Chapter 10

Upstate New York, USA

Early Winter 2015

Steve was starting to regularly find himself in a tight spot, these days. A tight, conflicted spot.

He honestly didn't know what he'd been thinking. But the opportunity had arisen and he'd taken it. During their last sparring session, he'd reached out and—somehow—had managed to grasp her hand and before he'd even realized what he was doing, had managed to spin her into his arms.

And Nadine, ever on her toes as she was, had taken it up and led him through a few steps of a simple dance even as her eyes widened fractionally before they'd narrowed.

"This isn't another trick, is it?" she'd asked skeptically, lip nevertheless quirking with amusement as she referred to him adding her favourite song to his workout playlist a few weeks previous. He'd just shrugged, grinning down at her even as his hand had found her waist.

As nonsensical as it seemed to even think it, the moment had been…almost magical. Surreal. Surprise had flickered across her face as she'd looked up at him and nerves had prickled through him, fear that he had somehow overstepped nearly overwhelming the sudden pleased feeling that had bloomed in his chest. And then she'd stepped closer, smiling up at him as she adjusted their stance into something approximating a classic dancing pose. Her normally guarded, cool grey eyes had warmed, echoing the laugh that had escaped at his rather stilted steps in response to her much more experienced ones.

Of course, with a wicked grin she'd then segued into a twisting, neat little turn beneath his arm that had ultimately seen him dropped to the mats in a devastatingly sly attack. In a blink she'd been crouched over him, a knee pinning his elbow and her arm braced across his chest. And as she'd been leaning over him…he wasn't too proud to admit to himself that, in that moment, he'd seriously considered pulling her down and kissing her until they both couldn't breathe.

But he'd let the moment pass, forcing himself to resume their sparring instead of giving into the temptation to act on the feelings that had been growing for…well, he wasn't even sure how long, now. Feelings that he knew better than to act on, regardless. No matter how much he might want to. Feelings that his carefully cultivated self-control was having a harder and harder time keeping in check.

Feelings that he hadn't quite realized had become quite that strong.

It had certainly been an enlightening moment on top of enjoyable.

It meant that those few moments there when they'd been dancing…he couldn't stop thinking about them, now. And they were doing distracting things to his pulse and his stomach alike.

It had just felt so natural, and he had very nearly pulled her back into his arms several times since. He just couldn't quite get the feel of her in his arms out of his head, or the way she had laughed and smiled up at him. Jeez, he just couldn't seem to stop thinking about her. Though, that problem had started back before his little impromptu dance move. Though just when, he couldn't quite pinpoint.

There had definitely been a draw back at the Avengers tower, already, when Natasha had all but dragged the blonde assassin to their celebration party. There'd been a couple moments that night when he'd had to remind himself to think around her. She'd looked fantastic in the green dress Nat had picked out—beautiful and graceful and still, somehow, coolly capable and impossibly strong. But more than just her admittedly great appearance, there had been something about the brief, distinct moment between them when he had visibly surprised her by being able to relate to the antsy feeling that came from spending time away from an incomplete mission on something frivolous. From understanding what she must've felt like, even a little, at being pulled away from her work to find Nina for the sake of a party. And when she'd genuinely smiled back, grateful for his understanding? Allowing that controlled mask of hers to slip for a moment of genuine connection? Much as part of him didn't really want to admit as much, his stomach had flipped happily at having been the one to bring that expression to her face.

Perhaps that's when it had started. Their time at the Barton Farm had certainly helped too. And that wasn't even mentioning the time they'd spent in each other's company since she had agreed to stick around the Compound as a training consultant.

Even after everything that had happened on the Quinjet, there was still a part of him that had been drawn to her. A draw that, in retrospect, he was beginning to think had been yet another factor to his overreaction toward her on the way to Seoul.

To find out everything he had about her had been a shock to say the least. Some of it had physically hurt to hear about. And not just the things he'd learned about Bucky. An ache still lingered in his gut to think about what she and Natasha must have endured in the place where they'd grown up.

And another part of him was more awed than he could say that they had become the women they both were today despite of it all, despite enduring a horrific upbringing that should have easily stripped them both of their humanity and their conscience just as it had moulded them both into lethal weapons.

