build up for something like this all you can do is hope like hell that you delivered and I'm still not sure if I did. So, be easy on me if it doesn't end up like you wanted. Just know that I tried. I agonized over this damn chapter for a long time. So, here's to hoping like hell you enjoy it! Thank you all for reading!

Chapter Six

Carol cried. It was the stupidest thing and she hadn't done it in a long time but that morning she had sat there and she had cried like she hadn't cried in years. She knew why. All this time she had been able to imagine his life and she would always pretend that he was out there somewhere thinking about her. It had helped sooth the ache that seemed to never go away.

Now Avery had gotten involved and she knew that whoever that infuriating woman had hired was going to find him. She would be seeing him soon. She could feel it. And it scared her more than anything else ever had in her whole life. Clinging to his memory for so long, raising his children on her own... what if he hadn't thought about her at all? What would that do to her? She didn't want to find out because it scared her. It scared her how much she loved someone that had been away from her for much longer than he had been with her.

He could be anyone now. The last time she had seen him he had been eighteen years old. He could have done so many different things with his life by now.

She went to the bathroom and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She shook her head, cursing herself. Her eyes were puffy and red and her hair was a complete mess and her silk pajamas were rumpled.

She pressed a cold wash cloth to her eyes and stood there for a long time, forcing herself to push back all of these thoughts so she could get through her day with a smile on her face. As of right now, she was all her kids had and she would fight through and be happy for them like she had been doing since they were old enough to notice how sad she was. Her job was to keep them happy and by God that was what she was going to do. Seeing her like this, letting herself get like this in the first place, didn't help anything.

With a deep cleansing breath she stepped back out into the hall just in time to hear a heavy knock at the door. She looked up at the clock on the wall and frowned. Who would be pounding on her door like that at seven in the morning? It was rude!

Forgetting about her puffy eyes and messy hair and wrinkled pajamas she stormed to the door and yanked it open without even looking to see who it could be. The nerve of some people! If this early morning visitor woke the kids up then she was going to-

She froze. Every muscle in her body locked up, literally jolting her frame. Her heart slammed hard against her ribs as her wide eyes took in the shocked and stricken face of Daryl Dixon. She knew this wasn't real. She was either having a vivid dream or she was still drunk or, maybe, just maybe, she had finally lost her mind, because she knew that life was cruel and hard and would never give this to her. After all of the heartbreak she wouldn't be able to just open her front door and see him standing there. She wanted to look away but she was afraid. Afraid that whatever this was, trick of the mind or a cruel dream, wouldn't last if she dared look away.

He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but he was as frozen as she was. It was becoming clear that somehow he had shown up on her doorstep without knowing it was her doorstep at all.

She tried to speak when words failed him. "I... How did..." Her voice cracked and she closed her mouth again, fresh tears welling up in her eyes before she could even try to blink them away. They spilled over. Before she knew what she was doing she threw herself at him, her arms locking around his neck as a sob sent a shudder through her.

~H~

Daryl was pretty sure that Merle had spiked his coffee with some seriously potent shit. He couldn't breathe. His chest was tight and he seemed to be cased in cement other than his hands that had started shaking. He had barely been able to wrap his mind around the fact that she was standing there right in front of him before she slammed into his chest, a broken sound leaving her as her body shook.

He didn't hesitate. Maybe his mind was slow to process the situation but his body knew what to do. His arms went around her and that only made her hang on to him harder. He was finally able to take in a shuddering breath and her scent clouded his head like a fog. Memories that he had kept buried rushed up to the forefront of his mind. And he didn't try to fight them like he usually did. He tightened his hold on her, his mind spinning, his heart thundering fast and hard and the emotions roiling through him had him reeling. This couldn't be real. There was no way that this was real and when he woke up, it was gonna be fucking agony unlike any he'd suffered yet.

So, if he was gonna go through it anyway, he may as well do it thoroughly. He opened up the flood gates and finally, after all this time, nearly drowned in memories of that road trip that lead to that month in the desert. Her smile, the way the red-orange sky at sunset turned her eyes almost violet, the sound of her voice. He remembered how it had felt being with her, how easy it was to laugh, how her hands felt sliding through his hair as he laid on the hard ground with his head in her lap. Knowing he was good enough. Knowing that his whole world was centered around her and knowing it was okay. It was all so clear in his mind. All of it washed over him in a wave that left him stunned.

Her face was buried in the crook of his neck, hot tears scalding his throat and soaking into his shirt. He dropped his head to her shoulder, unable to get enough of that distinct smell that was all Carol. She was shaking in his arms so he tightened his hold on her even more, knowing he was probably hurting her at this point but he couldn't let go. He was hit with this overwhelming fear that if he let her go, she would either evaporate before his eyes like a mist or crumble into pieces like glass, just another pile of broken dreams, just like the ones he'd been living with for a long time now.

Eventually he let himself believe that this was, in fact, actually happening. He didn't know how the hell this was happening and he couldn't even bring himself to care. All he could think was how lighter it felt now that years worth of remorse was suddenly lifted off his shoulders.

"Mama?"

His eyes snapped open and he lifted his head. A little girl stood in the doorway, auburn hair in disarray, blue eyes the same shade and shape as Carol's growing wide and fearful. She had a smattering of freckles across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. He had never paid much attention to kids before but the one standing here now had to be the most beautiful little girl he'd ever seen, and it was clear who she belonged , Jesus, he knew what this meant. Carol made a strange sound and then pulled away.

