Here is another chapter, the story is nearly done!
Life throws you curves, but you learn to swerve.
I stood looking at Jesse, he was angry it was very early in the morning when I had waddled back into our room from using the restroom. I was now six months and four days; our daughter was growing like a weed. But Jesse, he let his fear override his common sense.
When he turned at last to face me there was no trace of tears, not in his eyes or in track marks on his reddening face. His eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard. In that moment I knew he was already far away. His voice low as most are still sleeping even his ma was. "You understand you have a chance of never waking up, you understand all the risks and still want me to be happy. I will be but only after I see for my self that you make it from this,"
I was angry, turning on Jesse like an enraged panther. My voice cutting, "You listen real good, you knock this pity party down this is our daughter and if I die than guess what I DIE! She will need you,"
His own voice hot as he cut me off, "She will have Miles and Celia, because I couldn't bare to see another version of you if you didn't make it. I would find a way to die soon after, we know now it is possible," I swallowed that anger when it was a fire-seed and forgot to drink something cool, and so it grew in my belly until it came out as hot as any dragon has ever flamed... on the person I loved most.
"You are a damn coward, Jesse. You leave if that's how you really feel because I don't want you if you could even mutter those hateful words. This is our daughter and you spew trash at me," I'll never forget his eyes, how that fire burnt him to ash. He loved my sparks of passion, the way I sizzled even in the rain, but that inferno was more than his heart could manage.
"You want me gone than fine," turning on his heel his musky/earthy scent hit me as I snapped back. "I said if you really feel that way about this than leave, in the end only you can control your emotions and actions," he looked to not have heard me but his shoulders slumped just enough to alert me he had in fact heard me. It never stopped him from packing a bag and walking out, all I could do was watch him from the large window until he vanished from my already blurred vision.
Only one I love so much could be my assassin. It takes an inside job to attack one so resilient to emotional injury. That is my heartbreak, to know you are the tool of my greatest pain, my lover. I could be hurt in any way by another and still bounce right back, but you... but you... can do far worse with just a few small words. You don't mean them, I know it - in a way that makes it worse.
I just dress before sitting at the table staring at the clock waiting for him to walk back in and apologize for his words, but by seven…nothing. Mae and Mama are bustling in the kitchen while I realize he left, his fear, anger whatever he was feeling made him snap and walk away. Pain flared in my chest the further he was, every nerve was in pain all the while I sit and stare at the clock like it would bring him home again.
Miles smiled, "Where Jesse go, he ain't in your room, sweetpea,"
When I finally glanced up his face fell, "He left hours ago, I told him if he couldn't be happy or thought that if I did pass he was allowed to leave her because he would see me in her. He packed a bag and walked out," my eyes filling with tears once again as Celia snarled something very mean.
Angus stood, "Lets go get him," anger was heard in his voice, a rare thing. Sniffling, "Leave him, he has to make these choices on his own. He is grown and scared," I ate, our daughter needed me to as everyone talked. None blamed me they all agreed with my statement, but the issue was he left.
Soon three weeks had passed and nothing from him, I get to my feet as Ma was smiling a tray of sugar cookies in hand each in the shape of a heart, it was Valentines tomorrow. I beam at her, "I could eat them all,"
She smirked, "Ain't no one going to stop you either, but are you okay?" she placed the cookies on my lap once I had gotten comfy once again. I sigh, just taking in the scent of the baked goods and her own scent, it was soothing. I tried to think while nibbling on the most perfect cookies ever. "I guess, the pain is there still he is no closer to home. Will he ever?"
"He will," but she knew I was worse by the day.
The last vestiges of the setting sun disappeared over the horizon, the copper hues giving way to a dusty purple scattered with the occasional glitter of a faraway star. The distant skyline stood silhouetted against a velvety sky, the golden dusk enveloped by the twilight sky. I stood when another bout of pain ravaged my belly, this time it didn't vanish. My legs felt heavy as I walked to the table for supper, I was maybe three feet away when it felt like a bucket of warm water ran down my body.
I panicked with a loud scream. Everyone came a runnin this time Mae was the first to me, she understood fast. "The baby is comin,"
"Hospital," we had no choice Little Winnie was coming two months early, already she was her fathers daughter. It was a mad dash as Ma had my bag and Winnies hauling ass to the door as Daddy just picked me up in everyone's eyes and my own, I couldn't get to the tunnel. Everything was horrible, when the labor began the pain was more intense than anything I had ever imagined. Nothing could be more brutal, not whips or chains. I was aware we are in the bed of the truck now, my mind was going a thousand miles, she was early, Jesse was gone and now he wouldn't see her, or me. But in the end if I passed and never woke, he would never have to witness it.