It was something he'd discussed with Natasha at length since her and Nadine's past had come out and after the sister spies had gone after their old training mistress. There was little doubt that both of them could still be cold, calculating, ruthless killers if the need arose, that both of them were still perfectly capable of turning off the 'human' side of themselves off. Yet somehow, despite being twisted and shaped into operatives who could hunt and lie and kill without a moment's hesitation, they were both determined to rise above that side of themselves and the shadows in their pasts. To become more than what they were made to be. To be a force for good in the world instead of destruction as their training had prepared and intended them to be.

That their pasts didn't define them.

It was more evident in Natasha's case than Nadine's, of course, as Natasha had left that life behind far earlier in many respects than Nadine had despite Nina's indisputable impact on helping her mom reclaim herself from what that place had made her the way the Bartons and S.H.I.E.L.D. had for Nat. And though it was still painfully clear at times that Nadine still very much doubted she could be anything but the remorseless assassin she had been, there was still little doubt that she very much was not what she had been trained to become.

That she was far more. Far better.

Hell, Steve saw as much clear as day any time he saw her with Nina or Nat or the Twins. He saw it in her drive to find Bucky, to atone for something that she had little real choice in, that she felt responsible for despite being as much a victim as he had been. All the times she could've left during and immediately after the Ultron Fiasco, but didn't, joining in on a fight that wasn't hers and risking everything in the process without a second thought—well, maybe it had taken a second thought, but only because the first had been wholly devoted to her daughter.

There was no mistaking her innate drive to do the right thing, to do good in the way she had stepped up to help the Avengers when she would've been perfectly within her rights to leave. Then and now.

She was a much better person than she gave herself credit for.

Than she should probably have been.

It all inevitably drew Steve's thoughts to how.

Even those with the strongest wills could break and succumb to the kind of brutal reprogramming Nadine and Nat had endured. And they had been children, trained to the mindset of remorseless, efficient killers since infancy. To know nothing else but cruelty and violence and death.

And they had both overcome it.

He had little doubt that, given the strength bond they shared now, even after nearly two decades apart, that their relationship had as large a role in it as the strength of each of their formidable wills. That their ability to lean on each other, to care for each other had allowed them both to retain enough of their humanity among the remorseless drive and expectations of their training to keep the spark of good in each of them alive despite nearly impossible odds. That it gave them a route back from the programming that had attempted to erase who they were.

Steve also very much believed that, in Nadine's case, Nina truly had been Nadine's redemption, not just in pushing her to run from the Red Room, but also in helping her to extricate herself from the mire of her training, to become more than just a merciless killer. That having Nina had helped her regain her compassion and her ability to connect. To love.

But there was one more factor he couldn't help but consider.

Nadine's Treatments.

Natasha's too, if Nadine's revelation on the way to Sokovia the first time were true. Both sisters seemed to believe as much, and Steve could understand why; even if not as noticeable as in Nadine's case, there were times when Natasha did move a little too quickly, hit a little too hard and recover a little to fast for someone without a little something extra helping along their natural physiology.

And if those Treatments were derived from Erskine's formula as Nadine's research seemed to indicate? Erskine's words all those years ago, from that night before Steve's transformation, echoed through his thoughts:

Good becomes great. Bad becomes worse.

Steve couldn't help but wonder, thinking back on Nadine and Nat's exposure to even a derivative of Erskine's formula, if it had, in fact, amplified the very traits the Red Room had been striving to erase, the traits they'd kept alive in each other. If, in giving them the Treatment, their supervisors had in fact undermined their own efforts to create the ultimate, conscience-less operatives. That it had further strengthened the good in them, allowing them to keep that good from being subsumed or even snuffed out. It was a possibility he couldn't help but consider.

Would Nadine's innate good side have been able to overcome the brutal programming the Red Room had inflicted on her if not for the boost the Treatments may have given her?

Would Natasha?

Should they both be thanking the Treatments for helping them to keep a hold of their humanity?

Hard to say. There was no way of knowing now.

And frankly? Steve couldn't even say he cared.

It wasn't important. Not really. What was important was that they had maintained who they were, even if it had been buried almost beyond their reach for a time. And that now they were both determined to rise above what their training had made them. Even if, like in Nadine's case, they wondered if that goal would forever be out of reach.

He was rather more inclined to think they had both already achieved as much. A long time since, even. That their task now wasn't so much reclaiming what the Red Room had worked to train out of them, but to maintain and nurture it now that they had found it again…whether they realized they had or not, as it were.

