Hello! I'm sorry, again, for posting so late. I've been dealing with stupid medical crap and it's had me in a funk. I hope you all are doing great and thank you for sticking with me!

Chapter Twenty Two

Two kids could wear a man out faster than laying brick and Daryl was learning that fast. He was young, fit, quick on his feet, but these two were kicking his ass. They had spent most of the day outside, mostly because he was actually having a good time but there was a part of him that was simply avoiding going inside. But he couldn't avoid his brother forever. He had spent a good portion of the afternoon in the pool, impressed that both kids knew how to swim even better than he did. Once they were bored with that they made him prove that he wasn't afraid to climb the biggest oak in the yard, and they were so damn impressed he found it pretty comical. They took the path through the woods to the creek again and he was even able to show them a few things about tracking when he'd spotted a deer trail. Now he had a kid hanging off of each forearm while he lifted them off the ground. They both thought that he had to be stronger than the damn Incredible Hulk to be able to do that and they both vowed to brag about how their dad was probably stronger than any other kid's dad at school, once they started going.

"You can't avoid it forever."

He looked up at the sound of Carol's voice and both of the kids dropped back down to the ground. He met Carol's knowing gaze before his eyes flicked to the house. "Don't know what you're talkin' about," he mumbled.

She smiled. "He's actually not as bad today. I think he's mostly just feeling sorry for himself now. And his body really is worn out so he may be too tired to fight much."

He sighed wearily and glanced down at Jake, who had slipped his hand into Daryl's. The boy looked up and he was still just as taken aback by the resemblance as the first time he had seen the boy.

"Can I meet him now? Lily pitched a fit and made you take her to his room at the hospital but I was good and waited. I ain't ever had an uncle before."

Daryl thought about it for a few long moments but finally nodded. "I don't see what it can hurt." Merle had done okay with Lily yesterday so he should do fine with Jake.

Carol bent down and lifted a squirming Lily off the ground. "And you can get cleaned up and help me with dinner. Your dad hasn't gotten to try your famous biscuits yet, little girl."

The girls went inside, leaving him standing out on the patio with Jake. He wasn't exactly sure what he was suppose to say to his brother now. He didn't know where they stood anymore and he was still damn bitter. Every time he looked at his kids he was reminded of what he had lost. He hadn't been able to witness any milestones because of his brother. Because Merle had needed him to be his damn lackey.

He wasn't worried about Merle being an asshole towards him, even in front of Jake. What he was worried about was the remorse. Guilt was eating the man alive and he wasn't even trying to hide it and it went against everything that their relationship had been based on. So he didn't know how to react and he didn't know what to do to alleviate his brother's pain. He could tell him that it was okay, that he was with his kids now and it was all water under the bridge, but that would have been a lie. Because the man had taken away things that Daryl would never get back. First words, first steps, first Christmas, their first Birthdays. He'd never had the chance to hold them when they were infants, get up with them in the middle of the night so Carol could have a break. He didn't know what Jake's favorite color was, he didn't know what Lily liked on her pizza. Small things, but so big to him. And Merle had taken it. He hadn't meant to take it but he had taken it all away from him and he didn't want to forgive him. He didn't want to tell him that he was okay because he wasn't.

"Dad?"

He looked down, meeting the boy's eyes and forced a smile. "Right. Let's go in so you can meet the grumpy bastard," he muttered.

"You think he'll like me?" Jake asked, uncertainty lacing his words.

Daryl nodded. "He'll like you, kid. He don't much like me right now but that's alright. Me and him usually don't like one another too much." They paused outside of the guest room and Daryl rapped lightly on the door.

"It's your door. Open it if you want," Merle called, causing Daryl to roll his eyes.

They stepped in and he spotted Merle near one of the book cases, hardback in hand. It looked like he'd just about been ready to sit down in the reading chair but he froze when his eyes landed on the boy. He shook his head, almost like he still couldn't believe that Daryl had kids, and then lowered himself onto the edge of the cushion.

"What'cha got there, boy?" Merle asked, avoiding Daryl for now.

Jake shrugged and then took a few steps closer, holding out the slingshot Daryl had made for him.

Now Merle did glance up, if only briefly, and reached out, taking it from Jake's outstretched hand. He studied it, turning it over this way and that. "I think I was the one that showed your... uh... your old man how to make one of these when he was about your age," he said, handing it back.

"You're good at makin' stuff too?" Jake asked, still hanging back. He was much more leery than his sister.

Merle shrugged lightly. "I don't guess I'm bad at makin' stuff. You used that thing to take down any game yet?"

Jake shook his head. "My dad said we can practice on targets till I get good enough and then once I am we're gonna go on a hunt. I ain't done much practicin' yet though. Maybe by the time I have you won't be so sick anymore and you can go with us."

