Everything is Going to be Okay
Author: PreppyPrincess5103
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Harm. & Mac struggle with a long-distance relationship after his return to flying.
Notes: It's not going to be apart of this story, because I always thought the plots with him were a little ridiculous, but Clay does safely return from Central America. Also, this story lays a little groundwork for something serious that's coming up: Mac's promotion and her decision not to tell Harm about it.
Part 5
Mac walked into the Admiral Chegwidden's office and inwardly groaned. The Admiral wasn't alone. A younger man in a gray suit was leaning against one of the leather chairs. Clayton Webb. Webb in this office never meant anything good, and she directed her gaze to her CO.
"Come on in, Mac." The Admiral dropped a pen on the desk and leaned back in his own chair. "Webb, get to your point quickly." They waited for her to take a seat in on of the chairs.
"Mac, we have an issue I'm going to need your help with." He sat down next to her and proceeded to tell her about an Iranian arms dealer and a mission in Central America that sounded far too complicated. When he finished, she stared at him for a moment before turning her attention to the Admiral.
"Sir, is this an order? Do I have to do this?"
He raised an eyebrow, and simply shook his head. "Absolutely not."
She nodded and turned her attention back to Webb. "No."
His eyes widened. "Excuse me? Mac, I need your help here. You understand the language, you know how to take care of yourself, and I can trust you."
She narrowed her eyes. "No, you want my help here. There is a difference. Webb, there has to be one female agent at the CIA who knows Farsi. If not, have a few call me and I'll teach it to them. But I'm absolutely not doing this."
"Of course there are, but I don't trust any of them as much as I trust you"
"Webb, that's not my problem. I am a Marine, and a lawyer. I'm not a CIA agent. I do not work for you." She stood and took a few steps away from him. "Not to mention, every single time Harm and I have helped you out in the past, the missions have gone straight to hell. And if things go that badly with my partner there to watch my back, there is no way I'm doing something like this without him."
Webb stepped toward her. "Mac, I'll be there to watch your back."
Mac shook her head. "That really doesn't make me feel any better. There are only a few people I trust as much as I trust Harm, and you do not make that list."
"Admiral, please–" Webb started, and stopped when he was cut off.
"You heard her, Webb. This is not a part of her job description, and I'm not going to force her to do this. I know that my people are the best, but you need to start using & trusting your own people."
"Sir, if that's all I have a ton of work I need to get back to."
"Dismissed, Major." He smiled as she turned and hurried out of the room. Webb stared after her for a minute, and then hurried out of the office after her.
"Mac, wait." Webb closed his hand around her wrist, and stopped her from disappearing into her office. She spun around, and jerked her arm from his grasp.
Sturgis noticed the commotion, and stepped out of his office and approached them. "Is there a problem, Mac?"
She smiled at him and shook her head. "Nothing I can't handle." She gestured to Webb. "Sturgis, this is Clayton Webb. If he ever asks for a favor, say no. Webb, this is Commander Sturgis Turner." The two men warily shook hands. "Webb, we'll talk in my office."
He followed her in and looked back out into the bullpen. Sturgis was talking to a younger officer, his eyes glancing up at her office every so often. "Mac, I really need your help on this."
She shook her head. "I just told you that you do not. You want my help. And I'm not willing to give it anymore. It always ends badly for me, and I'm done."
"Mac-"
She raised her hand and cut him off. "Stop right there. I'm not doing it, Webb. If you need me to say it in other languages I will. But the answer is no." She sighed at the slight slump of his shoulders and took a deep breath. "I'm pretty busy, so if there is nothing else…" She trailed off, hoping he would turn around and leave.
"Have dinner with me?"
Her eyes widened and stood up so quickly she nearly knocked her chair over. "You can't be serious."
He frowned. "You're an impressive woman. Of course, I'm serious."
"Please tell me that's not why you tried to get me involved in this mission?" He shrugged, and she let out an exasperated sigh. "Clay, if I don't trust you enough to work with you, why would you think I'd go out with you?"
"If we spent more time together you could learn to trust me."
She shook her head. "I know you, and I don't see myself ever trusting you. I'm also seeing someone, so going out with you would be inappropriate."
"You're seeing someone? Who? Since when?"
She met his eyes for a moment and then sat back down. "None of your business." She gestured at the stack of files. "Webb, I have a lot of work to do."
He smirked. "It's Rabb, isn't it.
"Go away. You need to track down a female agent who can take care of herself and understands Farsi."