And if that thought didn't make him respect both of them all the more.

Especially Nadine.

Because even believing as she did that she was forever tainted by the evils in her past, that she would never be truly deserving of being called a 'good person,' she still very much strove to be. Even if half the time she didn't seem to be aware that she was doing so.

She was a much stronger and better person than she gave herself credit for, that was for sure.

And dammit if he wasn't starting to feel more than simple friendship for her. Enough 'more' that he found himself contemplating pursuing something more than just friendship with her almost daily. Not to mention he kept wondering what it would be like to have her in his arms for reasons other than training…and despite his efforts to banish the thought from his mind, it just kept returning more frequently as time passed

Hence the tight, conflicted spot he found himself in. For one very complicated reason.

Bucky.

He sighed heavily, reaching for his mug as he tried desperately to keep himself on task as he doubled down on the less glamorous side of being the de facto leader of the Avengers: paperwork. A rather empty mug. Leaning back in his chair, he swallowed back another sigh.

Bucky complicated everything.

More precisely, Bucky's past with Nadine complicated everything.

Groaning, Steve pulled himself from his chair, abandoning his paperwork for the time being in pursuit of another bracing dose of caffeine.

It was a complication he just couldn't seem to rationalize his way around. Yes, Nadine said that there had been nothing truly romantic between her and Bucky, that their time together had been nothing more than convenience—an escape he remembered with an uncomfortable twist in his gut.

But then, how much of that was Nadine's lingering belief that she didn't deserve that kind of happiness, or even that she was incapable of finding it; nonsense, Steve thought, but not exactly feelings a person could deny if their life had been dark enough to foster such beliefs. As Nadine was realizing more and more that she was more than what her training made her, would she eventually realize that there might actually have been something there between her and Bucky? Something she had just convinced herself hadn't been there to make her already hard life and the hard choices she'd had to make over the years just a little easier? Something she had denied to herself? He didn't think that was the case, having gotten to know her as he had, but the small, niggling doubt wouldn't entirely leave him be.

And what about Bucky?

As much as he hated to think about it considering his own growing feelings for the blonde assassin, Steve couldn't deny that it was possible Bucky had felt something for Nadine. That he might have grown to care for her even despite the hold his programming held over him at the time. And if that were the case? Steve couldn't do that to his friend.

So even growing to care for Nadine as he was, he couldn't bear the thought that he risked betraying his friend. He couldn't bring himself to pursue the woman his best friend might have grown to care about first. Not when Bucky had already been through so much.

Not until he knew for sure.

And on top of it all, that wasn't even really factoring in that Nadine was the mother of Bucky's child; yet another complication, a line he wasn't sure he should cross, no matter how much part of him wanted to.

So as much as he wanted to see if there really was the potential for more to grow between him and Nadine, he had to resist. The need for discipline in this instance could not be overstated. For so many reasons…thus self-restraint was a virtue he needed to ascribe to.

For now…or at least, so a part of him hoped.

But it was all a moot point at the moment. Steve inhaled deeply as he made his way through the base. As hard and as diligently as Nadine was working toward tracking down Bucky, her progress had slowed again, her expertise in tracking those who didn't want to be found going up against Bucky's expertise in making sure he couldn't be found. As much faith as he still held in Nadine's ability to find him, his optimism that she would be able to do so quickly had nevertheless dimmed.

And as much as part of him wanted to, he had no intention of insisting she devote the entirety of her time and energy to it. He couldn't. She didn't deserve that. Just as Nina deserved her mother's attention. That she needed it. Especially now, with Nina on the verge of starting her adult life.

Steve couldn't even think about taking that away from either of them. Not after everything they'd both been through.

He absently shook his head. There really were too many other things he was supposed to be focused on just now. And not just on the administrative side of leading the Avengers. Crossbones was still a concern, especially since he, Nadine and Nat were having trouble zeroing in on him. For all that he seemed to be amping up his game, hitting heavily armed police stations all over the African continent, Rumlow was also proving far too good at disappearing underground for comfort. Meaning that, despite their best efforts, there was a good chance that they were simply going to have to wait until he reemerged and they got lucky enough to catch onto the chatter surrounding his movements in time to intercept him.

Not a pleasant thought.

