Adrift - Part II
His angel was waiting for him on the open veranda. Anakin docked his airspeeder with haste; an instant later Padmé was in his arms, her fingers clutching tightly at his tunic. Anakin breathed deep, taking in his wife´s familiar, lovely scent. At last, they were together again – in that joyous, much longed for moment, something in Anakin uncoiled. Everything would be alright.
"Force, I've missed you," Anakin muttered into Padmé's soft hair, all his senses reaching for her, greedily drinking in the feel of her, the shape of her, the touch of her.
"Oh Ani, I've missed you too." Her voice held a hint of tears, and reluctantly Anakin eased his hold of her so he could see her better. Padmé's beautiful brown eyes glistened with feeling, but there were no tears on her face. She was smiling and her small hand cupped his cheek, feeling the contours of his expression. "I'm so glad you are home."
"I´m just glad to be finally here with you." He gently took her hand in his and reverently kissed it. Soon, he would be kissing every part of her, worshipping her slender body from the top of her head to her little toes, as was only her due.
"You look tired," Padmé noted, her eyebrows crinkling with worry.
"And you look divine – as usual." Anakin cast an appreciative look at his wife. Padmé's long curls were held back from her face by small, emerald green hair combs. The brown hair tumbled freely down her back and framed her lightly made-up face. She was wearing white silk culottes and a green long-sleeved tunic with golden embroidery. She looked radiant.
"You need rest. I hope they'll not send you out anytime soon." Something dark flickered in her eyes for a second; then it vanished and Padmé smiled ruefully. "Although that's probably just a fool's hope."
Anakin, not wanting to even think of parting from her anytime soon, grinned roguishly. "I only need you." He bowed his head and captured her lips with the ease of the thousands of kisses that had come before. Padmé kissed him back with all the fervour of her mighty spirit. With each deep kiss they banished the bitter separation they had had to endure; with each warm, joined breath they dispelled the cold of loneliness; with each hungry swipe of tongue they stoked the simmering passion back into full flame.
He begun to steer them towards the rest of the apartment, not letting go of her, only allowing their mouths to separate to draw in air. Padmé was moaning quietly, shivering under his roaming hands. Force, he had waited, dreamed of her touch for so long. Sometimes, in the endless nights on the battlefield, it had seemed like the only thing sustaining him.
"Anakin…" Padmé moved her head to the side, letting Anakin's lips fall on her cheek. "Anakin, wait a little…"
"I want you," Anakin confessed, voice gravelly. "I´ve waited for so long. Padmé…" He kissed her neck, her chin, her lips again. He could never get enough of her.
"I know," she sighed, kissing him once, twice and then suddenly twisting away from Anakin's arms. "My love, I´m so sorry, but we have to wait just a little longer – I have to go."
It took Anakin a moment to understand what she was saying. "What? Now?" He asked, incredulous.
Padmé looked apologetic, but still resolute. Anakin had always hated that expression, those few times it had been aimed at him. "I have a meeting that I absolutely have to attend. And it cannot be rescheduled. I thought I would see you much later."
"We arrived early," Anakin said dully. It had always been that the sooner he could see his wife, the better – or so he had thought. How could Padmé leave him, when he had just gotten there? When they had barely begun to acquaint themselves with each other´s bodies and minds again?
"We'll have the whole evening to ourselves when I get back, I promise." Padmé was looking at him solemnly, willing him to understand.
"Just who are you meeting?" Anakin's voice came out hard; she was not dressed for a policy or business meeting, but for an informal get-together.
"Some fellow senators and allies."
"If that's all –" Anakin scoffed.
"Anakin, please. I'm already late." Padmé turned away from him, towards the small docking area, where her own personal speeder was neatly parked beside Anakin's.
"Then be late!" He took hold of Padmé's arm, halting her.
Her eyes met his, flashing with ire. "Anakin, this is important."
"More important than me?"
Padmé pursed her lips and said quietly, "That's not fair. This is my job – my duty."
"Your duty is to me!" Anakin roared without thinking. Nothing was going the way he had imagined. An appalled silence filled the space between them, the space that seemed to grow wider with every charged second.
"I don´t want to fight. Not now, Anakin." The please remained unspoken, but was visible in her eyes. For the first time Anakin noticed that behind the façade of fine clothes and artfully arranged hair, Padmé seemed tired. The same kind of bone-deep tired Anakin felt, that burrowed into his very soul.
