Chapter 5 – Not even for you
"One may know how to conquer without being able to do it."
Sakura thought for a moment that her heart had paused, caught in between two fleeting seconds. Time itself had stopped to draw a breath, as the maiden felt Sasuke's fingers caught in her red ribbon. He was looking at her with the devastating force brought by years of pent-up sorrow, and she could feel him tremble against her hair. His large hand was nearly embracing her whole head, and from there, she could see the thousand scars on his alabaster skin, engraved like a narrative of the man he had to become.
She was used to his stone-cold exterior, but as he appeared in this moment, it felt like the young man who left her all these years ago was fighting his way back to her. His black orbs were trailing all over her, her face, her ribbon, and stopped for an instant on her forehead, before settling for her jade eyes.
Maybe it was the alcohol – after all, she was not a fragile, impressionable young girl anymore, but she felt heat rising to her face, colouring her cheeks and her neck. She was being inflamed from within, burned alive from the desire of him she could not contain any longer. Her lips parted, her breath hitched, and all of a sudden Sasuke could not look away. The ends of his fingers closed on her tresses, as a reflex, and his whole body stiffened.
He could see her, open, wanting, his.
"Why?" he simply whispered.
It was Sakura's turn to get tainted by the shadows of sorrow. She looked at him, all so flawed and perfect in every single way, and drew him one of the saddest smiles he had ever seen on her. It was the same, he recognised. The same as three years ago. The reluctant acknowledgement that she had lived to see way too many things, had to undergo through too many traumatizing events to be in front of him today.
He had, in a way, the answer even before she spoke, carefully, her voice as soft as the sound of rain.
"How couldn't I?..."
She lifted her hand, carefully, slowly, as if she was approaching a wild animal, to surround his. When their skins touched, a warm feeling flooded the Ronin. It was like a homecoming, a pledge for more. Her beautiful, pale, delicate hand resting on his as if it had always belonged there, her fingers intertwined in his and the crimson tie draped in between them. She was, despite everything, still his, the same way he was irremediably hers.
A flicker, like a dance of shadows, surfaced in his eyes. He seemed to be struggling with much more he was ready to concede. Without warning, he removed his hand as if burned by her touch. Sakura brought hers back to her lap, peeled her eyes away from him with infinite sadness and settled to look at the gardens once more. Sasuke's eyes remained focused on the maiden's features, silent for a while.
"Why do you hide it?" he asked out of the blue.
"What?"
"Your seal."
Sakura lifted her hand to her forehead, where her biggest pride, the beacon and testimony of her accomplishments was concealed, flawlessly buried under layers of powders and creams by her maidens every morning.
"No one can know", she finally whispered. "Not yet."
The first time she had seen such an ornament was the day she met Tsunade-hime, shining and glowing with power and pride, and back then she thought she had never encountered anything more magnificent. It only fuelled the legends she heard about the woman, who was rumoured to be both the most beautiful and powerful female across the Fire nation. Soon enough, Sakura had begged her to take her under her tutelage, and soon enough came the day where she accepted.
That day, she walked away from her previous life without thinking twice.
Three years ago
The rebellion basecamp was traversed by the coldest mountain wind. It was night, and all of the men and women were either in their quarters or in the common room. All lights were forbidden outside, but, concealed under layers of fabric and animal skin was an opening leading to a cave, the smallest glint of light piercing through: it was all Sakura needed to orient herself. She paced silently in what looked like an abandoned village to the untrained eye. This place however, was of the highest importance for them. Hung to the side of the one of the highest peaks of the outer region, it was a location from which all could be coordinated, their men knowing the paths in the mountains better than anyone to better strike, retreat and ambush. She was never staying for too long at the same place, following Tsunade-hime in all her footsteps and had arrived this morning, bloody and battered. They had just won a major battle against Danzo's forces, where Sakura had just awakened her seal, and Tsunade had invited her that night to celebrate after a much needed bath and nap. She was so proud of who she became, how all her years of training under the ruthless instructor in the toughest conditions had finally made her a woman to be reckoned with.