He waved her off and sat down in one of her chairs. "We have plenty of those. You and Rabb, huh? Took you long enough." He grinned as she pointedly ignored him. After a minute of watching her read, he stood up and headed to her door. "He's a lucky man."
She looked up at him and smiled. His usual arrogance was missing from his tone, and his smile was genuine. "Take care of yourself, Clay." He nodded, and left her office.
"You busy?"
Harm looked up from the rice he was pushing around his plate and shook his head. Skates pulled out a chair and sat, and he pulled the stack of folders out of her space.
"Are you okay?"
He took a deep breath and put the fork down. "Honestly?" She nodded. "I don't know."
She pulled a handful of Hershey's Kisses out of her pocket and slid one towards him. "What's going on? You've been acting a little off lately. I'm kind of worried."
"I don't know. I'm just feeling a little out of place."
Skates unwrapped a chocolate and popped it in her mouth. "How so?
He shrugged. "I had started feeling restless as a lawyer. And when I found out my vision problems were misdiagnosed and I could change my designator, it felt like a sign. Now I'm here, and I'm feeling restless all over again." He stabbed at the overcooked piece of chicken and put the fork down again. "I miss Mac. I'm frustrated with Buxton, and guys like Buxton. I'm just tired. And… restless."
She took a deep breath. "Are you going to go back?
He shook his head. "That's the problem, Skates. I don't know what I want. I just know I'm not happy, and I'm tired of pretending that I am."
"Have you talked to Mac about any of this?" She frowned as he shook his head. "Why not?"
"She and Admiral Chegwidden both think I'm going to end up back at JAG once I get this out of my system. I don't want to tell her that I'm feeling restless and get her hopes up."
Skates shook her head. "That's not how things work, Harm. You need to tell her what is going through your head. She's a smart woman. She'll start to realize something is going on with you." She placed her hand on his arm. "Go call her."
He nodded and subtly shifted his arm away from her hand. The last thing he needed was any kind of gossip about something going on between him & his RIO.
The Next Morning
Mac could hear the phone ringing inside her apartment as she fumbled with her keys. She finally got the door unlocked and hurried over to the phone. "Hello?"
"Mac? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, hold on one second." She sat the phone back on the table and went into her bedroom. She stripped off her sweaty running clothes and pulled a bathrobe on. She ran back to the phone and collapsed on the couch, folding her legs under her. "I'm back."
"Is everything okay?"
"It is. I just finished a run and I needed to get out of those clothes. I always forget how miserable summer in DC is. The heat and humidity about killed me, and the sun's barely up."
Harm bit back and groan and leaned back in his chair. "You're killing me, Mac."
She laughed. "I'm drenched in sweat, and not really all that appealing right now. The celibacy must really be getting to you."
"Mac, I've been gone for three months. I think the celibacy got to me at least two and a half months ago." She laughed and he smiled. "So, what are you wearing?"
She snorted and looked down at the bathrobe. "Do you want the honest answer or a sexy answer?"
"With you any answer is the sexy answer." He closed his eyes and thought back to the last morning he spent with her before their separation started. "I miss you, Mac. I really, really miss you."
She frowned slightly. "Harm, is everything okay? I miss you too, but you don't sound like yourself."
"I'm just tired." He fidgeted with his Academy ring and sighed.
"Where are you?"
"The legal room."
"Has something happened?"
He shook his head out of habit. "No, nothing has happened. I'm just feeling down. I'm tired of guys like Buxton. I'm tired of watching our godson grow up through photos. I'm tired of dry chicken. And I miss you so much. I thought it would get easier, but it's getting -"
"Harm." Her voice was gentle, and it instantly got his attention. "Are you wanting to come back to JAG?"
He barked out a bitter laugh. "I knew you were going to ask that. Skates was grilling me about my mood over dinner, and I told her that I hadn't talked to you about all of this because you might get your hopes up that I would end up back at JAG."
"Wait, what?" She narrowed her eyes, and then squeezed the bridge of her nose with her thumb & forefinger. "You're unhappy, and you told Skates before talking to me? What the hell, Harm?"
"Seriously?" He frowned and sat up straighter. "I call you to talk about how frustrated I am with everything right now and you're mad that I spoke to someone else about it first? Are you mad that I spoke to someone else, or spoke to another woman? Aren't you being a little selfish, Mac?"
