Everything is Going to be Okay
Author: PreppyPrincess5103
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Harm. & Mac struggle with a long-distance relationship after his return to flying.
Notes: These next few parts will deal with the beginning of season 5, but obviously will be pretty different than what aired. Buxton is going to be more of a jerk, and Harm will be less of one. Also, I know Season 5 Mac had short hair, but I loved her longer hair in later seasons. So, while we're pretending that the clothing trends in this story are what they currently are, we're also going to pretend that Mac has longer hair.
Part 7
"Commander Rabb, may I have a second please?"
Harm spun around and saw Lieutenant Aldridge heading towards him. "Of course, Lieutenant. What's going on?"
He pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket. "SECNAV is sending a JAG lawyer from DC out here today to prosecute Buxton. I'm technically supposed to meet her and show her around. I'm swamped and I figured since it was someone you probably know, it might be better if you did it."
Harm went completely still. "A lawyer from DC?" He felt his heart rate quicken. "What's her name?"
Aldridge glanced at the slip of paper. "Her name is Sarah MacKenzie. Do you know her?"
His heart beat faster and he took a moment to regain his composure. "Yes, of course. She and I worked together for a few years." He cleared his throat. "I'll be happy to meet her and show her around. What time will she arrive?"
Aldridge handed Harm the slip of paper. "Later this afternoon. All of her details are here. Thank you, sir."
"I'm happy to help." He watched the younger man walk away and took a minute to regain his composure before heading back to work. She was on a plane out here. Well that explained why she hadn't answered last night when he had called, seeing as how it was at least a fourteen hour flight.
The next few hours were the longest of his life. It seemed like a lifetime before the hands on his watch were in the desired position, and he was donning the required safety gear and heading to the flight deck. He anxiously waited for the helicopter to land, and as soon as it had touched down he started making his way to it. He watched as the door was opened and she appeared in the doorway. Even wearing the ridiculous helmet and goggles, he knew it was her.
He quickened his pace and reached her just moments after she was on the ground. She took a step toward him was immediately in his arms, tightening her own around him. They stood like that for a long moment, before both became aware of the people going about their business around them. He reluctantly pulled back, letting his hands linger on her waist for one more moment. He was aware that they were standing on the flight deck, staring at one another with awed, slightly ridiculous expressions, and he absolutely did not care. It had been nearly four months since he had last seen her.
"Hey stranger." Her smile was brilliant and her tone was teasing. "It's good to see you."
He snorted. "That had better be the understatement of the century."
She beamed. "Of course it is." She looked him over, and wished he wasn't wearing that stupid vest. The flight suit was definitely her favorite of his uniforms. "Do you have time to show me around?"
He nodded, "I do, actually. Lieutenant Aldridge is swamped, so he asked me if I could show my former JAG HQ coworker around." He flashed her his most handsome smile. "I was more than willing to help the lieutenant with this task. Right this way." He ran his hand down her upper arm and took a deep breath. "It's so damned good to see you, Mac."
She followed him into the ship and watched him take off his vest. He held out his hand for hers, and she took a deep breath. She had hoped for a little more time and privacy before telling him about her promotion. She handed him the helmet and goggles first, and took a deep breath before taking off the vest. She watched as his expression went from amusement to shock, and then something she really couldn't read.
"Lieutenant Colonel." He stared at her for a moment and then snapped to attention.
Mac involuntarily winced. She knew he was trying to come across as jovial, but it was falling flat. "Harm, I was going to tell you. It just happened and I- "
"My heartiest congratulations, ma'am."
She forced a smile. "Thank you, Commander. At ease." She made the decision to steer away from their personal relationship for a moment, and asked him for his help with the investigation.
"I'm not with the JAG Corps anymore ma'am, I'm an aviator."
She winced again. "Oh, so you're not one of us, you're one of them."
"I will, of course, obey any lawful orders that you give me, ma'am." He offered her a small smile. "Although any unlawful orders you give could be a lot more fun."
She rolled her eyes, "I'll try to keep them all lawful, Commander." She turned and began to walk away, hoping he would follow since she had no real idea as to where she was going. She had only taken a couple of steps when she felt his hand momentarily close around her wrist. His thumb stroked the delicate skin, sending chills through her, and then he let go.
