Paradise Island, 1972.
Hippolyta, Wonder Woman, Catwoman and Fausta were fighting Circe.
"What's going on?" Catwoman asked, as she brushed her long brown hair out of her face.
"Circe!" Wonder Woman exclaimed, "She's back!"
"And will soon head back to Tartarus!" Hippolyta declared.
"Lorelei Circe? The Siren?" Catwoman asked, "But she's back in her cell at Arkham!"
"She's no siren!" Diana said, "Circe is the goddess who can turn men into swine!"
"You mean they aren't already?" Catwoman quipped.
"My powers work on Amazons too!" Circe said, "Care for a demonstration?"
She turned Magda and Dalma into fearsome animals.
"I thought you said she only turned people into pigs?" Catwoman asked Diana.
"Oh, I've got a few tricks up my sleeve!" Circe said.
"Change them back, Circe!" Diana demanded.
"Sorry princess, but your sisters have unleashed their inner beasts!" Circe said.
"Maybe ve should contact Drusilla," Fausta said.
"No!" Diana said, "We can beat Circe by ourselves! Drusilla's better off far away from this! Besides, the Titans need her!"
"Titans?" Catwoman asked, "Oh yeah, that's Bird Boy's little team. Maybe I'd have a chance with Batman now!"
"Focus, Selina!" Diana said, "We need to stop Circe and save our sisters!"
"You're right," Selina said, "Like you, Diana, I have a way with animals, particularly the feline ones." She leapt out from behind an ancient column and landed in front of the fearsome beasts, that just so happened to be a lion and a tiger. She took her whip from her belt that kept her Amazonian toga in place over her tall, curvaceous form, and cracked it in front of the beasts.
"Alright, that's enough!" Selina commanded, "Sit!" The lions obeyed.
"Good girls," Selina said. "Now, get Circe!" The lions leapt after the goddess before she could stop them.
"Stop!" Circe shouted, "I command you!"
"You have no control over them anymore, Circe!" Diana said, as she wrapped her in her magic lasso, "Now change these beasts back into my sisters!"
"Oh, very well!" Circe said, as Magda and Dalma reverted back to human form.
"Restrain her, sisters!" Hippolyta commanded, "General Phillipus, put the magic-dampening shackles on her!"
"Yes, your majesty," Phillipus said as she bound her.
"Looks like Talia Al Ghul will have company in prison," Diana said.
"Not prison, Diana, at least not on the island," Hippolyta said, "We're sending Circe straight back to Tartarus!"
"Meanwhile, I wonder how Batman is doing back in Gotham without me," Catwoman said, "I bet he misses me."
"Do you miss him, Selina?" Diana asked.
"Well, to be purr-fectly honest, I do miss his manly voice shouting, 'Catwoman, you're under arrest.'" Selina replied.
"But you're not getting into trouble anymore," Diana said, "Aside from the time you tried to steal some Amazonian gold coins and Mother reprimanded you, you've shown remarkable character growth these last couple years."
"You're right," Selina said, "And I have you to thank, Diana. With your help, I've become a new woman. I just wonder if Batman's changed without me in his life anymore."
MEANWHILE, IN GOTHAM CITY, CATWOMAN'S QUESTIONS ARE ANSWERED!
Batman was chasing Two-Face in the Batmobile.
"Harvey, stop this madness!" Batman shouted.
"Not a chance, Batman!" Two-Face said, "You come any closer and Gordon and O'Hara are gonna fry! I've flipped my coin and bad heads won out!" He turned on a giant TV monitor which showed Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara suspended over a flame while tied to a giant statue of Lady Justice.
"Release them immediately, Harvey!" Batman pleaded, "I swear to you the courts can show leniency!"
"Leniency? Ha!" Two-Face scoffed, "Don't make me laugh, Batman! I used to be a lawyer! I know all about the system! In two minutes, Gordon and O'Hara are—"
Suddenly, a figure leapt out of the shadows and kicked the bisected baddie square in the jaw. The control switch Two-Face used flung out of his hand, and Batman picked up and used it to rescue his friends.
"Thank you…Nightwing," Batman said, as the figure stepped out of the shadows. It was Dick Grayson, having taken on the new crime-fighting moniker, Nightwing, and wearing blue, disco-type threads.
"No problem, Batman!" he said, "I would've been here sooner, but Crazy Quilt and Sweet Tooth were causing trouble in Bludhaven."
"Not to worry, old chum, I could've handled Two-Face," Batman said.
"Sure you could, just like you handled Ventriloquist and Scarface last week!" Nightwing said sarcastically.
