Everything is Going to be Okay
Author: PreppyPrincess5103
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Harm. & Mac struggle with a long-distance relationship after his return to flying.
Part 9
"May I come in?"
Mac looked up at her open door and gave Bobbi Lathan a hesitant smile. "Of course." She straightened her back and set her pen on her legal pad. "What brings you out here?"
"Lunch with Sturgis. He's wrapping something up, so I hoped to talk to you." Bobbi fully entered the office and shut the door behind her. "This is awkward." She reached back and ran a hand over her sleek hair. "I called Maddie last night, and she invited me to join the two of you in Charlottesville this weekend. I just wanted to make sure you're okay with that. I'll tell her I can't make it, if you'd rather it be just the two of you."
Mac smiled and leaned back in her chair. "I'm fine with it. Really, I am. It'll actually be more fun for her if someone is there who can actually drink."
Bobbi raised an elegant eyebrow. "You're going to a winery and you don't drink?"
"I'm an alcoholic."
Her eyes widened. "You're an alcoholic? Why in the world are you going to a winery if you're an alcoholic?
Mac shrugged. "Wine was never my drink of choice." She offered Bobbi a small smile. "I'm fine being around alcohol. I've been going to McMurphy's with my coworkers here for years. I don't know if I would risk it if it were an emotionally tumultuous time, but I am okay going. Plus, there's this apple orchard in Charlottesville that has these really amazing apple cider doughnuts."
Bobbi laughed and Mac smiled. "Mac, I'd like for us to be friends. I hope that's possible."
"I'd like to be friends." She picked up the pen and fiddled with it. "I don't dislike you, Bobbi." She took a deep breath and set the pen back down. "Sturgis may have already told you this, but Harm and I have been seeing each other for a while." She thought of Maddie's borderline inappropriate questions and grinned. "I'm sure you've noticed that Maddie has no filter. She likes to ask incredibly personal questions, and it's just a little uncomfortable being with someone else who could also answer her questions." She thought back to that night at McMurphy's and the discussion about what Harm was like with Carolyn and Jordan.
"I'm glad the two of you finally found your way to one another." Bobbi smiled at the faint blush that colored Mac's cheeks. "It was two nights, Mac. It didn't mean anything to him, and it didn't mean much to me."
"I know." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry if I've been unfriendly towards you."
"I understand. I could tell there was something between the two of you back then. If he hadn't been so damned handsome and charming, I probably would have turned him down and sent him straight to you."
Mac laughed and Bobbie grinned. "I do understand. That smile and those eyes are nothing but trouble." Her phone rang and she reached for it. The conversation was short and she sighed and stood once she hung up. "The Admiral needs to see me."
Bobbie stood, and smoothed out her skirt. "I should go track down my lunch date. I'm really looking forward to Saturday, Mac."
"I am too."
Harm rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes and collapsed in his desk chair. It had been a very long day, his body was tired, and he was emotionally drained. He moved the mouse and woke up the computer. He logged into his personal email and was pleasantly surprised to see an email from his mother.
To: HRabb1963
From: LaJollaArt
Re: Thanksgiving
Hello Darling,
I hope everything is well with you. I called Mac the other day and she said she had a case on the carrier and got to spend a little time with you while she was there. I'm sure seeing each other was bittersweet. Anyways, I'm trying to make plans for Thanksgiving. Frank and I are going to the farm in Pennsylvania, and I know your grandmother would be so happy if you and Mac joined us. Please think about it.
Let me know what you think. You'll be back on dry land soon, and the holidays will be here before we know it!
I love you,
Mom
Harm glanced at the calendar he had pinned up and took a deep breath. He couldn't believe it was October. This deployment was almost over, and he still had no idea what the next phase of his life would look like. At least the next phase of his professional life. He hit reply and began typing out a response to his mother.
