Chapter 23: Twice Now
July, 2000
"-clean up efforts continue in Phoenix, Arizona. City officials are hopeful that the last of the debris will be removed by the end of the month. In other news, vandals set fire to the First Contact museum in Washington D.C. Early damage estimates are in the millions and several artifacts have been reported destroyed. There are no suspects at this time. The only clue left behind was the message 'Remember Phoenix, Never Again,' which was written across the sidewalk in front of the building."
"Ben?"
"Yeah, Mom?"
"Sandra," his mom said out of habit as she walked up behind him. Ben could hear her digging around in her purse and got ready to help her go look for her keys. He was almost shocked when she grabbed them. She never had the keys where they were supposed to be. "Its time to – I wish that you wouldn't watch the news."
Ben shrugged.
His mom put her hand on his arm. "We're going to be late for your first day back in karate. You don't want to keep Gwen waiting, do you?"
Ben thought of Gwen and his stomach hurt, but he stood up anyway and started for the door. The back of his neck itched because he could feel his mom's eyes on him. She was always watching him now. Her and Dad. They had been ever since he got back weeks ago. They never yelled – not that they ever yelled all that much to begin with – or told him what to do. They let him stay up late and always seemed to want to hang out with him.
It was so weird that he spent most of his time in his room.
He just wanted things to go back to normal.
"For heaven's sake, Ben, turn off the television."
Ben rolled his eyes and walked back to get the remote. Well, not all the way back to normal.
"-asking for any information that could lead to the whereabouts of Ashley Adams, who disappeared after her parents were killed in a gang style -"
Ben stopped and turned to look at the picture on the news. The girl looked a little bit older than him. She had long blond hair and the kind of fake smile that only came with school photos. There was a caption on the bottom that said 'Atlanta Tragedy.' He read it and his left arm itched.
It would take a couple of recharges, but he could XLR8 it and be there in about an hour. All he had to do was go get Gwen and -
And he turned off the television and followed his mother out the door.
"You must be so excited to see Gwen today," his mother said as she tried to fill the silence with a nervous babble. "Carl and I were thinking that you could invite her over after class. Its been so long since we've had her over. It would be fun." She stopped and snapped her fingers as if she just had a thought, but he knew she'd been practicing all of this. "I know! She could sleep over! She can stay in the spare bedroom. That way you two can spend the whole day together tomorrow. I already talked to Lili and she said that it would be fine with them."
"Dad said okay?" Ben asked with some doubt. His voice cracked just a little and he made a face. It kept happening and he was so glad he wasn't in school right now. "After what happened? I thought that he..."
A couple of months ago, Dad threw a fit over Gwen coming over for a few hours. Now he said she could sleep over?
It felt like a trick.
"Carl was just being silly back then. He didn't mean anything by it," Mom said with a wave of her hand. She gave him a too wide smile. "What do you think? We could stop at the store and get all the processed sugar that you two can stand."
Ben gave his mother a look. "Are you feeling okay, Mom?"
Sandra nodded a little too much as they pulled into the parking lot of the dojo. "I'm fine, Ben. What do you think? I think you two would have a blast."
He thought, and as he did he looked out his window.
There was only a small class standing outside of the dojo. Most of the kids had gone away for the summer. Sensei had been thrilled when Ben and Gwen's parents had called to see if they could rejoin early. Thrilled, and then worried when he found out why.
It only took Ben a minute to figure out where Gwen was in the crowd. He glared at Paul's back until the boy stepped aside, and there she was.
It was the first time he had seen Gwen since they had gotten back from space. The last thing they did together was watch an alien sunset. The star as so big that it took forever for the thing to vanish under the horizon and neither of them had said a word. Or needed to. The three weeks since then was the longest time he had spent without seeing her since just after their first summer.
She stood there and he just looked at her.
Her hair was longer, he realized. Not by much, but it was longer than she had ever had it before. There were dark circles under her eyes and she looked skinnier, too. Skinny enough that he would have worried. He would have, but when he put on his gi an hour ago his pants had almost fallen off. If he took his mother up on her offer that problem would be solved for both of them.
He could see them doing it. Spending the whole night just playing video games and watching movies and eating junk until they were both sick and...
She would be close enough to touch. He never realized how often they touched each other until the last few weeks. The hugs were rare, but they were always touching each others arms, or hands, or sitting so close that he could feel her next to him. He missed the little touches and he wanted them back.
She would be close enough to...