That was when all of his new found hope shattered into pieces. She had a daughter. She had moved on. Somewhere in the house was probably a husband about to find him out there on the porch, clinging to something that didn't belong to Daryl anymore. He thought that never seeing her again was a bleak existence. But this was much worse. In his head, when he had seen her standing there, he thought that meant that he had her back. He thought it meant that things would be okay... but it didn't mean that at all and the pain was sickening. He was sure he was going to be sick.

She pulled away, meeting his eyes and he saw, through the remnants of shock, the unmistakable regret. He let his arms drop, hanging limply at his sides and then she turned. "Morning Lily," she said, her voice like a lash across his heart. God he had missed that sound.

"You're crying," the little girl said, looking from Carol to him.

"I'm okay. Everything is okay," Carol said, turning.

"You got a little girl?" Daryl said, his voice almost too soft for him to even hear it.

Carol took in a shaking breath as she nodded. She knelt down and smoothed the girl's hair down. "I need to talk to this man for a minute, okay? Go inside, tell your brother I'll be in in just a minute, alright?"

The girl glanced up at him again. "Are you some kinda robber or somethin' here to steal all our stuff?"

He couldn't find his words again so he shook his head. The little girl had a brother. Carol had a family. She had a life and he wasn't a part of it. The lump in his throat felt like he'd swallowed a hot golf ball and all he wanted to do now was leave, to take off, like maybe he could outrun the pain if he could just get his legs to move.

Carol's words seemed to pacify the girl so she turned around and hurried back into the house. Once the door was closed Carol turned, her arms wrapping around herself. "How is this even possible?" She asked, her eyes searching his.

He took a cautious step away from her, not wanting to stand too close anymore because he had no right to touch her and everything inside of him was screaming to do just that. "I don't know," he said, his voice low.

"We need to talk. I moved back here to find you. There's a lot I need to explain," she said, her own voice halting like she was searching for words.

"You have kids?"

She nodded. "I do."

"Are you married?" He asked, the words tasting vile on his tongue.

She shook her head. "No. You?"

He shook his head, a spark of hope returning.

She looked relieved. "I don't know how to do this. I've had this conversation with you a thousand times, a million times in my head but I..."

She closed her mouth and turned as the door opened again. He looked up, expecting the little girl to come back out but it was someone different.

"Lily said you were cryin' and there was some man out here. What's goin' on?"

Daryl thought that he had gotten past all of the emotional shocks that he could take in one morning but nothing, not even seeing Carol after all these years, could compare to the impact that seeing this kid had. The wind left him in a painful rush as his lungs constricted. His throat felt swollen and he couldn't replace the breath that was knocked out of him.

The kid was a little bigger than the girl, dark blonde hair, narrowed eyes the color of his own. His lips were set in an angry line. His ears, his nose, his mouth... the curve of the kids jaw... Daryl had seen pictures of himself from when he was a kid and it was like looking at a living breathing version of himself standing right in front of him. The kid kept looking at him suspiciously and then he started chewing his nail.

Carol reached down and pulled the boys hand down from his face. "Jake, honey, I'm fine. I need a minute to..." Her voice was barely calm.

Daryl took a step back and then another, anger, panic, remorse, guilt, a crushing fucking pain engulfing him and telling him to flee. To get away so he could process what this meant. But he knew what it meant. This kid was his. He had a kid. He had a fucking son that he didn't know and who didn't know him. All these years and she'd been... he hadn't realized that he had been backing up until his foot came down on nothing and he actually fell down the porch steps.

He landed on his back hard but he sat up quickly. He heard the truck door slam shut. He watched Carol hurry down the steps out of the corner of his eye but he couldn't take his eyes off the boy. Not until he turned and went back into the house, a slight smirk on his lips because he'd just watched a grown up fall ass over tea kettle down the steps.

Merle was there, pulling him off the ground and that was when everything truly clicked in his head. He jerked out of Merle's grip spun around and shoved him so hard Merle barely caught himself. Daryl wasn't done. All of those feelings morphed into a dark rage and it was all aimed at his brother.

"What the fuck did you do?" Daryl snarled.

Merle held his hands up, refusing to fight. "I didn't know, little brother."

Daryl glared at the man, his breath coming in ragged pants and then he felt a hand close over his arm, stopping him before he had a chance to punch Merle right in the face. "You didn't know? That all you got?" Daryl yelled.

Merle shook his head. "I didn't know," he repeated.

"Can we talk about this?" Carol said, her voice filled with worry.

Daryl shook his head, trying to come to terms with everything he had just learned but thoughts just continued to tumble through his mind. "It wouldn't have mattered if you knew and you know it. You're a selfish piece of shit. You take and you take and you don't give a fuck about what happens to anybody. About what happens to me. You do what's good for you at the moment. There's a fuckin' kid in there that's mine! And you... I have a son that..." Saying those words out loud seemed to defuse the anger. "Go," he said, looking down at his boots and blinking back angry tears.

"How you gonna get home?" Merle asked, his voice even.

"I ain't. Take the fuckin' truck, Merle. Take the fuckin' house and every goddamn thing in it. You ever come near me again and I swear to God you'll have to fuckin' kill me to keep me from blowin' your brains out." He heard the conviction in his own voice.

"You just need some time to get your head clear," Merle said as he backed towards the truck.

Daryl scoffed. "Time? You tellin' me I need time and eventually I'll not fuckin' hate you for this? Like I can get back everything you caused me to lose? I'll tell you what, Merle. You give me back the last five years, you give me that, and maybe we'll be okay. Till you figure out a way for that to happen, you ain't got a fuckin' brother no more."