To: LaJollaArt
From: HRabb1963
Re: Thanksgiving
Hey mom,
It's good to hear from you. Seeing Mac a few weeks ago was definitely bittersweet. I had gotten used to being apart, and seeing her again made it feel as if we had started this whole thing over. As long as my homecoming doesn't get pushed back, I'd love to see you guys for Thanksgiving. Mac hasn't met the other Sarah in my life yet. Everything was such a blur before I left, we just never had the chance to make that trip. I'll call her tonight and make sure she doesn't have any plans and I'll let you know.
Give my love to Frank, and I'll talk to you soon.
Love,
Harm
He read over the email and hit send. He scanned his inbox to make sure he hadn't missed anything from Mac before picking up the phone to call her. The phone rang a few times and he was about to hang up when she answered.
"Hello?"
She was a breathless and panting a little and he smiled. "Hi there. Did I interrupt your workout?"
"Hi!" She smiled and went to shut the front door. "You have perfect timing. I just finished. I'm starting to think the weather is never going to cool off. It's October and it's still uncomfortably hot." Not wanting to sit on the sofa in her sweaty clothes, she pulled out a chair from the small table in her dining area and sat. "Sturgis has decided that Bud is overweight and needs a fitness plan, and has roped me into working out with them."
Harm winced. "Does Sturgis know how competitive you are?" She laughed and he smiled. "What was your pace compared to theirs?"
She was quiet for a moment. "I'm not that bad."
"Mac…"
"Fine. I did an eight-minute mile and they were averaging twelve to thirteen minutes per mile." She leaned over and untied her shoes. "I think Bud appreciated it though. He told me that being able to keep up with me is going to be something he shoots for." She removed both shoes and set them aside. "So how was your day?"
He groaned. "Long. Tiring. This is definitely a younger man's world. And a shorter man's world. Last night I actually dreamt of just sleeping in a regular sized bed."
"Was I there?"
Her voice was light and teasing, and he grinned. "Whenever I think about my bed, you're always there. How was your day?"
"I'm glad. And it was interesting. Bobbi stopped by to see me. Maddie invited her on the winery outing this weekend, and Bobbi wanted to make sure I was okay with that. She wants us to be friends."
He was quiet for a moment. He hated himself for that fling with her, and for how he had hurt both of them. "What did you tell her?"
"I told her that I'd like to be friends. And I meant it. I really do want to be friends with her. Especially now that she and Sturgis are getting serious, and she and Maddie have become good friends. But it is awkward spending time with someone who has had sex with your boyfriend."
"I can imagine." He took a deep breath. "Mac, I don't know if I've ever really apologized for not being there for you that night."
"Harm, don't. I stopped by, saw her, and couldn't get out of there fast enough. If I had actually told you that I needed you, I know you would have been there for me."
"I would have." They were both silent for a long moment. "So which wineries are you going to? And are you sure this is a good idea?"
"We're going to Pippin Hill in Charlottesville. That's the only one Maddie mentioned specifically. And it'll be fine. Maddie and Bobbi both know about my alcoholism. And wine was never my drink of choice anyway. I've volunteered to drive, and I'm going to enjoy a lot of iced tea and Pellegrino and just enjoy the day. Plus, we are going to an apple orchard which is famous for their apple cider doughnuts and slushies." She smiled at the sound of his laughter.
For what felt like the thousandth time he wished that her life had been easier, and she could just do things like going to wineries with girlfriends without her alcoholism following her. She deserved so much more than what life had given her. "Well, be sure to have a doughnut for me."
"I'll have two for you."
He smiled and glanced at his computer. "So, I got an email from mom today. She was inquiring about our Thanksgiving plans. I know we haven't talked about it, but I'd love for you to spend the holiday with me."
"I'd love that." This would be a first for her. She had never spent a holiday with a significant others family before, which wasn't surprising considering there had never been anyone as significant as Harm. "Are we going to California or will your parents come here?"