He closed his eyes and saw blood covering her face again, just like he had every night since they fought Vilgax. He saw her lying on the couch in just the tank top and shorts that she had worn under her Plumbers suit. She had her tank top pulled up so Grandpa and Aunt Vera could work on the horrible marks across her stomach. They talked to her the whole while, talked and joked even as they pulled out more and more alien stuff out from where ever Aunt Vera had hidden it.
The more they talked, the more worried he felt and Gwen looked. Grandpa and Aunt Vera did all they could to help Gwen, and all he could do was stand there and watch.
He saw his hands in tight fists as she stared at him. It was the first time he had ever seen her look at him and be afraid. She had been so hurt, but he'd been about to hit her anyway. He had punched his Grandpa, a man who was closer to him than his father, and he had been about to hit her, too, and all he remembered was that he had to help her.
He watched her just collapse in horrible sobs at the sound of his recorded voice.
He watched the fireball go into the sky, and vines drag her underground.
He heard Vilgax snarl right after, before the fireball had even gone away, "They're dead. They're dead. You're dead. Your world is dead. You killed them all the moment you put on the Omnitrix." The moment he heard those words he knew they were true.
It happened every night. Over and over again.
He wanted to open the car door and run up to her and hug her as tight as he could just to know that she was still alive. And still a part of his life. It didn't matter that she was in the middle of a crowd. They could make fun of him for the rest of his life and it wouldn't matter.
He wanted to beg her to forgive him because he was always the one who charged in, but she was the one who always got hurt. Always.
Always.
He saw her turn and her eyes go wide when she saw him. Then she looked away. She couldn't even look at him. How could he ever expect her to forgive him?
"Can we go home, Mom?" He asked. His throat was so tight that he could barely force the words out. "I don't feel good."
And his mother just stared at him. "But, what about Gwen?"
The Dweeb was beyond annoying. Obnoxious and bossy and way too afraid to relax and have fun. She was beautiful. Smart. Brave, braver than him. She fought for so long without anything but some martial arts moves. She was the only person he ever met that was never boring. She was always aggravating, but never boring if only because annoying her was so much fun. She was the only one who he could fight with and actually talk to and her lips tasted like strawberries
They were going to see the stars.
And he just kept hurting her over and over again and he couldn't breath.
"Please?"
"Did you have a fight? Did she do something? Did she say something?"
"No."
"Is it because of the car accident?" That was the story Grandpa came up with to explain what had happened to them and the Rust Bucket. Their parents had been worried when he told them it was a fender bender, but when he brought them home and they found out the the Rust Bucket was totaled...
Ben had never seen his parents so mad. Or Gwen's. They yelled at Grandpa. They yelled and the man just stood there. He had called Grandpa a few times on the phone, but he hadn't seen him since.
"No." Ben closed his eyes. "Please."
"Then why? What happened? You've been so quiet since you've gotten home. Why won't you just tell me what's wrong?!"
Ben looked at her, but he didn't even know how to start. He wanted to tell her everything. All of it. How he and Gwen were heroes together. How she was so brave. How they had saved the world and saw alien stars. But if he did, Grandpa would get in trouble and he was already in so much trouble. If he told them, he would never see the man again. Him or Gwen.
But he had to say something. So he said as little as he could. "I just... after everything that happened I just don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to do karate anymore."
His mother stopped. She stopped and he knew that she believed him. Not only was it was true, but its what she wanted to hear ever since he started. He knew she hated how violent karate was. "Okay. Okay, but you have to do something. You can't mope around the house."
He knew it didn't matter to her, or to him, so he just said the first thing that came to mind. "Soccer tryouts are coming up soon."
"That sounds good." Mom said with a nod. "What about Gwen?"
"If I tell Gwen, she'll yell," Ben said. "And I really don't feel good."
Again, it was just enough of the truth that she believed him. So they drove home.
He thought of the Omnitrix on the drive back. It was hidden in the box under his bed with all of the rest of his souvenirs. Grandpa had told him that it was his choice to take the device off, and his choice if he ever wanted to put it back on. He had said that, but he made Ben keep the Omnitrix anyway.
Grandpa said that it was his choice, but Ben knew that Grandpa lied.
One day something would happen that would make him put the Omnitrix back on. Someone would get hurt, or the bad guys would come after them. One day something would happen, and he would be fighting again.
And so would Gwen.
He had already watched her die twice now, because of him.
He wouldn't let her down again.
Never again.