"I could've gotten out of that giant puppet deathtrap without your help." Batman said, "Not that I don't value it of course. The truth is, ever since your Aunt Harriet passed away a few months ago, crime fighting hasn't been the same without you. You've gone and moved on to Bludhaven, Catwoman has been away on Paradise Island for the last three years, I miss the rapport we used to have!"
"Holy sentimentality, Batman!" Nightwing exclaimed, "At least you have Batgirl! I had to leave the nest and fly on my own. Aunt Harriet's death was too much for me, after that giant piano from Chandell's twin brother fell on her by accident. I'll never forget her dying words when she realized you and I were her loved ones: 'Mercy alive, Dick Grayson! Now, show that son of gun who's boss! Make me proud!' And I haven't stopped making her proud since!"
"Harriet would be very proud of you, Dick!" Batman said. "Now, come on, let's head back to the cave for some good, old-fashioned, bat-deduction!" As they leave, a mysterious figure watches from the distance. It was Bookworm.
"I will throw the ultimate book at the Dynamic Duo," Bookworm said, "My scheme will make my half-wit mad scientist brother Arthur's volcanoes look like school science projects!"
MEANWHILE, ACROSS TOWN IN THE LAIR OF THAT HARLEQUIN OF HATE, THE JOKER…
Joker was pacing back and forth, while Harlequin and his henchmen looked on.
"It's been three weeks since I've broken out of prison, and I can't think of a super crime for the bat-eared boob! The ultimate joke that will leave him and Gotham City in stitches!" Joker said, "The laughing fish gimmick last month was a complete failure!"
"I never liked fish much anyway, Puddin'," Harlequin said, "Seemed more like a Pengy thing, aside from the smiles."
"Not exactly encouraging, Harley," Joker said, "Boys, did you get me my orange wedges?"
"Right here, boss!" one henchman said, holding a tray of the fruit slices.
"Y'know, I wonder what happened to Catwoman," Harlequin said, "Me and Ivy wanted to team up with her as part of Nora Clavicle's new ladies' league, but no one's seen her for a couple of years."
"Word is she's left town," Joker said, "Probably got stood up for her date with Batman. Besides, Clavicle's a phony anyway. Good thing you didn't team up with her."
"I know where she is," came a voice, "I also have an idea for an ultimate joke on Batman."
"Who are you?" Joker asked, "How'd you get past my security?"
"I am Ra's Al Ghul," the man said, coming into the light, "I am the head of an international group known as the League of Shadows. I know how you can destroy the Detective known as Batman once and for all."
"Oh yeah?" Joker asked, "How do you figure?"
"Because I know who Batman really is." Ra's said.
"And who might he be?" Joker asked.
"For that information, you have to do something for me first." Ra's said.
"Hold on, sir," Joker said, as he spotted his henchmen watching TV in the next room. "Turn that up!"
"Good evening Gothamites," the anchorman said, "This is Jack Ryder with Gotham TV News. I'm here tonight at the home of Millionaire Bruce Wayne, who we're here to discuss his new charitable business venture with, the Harriet Cooper Memorial Orphanage."
"Thank you, Jack," Bruce said, "Harriet was the aunt of my youthful ward, Dick Grayson. Although I'm no longer his legal guardian, she meant a lot to our family. After her tragic death a few months ago, I decided her memory should live on in the form of charitable work she held most dear. As you may well know, both Dick and I are orphans, our parents taken from us by violence. Harriet doted on the two of us, and also regularly volunteered at orphanages throughout the city. That's why the Harriet Cooper Orphanage, sponsored by the Wayne Foundation will give restored hope to orphans throughout the city and across America."
"Thank you, Bruce." Jack said, "Join us next week, as I profile Gotham's most notorious criminal element. We'll begin with arguably the worst this city has to offer with 'Joker: the madness behind the make-up covered mustache."'
"Ooo hoo hoo hoo! Delicious!" Joker cackled, "I've got an idea that will really creep Gotham out! We'll get back to you soon, sir!"
"If you need me, here's my card." Ra's said, handing him a business card.
"Frank N. Stone?" Joker asked, befuddled.
"Yes, it's an alias I once used in England while conducting a failed experiment with robots." Ra's said.
"Oh," Joker said, "That reminds me of a whimsical caper I once pulled with robots of my own."
"Farewell, Joker," Ra's said, as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Wow," Harley said, "He's almost like a vampire or somethin',"
"Never mind that, Harley," Joker said, "We've got enough Bats to focus on without worrying about vampires. Now, Harley go feed the hyenas. I've got to start planning next week's caper that will be a real creep-show!"