The memory Charles had come upon when help Que was very curious. He had never seen it before. Que was maybe three or four years old. It was evening time, and she was sitting in the lap of a boy who looked to be in his late teens. It looked to be later in the evening, and tiny Que was wearing a light blue shirt covered in tiny puppies and red, cotton, race car pajama shorts. They were reading a book together.
"Alright Lainey, this part is yours," the boy said."Benny! My name is Que! You heard Mr. Martin. I shall invent a flying car one day!" Que responded dramatically, but still smiling up at the boy."Alright, Quuue. It's still your turn," he said, pointing to the page."What if I was a crocodile? Grrr!" Que growled.Benny continued "I'd hug you close and tight, and tuck you in your bed each night."Que responded "Does love wear out? Does it break or bend? Can you fix it? Stick it? Does it mend?""Oh help, I'm not that clever. I just know, I'll love you forever." Benny said hugging Que tight and tickling her sides. Que fell into a fit of laughter. She swatted at his hands and continued reading once she stopped giggling."What about when we're dead and gone? Would you love me then? Does love go on?"Benny sighed "Small, look at the stars. How they shine and glow. Some of those stars dies a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like star light, never dies."The pair were silent for a few moments."Benny?""What Lainey?" he said before she gave him a squinting look. "Oh I mean, what is it Que? You're incorrigible sometimes. You know that right?"Que ignored his question. "Is the book true?""What part?" he asked."Love? Does it really never die?" she asked more solemnly.Benny was silent for a moment. "I think so Que.""Mmm, so you think even though my family is gone, they still love me?" she asked."Yes, I do, and for the record, we may not be blood, but I'll always consider you my sister. I love you very much Que." he said hugging her."I love you too Benny. Hey Benny, I can make stars too you know," Que said. Benny looked puzzled."Here, watch," she said. Suddenly, the whole room was filled with tiny floating orbs of light.
The memory had faded at this and left Charles with many questions and a deep ache and care for the boy he'd seen. He had seen this boy, Benny, only a few times in some of Que's old memories. Charles felt he was someone very special to Que. He also noted, Benny had called Que, Lainey, which he guessed was her original given name.
The Professor had Que spend the next few days in the infirmary. She was never alone though. There was always a senior staff member present. They helped her with the classwork she had been missing, had meals with her, and played some games or attempted to. Que felt quite empty and lacked a lot of energy to do much. The Professor was always there in the evenings, and he and Que would chat. She hadn't been able to show him the memory of Biel, but they discussed different things about him and his death.
"What do you feel when you think about that memory?" he had asked her.
"What do you mean? Sad and angry I guess," she had responded.
"Who do you hold responsible for Biel's death?"
Que had gone silent at this question. She hadn't given him an answer and he asked her to think about it for next time. She didn't know if she could bare to tell him the truth. She was responsible for Biel's death.
Once Que had been released from the infirmary, she continued with classes except for the daily training sessions in the training room. The Professor thought that class would be best put on hold for the time being, and she could train one on one with Storm for a while. Que hated being singled out again. Even though everyone had been more than understanding, she couldn't help notice the uneasy and fearful side glances her peers were giving her when they thought she wasn't looking. The only people who continued to treat her as they always did was, of course Aasir, and surprisingly Manuel and Paige. Jonas, who had always been a bit jumpy around her, was doing everything he could to avoid her. If she ever entered the same room and him, he'd quickly grab his things and leave.
It was just after art class when Paige ran up behind her.
"Hey Que, you have a free period coming up, right?" she asked.
"Yeah lunch, why?" Que asked.
"We have been working on solving systems of equations in math, and I just don't get it. Can you help me?" she asked.
"Isn't your math class next?" Que asked confused. Paige had a later lunch schedule than Que.
"Usually yeah, but Scott had an errand to run, so he canceled class. We have a test next Friday, and I just don't get it," Paige explained.
"Umm, sure I guess I can try. Math doesn't work for me the same as it does you. Typically, I can just see it. I don't know if I can break it down, but I'll try," Que said unsure.
"That's all I'm asking for! Hey, can we do it in the kitchen and grab some lunch? I woke up late and didn't get breakfast," Paige pleaded.
The pair headed down to the kitchen, and it took her a little bit of time to figure out how to explain it, but she and Paige managed to get through the study guide, and Paige was able to do a few completely by herself too. Once finished, Que agreed to help her every afternoon she could, right after dinner.
Three weeks later, things were going as smoothly as could be expected around the mansion. Que wasn't cutting classes nearly as much as she had been, and was helping Paige a few times each week with her math. She liked Paige. Paige had a pretty good sense of humor and wasn't as hopeless at math as she thought. Aasir was content to hanging out with Que at lunch and
After classes that day, Que headed to kitchen to grab her snack before meeting with the Professor. She had his class last and he assured her he'd meet her there shortly. As she got to his office, she could see him already there putting away some papers while he waited on her.
"Hello Que. How were classes today? I noticed, you have caught up in The Glass Castle. Are you enjoying it?" he asked.
"Eh, it's alright," she shrugged.
Charles knew it took Que a bit to warm up. Their meetings always started off this way, half answers and a lot of silence.
