AN: Happy Holiday Season (read: happy pie season). May your relatives not suck as mine do and may you not be snowed in with no internet. Written entirely because I had the mental image of Crane in a Grinch beanie. He didn't find that funny.

SwordStitcher-If the clown finds out, I'll know who to blame. That was the most terrifying experience of my life. If I test on you, is that what you'll see? If you test on me, I will murder you. Hypothetically! Let's not find out. You know I wouldn't give you a fatal dose. Then YOU take it. It wasn't that bad. You tried to get the nurse to say you were in critical condition. ...It was a little bad. Critical. Condition. FINE. It was terrible.

Katherine-She didn't make it out of Arkham. Nasty accident. Sudden onset of hallucinations, ran into Zsasz's cell. I understand he got her keys away from her...messy business. I keep saying they need to hire someone who's deaf, dumb and blind. They can use a braille phone with an autoreader or...something. They need a lot of things. Like better security. Too dumb to live, that's all.

Christineoftheopera-I've never seen such a thing. Probably never will again. Hopefully never will again. If he'd laid a finger on my mother, I'd have killed him. How. I don't know. Painfully. Maybe infect him with rabies. Um, Kitty... It would've taught him a lesson! You might want to be quiet... A painful lesson! KITTY RICHARDSON! EEP! How many times have I told you, no murder plots in this house!

"Come on, it's not hard once you get moving!"

"Kitty-hey!"

She yanks him onto the ice, gloved fingers tight on his wrists. He'd like to pull back, but his balance is precarious enough already and he'd like even less to fall and die.

"Why."

"Because it's fun."

It's windy and cold and she insisted on 'disguises', which means she shoved a Grinch beanie on his head.

In a nutshell, this is ridiculous and not fun.

"Kitty..."

She moves back, dragging him along with her.

"Oh, come on, love, it won't kill you."

Yes it will.

"No."

She lets him go and he wobbles frantically before latching onto the wall. She laughs at that and whirls away from him, scarf slipping off her head to lay around her neck.

"Come on!"

"Are you insane?"

"Supposedly..." She comes back and pries his hands off the wall. "Come on, trust me."

"It's cold."

"Of course it's cold, it's ice." She tows him towards the center at a faster rate than he'd prefer. "At least there's no one in the way."

Want Black Friday* all to yourself? Need to get somewhere in a hurry? Doctor Crane's Fear Toxin to the rescue!

"At least they've stopped screaming."

"You weren't enjoying it?"

"I have a headache."

"You're a lousy liar."

Before he can grab her, she releases him and speeds away, effectively abandoning him in the middle of the ice.

"Kitty!"

"Come and get me!"

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"Don't be so dramatic." She coasts around him. "Come on, it's not hard**."

"Yes it is!"

She laughs at him and moves back, arms spread out.

"Come and get me!" she mocks. "If you can."

Is she crazy? If he moves, he'll fall and die.

If there's such things as ghosts, he's coming back to haunt her for this.

"Kitty..."

She laughs, but then her face goes blank.

"Um, Jonathan?"

"What."

"About that new batch of toxin..."

"Yes?"

"Is it fatal?"

"Usually."

She coasts towards him, takes his hand, and turns him around.

Standing on the edge of the ice is Batman. He does not look at all cheerful and Jonathan's fairly certain he won't take 'they were annoying' as an excuse for poisoning civilians.

"Why isn't he coming out?"

He'll probably break the ice. Or he can't skate, but seeing as he-somehow-can form antidotes with amazing regularity, Jonathan doubts that he can't skate. The man is the most prepared being on the planet.

We're so screwed.

"What now?"

The path of least pain involves going over there like naughty children and being thrown into the back of the tank. The path of broken ribs and concussions involves staying right here and-WAUGH!

They fall, landing hard, and begin sliding across the ice thanks to the cables around their ankles. He knew it. He knew ice skating was a terrible idea.

He hates the outdoors.

THE END

*Gotham does not do Black Friday. Too much of a risk.

**Must be nice to be you, Kitty. I can't skate. Then again, my balance is poor. (Unless I'm climbing on the counter or on a ladder, then I'm a ninja.)