Chapter 8: Adrenaline

Three days after Jess and I were turned away from Billy's, the dreams began again. They changed again. Instead of the confusing images I found myself transported into a memory that wasn't mine. My body was another body. I felt the inconsistent breathes—a sure sign that whoever I was couldn't be human. This person I inhabited only took breath when she couldn't contain her emotions.

In my borrowed body, I stood before the stone thrones in an old chamber with worn and cracked columns. The chamber was large. Every wall, column, and even the ceiling was carved from marble. The room exhaled the very scent of wealth. However the size wasn't enough to hide the obvious lack of natural light. There were chandeliers hanging and more candles around the base of columns. There was a tall set of closed doors—the only escape.

Despite knowing I had never been in that place, I was certain that it had built for the very purpose of proving an excess of priveledge and pride. I understood why this body wouldn't want to breathe here. It was stifling. Gloomy. How could anyone take pride living in such a shadowy place?

The answer to my question was seated casually in a throne, dead centre. He was a young man with long black hair. His eyes were scarlet red. His smile mocked everything he saw. He wore red with a braided rope belt. His skin was pale.

Seated beside him to his left was a fair-haired woman who held his hand. Her eyes saw only him. She had no expression, only watchful eyes.

To the right was a man with bone-white hair that touched his shoulders. He was older than the other two, perhaps late thirties or early forties. His back was perfectly straight. He seemed ready to pounce, and it didn't matter to him what he might pounce at. He was watchful—eager—for a chance to prey.

"How can you ask me to stay another day in this shadow palace?" The question came from me. The voice was mine, but not mine. My hands moved, tensed, with the words. I heard the resentment in my voice.

The one with long black hair only smiled broader. He raised his hand. "Because it is a palace, dear sister," he said. His voice was bright. His movements were energetic. It was no surprise that the chamber had strangers in robes listening to his every word.

"I am tired of living in a palace, Aro."

The man with long black hair—Aro—was the brother of the body I was living in. It was strange that when I looked at him, though I could feel the remnants of love and trust, when I met his eyes my body tightened with fear.

"Tired of ruling an empire?" Aro raised his brows and frowned—only for a moment. He laughed. "Only my sister."

He stood and his hand slipped from the woman's. She stood as he crossed the room.

"It pains me to see you so displeased," Aro said. He reached me and held my hands in his. "Tell me what would make you happy. Ask and I will give you anything, Didyme."

I held my breath. I fought to control the pace of my heart. This was a request I had been thinking of for so long, if he said no… No. This was a dream. What did it matter if he said no? I'd wake up. That would be the end.

"Marcus and I wish to leave," I said.

The chamber made no noise. No breathe. The hands around mine loosened. Aro did not smile.

"Leave?" His voice was frail. He stepped back. He looked beside me. "Is this true?"

For the first time I noticed the man beside me. He was younger than Aro and he black hair was longer, flowing. He was the tall, taller than me or Aro or even the one with bone-white hair—Caius. Though he was expectedly pale—since I was obviously in a chamber of vampires—he was the darkest skin tone. My eyes could pick up the hints of the rich skin he had once when he was human. His eyes were darker than Aro or Caius—more burgundy. He put his arm around me. He was long-limbed and narrow, but not one inch of him lacked muscle. He looked at me with such warmth and confidence. All it took was a touch and he was sure of his decision.

"When you asked me to join you, Aro, I was young. My ambition had no limits." His fingers brushed over my bare arms. He stepped in front of me. "At that time I did not know what I wanted. I do now." He placed an arm on Aro's shoulder. "I will eternally owe you a debt for what you have given me. If the gods erased our time together and sent me back, if I was given the choice to do it again, I would. Gladly. But now I know that I do not need an empire to be content." He released Aro and looked at me, his smile soft. "Didyme is my happiness."

My body moved. My hands touched his chest. His head bowed and he kissed me.

"Marcus," Aro said. His tone was level. His expression unreadable. "You wish to leave with my sister—to give up all we have accomplished together and live a simple drifter's life?"

Holding my hand, he—Marcus—nodded. "We wish for your blessing, Aro, my brother, if you can find it in your heart."

