So this is not an one shot about one of the episodes of CPD but I think it fits perfectly on "Us Being US". It is not totally accurate with what is happening right now in the series but as I said I think it fits.
Last month I had some family medical drama that lead me to this. I spend some time in the hospital waiting and this come out.
Hope you guys enjoy it. It's a bit too emotional because I was emotional to but I felt better after I right it...
Jay's phone had been buzzing all morning. He kept ignoring it because it was his brother, probably to tell him about one of his new girls and he was too busy to loose time with that stuff. Or maybe it was to talk about how much in love he was with Natalie, anyway it wasn't a good day for pep talks.
He had a stack of process files piled up on his desk because Antonio was on vacation and Adam was not doing his job, as always, and they had promised to buy him dinner if he cleared all that bureaucratic work on his own. These past weeks had been hard on him. Since the internal affairs started questioning his and Erin ability to work as partners because they found out that they had moved in together, his life had became a living hell and doing bureaucratic work obligate him to concentrate on something different than his life right now.
Erin went back to her old apartment because she didn't want to give IA more reasons for her integrity and professionalism be questioned. Since the Voight thing, she had been on the line and under deep investigation from the Ivy Tower and when they found out that they were living together it reinforced all the doubts that they had about her and they were questioning her every step.
After a deep talk and serious ponderation they decided that it was better to live in different houses for awhile, just until the dust settled and the attention was back off them.
This arrangement was a set back in their lives and he could feel Erin slipping through his fingers again. She was not closing herself off like she did in the past but he could fell that she was distant. They still were together and they still worked as partners but he could feel difference in her and acknowledged that he could loose her again, make him grumpy and moody and he ended up diving into work to forget that they hadn't slept together for more then a month now.
The intimacy between them had gone back to the high school boyfriend and girlfriend stage. They shared a kiss or two when he dropped her off at her house after dinner and not much other then that. This situation was getting in his head and he had to confess that the lack of sex affected him too. Not that he could not live without it, but having her all day with him and then not being able to do anything was really frustrating. He missed her, he missed funny and giggling Erin. He missed sarcastic Erin and teaser Erin and God he missed sexy Erin.
He missed the good days they were living until some ass decided to kill Justin. She mourned her stepbrother but she managed to fight her weakness and stay above the surface on this and let him help her to pass through this faze but this Ivy Tower thing was getting on her nerves.
She didn't like to be watched and questioned like that and this investigation was making her question everything in her life. She loved her job. She had fought so hard for it and she was desperate to keep it. Jay knew how much she loved him, but he also knew how much she needed to survive in this world that they lived in.
His phone buzzed again and Erin raised her head from her desk and ask him. "Are you going to answer that or not?"
He looked at her, her raspy tone had come back, he hated when she used him as a punching bag. All his frustrations was flowing between them as was her frustrations and he was her obvious target.
He shook his head and picked the phone up from the desk. It was a strange number and he decided to answer.
"Halstead."
"Finally man, I've been calling you since earlier today. Why didn't you pick up!"
"Well Will I'm working so I hope this is important!"
"Father has come here to emergency surgery. He is in there right now!"
"Dad what? But why? What happen?"
Jay's face turned red and then pale as death. She noticed his free hand started to shake. She got up from her desk, walked to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. She could feel the tension that he was under.
"You know I don´t talk to him right? What do you want me to do, Will?"
"It's our father Jay, come on. Maybe you should come and be with him for a while and try to make peace."
"Ok I will be there!" She heard him say. He turned to her. "My father went in MED for an emergency kidney surgery."
She caressed his hair. "What happen?"
"Apparently his kidney failed and when they called the ambulance he asked for Will's hospital."
"They? Who? I thought he was not in Chicago!" She ask in surprise.
"Truth be told, I really don't know where he was, because I haven't talk to him for a while." Jay looked sad and in a split second he aged like ten years. He was concerned and she realized, in that moment, how short life could be. Jay didn't talk to his father for she didn't know how long, but he was his father and apparently this life and death situation put Jay in a difficult spot. He looked completed defeated right now.
All this got her thinking. She needed this man, she could not afford to loose him. She needed to stop this nonsense of not being together because of what some stupid suit thought of her, her work abilities and her loyalty to Voight. What did those assholes want from her anyway? The man was the only family that she could call family and now they wanted her to give away the only person on her life that she really could rely on, right now? She didn't give a damn what these people thought. He really needed her right now and she had to be there for him. She felt him shiver under her hand. "Jay calm down it will be ok! He is in good hands and it will be ok you will see."
"I have't spoken to him since... I really don't know when and if he dies and I'm not able to tell him that... I don't really know what to tell him because I still hate him for the way he treated my mother and I really don´t know if I can face him." Jay rubbed his chin, trying to relax but she could still feel his tense body under her hand.
"Jay, you should really go. You should make peace. If you don't you will regret. Don't you think? I'll go with you!" She said softly still caressing his hair.
"You should´t because of the investigation." He said.
"Look I really don't give a damn about this stupid investigation. You need me right now and I'm your girlfriend and your partner and I will not back off just because some suits think I'm not reliably enough for this stupid job. I'm here for you. For what you need without restrictions." Erin talk in a fast and angry tone.