Merle looked away then, pretending to study the dust jacket on the book. "Yeah, we'll see," he said.

Jake looked up at Daryl, clearly unsure what to talk about now so he decided to cut the visit short. "You probably need to go get yourself cleaned up before supper is on the table, boy," he said, pushing Jake's hair off his forehead.

The boy nodded and headed towards the door. "Hey, uncle Merle?"

Merle's head shot up at that, his eyes a little round. It took him a few seconds to school his features. "Yeah?"

"You ought to come on out in a bit and eat at the table with the rest of us. I hate to think you're stuck in here, since this is the most boring room in the whole house."

Merle swallowed hard and nodded. "If I feel up to it I'll do that," he said, clearly not wanting to do that at all.

Jake took off then, pulling the door shut behind him and now Daryl was stuck standing there trying to figure out what to say to the man. "You should probably listen to him. They're damn smart kids, funny as fuck. You'd get a kick outta them if you do feel up to it."

Merle rested his elbows on his thighs, his eyes roaming around the room instead of meeting Daryl's. "Hearin' somebody call you dad is kind of fucked up," he said, sounding like he was testing the waters.

Daryl nodded. "Yeah, tell me about it. It still freaks me out every time I hear it, Uncle Merle."

This got an actual grin out of the man. "They seem pretty level headed to me, not all bitter and shit that you ain't been there for'em. They ain't got a clue that I'm the reason you ain't been around?" he asked, finally looking at him.

Daryl shook his head. "Carol made sure they knew that I would have been there if I could. They never had a chance to think I ran out on them or anything. When I showed up they were just glad I was finally here. Didn't really get around to askin' me where I'd been. I ain't too sure if they trust me yet. Lily seems to think if I leave I might not come back. Jake, I think he might trust me a little bit more than she does. She has a hard time when I leave the house but she'll get that out of her head soon enough." He hoped so at least.

Merle picked at the skin near his thumb nail. "Can that girl of yours at least cook?"

Daryl nodded.

"Me and you, we ain't ever gonna be right again, are we?" he asked, that low rasp of a voice sounding more quizzical than anything else.

He thought about that for a few long moments before he shrugged. "Merle, I don't think me and you have ever been right. You did what you could, way back when I was just a little kid, but you weren't around. Between getting yourself thrown in boys school to joining the military, I can't really say I even knew you well enough to claim that we were right. And the last five years, they've been the absolute worst of my life. Worse than all the shit I had to go through as a kid and I can't stand here and tell you that I don't blame you for every second of it. Hell, half the time you've been so goddamn high, you barely knew what was going on, but I didn't have that option. I wasn't able to get away from my own bullshit, the guilt I felt for just vanishing on her back then. You want me to say it's all water under the bridge but I can't. Especially now that I know what she had to have gone through, not ever knowin' what happened to me, bein' alone and pregnant and then havin' to take care of them on her own at eighteen years old. I can't get that back. None of us can get that back."

"Then why the hell did you want me here?" he asked, finally standing up.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Because we have a chance to do this over. You don't have to be the same person you've been. Hell, I'm not. You think I'm the same guy that got out of that truck the other day? Things happen and they can make someone a better man. You just have to let it. You're still my brother, regardless of what I said the other day, and I want you here for this, she wants you here for this."

Merle shook his head and put the book back on the shelf. He tried to step past him, heading towards the door, and even though Daryl was grateful that he was going to give this thing a shot, at least for now, he wasn't exactly finished. He stopped Merle with a hand on his shoulder, not letting him pass just yet. Merle met his eyes and Daryl didn't look away. For the first time in his life, he realized, that he was level with the other man. He didn't have to look up, and he hadn't for a long time, but he'd felt that way. That he was just a boy, stunted by a lifetime of heartache, and Merle was this giant. Merle was larger than life. He realized then that Merle was just a man.

"What now?" Merle asked.

"As much as I want you here, want you to be who you can be for them, I gotta tell you that if you bring any of that shit, that shit I found back at the house, around my kids, you'll leave and you won't come back. I have to do what I have to do to protect them, even from you if I have to."

Merle held his gaze for a few long moments and Daryl could tell that he wanted to snap back, he wanted to do what Merle did and remind Daryl who the bigger man was. But he didn't even try it. "If I get that itch, I'll take off."

Daryl shook his head. "If you get that itch, why can't you just come tell me so we can fucking squash it for good? You ain't gotta scratch that itch, Merle. You can fight it and I can help you do that. Carol wants to help you."

Merle smiled but it was a bitter look. "How about I won't tell you how to handle your kids and you won't tell me how to handle my demons, boy?"

Daryl wanted to argue but he didn't. As long as Merle was willing to keep it away from him then that was really all he could ask. He wouldn't push him. Not yet anyway.