"Actually, we're all going to Pennsylvania – to my grandmother's farm. Mom & Frank spend every other Thanksgiving with her."
Her eyes widened and she stood to pace. "Ah. The infamous Sarah Rabb. I must admit, I'm a little nervous about meeting her. I think I'm more nervous about that than I was to meet your mom."
He shook his head, even though he knew she couldn't see him. "Don't worry about that for a second. My grandmother will love you. And you'll love her."
"That's really nice that your parents spend holidays with her. How do her and Frank get along."
"Oh, they adore one another." He laughed and thought about past holidays. "They've been close ever since the first time my mom brought him around. Frank's parents died when he was in college, and he was an only child. Grams welcomed him into the family almost immediately. He was so kind to her. Even the bitter child I was could recognize that. They would spend hours sitting on the couch or the porch swing, looking at photos of my dad. He would listen to all of her stories and he would hold her hand when she got emotional. Then she demanded that on our next visit he bring some photos from his own childhood. He did, and they sat together while he talked about his life, and she would hold his hand when he talked about his parents. He became her surrogate son and she became his surrogate mother."
"I love that," she said softly. "She must be remarkable."
"She is. I really can't wait for you to meet her." He thought about his grandmother and felt a squeezing around his heart. Flying for the military had cost his grandmother both a husband and a son. It had cost his mother a husband. And him a father. He was good at what he did, he knew that. But his family history was still unsettling. Especially since he now had so much to lose.
Mac ended up inviting Harriet to come with them, since she remembered how awkward groups of three could be, and offered to drive since she obviously wouldn't be drinking. She picked Harriet up last, and once they were all buckled into Harm's SUV, they began the two-and-a-half-hour drive to Charlottesville.
Harriet glanced around the car and frowned slightly. The newest issue of a local magazine was tucked in the back of the driver's seat, and there was a styrofoam cup from Beltway Burger in the back cup holder. She remembered Mic gossiping about Mac having a secret boyfriend and how Mac had taken a few days off to go to Florida with Harm. She studied Mac in the rear-view mirror, and bit her lip to force back a smile. "So, Mac. How often do you drive Harm's car?" Mac's eyes met hers in the mirror, and Harriet grinned.
"He asked if I could keep it at my place while he was gone." Mac looked over at Maddie and saw her fighting back her own smile. Maddie agreed with Harm, and couldn't understand why she was so determined to keep this a secret. Mac rolled her eyes and then met Harriet's again in the mirror. "Go ahead, ask."
"How long have you two been together?"
"About six months. Although he has been deployed for the bulk of that." Harriet squealed and Mac couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sorry I haven't told you. I just wanted to keep it out of the office. As far as I know only the Admiral and Sturgis know."
"I understand. Everyone has always speculated about the two of you anyway. Why add fuel to the fire? Can I tell Bud?"
Mac was quiet for a moment. "You can," she started slowly, "only because I would never ask you to keep anything from your husband. Just ask him not to say anything."
Harriet nodded and Maddie rolled her eyes. "Mac, at this point half of your office probably knows."
"I know. It's only a matter of time before everyone finds out. I'm just trying to hold out until his deployment is over and he decides what he wants to do next."
Bobbi cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean? Is he not happy on the carrier?"
Mac shook her head. "He just feels restless, but he's also not sure he wants to come back to JAG. I don't think he knows what he wants." She tapped her fingers against the steering wheel. "I obviously would love it if he came back to JAG, but if our relationship gets more serious than that just opens up a whole new can of worms."
Harriet sighed and twisted her rings around. "The military definitely doesn't make relationships easy. I understand why they're discouraged, but you can't control who you fall in love with. And with schedules like yours I imagine it can be really hard to meet people outside of work."
Maddie nodded her agreement. "It's the same with doctors. Nearly everyone who works at the hospital dates someone else who works at the hospital. It's pretty much a real-life General Hospital. Before I met Ben, I had been single for such a long time. Ben, however, is a teacher. And apparently had no problem meeting people. Young, attractive, twenty-two-year-old people."
