This time it was me waking up in the middle of the night to find an empty bed, not Leo.

I had kinda knew already something was bothering him. Even had a small idea of what it may be.

Earlier in the day a turtle marathon had continued on TV that had been running every weekend for about a month now. A different season each weekend was squished into two afternoons of viewing time. Usually these turtle watching sessions that held my two young children captive for hours was met with raised browridge amusement from the real life turtles. This weekend was a bit different.

Those of you familiar with the 03 turtles may understand this a bit more when I tell you that it had finally come time for season four to roll around. And Leo had watched from the background like he usually did. Normally these viewings would be met with banter from the brothers to the annoyed repeated "Shhh!" of my children. Leo didn't participate as the episodes dragged on this time. Instead he grew quieter and more withdrawn as they drug on.

The others didn't notice, but I did. He watched like someone who was staring at a wreck as they passed by. Knowing it was probably serious and you should just keep going...but you just couldn't take your eyes away from it. By the time Leo had exploded on TV at his brothers after the whole Hun plane hijacking/Casey fight on the top of the trucks episode, the real life Leo had quietly walked out.

To be fair, I did try to find him. But I think it's pretty understandable when I couldn't. I've learned before that if he didn't want to be found, he wasn't going to be. At that time I hadn't even had the bond yet so I couldn't even track him down that way since this whole ordeal happened while I was pregnant with the twins and I didn't start the bond with him until later.

After walking around for abit, I just sighed as I let my eyes wander the fields and small forests around me. He wasn't anywhere to be seen. I just returned silently back to the house, hoping he wouldn't stay out too long.

It was suppertime when he did finally come home. But whatever he did out there didn't help. His eyes had a haunted look in them as he joined us in the kitchen. He didn't really eat.

"You ok bro?" Mikey asked him.

Leo looked up from the plate, where he just been pushing his food around. "Yeah... I'm...just not hungry tonight I guess." Then he got up and walked out. I frowned slightly at that but his brothers just shrugged it off. Cris was also looking thoughtfully at him as she chewed then met my eyes. I think she knew what I was thinking as I got up and followed him out.

This time when I looked for him I found him already stripped of his gear and laying in bed, arms crossed behind his head as he leaned against the wall, his eye lost in the distance. He didn't even notice that I looked in on him. Another quiet sigh escaped my lips as I quietly closed the door back.

He hadn't moved from that spot when I came back in later after I put the kids to bed.

I think when I tried to slide into bed, very awkwardly due to my protruding battering ram, snapped him out of his daze long enough to help me. Even that was different though. Usually it was me clinging to him when something bothered me. Now he held me close as he leaned me against his chest, still in that sitting position. It was his arms seeking the support. I didn't ask him what was wrong, simply because he wasn't ready to tell me. I just did what I could.

I had nodded off, but apparently he didn't. But before he left the room he did make sure I was tucked warmly in the covers. I now kicked them off. I was about tired of this shit. Something was bothering him and I was going to find out what it was.

The robe came on, wrapped awkwardly around my belly, and I went looking for my mate...again...

He was in my spot. That small little hill I always go to when I feel like stargazing. Again he took my place as he was the one looking up at the stars above us. I quietly approached, but I knew he heard me. Probably because I was very noisy about it with my burden.

"You shouldn't be out here in the dark dear one." His quiet voice came to me as I drew closer. Then, he finally turned to me as he took my hand to steady me as I stepped closer over the uneven ground. "I don't want you to fall."

"Then stop making me worry, and I wouldn't be out here." I calmly told him. Again his arms wrapped around me, tighter than normal as he rested his cheek on top of my head. "What's wrong Leo." It wasn't a question.

He didn't answer, for a long while he kept silent. I was about to ask again when his still quiet voice met my ears. "It still shocks me how much those cartoons are so damn accurate..."

"I thought that may have been what's bothering you." I told him as I looked up at him. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to let them watch that with you there. That season doesn't exactly put you in the best light in the first half."