He smiled at her words and got up from his chair. He hugged her, hugged her pretty tight and when he released her from the hug she kissed him, right there in the middle of the bullpen with most of her colleagues present. She hugged him and kissed him again deeper. After the kiss she whispered in his hear. "I'm not afraid of them and I'm here for you. Don't doubt that ok?"
He just nodded his head in agreement and hugged her again. He too whisper in her ear. "Thank you and welcome back!"
Their colleges ignored what they saw, because they knew better to mess with a pretty moody Erin these days and a really grumpy Jay.
She smiled at his sweet face. Now he didn't look so aged anymore. He had some light in his face again.
"Let's go ok?" She said.
He nodded, and with his hand behind her back, walked to the stairs. It was there they both noticed there was an IA investigator. He was looking straight at them both and he had a satisfied look on his face.
"Good to see you Detective Lindsay! How are you?"
With her face devoid of emotion and a raspy tone she answer him rapidly. "We are leaving so if you have something to tell me, you can inform our desk Sargent." She walked past him, leaving the building with Jay almost running behind her.
"Wait up Erin!"
"I'm sick of those guys really! What do they want for me?" Erin said irritated.
"You know that he saw us kissing right?" Jay asked, without knowing if he should be talking about this or not.
"We have more important things to do right now. We have to go see your father. So let's go!" She said turning her back again on him and walking straight to the 300.
They traveled almost without talking she was nervous, with everything that was going on flouting in her head, he could tell. He was trying to figure out what to do when he got to the hospital. He was not prepared to see his father in a hospital bed. He, for sure, was not prepared to talk to him and make peace. Could he forgive him? These words were still floating in his head when Erin parked in front of MED.
"So... do you want to go alone?" She asked with her hand on his leg letting him know that she had his back.
"No, I want you to come with me please." He said grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it.
She nodded at him and they both got out of the car and walked to the hospital.
He was greeted by his brother and the three of them walked to the room where their father was.
"The surgery went well and dad is out of danger right now, but it really was a big scare. Thought he will probably recover from this and get back to his normal life soon than later," Will informed them.
When Jay saw him laying there he stopped and started to breath quickly. Erin grabbed his hand but he didn't move. She looked at him and he was pale.
"I need to sit down!" He gasped.
"Are you ok Jay?" Erin asked with concern.
"I just need to sit down please!"
"Jay do you want some water?" Will asked, but Jay didn't answer make Will doubt what he should do. In the end, he decide to go to the cafeteria to grab a bottle of water for his brother.
Erin went with Jay to find a chair and as soon as he sat he started crying. Sob after sob. She just hugged him without knowing what to do with her own eyes full of tears.
When he saw his father in that hospital bed it all came back to him. His mother's fight, and struggle. His mother in a hospital bed and how weak she looked, just like his father looked right now. All these thoughts were to much for him to handle.
Erin's heart broke for him. She felt helpless and devastated watching his suffering. Jay was one of the strongest men that she knew. She saw him cry once or twice not more for sure. Seeing him like this was hard to witness and she wanted so badly to help him but she really didn't know what to do.
"Jay? What you need?"
He didn't answer her right away. But she felt him calming down slowly. The sobs slowly went away and he finally raised his head and looked at her. "Being here is the best you could do for me, thank you. And sorry but seeing him like that brings all my memories about my mother back. I was alone for that and ... it hurts a lot and... I don't know if I can forgive him Erin."
"Take your time Jay! It's ok. No one is forcing you to do nothing. Ok?" Erin said kneeling in front of him with both hands on his legs. Hands, that he picked up and raised to his own face.
"Thank you!"
He got up from the chair and went straight to his father's room. When he entered his father was awake and as soon as he saw him he raised his hand for him to grab but Jay didn't do it. He just sat on the chair that was next to the bed. Erin stood next to him. He stayed there in silence for a bit.
His father waited for him and as he didn't said a word he took a chance. "Jay I ..."
"Don't!" Jay's voice was broken. "You don't have the right to ask me anything. You left me alone with her. She didn't die alone because of me. You left her in excruciating pain knowing everything she was going through and you didn't care. You abandoned her. " He was almost yelling now. "If it wasn't for me she would have died alone and now you want company? "
Erin squeezed Jay's shoulder trying to calm him down but it didn't work. He was almost barking at his father. "You left her for dead. You don't do that to a dog and you did it to your own wife. What kind of man does that?"
His father listened to all that he said and when he finish he just said, "I know I don´t deserved it and I know I failed you, your brother and mostly your mother but I don't want to die knowing you have so much anger towards me."
Jay started to cry again. Erin knelt again in front of him. "Jay! It's ok! Calm down!" She was so heartbroken with all of this. Her brave man was on the edge and she didn't know how to help him. She kissed his forehead and he hugged her. She looked at him straight in his eyes. "Jay do you want to leave?"
"Yes I do! Dad I just want to say that some day I will forgive you. Now I just can tell you that I really hope you get better." He got up took Erin's hand, intertwined his fingers with hers, kissed her hand and then her head. "Thank you and I love you!"
He started walking to the door. "See you dad," he said, without looking back.
When they were out of the room she got up on her tip toes to reach him and kissed him softly. "I love you too. Today even more."
Will witnessed all this from a safe distance. It was to hard to witness his brother suffering and he knew that he was the one to blame too, their relationship was in a good place now but he knew Jay still has some resentment toward him about leaving. He just hoped some day they both could put that behind them.
Fell free to comment and tell me your thoughts. And thank you very much for reading my madness!