When she managed to go through the cloths, then the guards, she opened a makeshift door in the hard stone and music flew to her ears. It was joyful, and sparkling, many people drinking and celebrating with their leader one of their greatest victories. Tsunade-hime was at the centre of the room, her friend Shizune by her side. Her roaring laughter echoed against the large walls of the cavern, lit by torches on the ceiling and the walls. Tables were scattered all across the space, big groups of people chanting, dancing and drinking altogether. Sakura smiled softly. It felt so heart-warming.
Naruto was here also, stationed in this basecamp, and currently trying to out-stage Tsunade by drinking more than her, what Sakura knew to be a terrible idea. As soon as she approached their table surrounded by curious and cheerful soldiers, the young man got on his wobbly feet to throw himself at Sakura.
"Sakra-chaaaan", he slurred. "S'pleasure to see you. Y'so pretty tonight. Do you... wear perfume or sm'thing?"
He reeked of alcohol but his hug was so tight and warming she let him, patting his back with her only free hand. She was happy to see him, even more after the incredible show of raw power he displayed on the battlefield earlier. His sword had been gleaming of the rays of a thousand suns and, when he had led the attacks on one of Danzo's battalions, he had looked like a wild animal, a fox-god striking and fuelling his allies with untamed energy. Sakura knew that the years after his parent's death the same night as the Uchihas had been rough to him, but heard he trained by the side of Tsunade's best friend, Jiraya-sama, and the training had paid off. The latter was in a corner of the room, telling tales while drinking sake and hitting on every female that came close to him. It was funny to see how, despite multiple rejections, he kept his hopes high – and Tsunade in a corner of his eye.
After a few seconds, she gently detached herself from Naruto and hit him on the shoulder.
"You know you stand no chance against Tsunade-hime, right?"
"Come on, let him try!" The Princess laughed.
Tsunade had laughed lightly, downing another glass of Sake under Shizune's worried look.
"Tsunade-sama, he is the hero of the hour, he should try not to ridicule himself less than 24 hours after the battle! No matter how amusing", Shizune interfered, without however lifting a single finger.
"M'fine, Sakura. I can… I c'beat the Princess this time!"
"You hear him? He is asking for more!" Tsunade exclaimed, raising her glass.
The audience roared in laughter alongside Tsunade. Sakura shook her head, taking Naruto by the shoulder to seat him a little bit away from the crowd.
"As his doctor, and friend, I will not let a grown man soil his pants in front of an audience."
Her comment had been cheerful under the concern, and Tsunade let her go with a wave of the hand.
"Come back to me when you are done with him! We need to celebrate together" Tsunade yelled at the girl as she was dragging her friend away.
Right after Sakura bedded an already sleeping Naruto, she came back to her mentor and sat down in front of her. The crowd had dissipated, drinking and talking in smaller groups, and the three women were finally able to enjoy a drink together.
"I can't believe we finally managed to take the western side of the mountain", Shizune started.
"It was a close call, but this time, they shouldn't come back", Tsunade answered.
Shizune snickered before taking another sip of her drink.
"Not after the beating we put them through", she laughed smugly.
Tsunade suddenly looked at Sakura and put gently her hand on top of the young woman's.
"I know it was your first time on the battlefield since the battle of Awazu, and lord Asano. I am very proud of you. You did amazing."
Sakura, unsettled at first with the resurgence of unpleasant memories, soon felt her heart warming up to her mentor's words. Shizune was looking at her as well with warmth, and she could fill her whole body radiating with pride and happiness.
"When I got you under my tutelage, I told you that you would never need to use a sword ever again, if you wished against it. After all, you have learned everything Shizune and I know about medicinal techniques, and you possess the same gift of healing we do. It is rare, and precious. If you wanted to, you could have never stepped on a battlefield ever again."
The woman stopped, then touched lightly Sakura's seal, mirroring hers.
"I am incredibly relieved you decided against it and joined us. You are a fine warrior, and this is here to prove it."
Sakura quickly wiped a tear that was appearing at the corner of her eye, not knowing what to say. Praise was rare coming from Tsunade-hime, but it made it so precious she was hit at full force with its meaning. She barely managed to speak, her throat constricted by emotion.
