AN: By request...Mrs. Richardson has arrived in Gotham. Not compatible with any canon, mine or otherwise.

Ladies and gentlemen, the shit is about to go down.

"Ma'm, I don't know-they broke out three weeks ago, they didn't exactly leave a forwarding address-!"

Molly Peters hates the late shift. Well, really, she hates all the shifts, because Arkham, but she especially hates the late shift. But Sarah got the stomach flu and had to be taken home with a bucket because she couldn't stop puking, so now here she is, arguing with a little woman who is demanding to know the whereabouts of Jonathan Crane and Kitty Richardson.

"Of all the incompetent-"

"There." Molly sighs with relief-something's gone right tonight. "They're right there."

A little the worse for wear, to be sure, but Batman's got hold of them. Great. She's so glad she's going on vacation next week-Richardson hates her.

"Watch it, are you trying to pull my arm off?"

"Cretin, I need these glasses to see, if they fall because you couldn't wait half a second-"

"Kitty Richardson!"

Richardson and Crane go dead white. Richardson makes a little whining noise and Crane looks as though he would very much like to flee the country.

"M-Mum."

"Mrs. Richardson."

Oh.

Ohh.

This is gonna be good. She'll have to move to Florida, because they won't want a witness to this, but it'll be so worth it.

"Where have you been?"

"We, ah, we've been...it's complicated, Mum, sort of-" Richardson falls silent and inches back behind the Batman. He yanks her back to the front.

"Well?"

"We've...it's..." Crane finally looks at the floor. "We had no phone."

"A postcard would have sufficed." She stalks forward and they draw back as far as Batman will let them. "When the last I heard was that you two were being shot at, and then I don't hear from you for three weeks..."

"S-sorry..."

Molly claps her hands over her mouth. Luckily for her, no one seems to notice.

"Never mind."

"We were a little busy-"

"Cht."

"I promise, we meant to get a hold of you-"

"CHT."

"Ma'm." Batman sounds confused. "I'm going to have to ask you to step back."

"And you!"

"Mum, really, you shouldn't-"

"This is Batman, Mrs. Richardson, you know, the-"

She holds up a hand.

"I know who it is."

"If you hurt my mother, so help me-"

"Be quiet, Kitty."

Her mouth snaps shut and her mother marches forward.

"What is wrong with you?"

Nobody says anything for a few seconds. Richardson and Crane exchange worried looks and Crane gives his arm a little tug. A second later he winces-Batman must've tightened his grip. Molly hopes the cameras are working tonight.

"Ma'm, they flooded the subway tunnels with a hallucinogen that causes insanity or death."

"They are sick people!"

The people in question look mildly offended by this. Batman just looks exasperated.

"Eighty people were admitted to psychological wards this evening."

"That's it?" Crane says suddenly. Mrs. Richardson raises an eyebrow and he looks back at the floor. "I mean...um. I was not...not myself this evening."

"That's enough, Jonathan." He falls silent. "I don't know where you got this superiority complex of yours, Mister Batman, but you have no right, absolutely no right to manhandle people in this way. Your mother must be ashamed-oh, Kitty, don't be so dramatic."

Richardson has been a little more successful in hiding behind Batman, but at her mother's rant she's started making frantic 'stop it stop it NO' gestures. Crane appears to be willing the floor to swallow him.

"Ma'm-"

"I don't want to hear any excuses!" Molly is forced to chug her drink to keep from giggling. "What is wrong with you?"

Batman, for possibly the only time in anyone's memory, is speechless. Mrs. Richardson huffs at him.

"Men...don't even think you two are off the hook, we'll be having a discussion later."

"There's no need-"

"Really, we're good-"

"CHT." They fall silent. "I don't want to hear another word." She steps back and stands aside, hands on hips. "Well? I suspect at least one broken rib, and I know there's a hospital wing in here. Get going!"

Yeah. Molly will be in Florida next week, but she'll remember this forever.

THE END