Aro closed his eyes and bowed his head. The woman who had been unable to take her eyes off him came behind him, touched him, and leaned his forehead on his shoulder.

"How can you give up now?" Caius paced the floor. "We have finally made a name. Our kind whispers about us, yes—but what are whispers compared to cheers? To shouts?" Caius' body tensed. His nose crinkled. He was disgusted. "Your ability has seeded doubts in our enemies and brought followers to our side. But you abandon us now, at the very start of our empire, to become a poor traveler?"

"I surrender a gilded cage for my happiness," Marcus said calmly.

Caius shook his head. He opened his mouth to shout, but was silence when Aro raised his hand.

"How many centuries has it been?" Aro said, smiling sadly. "So few it seems." He dropped his hand. "Any mortal would envy the loyalty you have shown me, Marcus. You have been good council for all the time we have been together." Aro looked at me. "And you have made my dear sister blissful. I see the love you share. I am grateful that the gods saw that pairing the two I love most would make you happy." Aro placed one hand on Marcus' shoulder and one on mine. He nodded. "Very well. You have my blessing."

I smiled at Marcus. Marcus thanked Aro. It felt that it shoulder have been a happy moment—but the chamber was darker than ever. The columns were swallowed by shadows. The followers of Aro were gone. Even the woman who clung to him was gone. Caius walked into the shadows. Only the thrones remained. I watched one crumble into dust, and one beside it crack in half. The other were strong, untouched.

"Of course you cannot leave yet," Aro insisted. He folded his hands together. "There is one last matter that can be resolved swiftly with your gift, Marcus." Aro frowned. He turned his back to us. "If you wish, you may leave after."

I stepped forward. "What is this last matter?"

Aro paused. "I am sorry. It must be done." He looked over his shoulder at me. His eyes were wide. "You understand, sister? This is for our empire."

The room was only shadow. No thrones. No light except a glow from Aro's pale skin. Spinning around, I realized I was alone. Marcus was gone.

Aro grabbed my wrist. Fangs pierced from his mouth. His bright movements were now a craze of quick gestures. He pushed me down, his knee against my chest, and his hand around my neck.

"I am sorry," he said. "I love you. I promise that no span of time will take your memory from me."

I struggled, but he broke my bones to stop my movements. I screamed but he only apologized.

"Goodbye."

Aro grabbed my hair and yanked my head. He secured his grip around my head. With a sharp pull, Aro twisted my neck.

I woke shouting and out of breathe. I wriggled out of my sheets and tumbled to the floor. A moment later I heard movement down the hall and my door opened.

"Bella?" My dad stepped into the room when he realized I wasn't in my bed. He looked around and found me on the floor.

"I'm fine," I said, take sharp breathes. "I'm fine. Just a nightmare."

Dad moved to help me get up. I was already half up, forcing him to take my elbow and stand there awkwardly.

"Do you need anything?" he asked. "Glass of water?"

I smiled to reassure him. "I'm fine. It was total fiction. Vampires and stuff."

Dad was relieved. If it had been a dream about failing tests or a reoccurrence of the fateful night in Phoenix he might have stayed to talk about it, but Dad was luckily still very unaware of the non-fiction status of vampires. I just wished Jake were talking to me. This was something I needed to talk about.

Dad said goodnight and closed my bedroom door. I waited under the covers with my eyes open. I was grateful that I was sleepy. My eyes were heavy. If it weren't for my disturbed thoughts and dramatic rise in blood pressure I could have fallen asleep easily. As it was it took half an hour for my mind to calm and another half and hour to sleep. There were no more dreams that night, but I remembered it well when I woke again.

When I went into the bathroom that morning, toothbrush in hand, I traced my reflection in the mirror for signs of change. Who was that person whose eyes I had seen out of? I was sure that Aro, Marcus, and Caius were the names of the Volturri. If only I could talk to Carlisle! Even Alice—she might know what was coming for me. These dreams were to strange to mean nothing. My gut feeling was that Edward leaving wasn't an end to my encounters with vampires. Something was ahead of me.