"Alright," Anakin said tightly, letting go of her arm. He knew he could not stop his wife from leaving; he never could stop Padmé from doing anything she had set her mind to. He had lost this particular battle even before it had begun.
"I will come back as soon as I can," Padmé promised gently. "In the meantime, eat something and try to rest."
"Whatever you command," he said, and this time the familiar words were not said teasingly but with a hint of acid. Padmé didn't deign to answer; she gracefully entered her speeder and switched on its engine. Anakin wanted to turn his back to her, disliking to having to watch her drive away – but as always, he was helpless when it came to her. He looked as she swooped among the traffic; looked until she was long gone.
The empty apartment was just a mocking reminder of their botched reunion, and Anakin knew he couldn't stand the guileless fussing of C-3PO. And as he couldn't bear to stay, there was only one place he could go; only one person who could make him feel better. After all, even knowing all of Anakin's secrets, the Chancellor welcomed him with open arms and an understanding smile. This time would be no different, Anakin was sure of it.
-o-
"Anakin! My dear boy, I heard you were back in Coruscant, but I didn't dare to hope I would see you so soon." The Supreme Chancellor sounded delighted, rising from behind his large desk to greet Anakin.
"I'm sorry if I'm interrupting –" Anakin started to say, suddenly acutely aware that the most powerful man in the Republic might have something else to do than to listen to his troubles.
"No, of course not. I have always time for you." The grandfatherly man touched Anakin's arm and smiled. "I must admit I am flattered that you came to see an old man, when surely there are someone much more…lovelier for you to spend your time with."
"Well…I…" Anakin stammered, not knowing what to say. Although the Chancellor knew of his secret marriage to Padmé, they rarely spoke about it. Imagining telling the kindly man of his spat with his wife made Anakin inwardly cringe; suddenly his fight with Padmé seemed petty and mean-spirited.
"I see I have embarrassed you!" Chancellor Palpatine´s eyes twinkled with mischief. "Come, sit down. Do you like some refreshments? You must have come straight from the briefing with the Jedi Council." The Chancellor ushered Anakin to a chrome-coloured couch and pointed to a side table that held a collection of expensive looking bottles.
"Thank you, but I don't need anything." Anakin sat down on the couch, the mere mention of the Jedi Council making him instantly uncomfortable and irritated. The Council was wrong to withhold information from the Supreme Chancellor. The deceit made him angry, although Anakin could recognize the logic behind it. The holocron was simply too important to risk falling into the wrong hands, and although Chancellor Palpatine was absolutely trustworthy, his staff might be a different matter. So, for the moment, Anakin resigned himself to the fact that the Chancellor couldn't know about the holocron – not yet.
"Are you feeling well?" Chancellor Palpatine asked, settling himself next to Anakin. The wrinkles around his blue eyes seemed to deepen with worry. "I trust you were not injured?"
"No, I'm fine," Anakin hastened to reassure his old friend and confidant. The Chancellor's obvious concern made Anakin feel humble and grateful. That such an important man worried about him, cared about him, always lightened his soul.
"That's a relief," Chancellor Palpatine sighed. "Although your talents are extraordinary, I do worry…"
"Thank you, Chancellor." To his alarm, Anakin suddenly felt a lump in his throat. "Your concern means a lot to me." He swallowed, trying furiously to banish the onset of tears.
Chancellor Palpatine's hand came to rest upon Anakin's shoulder, and his eyes were kind and knowing as he examined Anakin's face. Anakin had a feeling that the observant man could see right through him. "My boy, you are obviously troubled…Are you worried about Master Kenobi? I heard he had to stay behind on a medical frigate due to some injuries."
"Obi-Wan is already on the mend. Nothing can keep him down for long," Anakin answered, forcing a light-hearted smile on his lips.
"So it seems," the Chancellor rasped. "However did he manage to injure himself this time? I can guess that once again he owes his life to you."
"He…" Anakin bit his lip, hating the lie. "He fell ill. And I was not much help."
"I'm sure that's nonsense!" Chancellor Palpatine exclaimed. "I'm certain you were a great help to Master Kenobi – he is fortunate to have a friend like you."
"He…he might not think so, not anymore," Anakin confessed, feeling wretched. The thought, that the rift between him and his Master might be beyond repair, sent a fresh wave of despair through Anakin. The painful thought had plagued him persistently the whole week, had continued to fester inside of him wherever he was and whatever he did.