"It would be selfish if this were 30 years ago, and it took weeks to get a letter to me. But I'm a phone call away. Do you realize I never let my cell phone out of sight, in case you call? For three months I have been permanently attached to my phone in case you needed anything. I take it to the bathroom with me. I sleep with it next to my head. You can reach me at any time, and instead of talking to me about your frustrations and challenges, you turn to someone else? That hurts, Harm." She took a deep breath, and turned away from her windows, and leaned back against the cool glass.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Some of this stuff is just easier to talk to other people about. They're pretty much strangers who have no investment in my life. I feel like they can be more neutral." He waited for her to say something, but she didn't. "Mac, it's just harder to be here than I thought it would be."
She took a deep breath. "If it's so hard, then why do it? You don't need to prove anything to anyone. If you would rather be a lawyer than a pilot, there's nothing wrong with that."
"I don't know if I want to be a lawyer." He was quiet for a minute. "Other than you, I don't know what I want anymore."
"You have me."
Harm took a deep breath. "And you have no idea how thankful I am for that." He watched the planes on the screensaver fly across the computer screen. "I just wish I knew what else I wanted. I'm worried I'm going to want to switch back and forth between a lawyer and a pilot for the rest of my life."
"When did you start feeling this way?"
"God, I don't even know."
She sat back down and pulled her knees up. "Close your eyes, sweetheart. And just relax. If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?"
He laughed softly, and did as he was told. He closed his eyes and all he saw was her. "Mac, all I see is you. All I want to do is be with you."
She smiled to herself. "Well, I'm not going anywhere. So close them again. What else do you see."
He sighed and did as he was asked again. She was there again, but this time she was reading to a little girl in a hammock. The hammock was in the large yard or a beautiful house. "Mac, it's still just you. Well, you and a little girl. And hammock in the nice back yard of a very nice house. That's all I see."
"A little girl, huh?"
He smiled. "Well, yeah. Your looks and my brains. She'll be perfect."
She laughed. "God help us all."
"I'm sorry I talked to Skates about all of this before talking to you. I never meant to hurt you."
"I know. I'm sorry I got upset." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Harm, it doesn't matter to me if you're a pilot or a lawyer. I don't care if you want to resign your commission and become an alpaca farmer. I'm not going anywhere."
"I'm warning you, if you keep talking like this, I will propose the second I see you again."
She laughed again. "I'd rather you didn't."
He grew serious again. "Can I ask why? Isn't that what we both want?"
"Someday it is," she started, "but I'm not ready yet." She took a deep breath. "Harm, my entire life I've moved too fast with men. Considering we had sex before we ever went on a date, it could be argued that the pattern continued with you. I don't want to move that fast with you. I want us to take our time and get to know one another."
"Mac, we've known each other for years."
"I know. But not like this. This is different, Harm. I've never been in a relationship like this and I just want to enjoy this time together before we hurry on to the next step."
He nodded, understanding completely where she was coming from. "I'm still going to tease you about proposing the next time I see you."
She laughed again, and the sound was a balm for his soul. "I wouldn't expect anything less."
"And just for the record, I've never had a relationship like this either," he said with a smile.
"I know. Can I offer you a suggestion, in regard to the career thing?"
He sighed lightly. "Of course."
"Take your time with that, too. The fact of the matter is that you have two months and some change left on this deployment. Take that time and try to remember why you love this and wanted to get back to it. Don't focus on the guys you work with so much. Just think about your love of being in that cockpit. If you still feel restless when it's over, talk to Admiral Chegwidden about coming back. Or have Bud look up how to start an alpaca farm."
"You're right."
She smiled broadly. "I'm always right."
He responded with a snort. "Right." He leaned back in the chair again and looked away from the screensaver. "So how was your day yesterday? I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to call."
"That's okay. Well, it started with a visit from Webb and a request to accompany him on a mission as his pregnant wife. And when I said no to that he asked me on a date." She smiled at the choking sound he made, and told him about Webb's visit, and her refusal on both counts. She told him about the Admiral's increasing frustration with the condition of the office since Harriet had been out, and Mic's improved behavior since the 4th of July party. He'd been quiet for a while and she stopped talking. "Harm? Are you still there?
"I'm here."
She could hear the exhaustion in his voice. "You should go get some sleep."
"I know. It's been a while since we've been able to talk this long."
She smiled. "I know. We'll have to do it again soon. Go get some sleep, Flyboy."
"Yes ma'am. I love you, Mac."
"I love you too. Sweet dreams."
End Part 5