Marcus had been in most of my throne-themed dreams, but I knew nothing about the real-life Marcus. Had he left the Volturri? Carlisle hadn't been in contact with them since his time in Italy, but I couldn't remember a mention of their numbers decreasing—only increasing. A vain thought entered my mind. I remembered when I learned how Alice and Edward were special—even amongst vampires—and that each vampire has a specific enhanced trait. What if these dreams were my enhanced trait? What if Edward choosing me wasn't a coincidence? What if I was stranger than I knew?

I had to cover the mirror with a towel before I could finish my morning routine. I had to shake these stupid 'I'm so special with my special dreams' thoughts from my head. For all I knew it was my subconscious processing my time with the Cullens. Maybe I wasn't done thinking about what could have happened to me if Edward had stayed?

Crap.

Crap.

Crap.

I hated not having all the information. It was like trying to put together a puzzle in the dark. If I had a way to contact Carlisle or Alice at least I could link a few pieces together—like who the hell was Didyme? Was she a real person or had my dream made her up?

My phone screen was full of messages when I returned to my room.

Last minute camping extravaganza! Jess signed her message with a barrage of emoticons. Yellow-faced toothy-smile, a hiker with walking stick included, a picnic basket, and a campfire.

Has Jess texted u about camping? Angie included a smile with hers too. It was a certain sign she was on board.

R u there? Jess sent a series of impatient texts. Girls only. Night of freedom! S'mores.

I sent a two-word reply. When? Today?

Jess texted me the image of a campfire and a clock. Today.

What about the wolf sightings? It might not be something Jess had heard about. Dad had increased patrols lately.

Glamping, Jess confessed. My parents have a small cabin. But it's so perfect for the four of us to spend a night away!

For a second I considered faking ill. I knew who the four were. Angie. Jess. Me. Lauren. How could Jess not see it? Lauren would never want to sleepover anywhere with me. I admit I was surprised that Jess BFF from hell hadn't talked her out of inviting me.

We could all use a night away from guy drama, Jess texted. She sent me an emoticon of a two figures hugging and a heart. It will be fun. Promise. Guaranteed or your money back.

Jess had made me promise that I would tell her the second Jake contacted me. I guess by her record keeping this was enough time apart that she needed to distract me. Maybe this was why bad things happened to me—because I had met a lot of people in Forks I couldn't live without. What I had gained and what I had lost—maybe, somehow, in a way I couldn't see yet, it balanced.

I decided to humour Jess. Besides, I had never been fortunate to have a girls' night at a cabin. Lemme check with my Dad first.

A distraction. Yeah. I could do that. It's not like I could sort out the clues I had without access to more information. A distraction would be good.

It was no surprise that Dad said yes. I made it that way. Dad was rightfully wary of the wolf sightings—but I spun the cabin location so that the cabin was close to the road and promised we wouldn't be out after dark. I also swore that there would be no deep trek into the woods—which Dad easily believed after I reminded him that despite working at an outdoor store I had little interest in the outdoors. He was easily fooled that I was completely in control.

Dad fully endorsed a summer night at a cabin with my female friends. Even he had begun to make grumpy faces when he saw me looking at my phone. Three days ago he'd said aloud exactly what I was thinking—it was strange that Jake was so sick that he couldn't contact me yet Billy hadn't taken Jake to see a doctor or to the hospital. Dad had called Billy himself—both out of genuine concern for Jake and also because Dad couldn't bear my self-pitying expression—but no luck. Billy had told Dad that Jake was going to be fine but he was in a rough patch. Apparently Billy's tone had implied that until he expressly said so, we were to keep out.

Dad said he'd go check on Billy and Jake while I was out enjoying my girl's night glamping. It worried me that Dad's concern compelled him to investigate the scene. I could only cross my fingers and hope that Jake would be okay.

Packing for a cabin was something I had no experience with. Jess sent me a list of must-haves. Dad helped me find a flashlight, just in case. An old large school backpack served as holder for my survival gear—three granola bars, a pack of cards, rain-jacket, phone charger, three of my favourite DVDs, and dog spray (Dad insisted) to name a few. The non-essentials included an extra pair of clothes (you never know) and Pride & Prejudice (you never know). Dad stocked me with a bag full of snacks from the store. As always he seemed more excited than I was to see me enjoying Forks and friends.