"I am … so grateful our paths have joined, Tsunade-hime, and you too, Shizune-san. Thank you so much, for... everything."
The three woman looked at each other without saying much, afraid to break the moment – or burst into tears. Tsunade finally poured three glasses and grumbled something about sentimentalism before making her two apprentices down them. The three women carried on talking and drinking happily for hours, until much later that night.
The room was now almost empty, except a small group talking in the same fashion as them, and a couple kissing in a dimly-lit corner. Sakura's eyes trailed towards them, but, before her heart could constrict at the blurry, messy, and already passing memory of an old kiss, she looked away. Tsunade and Shizune were talking about military operations in the outer rim, but she wasn't paying attention. Her mind, a little clouded by alcohol – she had a good teacher on the matter, but the night had been long- was wandering, as always. She was thinking about Naruto, about her friend Ino as well, who had just left as the Yamanaka clan was off to secure the northern border of their territory, about many things, in fact. What was Kakashi doing? Last time she saw him was less than a year ago, when Tsunade requested Sakura to be permanently at her side.
That morning, she saw everything in the worried look of the man – how funny it was, that he was always concealing his emotions behind a mask, but to the attentive spirit, he was as easy to read as the books he liked to carry around. She saw esteem, apprehension, and a craving she had never identified before, something she could not pinpoint. He knew that, the same way she disappeared nearly two years after the Uchiha massacre, she was not coming back. She hoped he found tutelage and a good position near her father and brother. That night had been rough on everyone – Kakashi's father had killed himself a couple days after that dreadful night, full of shame he could not protect and defend the Uchiha clan, coming as guests and friends, against an enemy that was not identified.
The Uchiha… Sakura felt her heart twist painfully. She had not allowed herself to think about Sasuke in a long time, but he seemed to always come back to her. What was he doing now? What was he looking like now? Was he even alive? He had to be. Tracked down by pretty much everyone, the two Uchiha brothers were nowhere to be found. Itachi had been portrayed by Danzo – and all official sources - as the perpetrator of the massacre, but Tsunade had told her once she didn't buy it. Sakura agreed – there had to be more to it.
"…dyou think, Sakura?"
The young woman snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of her name. Tsunade and Shizune were looking at her expectantly, and she felt suddenly embarrassed for getting carried away in thoughts. Seeing her fumble and try to talk her way out of it, Shizune let a soft laugh escape her
"Ahh, caught in a daydream again. We are all exhausted, after that battle."
"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I will take my leave, I am indeed completely exhausted", Sakura said rising up.
"Sakura, wait up", Tsunade interrupted.
The young girl stopped her motion to consider her mentor in front of her. Despite the redness of her cheeks and the sweat glistering on her skin from the drinking, she looked dead serious. The woman gestured her to sit down, and let out a sigh.
"I have a mission for you. Your first solo."
Sakura's eyes widened, but she kept silent, paying close attention to what was about to unravel.
"We have a contact, in the outer rim. He has been helping us taking down a war lord supplementing Danzo with ammunitions, weapons, and men, amongst everything. He is working from the inside, reporting to us in a very specific schedule. We lost contact with him a month ago and think he might have been compromised."
Sakura's mind was racing.
"Which war lord are we talking about?"
"The Snake", Tsunade let out dreadfully.
The young girl felt shivers running down her spine. The Snake was one of the cruellest men she knew. He dealt in pretty much everything shady and immoral: human trafficking, weapons, assassinations, torture. He was outside the borders of the Fire Country, thus let unbothered to his vile hobbies. Fire country's position was always to condemn his actions, but if his association with Danzo were to be known, it could be a decisive asset into winning the nation back. Sakura knew how important that mission was – and realizing that they lost their only contact there was a frightful thought.
"I see. What is expected of me then"?
"He was supposed to steal scrolls, or copy them, that were attesting of the trade agreement between Danzo and the Snake. The exchange is settled to be in a month from now, so you will have very little time to fit in. You need to find out what happened to our contact, report it to us and, if we allow it, to steal the scrolls yourself."