Mac rolled her eyes. "Give him a break. According to Harm that break up was brutal."
"I know. He told me all about it. I just hate going to events at the university and being forced to make small talk with all of these women he's slept with. It's awkward."
"Believe me, I know how you feel." Mac and Bobbi's eyes met in the mirror. Both blushed and looked away quickly. "You just have to remind yourself that what you and Ben have is different than the casual flings he had with the others." She grinned as Maddie crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her seat.
The rest of the drive to Charlottesville went quickly, and it wasn't long before Mac had pulled the SUV into the parking lot. The vineyard was one of the prettiest she had ever seen. The property overlooked lush vineyards, a working garden, and had a spectacular view of the Blue Ridge Mountains. The path that led to the glamorous barn & gorgeous covered veranda was lined with massive hydrangea bushes. She pushed her sunglasses up on her head and took in the view. "This is gorgeous."
Their small group made their way to the hostess stand and checked in. It would be at least a half hour before a table for lunch was ready, so they made their way to the tasting room first. They all took seats at the bar, and Mac discretely pushed the wine menu aside and asked for a glass of water. While she had never enjoyed wine, probably because the wine she had experience with was the stuff that cost about $2 per bottle, she was envious of her friends. They sipped and exclaimed over certain varietals, and she began to feel left out. She stood and picked up her bottle of water. "I saw a chicken coop when we got here. I think I'm going to check that out. I'll find you guys in a few minutes." She hurried away before anyone could say anything.
Maddie watched her go and set her own glass down. "You guys stay. I'm going to go make sure she's okay." She stepped outside and headed towards the chicken coop. The grass was wet from the previous day's rain, and she felt her heels sinking into the ground. She grimaced, but continued on. Mac was kneeling at the entrance of the coop, watching the chickens. She had taken off her own heels and was holding them in one hand. Maddie placed a hand on her shoulder, and smiled when Mac looked over her shoulder at her. "Are you okay?"
Mac stood and turned to face her. "I am. This is just harder than I thought it would be. I honestly thought I'd be fine since I go to bars with friends all the time. But it's different. Everyone at the bar typically orders something different and there's no conversation about it. But here you three are all trying the same thing and talking about it, and I just feel a little left out." She forced a smile. "I guess that's the story of my life, these days."
Maddie put a hand on her arm. "What are you talking about?"
Mac sighed. "These days I always feel left out, or I feel like a fifth wheel, and I'm just tired of it. I'm thankful that my friends have included me, but it gets a little awkward sometimes. And it makes me miss Harm. Which leads to thinking about how much time he and I will spend apart if he continues to fly. And that ends with me being frustrated."
"Have you told him that?"
Maddie's voice was gentle and Mac tried to smile. "I can't tell him that, Maddie. He's so up in the air about what he wants already. I can't let my frustration sway him. I know he would give it up in a heartbeat if I asked him to, but I don't want him to do that. If he gives it up, I want it to be because that's what he wants."
Maddie draped her arm across her friend's shoulders and tugged her close. "I think you need to talk to him about how you feel, but I know you won't so I'll drop that. But Mac? You are never, ever a fifth wheel. Don't think that for a second. Ben and I love spending time with you. When we want to be alone, we're alone. But if we ask you to come out to dinner with us, it's because we want to. You're my closest friend, and Ben adores you. Don't ever feel uncomfortable with us. Or with Harriet and Bud. I was around Harriet for five minutes today and I could see how much you mean to her and Bud. I'm sure she would tell you the same thing I just did."
"Thank you."
"Anytime." Maddie squeezed her, and watched the chickens for a moment.
"I think I'm ready to go back inside now." She paused and smiled. "You're a really good friend, Maddie. I probably don't tell you that enough."
Maddie's smile was radiant and her cheeks flushed. "Ditto."
End Part 9