He glanced around and saw they were more or less alone. He leaned in close to her ear. "Congratulations, Sarah. I'm so proud of you." His lips brushed her cheek and then he straightened. "Come on. I'll help you get situated."
Mac heard a knock on the door. She stuck the photo in between the pages and hesitantly stood up. It could really only be Harm, and honestly, she didn't want to talk to him. He had been rude to her at dinner, and even though it was unintentional, he had impaired her case against Buxton. She warily opened the door a fraction and poked her head out. "Hi."
"Hey." His voice was soft, and she thawed a bit. "Come talk to me."
"Where?"
He shrugged. "The fantail? A supply closet? I don't care, we just need to talk."
She nodded. "Okay. Let me change first." She gestured at the PT shorts and t-shirt she was wearing.
"You don't need to change."
"Yes, I do. Most of the people on this ship already dislike me because of why I'm here. I need to at least be able to control the way they see me. I'll just be a minute." She shut the door, pulled off her clothes, and tossed them on the bed. She pulled her pants and blouse from earlier back on, and straightened her hair. She opened the door and found Harm leaning against the opposite wall. His eyes immediately went to the new insignia, and she now knew the unreadable expression she couldn't identify earlier was hurt.
Mac let him lead them to the fantail, and she noticed with relief that they were completely alone. They both walked to the railing and looked at the churning water below. She watched the water for a minute and then turned to face him. He was watching her. And he put one hand on her hip, and then leaned forward. He placed his other hand on the back of her head and pulled her face to his. His lips met hers and her mouth instantly opened to him. Her lips were soft under his and he gently nipped at her lower lip before letting his tongue dart into her mouth and his hands slip underneath her blouse. He reveled at the unbelievably soft skin that had always reminded him of velvet. She moaned and returned his kiss for a minute, and then she was putting her hands between them and pushing against his chest.
"Harm, stop. We can't do this here."
His breathing was ragged and he dropped his forehead to hers. "I know. I know. I just had to kiss you. I needed to kiss you."
She lifted her chin and gave him one more kiss before pulling away. "I needed that too. Almost four months is too long, Flyboy."
"I know." He thought about his next words for a moment. "A lot can happen in four months." He took a few steps to the wall and sat down, leaning his back against the warm metal.
She followed him, leaving a small amount of space between them. She lay her hand in the space, palm up, and smiled when he took it, entwining their fingers. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wanted to. I wanted to so badly."
He glanced at her. "Why didn't you?"
She bit her lower lip and looked at the water. "It really did just happen, Harm. It happened Thursday. And you've had so much going on lately, so we haven't talked as much. And I wanted to actually tell you, not email you."
He squeezed her hand. "I understand that, but we've talked since Thursday. So why didn't you tell me during those talks?"
She looked at him and offered a wry smile. "Harm, you haven't been in a good place lately. You've been frustrated and unhappy, and unsure of what career path you want to spend the rest of your life on. I felt uncomfortable gushing about my promotion, and how my career is exactly what I want it to be." She sighed, and shrugged. "I don't know. In my head the thought of telling you made me feel selfish."
"Hey." He moved his free hand to her chin, and forced her to look at him. "Mac, I am so glad your career is what you want it to be. You have no idea how happy that makes me. Do I wish I had that same sense of direction? Obviously. But just because I'm feeling a little lost right now doesn't mean I want you feeling that way." He moved his hand to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. He smiled at her and she cocked her head to the side.
"What's that look for?"
"Before I left, I wondered how long your hair would be the next time I saw you. I like it longer. It suits you." He leaned over to straighten the pin on her collar, the silver oak leaf gleaming in the moonlight. "When this eventually changes to an eagle, I want to know immediately. I want you to scream it from rooftops. Deal?"
"Deal." She squeezed his hand this time, and smiled.
"So, did you have a wet-down?" She nodded. "Tell me about it. Did anyone attempt to have sex in the bathroom?"