"I'm helping Paige in math. It must be terribly tedious for all of you to have to do," she continued.
"That's very kind of you Que. I'm sure she is very appreciative of your help. Well, we don't have much time before dinner today. Have you thought any more about my question?" he asked.
"Which one?" Que asked, though she knew perfectly well what he was talking about. It was one of the first he'd ask her every time she'd come in. It was quite annoying, and she'd typically respond with I don't know, skip to talking about something else, or say nothing at all.
"Who do you hold responsible for Biel's death?"
Que sat silently. She just wished he'd stop asking. Why was it important?
"I…," she stopped, angry and conflicted.
"I am," she said, deadpan.
"What? Can you explain please?" he asked, a little surprised she had answered him.
"What do you mean explain! I killed him! It was my fault! What more do you want!" she exploded. Papers flew from the Professor's desk and a lamp fell. Que stood up angrily and shoved the side table and all its contents over.
"Que," the Professor said in a calm, stern voice. "Have a seat please and calm yourself."
"Maybe I don't want to be calm! You sit there… trying to… argh! Maybe I want to be like this all the time because this is who I really am!" she continued to shout at him.
"Who are you then?" Charles asked, still calm. He knew she'd wear herself out of shouting, and she was finally saying something that might actually help her.
"I am a monster! I shouldn't even be here! I should have left months ago or never come at all. Progress or not. I am not the sort of person that should… I mean don't you see? I wasn't meant to be with other people!" she shouted.
"Que, that is not…," the Professor started but Que cut him off and continued.
"Yes, it is. You know I'm dangerous just with my abilities alone! On top of that, I was groomed to be a monster! I was specially trained to cripple and take out corporate infrastructures, physically break into anywhere I want, and take out anyone who stands in my way! I lacked real outside contact for almost six years! I'm dangerous and attract dangerous people and or beings in my wake. I'm pretty screwed up, and there is nothing anyone can do to fix me! How could you possibly think someone like me could ever deserve to be here?"
"Are you finished?" he asked with a serious look.
Que just stood where she had been, still angry and avoiding his gaze. He gestured for her to have a seat.
She huffed and went back to her chair.
"You will clean that up before you leave please," Charles said glancing at the side table. "Que, let me make sure I understand what you said correctly. I will shorten it to a list. You hold yourself responsible for Biel's death, you are a homicidal monster ready to take down the world, you do not belong here, and you're just angry. Did I get everything?" he asked.
Some of the anger in Que's face faded. She looked away, uneasy.
"Well, if all that is true, you might as well pack your things then right? Call it quits?" Charles asked her.
"Yes," she said defeatedly.
"You're very luck then because all of that is a load of crap!" he said.
"Que, look at me. I need you to hear this. Look at me," he commanded again more firmly.
Que looked up. She was taken aback by the Professor's bluntness.
"I won't lie to you and tell you you're perfect. You've got a lot of work ahead of you, and your upbringing was not ideal, but we've all had our trials, Que, and we will continue having them. Your past may have influenced you, but it does not define who you are. It will only control what you let it control. What you feel is guilt and shame over your past," the Professor said, passionately.
Que was in slight shock at his words and didn't know what to say, so the Professor continued.
"So let's start there. Why do you think you are responsible for Biel's death?"
"I just am. I was his superior officer. I chose for just us to go. I was arrogant, and my arrogance got him killed," she responded.
"You were a child," he said simply.
"I wasn't really. They made sure to stripe us of that notion as soon as we got there. It doesn't matter anyway!" she said defiantly.
"Does it not? You were not only a child, but one who had suffered a great deal of loss and neglect. You know a lot, but that does not mean you're an adult, even now. Think. Who told you you could handle it and sent you on that mission? Who let you and Biel go alone? They may have trained and taught you, but you were a pawn. Biel's death is not on you my friend," he said, still serious.
His words made logical sense, but Que was struggling to process them. They sat in silence. Her eyes felt damp, but she couldn't quite understand why she was crying. She wasn't sure if she was sad or relieved or somewhere in between.
The Professor put his hand on her shoulder.
"Que can you show me what you remember of Biel?" he asked.
She nodded. She showed him the war room she and Biel planned in for the mission, the trip to the temple, then how the devastating events of the mission unfolded, leading up to her blackout and waking back up in the dismembered temple with Biel's lifeless body in her arms. As they watched her memories this time, it was as if she and the Professor were spectators on the sidelines. He still held Que's shoulder only he was standing. Que found it interesting that in here, he could stand and even walk. It must quite be freeing for him, she briefly thought.
As they stood in the remains of the smoldering temple, the Professor spoke up.
"Que, you need let go of this guilt and shame, not only over Biel, but for everything the faction had you do. You were a child being used and abused. They were the monsters, not you. You were the child who tried her very best to save you both. You were the one who mourned over losing her comrade and friend. The people who sent you did neither."
As she a the Professor stood there, she felt different. It was still as painful as it had ever been, maybe even more so, but she felt… lighter? Maybe with time, the weight would lift completely she thought.
"I am ready to go now," Que said.
Then she and the Professor were back sitting in his office. He in his chair and she across from him in hers.
"You do belong here Que," he said