"Maybe not...but it hit spot on..." He held me even tighter, carefully though so he would squish his offspring that was causing a ruckus in my tummy at the moment. He brought a hand over the bumping belly with a soft smile and the wriggling calmed again. "Little one is feisty tonight."

"Little one has been feisty all day." I corrected him as I winced with a final kick. "Now quit trying to change the subject and talk to me."

"I really don't know what to say Vicky." He looked back up again, trying to find some kind of peace from the stars above. "Besides...I've felt the same way he did."

I quietly looked up at him as his eyes wandered over the skies. I knew he was trying to find the words to tell me what he was feeling.

"I know what it's like..." He started again after a few minutes. "To try so hard and still feel like it wasn't enough. To almost lose everyone you care about because you just weren't good enough..."

My head tilted a little at that as my eyes narrowed. "Everyone? Or a certain someone?"

Those blue eyes came back down, and there were tears in them. "Both..." He admitted. "There have been a few times where if sheer dumb luck hadn't intervened, or Father, or even April, Vern and Casey...we wouldn't be here. To have been training for so long, fighting so many times, you would think that things like that wouldn't happen."

"But they still did. And then I come along and complicate matters for you..." Yeah, by then I pretty much heard all about the tranq needle incident in Stockman's lab. "I end up making you face those fears all over again."

He didn't deny it as he still looked at me. I wasn't mad about it though as I calmly looked right back at him. "I saw how he struggled with what had happened." Leo continued. "Felt his pain as he tried to come to terms with it. The way he lashed out at anyone who tried to harm his family and friends. Vicky...that was the exact same things I was feeling the night Bishop took you, and the time you went through that portal. It was that same underlying anger, the guilt... I could do nothing to keep it from happening... I lashed out at my own brothers the same way he did." This time a tear did slide down his cheek.

I just reached up and brushed it away. "Leo, you aren't the only one who saw something of themselves in those episodes. I had my own problems watching them for the first time. And, to be completely honest with you, it's those episodes that set what I felt for you in stone in my heart before I even met you. He felt like he failed as a leader, failed at protecting his family. I felt like I had failed my own. Different scenarios, but I still connected with that on a level I'm not sure you fully understand. If it hadn't been for that story line I'd still be mooning over Mikey. May not sound like a lot, but it's because of that that I feel for you the way I do now. I understand your struggles, because I've lived my own version of it. With time, that connection turned into my own version of love as I watched you grow from that. It gave me strength to keep pushing on myself. That is something I will always be grateful for. And it's also something you still do now. You grow from it. Every failed encounter is learned from and you adjust. And in the end you always turn it back around. Always. And that is one of the things I love about you so much." My hand had by now rested on his cheek. "I love you Leonardo. Your perceived faults about yourself and all. To me you are perfect just the way you are."

His eyes teared up again, and the only reason I noticed that was because his head had came down to kiss me as his arms pulled me close to him again. Then his cheek returned to the top of my head. "I love you Vicky... I don't know how I ever got along without you."

"Probably by kicking someone's ass." I mumbled into his chest and he actually laughed a little at that.

We stood out there, lost in each other's closeness as the minutes ticked by. But the moment was lost when a little someone started practicing their ninjitsu. I winced again as it got a good kick in on my bladder. Great...now I had to pee. "You feel better now?" I asked as I looked up at him.

"Not entirely...but enough to where you don't have to worry about it anymore."

He took my hand then and carefully led me back home, making sure I walked about three feet around any trip hazards. Once he got me safely back inside we went back to bed and, as usual, I was pulled against him as we settled down. "Thank you." He said right before I drifted off.

"For what?"

"For being my comfort."

I smiled up at him. "It's only fair...you do it for me all the time."

"And I always will. But if I catch you wandering out there again in the dark this far along in your pregnancy, I'm going to spank you."

"Oh...shut up!"

His laughter that rang out in the room told me he was already putting his earlier feeling behind him. I smiled as I settled back down, my head resting on his shoulder. It felt nice cheering him up for once.