Mac snorted. "I hope not." She thought back to the night of Bud's celebration and felt her cheeks warm. "It was nice though. I invited Maddie & Ben, since she had wanted to have dinner that night. She and Bobbi hit it off immediately, so after the party started breaking up, we all went out for dinner. She even charmed the Admiral into joining us."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"Next time." She took a deep breath. "I know we can't talk about the case, but you have heard that the Admiral is sending Mic out here to help with Buxton's defense, haven't you?" He groaned and she offered him a sympathetic smile. "He's been behaving since the fourth of July."
Harm ran his free hand through his hair and leaned back. "I'm glad, but I still don't like the guy."
She shrugged. "I don't either, but we have to be professional. I gave the Admiral my word that we would be."
"I'll be fine. I promise." He was quiet for a moment as he stared at the sea.
She nudged his leg with her foot. "Penny for your thoughts."
He gave her a ghost of his normal smile. "Mac, do you think we're working?" He took a deep breath. "We both promised to be honest with each other no matter what, and it seems like we're both struggling with that lately."
She straightened her legs and stared at the water. "You keep asking me that. And the answer is still the same. It's hard, but it's working. Neither of us have been dishonest. We just haven't talked enough about what we have going on." She glanced down at their joined hands and then back at the water. "If it's not working for you, just say so. Don't take the cowardly way out and wait for me to say it. We're not married. You don't owe me anything."
"It's just harder than I thought it would be," he confessed. "I love you. That hasn't changed and I don't see it ever changing." He squeezed her hand.
Mac bit her lower lip and tried to force back the tears. She swallowed a few times and made herself ask the question she didn't want to ask, but needed to. "Harm, do you want to take a break from us for a while?"
He jerked his head toward her. "No! God, no." He brought their hands to his lips and placed a kiss on hers. "Absolutely not. Mac, I've have never felt like this before. And I hate that we started right before I left for six months. And yes, I know I'm the one who talked you into it. It's just hard. It seems these days like I'm only happy when I'm with you and when I'm in the air. I can't fly all the time, and you'll be gone in a few days. I can't even let myself enjoy the moment because I know it'll be over soon." He lifted their hands and scooted closer to her.
She lay her head on his shoulder and smiled as he bent to place a kiss on her forehead. "There will be more moments."
"I know. I know there will always be more moments, but think of all the moments we're missing while I'm out here."
"Harm, I didn't ask you to stay because that wasn't fair to either of us. And I don't think you should give this up solely because of me. That's not fair either."
He kissed her forehead again. "If I give this up, you will be a factor in that decision. It would be a lie for me to claim otherwise. But it's not just you. It's my parents too." He glanced at her and smiled slightly at her raised eyebrows. "All my life I have felt tethered to my dad's memory. And that has kept me from ever really getting close to anyone else. I was close to my mom when I was younger, since it was just us. But when she married Frank it felt like the ultimate betrayal. I felt closer to my dad than I felt to anyone else. In my head, getting close to anyone else meant I'd have to let go of him and I couldn't do that. When I found out he was gone and was finally able to let go, I finally started building a relationship with them, and I like that. I like having a family again. I want to visit them more; I want them to visit us more. I want to see my grandmother more. I can't do any of that when I'm on a ship for at least six months every other year."
"But you love flying," she said, "you just told me that you're only happy when you're in the air."
He looked at the water again. "I love being in the air, but I don't know if the rest of this is enough to make the time I'm in the air worth it. Especially when I can fly at home anytime I want to. I know 'Sarah' isn't exactly a tomcat, but it's still enjoyable." She coughed and he snorted. "Okay, it can be really enjoyable."
She took a deep breath. "Are you going to talk to Chegwidden about coming back to JAG?"
He shook his head. "Not yet. There are still a couple of months left here, and I'm going to follow your advice and spend this time trying to remember why I wanted to do this in the first place. I guess I'll decide once I'm back on dry land." He toyed with her fingers, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb over the space where a ring would one day be. "Can I propose to you the next time I see you?"
She laughed and put her head back on his shoulder. "Nope. You are not allowed to propose to me until you've been back on dry land for at least six months."
He dropped his head to rest on hers. "Six months, huh?" He felt her nod. "Okay. I can live with that." He lifted his head and then tilted her face up. He brushed his lips against hers and felt her smile into the kiss. "Want to stay out here a little longer?"
"Yes." She put her head back on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
End Part 7