Jess, Angie and (ugh) Lauren picked me up around eleven. We drove for almost an hour. I remembered the way. We stopped short of it, but I knew if I kept walking I could find my way to the Cullens' property. The Cullens had made their home just farther than the clutches of cabins to be shy of society—just far enough that the temptation of the warm-blooded townspeople wouldn't reach them.

The driveway to the cabin itself was short. The cabin was small—as Jess had warned. Dad's house was double the size. It was a classic wood cabin on the outside but completely modern on the inside. Everything was insulated. There were plug-ins and an electronics stand with everything one might need to stave off boredom on a rainy day (game consoles and DVD player, of course). The TV is larger than any TV either of my parents had ever owned. It almost covered an entire wall. Jess explained that late movie nights at the cabin were a family tradition. The kitchen had a popcorn machine and enough kernels to stock a movie theatre. There were multiple flavours. The pantry had plenty of non-perishable goods. Beans had never won me over, but Jess' family was fond enough to have a whole shelf of varying flavours. There was also pancake mix and a waffle maker. I wondered if Mom had stayed in Forks if our life might have looked like that. A cabin just off the road… Late movie nights… A waffle maker… It was laughable to imagine Mom in this place. How could she have stayed in one place long enough to establish such a warm, cozy tradition? She'd go crazy.

Jess divided us into sleeping quarters. Jess and Lauren claimed the master bedroom while Angie and I quite contentedly were allowed Jess' room. Jess admitted that she had often fallen asleep on the cushions in front of the TV. If we made it to the bedrooms, at least we had the option—but the idea of staying up until our eyes forced closed and we drifted with the sounds of rom-com drama in the background was like a dream.

Around one o'clock Jess got the idea that making pizza from scratch would be a good way to start. Jess and Lauren made the dough and formed it slowly into the round familiar shape. Angie and I shredded cheeses and sliced tomatoes. We mixed sauce and crushed garlic. Jess told us to close our eyes as she added her family's ancient secret to the recipe. (I think she added more garlic.) The oven baked them to an even pale brown with soft but solid crusts and the scent of melted cheese filled the cozy cabin. After a few slices we put the leftovers away for dinner.

"It's too early for movies," Jess announced.

"I feel like moving," Lauren agreed.

"You both brought good walking shoes, right?" Jess looked at Angie and me. She took bottled water from the fridge and twisted the cap off. "There's this really pretty spot. No one knows about it. It's always isolated." She took a swig and then leaned on the island counter. "It's this field full of flowers. At this time of year—God, it's so pretty. Plus there's shade around it. It's the cutest picnic spot."

"We just had lunch." Lauren raised a brow and laughed.

"So we'll bring chips and lemonade. Whatever." Jess elbowed her friend. "It'll be nice to get some sun."

"So I should wear my bikini?" Lauren crossed her arms.

"I didn't say it'll be nice to get a tan—just enjoy the good weather," Jess laughed. "It's supposed to rain some later this week." She shrugged.

"How isolated is this place?" I asked with knitted brows. "Remember there have been some attacks."

Jess waved her hand and shook her head. "No way. This place is completely out of furry-fang territory. There's never been sightings this close to the cabins. Except, like, decades ago."

"Wolves can change their hunting patterns over decades," Angie said, her widened eyes on me. "What if climate change or an increased human population forced them to alter their migration?"

"Ughhh!" Lauren rolled her eyes. "Don't be such fatalists." Lauren laid her arm across Jess' shoulders. "My girl wants to go for a hike to a picturesque picnic spot. She's knows the trail. Been there ten thousand times. There haven't been any attacks in this area—"

"Yet," I slipped in through a tight jaw.

"No attacks here," Lauren continued, not even glancing at me. "Why don't we try it?"

"I have dog spray," I volunteered.

"Excellent!" Jess clapped her hands together.

"Pays to have the town chief for a dad," Lauren said. She hadn't looked at me yet. But now I knew her ears were working. Maybe she was pretending I was invisible but forgot to pretend I was mute.

"Okay, girls," Jess cheered, "let's get our shit together. I'll fill a pitcher of lemonade. Lauren, you know where the picnic blankets our. Bella,"—she pointed at me—"you bring the dog spray and the jalapeno Pringles. Angie,"—she turned her point to Angie—"the Cards Against Humanity."

