The phone rings and Jay jumps in surprise. He feels the cold of the concrete floor. He looks around and realizes that he's still in the locker room. The phone keeps ringing and then shut off. He doesn't look at the missed calls because he already know who it is, Erin. He knows she's probably worried about him, but he needs to be alone today, all of this is to much.
"Where are you Jay?" Erin asks herself. She has to admit it is normal for Jay to keep his feelings hidden, especially when he's hurting, just like she does. Having been in his shoes she knows how he must feel. She feels a desperate need to hug him and say it wasn't his fault like he wanted to do with her when Nadia… well when all of that madness happen and she didn't let him. Now she knows how he must feel about her closing in her shell and it doesn't feel good. She will wait ten minutes and call him again.
The last cases they've handled have been very hard on him. All this stuff taking him back to the past and this wasn't getting any better.
The funeral today was devastating. Putting on his dress uniform again and going trough all of the loss again is too hard on him. All the funerals that he has been to. All of the wives or husbands that he has said 'I'm sorry' to because he didn't know what else to say. All the kids that he knows are growing up without a father or a mother. It all weighs down on him. Today he just needs to be alone and find a way not to think about it. He stays there on the cold floor of the locker room, alone, head down, eyes shut, barely breathing.
The phone rings again. Jay looks at the screen and sees Erin smiling face. He wavers between answering or not but he decides to answer. "Hi."
"Hey Jay, I got worried… Mouse said you left Molly's and… well I just want to know if you are ok." Erin says with her raspy voice.
"God it was good to hear her voice", Jay thinks to himself and says, "Yes I'm ok I guess… I came back to the district, Voight called me and wanted to talk to me."
"And?" Erin asks, "What does he wants? Don't tell me that he wanted to give you a lecture on how handle things?"
"No… not at all. He just wants to give me one week of medical leave."
"Oh and what did you say?"
"I said no… but he said it was mandatory so I got to take it."
"Ok"
"And he told me that he was lucky to have me."Jay says, with a said smile on his face.
"Oh it got romantic between you two… nice." Erin says, giggling.
"Your funny." And actually Jay smiles a little.
"It made you smile didn't it?"
"Yes it did."
"That was my intention… So… That Brianna girl wants to screw you huh?" Erin asks, waiting silently for an answer. She shouldn't be doing this over the phone because she can't read his face but she knows that she has nothing to worry about. She's just teasing him, trying to cheer him up.
"Stop trying to fool yourself girl, you're jealous of this woman… a lot of jealous and you can't wait to hear his reaction to your provocation", she tells herself. She didn't like Brianna obviously, she was stunning and Erin was not made of steel, seeing her holding his hands kind of got to her.
"Yeah I'm that good you know," Jay answers.
She notices by his voice that he was smiling, not laughing just smiling.
"Oh yeah you're getting cocky now… so what you think about it?"
"Come on Erin you know me... and you know us so… what are you afraid off?" Jay sounds tired.
"I'm not afraid... just don't like to see that women drooling over you like a horny teenager." Erin answers.
He notices some irritation in her voice. "Hey it's not my fault that I'm so good-looking," Jay laughs. "It's a pain that I'm not so good in protecting people," his voice seems sad again.
"Jay" Her voice goes lower and soft. "I know this past week has been hard on you. First that kid and now your friend. I know that it's a lot but this was not your fault and you know that…" A painful silence settled between them. "Jay I'm here for you" Erin says finally.
Jay is bone cold from sitting on the concrete floor for who knows how long. He knows he needs to get out of there. He stands up, looks in the mirror, cleans his face from the tears that start to fall again and says, "Can I go come to your place?"
"Do you mean our place… Yes Jay, come home. Please."
After all… he needs her…
He gets in the car and just drives. When he gets to her building he parks and sits there in the dark silence. He doesn't want to talk about the past. He doesn't want to go to that place again… he just needs peace.
"She is not going to interrogate you, moron. She's your girlfriend. She knows you like no one else. She's the only one that can make you settle and you know it. Move it." Jay pep talks himself.
He takes the stairs and stops in front of her door. The door opens even before he knocks. She steps aside, giving him space to enter the room. She closes the door and turns to him reaching for his hand. He begins to cry again. Her heart hurts seeing him like this. She really doesn't know what to do, so she just hugs him tight.
"I don't want to talk about it" He says, "Just…"
"Shh Shh Shh… It's ok Jay… I'm here… we don't need to talk." Erin says, almost in a whisper.
He stays in her embrace for a long time, letting it heal him. He feels safe and at home here with her. Her hug reminds him how much he loves her and how much she loves him. He could stay like this forever. Here with her, her presence, her heat, her healing, her love. "Thank you" He mumbled.
Erin just nods.