Sully isn't the same when they return to Ylisse.
The idyll of home is overwhelming, even for her. She'd spent so long away that she'd almost forgotten how it felt. The familiar streets, the familiar tongue, the familiar towns, the familiar fields that she used to ride Alm in, all of it strikes her with a novelty she never experienced. She'd never left the continent of Ylisse before, and the country only during the initial war against Plegia. Hell, it was in Plegia that she lost Alm and was herself injured to the point where she could no longer fight. Being in Ylisse after so many months abroad is the first time she felt safe, safer still with Libra at her side in near perpetuity.
She knows they won't be in Ylisse forever.
The prospect of venturing to Plegia terrifies her.
Chrom tells everyone it's only to retrieve the final Gemstone for the Fire Emblem, but she just knows it won't going to be as easy as his dumb arse acts like. Like Validar was just gonna hand over the final gemstone and be on his damn way.
During the week they stay in Ylisse to rest, this terrifies her. She has her own room in Chrom's castle in Ylisstol during the stay, but she rarely stays in it, or on the castle grounds in general. She manages to stay in Ylisstol, but the animalistic urge to desert and escape is overwhelming. It wasn't like her at all. Desert?! She'd yell at herself. The hell you are, bitch! Sometimes she says it under her breath for emphasis. When she repeats things to herself, generally they codify into her mind.
She can't stop thinking about it.
It's because she can't stop thinking about her brothers. She wishes she could, though. It's almost a moral responsibility to keep the lights on her family. Mom and Pops are too old to squeeze out another kid. Not only that, but she has Kjelle. She's gotta find Kjelle and one day have current day Kjelle once her life settles down a little. (Maybe she can ask Tharja if dark magic can create life as her child is back and Sully can't imagine anyone would risk marrying her.) Libra said this whole child shebang would clarify things for people, but it's done nothing but confuse her.
She just knows she's been trained to put the army in front of everything else, including her family legacy.
Ain't that some bullshit.
She finds Libra in the streets of Ylisstol while she's again lost in those thoughts. He's been leaving castle grounds to scour the city streets every now and again too, always meeting her with childlike wonder hidden in his eyes. It's still there when they meet now, just dimmed in the squalor of embarrassment. An unseen man is walking away with a red face. Judging by the irritated flush on Libra's face, it's probably another one mistaking him for a woman to flirt with.
Sure enough, as Sully hastens to join his side, he says "that hasn't happened in quite some time."
"That's home for you," she says with a barking laugh.
Libra smiles and accepts Sully into his space as she walks next to him. They don't hold hands, but they look unmistakably coupled with each other. Eventually, the clearing around them is abruptly encompassed by cobblestone walls. Sully notes that while it looks somewhat similar to Chon'sin or Valm or even Plegia, it is at the same time unmistakably Ylisse.
They don't talk, which is typical for them, but she can tell by Libra's face that he questions the silence this time. Sully swears internally. She's so easy to read, and she knows what a swing this damn near cowardly mindset is from her normal ones, but at the same time, it's all she can think about. The walls are suffocating her- is this what she wants? To lose her life to the streets of Ylisse eager to claim her rather than risk dying abroad? To never meet-
Libra finally asks "Does something trouble you?"
Sully sighs and raises her hands. "You always know, don't you?"
The walls break into another clearing where various vendors and storefronts face them, the intersection the near-perfect shape of the North Star. She sighs and beckons him towards the side of one of the walls standing next to a patch of grass she sits in, hand on her head, tears in her eyes.
Libra isn't sure how to deal with this.
He just knows that he wishes she would stop feeling pain.
Emotional pain is something that Sully rarely shares with him, yet in a twisted way, he is relieved for her to release it every time. He remembers her talking about Alm, and her apprehension about the marriages between newly acquainted Shepherds, just as he remembers many things she says.
She's never been quite like this before.
She has her arms folded over her knees and head bent down so no one else can see her cry. Libra can still hear it, though. He knows. He knows, and he hates it for her. He can only hear her repeat in a trancelike manner "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die" with a childlike mix of anger and terror. He feels her side against his and tries to make himself okay with placing his hand on her further shoulder, but it feels too invasive to keep for too long.
Finally, Sully looks up. Though Libra expects her to criticize him for his lack of warmth in handling her sorrow, she says more clearly "Libra, if I go to Plegia, I will die. There's no way around it. I'm gonna fucking die."
Logically, there's a good chance that she won't, but he knows logic can't break through at the moment. He regrets that he knows those moments too well. All he can say is "You won't, Sully"- an equally bold statement, as he knows the odds aren't concrete that she won't.
"I'm gonna," she insists. "Just like Alm did. And hell, I nearly did too when he did. That's why you never met me. I never made it to Emmeryn."
The memory of the fallen exalt still wounds him, but he knows it always will. Besides, this is no time to focus on his scars. Instead, he says "You have grown as a fighter. Your bonds themselves have grown. Besides," he adds as she sniffles, "there may not be a reason to fight in Plegia after all."
"It's Plegia," she insists with a miserable drawl. "Validar's a creep. It's almost certainly gonna happen."
Damn. He can't argue with that.
"I just…" Sully chokes and leans into her arms again, emitting another crying jag. "I'm gonna die, and I'm never gonna do anything with my life. And my family…" She seems to start to say something else but interrupts herself with a sharp breath and another sob, harder than before, fingers digging into her pants. Libra doesn't feel confident in trying to pull whatever it is out of her.
Instead, she says without his interjections "I wanna be the greatest knight Ylisse has ever seen." Within her tears, she scoffs. "You know, reasonable as that sounds."
"It's an admirable goal," Libra admits because at least she's confident enough to take on massive goals like such. Opening an orphanage is much smaller, and yet it feels like a pipe dream.
"Yeah, I mean," she says, "I'd really take just being a great knight honestly. I wanna be the greatest, but if I'm not, I just…" She chokes again. "I'm gonna die, and I'm gonna just be another shitty, mediocre soldier no one remembers the name of."
Except me, Libra thinks, but to his frustration, he knows that's not enough. Instead, he insists "You're going to get there one of these days."
"I just…" She looks at him, teary and beyond logic still. "Just how, exactly?"
Strangely passionate about forming a solution to the idea, he says "We're a team now. That's why Robin has paired us together so often- she knows." To anyone else, it would be a simple fact, but Libra is close to pleading. See? She knows, Sully. She knows that I am the one for you.
She smiles slightly, though she looks no closer to healing. "Yeah, that makes sense."
"I fight with you," he says, "and I will fight for you as well. This is something you didn't have the last time you fought for Ylisse."
"What didn't I have?"
Libra's heart nearly stops and he turns redder than her hair. He would probably burrow in his own locks in most circumstances. "I- ah…" He's quiet for a few seconds. "You know."
"Yeah, probably," Sully admits. "But I'd still like to hear it."
Libra sighs, but he's smiling, as hard as it is to say. It takes him a minute to say it. Sully doesn't interrupt him, rush him, or seem dejected that it takes him awhile.
It makes him feel natural.
"A partner."
Sully beams. It lights up the darkness between her knees, She's beautiful.
They stay on the patch of grass beside the wall facing the North Star intersection until the sun goes down. Libra doesn't notice when exactly they start to hold hands, but when he notices, he's very okay with it.