Tsunade and Shizune were looking at her expectantly, as Sakura was pondering the stakes here. Her mind was racing with everything, already building a plan on how to infiltrate the estate.
"How will I recognize our contact, if he is not…?"
"Dead? I don't think so. I'm rather worried he decided to go solo, on his own terms. We never saw his face directly, only some of our agents have. He goes by the name of Taka."
"The Hawk", Sakura whispered.
The name rung a bell. But how? Tsunade simply nodded and carried on.
"The procedure if we were sending someone to him was to alert him via message, but we are too worried he might be compromised. You will be on your own on this. Report to us only in case of emergency, and conceal your identity. More than ever, no one can now that you are working for us, or your family will be in grave danger. Their position is more and more jeopardized at court."
Sakura clamped her lips together in a stiff nod. She was very much aware that her family's honour was at stake. She had used the past years as a cover up, and, to all official sources, the young Sakura Haruno was kept indoors at her estate, mourning the death of her former husband, Takeshi Asano. The reality was very much different, and she had been concealing her identity at Tsunade's side, very few being aware of who she really was, even in Rebellion's troops. Her father and brother, at the head of the estate, were playing a very dangerous double game, trying to remain in good graces with Danzo while discreetly providing supplies to the rebellion. She could not be compromised, or it would be the death of them all. Then …
"Why me, if it's so dangerous, Tsunade-hime?"
Tsunade threw a side glance at Shizune, before looking at Sakura.
"Because you are the most competent person I know for this kind of mission, and I can trust only you. You know the rules of court. You know this kind of men. And I think there is only you who can truly connect with Taka, if he is still loyal to us, or bring him back to our side."
"B…But why?"
Tsunade remained silent for a while, looking at the red tie holding Sakura's -now black- long hair. The foolish girl… She then smirked, took another gulp of her drink, and whispered:
"Trust my instincts, Suzume."
Sakura smiled at her nickname, often used when in public to conceal her identity to curious ears. Sparrow and Hawk. That could only mean well … Right? She had to trust her mentor on this one. The young woman raised, bowed to her mentor and to Shizune.
"If it's all, I will take my leave and go to bed. I assume I leave first thing tomorrow?" she asked, already knowing the answer.
"We will brief you on the way. You will leave in the afternoon, spend one night by the border to get there in a couple of days. There is a long journey ahead, little bird."
Sakura smiled one last time, and left to join her quarters, mind and heart racing. What an exciting yet hectic assignment! She, however, finally found a way to make her mentor proud, and have an actual impact in this war. If she could intercept those scrolls, the path of war would change, for sure; and if peace was brought back, so would all of her precious friends. She fell asleep almost immediately that night, lightly smiling at Naruto's snoring that could be heard all over the quarters.
After she left, Jiraya took her spot in front of Tsunade.
"Are you sure you want to send the girl right into Orochimaru's den? It is very bold, even coming from you, Tsunade."
"Uchiha won't contact us anymore. I think he is double-crossing us. I need to send someone that could reason with him."
"And not tell her? Are you insane, woman?!", the man yelled, slamming his fist on the table, making the few people still here turn around briefly. "The girl has no idea what she is running into. And how do you know he will even remember her? Naruto and I ran into him a year ago and he almost killed us."
"The boy has fallen into the darkest depths, and I thought we could rely on him as long as our interests were aligned. However, he seems to have shifted. We simply need to remind him what there is for him if he follows us."
"And that is?"
Tsunade looked at Jiraya for a moment, thinking about the ribbon still holding Sakura's hair.
"Redemption."
Four weeks later
Sakura was standing on the roof of the mansion in a precarious stand, listening to a conversation taking place in a room nearby. She was crouching, blending in the shadows, her whole outfit black and a mask concealing the bottom of her face. Only her eyes and forehead were visible, her skin glistening with sweat, both from the physical effort and the stressful situation.