We all nodded to accept our assigned missions. We scuttled about, zipping up our backpacks, tying shoelaces, twisting hair up, mixing lemonade, and double-checking the easy-grab location of dog spray. The expedition was ready in ten minutes.

Jess locked the front door and whispered that the back door had a spare key inside a fake rock under the stone sun and moon statue. It appeared that making a show of locking the front and heading around back reassured her about the cabin's security. She led us down a well-treaded trail from the back. It lost some clarity once we reached the trees. Bushes had grown through and roots and twigs caused some trip-hazards. There were some deer tracks and a few obvious signs of movement with lower branches snapped. We heard birdsong but couldn't find the source. None of us were birdwatchers. We followed some small tracks a stone's throw off the path and noticed a few deer. A doe and a little one—probably born in spring—had their noses close to the earth. There was another doe further off. More movement, though quiet, suggested there was more out there we couldn't see.

With the unfamiliar trail I lost a sense of direction. Dipping off and on Jess' highlighted path to view the wildlife didn't help. I was glad to have a confident guide. Angie had her phone out every odd minute to check her compass app. She confessed that living in Forks her whole life hadn't made her any more of nature expert than me, a definite city-dweller. Jess surprised me. She could name most of the fauna. She knew where a nearby stream was. Jess had always struck me as a girly-girl, but she was more than that. I wished I could be more. Jess. Rosalie. Fashion, flirting, friendship, socializing—it came easy to them. But then there was a side of them that wasn't afraid to enjoy something traditionally considered masculine. Maybe I could get Jake to teach me how to whittle wood. If he ever spoke to me again.

The canopy of leaves above began to leak sunshine. The trunks ahead were spread out more and more. Light first trickled and then poured blindingly. Jess went into the sun, vanishing from sight. Lauren and Angie followed. For a minute my feet would not move.

If I were I better navigator I would have noticed. If I had known I would have faked sick. If I had known maybe when Jess suggested coming to this place I could have done something to prepare myself. Meditate. Eat a gallon of cookie dough ice cream. Something.

It was Edward's meadow.

"If I could…give you freedom, separate from your life, you wouldn't use the distance to run?"

I stayed in the shadows but moved closer. The flowers, as Jess had promised, were many. Pink dotted the mostly yellow space. Lauren picked a tall red sprout and pulled off a petal. This was where Edward had watched me count the petals and pulled. He gave me another to be sure the count was true.

"I never want to be the reason you cry."

Unsteady steps took me to the centre of the meadow. This was where I had cut my hand and asked him to see me and not my blood. This was where he warned me that his feelings weren't enough for him to forget my scent. He'd been right.

"I wish I could stay with you."

I was choking. All my muscles were strained. My heart pumped hard in my chest. I couldn't breathe. The meadow was spinning.

My expression was probably hideous. Maybe I looked pale. Angie had noticed. She asked if I was okay. I nodded and moved away. I stumbled. I moved to the edge of the meadow and reached for something to hold me up.

"I'll never stop thinking of you."

My knees buckled. I grabbed a tree. My hand scrapped against the bark and my knees bruised on impact. Roots cut across my knees.

"I won't come back."

This wasn't me. I didn't want to be this person. I didn't want to break down over flowers.

"Bella?" Angie's voice was low, concerned.

I couldn't turn around. My eyes were wet.

"Are you gonna puke?" Lauren asked.

"No," I whimpered. It was feeble. It would be obvious now.

"Maybe we should go back," Angie suggested.

"We just got here," Lauren said. She was frustrated. "The weather is great. Give her a napkin or something to cry in. Pathetic."

"Lauren." Jess voice was stern. "Don't be a jerk." She exhaled heavily. "Bella, how about you sit a moment and then we'll head back, okay? We'll watch a funny a movie. And if you need to talk, we'll do that, right?"

I could hear the flowers swaying and bending as their came closer. They wanted to comfort me. They were good. I was selfish. I wanted to be alone.

I stood, ignoring the ache in my bones and the throb of my knees. "I need to be alone for a sec."

"Bella—!"

I heard shouts behind me but I didn't stop. I ran a way through the trees. I had to get away. I didn't want to cry in front of Lauren. I couldn't stay in that meadow.

It only occurred to me later that I was running the wrong way.

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