Especially given that they had been close to getting him barely a couple weeks before. Steve fought not to clench his jaw, reminding himself that he needed to let go and move on. What was done was done and Pietro, so far, seemed to be heeding Steve's warnings about the importance of following orders in the field. So that was something.

And speak of the devil…Steve hesitated as he reached the kitchenette of Common Area, his attention abruptly falling on the couple tucked away on the red couches in the far corner as he turned from the coffeemaker, newly refilled mug in his hand.

All he'd been looking to do was track down some coffee. He'd certainly not expected to come across what he was looking at now…though, in hindsight, he supposed he should have seen it coming. In some ways, it was a surprise he hadn't come across this before…

But it was still a bit of a shock to come across Nina curled up comfortably on Pietro's lap, her arms around his neck as they kissed rather intently, one of his hands beginning to skim up beneath her shirt as he pulled her closer.

While one part of Steve was amused by the display of young love, even inclined to be indulgent and let them be—something the jealous teenager in him was all for given that he'd never had the opportunity himself—another part was certainly not inclined to let it go on. Especially as Pietro's hand kept wandering slowly higher. Part of him, a nearly paternal part bellowing that this was his best friend's daughter, was very much not amused.

The pair were completely lost to the world, not even noticing he was even in the room or that he'd approached until Steve pointedly cleared his throat, his arms crossing authoritatively as he surveyed the young couple.

At the sound Nina and Pietro abruptly jerked apart, both of them panting faintly as a matching flush grew on their cheeks at being caught out. Especially Nina's.

"And just how would your mother react had she been the one to find the two of you like this?" He couldn't help the faint smirk that threatened as Nina's flush deepened. "She is rather protective of you after all, Nina. Not to mention she's still not quite happy with Pietro here after the way he was behaving a little while back." Nina scoffed, fixing Steve with a defiant look that could rival Nadine's. But when she spoke, a trace of her latent Russian accent broke through, revealing how apprehensive she actually was.

"C'mon, Steve. It's not like she doesn't know he's my boyfriend." Pietro started, a curious frown appearing on his face as he looked back to her. She shot him a questioning look of her own and a shrug. "What? Aren't you my boyfriend?"

He seemed a little startled by the declaration, but a satisfied grin broke out across his face as he shrugged back, his arm tightening around her waist. "If you want me to be."

It was hard not to miss the trace of relief in Nina's eyes as she grinned at him before looking to Steve again, the look of defiance returning.

"It's not a big deal," she waved off. Steve merely quirked an eyebrow at her again, a knowing look on his face. She huffed after a moment, fighting not to squirm under the scrutiny. "Fine. It's a little bit of a big deal," she admitted with a grudging mutter before turning an indignant look to Steve. "But she does know, so what's there to be upset about?" A commiserating almost-grin appeared on Pietro's face as he pressed a light kiss to her temple before shooting Steve a look all but daring him to say something. Steve had to hide his own amusement as the speedster had to fight not to quail at the Captain's reprimanding glance. Steve sighed; he hadn't signed up to deal with, well…this. Soldiers, he could handle. The Avengers? Sure. Tony? A bit of a trial sometimes, but he managed.

But hormonal, in-love young people just barely on the adult side of teenagers?

Steve sighed heavily, taking his time before answering. "You're probably right," he admitted after a moment of scrutiny that had them both beginning to squirm uncomfortably. Nina nearly deflated with relief while Pietro let loose a relieved huff of his own.

Steve nearly laughed, but continued instead, unable to help the urge to caution them…at least a little. "But you know we're just—we're all a little protective of you, you know. Not just your mom but me and Nat and Barton; most of us, really. And I think we all just want to make sure you're being, well…" An uncomfortable heat began rising up his neck, seeping toward his face as he trailed off, realizing even as the words rose to his lips how they were going to sound given what he'd caught the young couple doing. Nina's eyes went wide as she abruptly looked away, filling in herself exactly where he'd been about to go with that line of thought and taking it precisely the way he'd just realized she probably would. Pietro just cleared his throat, looking pointedly away from Steve, his cheeks had growing distinctly pink as well. "…careful," he finished, mostly managing to cover his discomfort with authority. The matching stricken looks on both their faces helped a little.