One of Danzo's generals – she recognized him as the shogun of a border estate in Fire country- was discussing in hushed words with a man she could not identify about a trade agreement taking place a week from now near the border. He was stressed, because one of their convoys had been under attack, but reported that his men managed to destroy the scrolls before anyone could take it. He had, as he said, the last remaining copy of them with him.
Bingo! Finally, after weeks spent posing as a kampô assistant, or bearing with the advances of pretty much every damn soldier in the estate in order to pry some information out of them, she managed to get some quality intel. She had been unsuccessful in finding Taka, assuming he was indeed very much dead, and had to move on her own. Luckily for her, Tsunade's skills allowed her to maim discreetly – then cure publicly- one of Orochimaru's men, which allowed her just enough gratitude to gain access to the mansion in order to "study" alongside one of his most trusted advisors: Kabuto. He was, she knew, a very good doctor, and the young man's reputation went beyond the borders of the Fire Nation. She introduced herself as the sweet Suzume, coming from beyond River Country to seek training with one of the "best kampô of the country". Her seal concealed under layers of makeup and her hair dyed black, she had the perfect little story wrapped up: her mother died lately and was the medic's village. She never knew her father, just that he enrolled in the Snake's army and wanted both to find him and be taught medicine at the next level. Kabuto was more famous for his human experimentations than his moral compass, but her little act and her medical ability had allowed her a place within the estate, a purpose and enough freedom to wander around, as opposed to common servants: there was no room for complaining.
She felt her foot sliding slowly on one of the tiles. Dammit! She had been idle for too long. She had to move soon or her leg was going to fall asleep. The conversation inside took a very different turn when a deep voice answered:
"Give them to me now. I will carry them to Danzo myself."
Sakura's insides wrenched painfully. She could not loose the scrolls now! The fat, stupid general was a perfect target and she could have had acquired them easily enough. With this new man, however… And what was that voice? She felt like her body was responding in an instinctive manner to the undertones and the nuances, its rhythm and music. She knew it, she could feel it, but from where?
"Taka-san, I have orders. I am to deliver those to Danzo-sama in person. Plus, you just resurfaced after going kami knows where. I am not sure you can be trusted."
Taka?! Where was he coming from? Just resurfaced? Were Tsunade-sama's allegations true, was he playing solo now? Or was he just laying low for some reason? Sakura's mind was overflowing with questions. How to get into contact with him now? Was he even to be trusted?
Suddenly, her leg slipped against the tile in a faint thump. She stopped it just in time and froze, but it was too late.
"What was that?!"
"I'll have a look. Go. This conversation is not over", Taka growled.
Sakura's heart leaped in her chest. She had to get away! She swiftly jumped from her hideout next to the window, and started sprinting across the rooftops. She could barely hear Taka, but could feel him following her. Crap! Quick. She needed to think. She had to find a quiet place to escape or confront him, but she couldn't get away from the estate, otherwise getting back in would be too complicated. Plus, the heavy-lit streets were definitively not an option.
She saw her chance at the corner of her eyes. The Gardens! Unsheathing her wakisashi from a scabbard attached in the crook of her back, she darted downwards to use the shadows of the trees as a refuge. She felt Taka's hand closing on her hair, but one second too late, and, as she fell down, he only grasped the cold wind. Dammit, he was fast!
Reaching the very large gardens, she spotted an area with denser trees and bushes, where they would nearly be invisible from the estate. She could take him here. Her grasp on the handle of her sword strengthened. She could not fail here. Not now. Tsunade-hime was counting on her. She barely turned around to face him when her wakisashi clung with a katana blade. She fell back due to the shock, and faced Taka for the first time. His face was only caressed by the beams of the half-full moon, but she froze.
It was like her heart had stopped. In front of her, panting and visibly annoyed, was Sasuke. Seven years older, stronger, and darker, but Sasuke. She took an idle second to look at him, all sharp lines and onyx eyes, feeling her whole body tremble, and lowered instinctively her blade.
He took this second as hesitation and slammed into her at full force, his katana blade on her neck with raging fury. In one last moment of lucidity, she managed to neutralise his attack by protecting her neck with her sword, but it fell away from the shock. She fell down and he tackled her on the ground, her wakisashi too far to be reached, his body on top of hers preventing her every move. His eyes were shining crimson, a colour she was very much used to. It was the colour of the Uchiha old emblem, the colour of the ribbon she still had in her hair. It was him.