"What has happened?" The Chancellor seemed bewildered. "I though you two were such great friends…"
Anakin clasped his hands tightly together, as if that way he could contain all the confusion and pain inside him. "I…I don't know if I should…" He wanted to tell the Chancellor about Obi-Wan, wanted to share the awful burden of their discord, but something in him protested. Anakin knew that Chancellor Palpatine would take his side, would perhaps criticize Obi-Wan – and for the first time in their long acquaintance that felt somehow…unfair.
"Oh, my dear boy," the Chancellor sighed. "You know you can tell me anything. I have always kept your secrets and will continue to do so. And here with me, you have never needed to pretend to be something you are not, like you have to do with the Jedi. I know you, Anakin."
Anakin shivered. He looked into Chancellor Palpatine's eyes and saw only concern, friendship and a wish to help. The old man was probably Anakin's only friend at that moment: Ahsoka had left, Padmé had better things to do than be with him, and Obi-Wan…Obi-Wan couldn't bear the sight of him.
"I told him…I told him about the Tuskens, what I did."
The Chancellor looked stunned. "Oh Anakin…Why did you do that?"
"I – I had to," Anakin said feebly. The why was the part he couldn't explain, so he forged ahead. "He knows about Padmé too. Obi-Wan was shocked – obviously – but I thought – I hoped he would understand, but he was so horrified about the…about me killing –" It was hard to continue, so Anakin fell silent.
"Has he told the Jedi Council?" Chancellor Palpatine asked sharply.
Anakin shook his head. "No…not yet."
"I was afraid of this…I was always certain that Master Kenobi knowing would be a great mistake, as I said to you Anakin." The old man sounded sorrowful, and he was pursing his thin lips in dismay. "Kenobi cannot understand you Anakin…He is too mired in the rigid Jedi code, too unfeeling to truly see what you were going through…"
Miserable, Anakin couldn't protest; it all seemed true.
"Now, do you know what he is going to do about this?" Chancellor Palpatine's eyes held a sharp glint and Anakin was reminded that behind the exterior of the grandfatherly figure was a successful politician. The Chancellor would help him – hadn't Anakin secretly counted upon it?
"I don't know. Obi-Wan promised that we would talk first, before he did anything." What would his Master do? Would he see Anakin expelled from the Order? And would expulsion be enough, or would the Jedi defer the matter with the Tuskens to the Judicial Department? What would happen to Anakin then? And to Padmé – if it all came public knowledge, Padmé's reputation would be ripped to shreds by the hungry press and all her numerous enemies in the Senate.
As if he had read Anakin's mind, Chancellor Palpatine said reassuringly, "Don't you worry, my boy. You are a hero of the Republic – no one will fault you for killing those filthy beasts who murdered your mother. If the Jedi in their folly expel you from their stagnated Order, you will still have a great place by my side – I promise that you will continue to defend and protect the Republic."
"Thank you…" Anakin muttered, relieved but at the same time ashamed. It didn't feel quite right that his possible punishment was nullified even before any charges had been raised.
"Now, Anakin, keep your chin up!" The Chancellor smiled and patted Anakin on the shoulder. "Everything will sort itself out. Remember, nothing is ever certain and anything can happen. Perhaps Master Kenobi will think better of it and keep your secrets to himself after all."
"Maybe…" Anakin muttered, sceptical. Obi-Wan was nothing if not a man of honour, of right and wrong. His Master may have turned a blind eye to Anakin's nightly wanderings around Coruscant, when he had been a Padawan, but he would not excuse a secret marriage or the killing of the Tuskens. No, the best Anakin could hope for was Obi-Wan's forgiveness – but did he truly deserve that?
"It's a pity if Master Kenobi cannot be a better friend to you – that to him, the Jedi code will always come first," Chancellor Palpatine murmured softly. "I promise that I will always be here for you Anakin. I will never judge you."
"Thank you…" Anakin said hollowly, the momentarily relief he had felt at the Chancellor's steady words melting away like snow in a desert. Suddenly he thought what Obi-Wan would think of him, if he could see Anakin sitting there beside the Supreme Chancellor, begging for reassurance, for absolution?
Anakin jumped up from the couch. "Thank you again, Your Excellency. I have to go, and I think I have already taken too much of your time."
"Nonsense," the Chancellor protested with a slight smile, standing up. "You are always most welcome."
"Thank you," Anakin repeated again, feeling like a malfunctioning droid. He bowed reverently and left the Supreme Chancellor to continue his tireless work for the Republic. As Anakin hastened out of the Chancellor's office and back towards the Senate Apartment Complex, he somehow felt both better and worse than before.
Author's note: So...how much do you hate Anakin now? :D