The room was nice, my family and my nurses melting into the background as if they weren't even there, but the snap of the camera was heard to many times. Is there anything more isolating than intense pain? Doesn't pain lock us in as effectively as any prison? After, when my child was born, it was as if only sunshine existed the world, as if all the earth was ushered into harmony.
How many times would I be checked?
The answer was five times.
How many times would the doctor ask where my Jesse was?
Answer was once since daddy got mad something awful.
By ten in the morning my body was giving out not able to take it. I pushed, pushed with everything that I am, because I had to this was our daughter she needed to live. A loud cry was heard, as the pain vanished, and all traces melted from my foggy brain.
I looked into those new eyes, a new consciousness, perfect and reaching out for her love. In that instant I knew that I would do anything to protect our child, that my love was as vast as the universe yet solid as rock. Now I was a mother and would always be.
My eyes closed for what seemed like an hour, but when I woke it was silent, "We got her back, go tell her kin,"
Winifred Celia Mae Tuck was born on Valentine's day, she was healthy other than being small. Her eyes a light brown with flecks of bright blue, her hair an odd mix of brown and a lighter nearly blonde. I sit at home now, we both only stayed for another week before they released us. She still was very small but she was perfect at 4 lbs even, guess due to her health being good they felt she was fit to come home. She suckles for a good twenty minutes total with a single break to burp, but my pain never washed away he missed her birth and me not dying.
Hun was here now, and he took to her like a kitten to cream in fact everyone did. I was back to normal weight or what I had been before I drank, "Can I hold my grandbaby?" it was Miles he was great with her it hurt to know he had two sons at one point, they are gone now but he loved them but their ma took them and ran when she found out what he was.
"Of course, I am famished, and she ate very well," standing so he could take Winnie, it was supper time any how and I wasn't lying my belly was grumbling. Being a mother was hard, she woke up four times each night to feed, she needed diaper changes those times and at times she liked to lay awake, so I wasn't looking to good with being sleep deprived. But I wouldn't change anything about her, she was perfect.
Mile set her in her bassinet that was next to my seat and Ma's, Winnie had every single person wrapped around her finger.
"Winnie has her first check up tomorrow," I alerted them but not like I needed to they always remember.
Ma answered, "My little bit is just growing like a reed," she was always enamored as much as myself.
The next day, found us all in the waiting room of Doctor Morgan's, but only I was heading back. He had a parent only policy so not to many people packed into the small exam rooms. But within an hour she was doing better, gained two ounces and an inch of growth.
The heat was coming and Winnie was not able to deal with it, she was a premie as we all walked back through the woods. Angus and Daddy stayed in town to get some things, Mae with them but Ma and Hun walked with me both not wanting to dilly dally in town with Winnie being unable to deal. She was semi wrapped in a light blanket as the house came into view, I noticed now but not right than the pain was disappearing as we closed in on the house. My own house and Ma's are nearly done and stunning is a good word for them.
Hun smiled, "She looks like her mother more and more by the day, a true beauty she is,"
Ma agreed, "She is, and knowing she is immortal once she turned seventeen makes be joyous to have her living a life of adventure," but it worried me would Winnie think we doomed her, granted that we didn't conceive her naturally.
Hun stood his hand on the door holding it open for us, "Thank you, I ma beat going to go feed her before her nap," at least now she was on a good feeding schedule. My room was a tad colder than the rest of the house as I sit in the rocking chair and start to nurse her, her eyes almond shaped and enchanting as she gazed up at me while she suckled.
It did hurt as she latched on to the other breast. "You're a like a little baby piranha, momma loves you very much," over the last month and a half his name was not said, it hurt and no one wanted to cause me any undue pain.
Winnie just cooed in her baby language, but she did burp and rather loud as I laugh and set her on the changing table her feeding and a good diaper change always went together. Her hair was longer now, I was bald when I was born so this must be a Tuck trait but right now a yellow bow is nestled into her curled tuff of hair.
Only a small sound alerted me the door opened behind me, Ma always brought me a drink and snack while I fed Winnie, it was draining. But it wasn't her voice, no this voice belonged to Jesse.
"I am sorry Finley. I shouldn't have said such things or even thought them, shouldn't have stayed gone for so long, but soon you'll have our dau-" I turned with Winne in my arms, everything slowed down but not my heart it was beating like crazy. Words left me. I stared into those swirling brown eyes burning with emotion, and my heart fell silent. "You had her?" But I couldn't will my lips to move. As if stuck underwater, everything was slow and warbled as his eyes gazed between myself and our daughter who was also awake watching the scene unfold.
I snapped out of it, no anger came like it should have we had forever and being angry lead us to trouble before. "She had her over a week ago, she was two months early. You missed her birth, Jesse," Celia was behind him with a thick wooden spoon, it all happened very fast and in no way was I stepping in to help him.
She attacked, and he fled.