Lincoln:
Once upon a time, a king had 11 kids
One prince, 10 princesses, one in particular hard to befriend
Thinks she's better than others, with her shiny pink dress
So the prince put her down, the others lived happily ever after. The end.
(he throws the book away)
Okay, let's be honest, everyone knows the truth
Nobody likes you, you bossy, annoying spoiled little youth
Can track the evil in you, even without being a sleuth
It'll take longer for you to change than to regain your front tooth
You wanna win this? Come on sis,
Stop with the lies
You were the one to give me my victory undies
You only try to behave near Christmas Day
I shouldn't be surprised by you being afraid of Santa
Because when he gifted us with twins, one was expected, the other not
And I'll tell ya sis, the latter wasn't Lana.
Lola:
(singing) Who's the girl looking in the mirror?
It's Lola Loud, and it couldn't be clearer
All her cutie pie rivals fear her
(Normal voice) I'm more powerful than an army,
And you're not invited to my tea party!
Oh, you just made a grave mistake
Taking on a princess, time to find out how easily you break.
You may have taken down Lynn and Lori, but I'm more than a match
Try to beef with me? Be warned, I scratch.
The next Cute and Mean
Can also show you worst nightmare you'll ever have seen
Lynn took your name,
'Cuz she's more of a man than you
You being the "man with the plan" brings us a lotta shame
Turn around, I'll show you where I'll fit my high-heeled shoe!
Lincoln:
Lola, I think you're going to hard against me to win
Just like Girl O.J Simpson and Carol's shadow with a fake grin
(Lincoln points to Lynn for the former and to Lori for the latter; both shoot him a glare)
And you might not be Lana, but you'll go with them to the trash bin
I don't think I made a grave mistake, I did it right on my own
Or was "annoying girl" too much to write on your tombstone?
Lola used scratch? Come on, I use swagger
You know, I'm actually having fun with this sandbagger
Wanna talk about Lynn? Okay, let's make the old joke
I'm noticing a complete lack of roasts in your verse, you'll choke.
And I know where you'll fit your shoe, in your wardrobe away from rain
Just after you trip and break your leg because you lack a brain
And you'll be laying without it on your bed due to pain
While me and your twin go to Dairyland again
Lola:
I saw how you treated Lana at that pageant,
Boy, what's wrong with you?
Coming from me, your jerkiness really grew!
You wanna compare me to her and be snide?
Fine, then you're pretty much a clone of Clyde
Probably including everything about Lori,yea, I'd hide...
You could never be dapper, even as Lincolnton
I'm practically perfectly in every shape and form, you're a specimen of sin!
You aren't a tough guy, the thought of football made you hissy
Had to get Lynn to pose as you because you're just a sissy
Oh, and nice victory panties, think there's a version for a man?
I found that more laughable than the undies of Superman
I got 'em because I knew they'd be perfect for you
And you can't taint a diamond's beauty with the dirt that you spew.
Lincoln:
"I got them because I knew they'd be perfect for you"
(Rips off shirt and pants)
That's the only truth you said, Lola.
I know you enjoy the view
And I admit it, I did what I had to for Lana to win
And I'd say the reward made her happier that she has ever been
Lana:
You can bet money on that
Lincoln:
And you're a nice backup against a brat
Lana:
Wait, are you saying...
Lincoln:
Come on Lans, let's see you playing
Lana:
Woohoo, round two, that's right!
Lola, I'm back, Beauty and the Beast,
But only I'll be happy ever after on this track
And Linc can be tough, even not being on the sports crew
I mean, you, Lori and Lynn were roasted by him, weren't you?
Lola:
Roasted? Psssh, he must be gettin' desperate
I thought you'd have a chance again after Lynn,
But you just missed it
I can tell, you're a mini Whitney Wisconsin
Her grossness compared to you sure seems common
I mean, I'm just sayin' about your personality in general,
That explains why you fill our room with animals!
(Lana's eye twitches and she charges at Lola, fists raised)
Lana:
NOW YOU LISTEN HERE-
(Lincoln managed to catch her in time and pulls her back)
Lincoln:
Don't even bother with the girl that will go to hell
And she's close, I can tell by the burning flesh smell
Lori:
Lincoln, that's literally not a word you should say!
Lincoln:
Well, you sure make our lives like it every day
Lana:
Oh, but it's okay for Lola to accuse me of-
Lori:
Now don't you start, or this'll end in tragedy!
And as for the albino squirrel, at least I actually have personality-
(Suddenly, Lynn jumps down from one of the beds and makes her way over to Lola and Lori)
Lynn:
Speaking of personality, the same could be said about Lana
I agree that the Whitney comment was uncalled for,
But one can expect that joke when surrounded by fauna
So, that one's something you're partly at fault for
The fact is, you're just gross comic relief
You're as bad as Luan, to say the least
(Luan looks over with a "You wanna go?" look and walks over to Lincoln and Lana's side)
Lori:
Hey, I wasn't finished!
Lynn:
Does that really matter, or do you wanna win this?
Luan:
Excuse me to interrupt, I think I didn't hear clearly
Even if Luna might have damaged my ears severely
I'm a master comedian! From puns, pranks, acts.
Of course I win!
I mean, your rap is messier than Trump's corn hair in the wind
Luna:
I wouldn't say your puns are any better, either
That sunny disposition of yours sure is a deceiver
I mean, pouring bleach on Lucy?
Now that's some dangerous chemical play even Lisa would consider beneath her!
There's similarities between you two there, which you deny so profusely
Lisa:
I must correct your mistake, sibling unit.
Now listen to me, yes? Unlike my rap, my management of chemicals is 99% harmless
And I've already clarified that, more than necessary, it was too many
You should stop pretending you don't lack brain capacity similar to Leni
Leni:
Oh, I'm the one who's dumb cuz I'm quiet enough not to blast people into walls?
You're the one who was trying to use Lily to catch your pratfalls!
You're a hypocrite, admit it
First place, I fit it
But you'll never make it to Hollywood when you don't got the wit for it!
Lucy:
You forgot me
(everyone jumps in fright)
But it wouldn't be a surprise
To pretend and ignore the one who will bring your demise
Two teams are set, and ready to battle
Or should I say, we're ready to fight, while you are ready to lose
Place your bets, it isn't hard to choose
When Lynn comes in second place, we'll hear the news
(The rap battle turns into unintelligible squabbling and mangled rap lines until Lincoln and Lola calm down both of their teams)
Lola:
Ladies, ladies, calm down!
There're no need to drag this whole thing outta town!
I appreciate the help, but I can assure you, I can take him
Then again, anybody can, he's so frail from drowning in comic books,
In a room filled to the brim
Look at him, like a twig, he's shook!
Rendered speechless while he cowers to my power.
Lincoln:
(groan) Uh, what? Sorry, I fell asleep
This is actually getting boring, your rhymes are cheap
I mean, look at your team, it's a recipe for disaster.
Though, to not humiliate you too much, I'll go faster
From oldest to youngest, we have a lack of love, brains, and common sense
Followed by a lack of respect and manners.
Things get tense!
But I don't worry, we'll win, call me a forecaster
When it comes to rhyming and team picking, I'm the one and only master
Who won? Who's next? You decide! Let us know your thoughts in the reviews! :)