"Aww, c'mon now, Captain Rogers. I know I'm known for going fast, but we're taking this slow," Pietro piped up, shooting Steve a challenging look, though the nervous flicker in his eyes revealed the bravado to be forced, "is more fun, this way," he grinned, meeting Nina's gaze and drawing a faintly exasperated yet pleased smile from her. Steve raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, fighting back the sudden urge to drag the young man to his feet and knock some sense into him…'cause that would go over well…

"Nice try," he answered dryly instead, "don't forget, I was your age once, Maximoff; lightspeed seems slow when you've got a pretty dame on your lap." …not that he'd ever been in that situation at that age… Pietro's grin faded pretty quickly. "Besides, fast or slow, okay with you two dating as she is or not, you really think Nadine would be okay with the two of you getting that, err, into it out here in the Common Room? Or even at all?" Nina rolled her eyes at Steve's observation but nevertheless paled once again. Pietro just laughed.

"It's the twenty-first century, Steve," Nina countered with an absent gesture, a faint waiver to her unconcerned tone, though a defiant and even mischievous light flickered in her eyes. Steve tried to ignore the pang in his chest at the familiar look, the urge to be protective on Bucky's behalf surging forward again. Instead he forced himself to smile indulgently, reminding himself that they were both technically adults, young as they both still seemed.

Neither could he help but admit she did somewhat had a point though he nevertheless maintained his stern demeanour. It did seem more generally acceptable these days to be far more open with that kind of thing than he'd been raised to be…but still. More socially acceptable or not, it still wasn't exactly appropriate to be making out in the Common Room, either. Although, he suddenly realized, if it was somewhere more private… He felt the back of his neck begin to warm. Maybe the Common Room wasn't such a bad idea after all…

"Maybe you should try it?" Steve and Nina's gazes both snapped to Pietro, Steve's eyes narrowing while Nina's went wide. Pietro just grinned wickedly, his eyes glinting as he leaned back. "Loosen you up, you know? Have a little fun. You could always ask Mm Ryker. You certainly like her enough that I'm sure you'd enjoy yourself." Nina's eyes went wider still, her cheeks suddenly flaming as she looked anxiously between Steve and her boyfriend.

"Pietro! That's my mom you're talking about," Nina all but shrieked. Pietro blinked for a moment in bewilderment.

"But, you—" he murmured, but Nina cut him off, almost too quiet for Steve to hear.

"Yeah," she hissed back, "but I don't want to think about it like that. She's my Mom! And—and it's Steve!" Pietro's confusion didn't entirely ease, though his frown did, while Steve was caught somewhere between indignant, thanks to Nina's reaction, and uncomfortable for the same reason, the back of his neck beginning to warm once more.

It certainly wasn't that he'd never thought about it—he'd been distinctly trying to stop thinking about it when he'd interrupted them—it was that it didn't feel as inappropriate as his head kept trying to convince him it was.

And once more he was forcibly reminding himself that Nadine was the mother of his best friend's child. That for that reason alone, nothing was going to happen between them. It couldn't. That he had no way of knowing how Bucky felt about her—if he remembered her at all, he was always forced to consider with a pang—and that since that day when she'd first opened up about her past, Nadine had been all but stubbornly mum on the subject of her feelings for Bucky. He simply had no real idea if she could have feelings for him. She'd admitted once that she cared for Bucky, but despite her assertion that she didn't hold any romantic feelings for him, it was still entirely possible that she had fallen for the Winter Soldier, or even the traces of Bucky that has broken through when she'd known him. It was possible that she had feelings for him that she just hadn't been able to admit to herself.

He had to keep reminding himself of that.

Or he might just find himself taking Pietro's advice.

"Nice try, Maximoff," Steve replied as dryly and casually as he could, crossing his arms over his chest once more to play down any notion that Pietro was more than a little right. Pietro fixed Steve with an unreadable look.

One that nearly had Steve shifting uncomfortably.

Especially when he caught Nina hiding a glance disturbingly reminiscent of Natasha's sly, considering looks. He swallowed back a sigh.

He was going to have to have a talk with Natasha…again, wasn't he.

"Just keep the shenanigans to a minimum, guys," he finished firmly. The pair of them just exchanged a look that didn't leave him at all reassured, especially when Pietro snorted with amusement. Shaking his head with exasperation, Steve turned to retrieve his coffee and retreat back to the safety of his office and his paperwork.

Teenagers…

A/N: I've had parts of this one written almost since the beginning, so I'm super excited to hear what you all think. :D I hope you all enjoyed!

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