His eyes were trailing all over her face. He did not recognize her, she realised. She had changed a lot, grew older, her hair was dyed and face concealed. How could he? Part of her wished he did anyways, but it was the last of her concerns right now, because she was about to die.
She was about to say something to stop him, reveal herself and pray that he was still allied with Tsunade's forces, when his eyes stopped somewhere above her head. She felt him shudder, and saw his eyes recoil to black. His free hand shot to caress what she knew to be his ribbon in between two fingers. She could see that his soft hands had become callous, and distinguished old and new scars all across his body where his kimono had moved to reveal his alabaster skin. For a foolish second, she hoped, hoped that he would see her. However, he turned to look at her and with the most callous intonation, he uttered:
"Where. Did. You. Get. That?"
He recognized the bow, she realised. He just didn't recognize her. Sakura drew a ragged breath, feeling the edge of the sword against her throat through the fabric of her mask.
"A … boy gave it to me… Just before my genpachu. I danced, danced … But he left me", she murmured.
Tears were threatening to come out of her eyes. She could not believe it. He was here. He was here! After all these years of looking for him, she had to run into him when she needed an ally the most. She watched him as he slowly took in her words, and could nearly see shadows of the past dancing in his orbs. He discarded his weapon slowly, still preventing her from moving, but without letting her out of his sight. Slowly, with measured movements, his fingers went to hook the edge of her mask, and slid it down to reveal her face.
Step by step, he realised. His fingers trailed around the cusp of her cheek, under her jade eyes now barred with tears, on her forehead, then again on her crimson bow in her tresses. Sakura could picture the veil lifting from his cloudy vision, as he was trying to piece together the image he had of her from seven years ago with her sudden apparition. She, too, took this time to acknowledge him as the man he became, his lean shoulders, strong muscles and aristocratic features. He finally whispered a unique word with a fondness that made her tremble:
"Sakura…"
"Hello", she answered in a strangled voice.
She smiled softly behind her sobs, before beaming completely at the sight of him so stunned. He wasn't moving, his eyes scanning her every features, before he uttered, in a voice she knew too well:
"What… What are you doing here?"
"Tsunade-hime sent me."
Sasuke leaned back and exhaled in a cold laugh. He swiftly lifted himself off her body, one hand raking through his hair. She looked at him questioningly as he put his katana back in his scabbard. His face now clouded with gravity, he crouched to look at her as she sat down.
"Does anyone know you are here?"
"Except Tsunade-hime you mean? No. No one knows who I am. I'm working as one of Kabuto's assistants."
"Kabuto?!" He hushed, now irritated. "Do you know how dangerous that man is?"
Sakura furrowed her brows, her pride hurt. She got up to grab her wakisashi, and stretched, her back and shoulders sore from the previous fight.
"Of course I know. I needed the cover until I could reach, well, you. Why didn't you contact us?"
"It's none of your business", he answered sharply.
She turned to face him, astonished. He was looking at her with his cold, impassive features back on and she felt even more hurt.
"None of my … Excuse me? The rebellion needs those scrolls."
"Not as much as I do."
"So you are a traitor."
His face shifted to reflect pure anger as he got closer to her. She stepped back as a reflex, and, seeing this, Sasuke stopped. The young woman looked at him. Was he hurt? What game was he playing? She saw his hand gripping the handle of his katana with strength.
"I … am … not … a… traitor", he uttered, his jaw stiff with irritation.
"Then help us getting the scrolls, as you promised the rebellion, and Tsunade-hime."
"The stakes changed. I need them."
"So what? You are going to kill me if I steal them away from you?"
He started to walk away from her, snarking:
"Oh, you won't."
Sakura's blood boiled as she felt the trails her previous tears had made on her cheeks drying out. What was happening? How could he do such a thing? How could his whole behaviour change so drastically? Was it all she won, after seven years, a few seconds of a lowered guard? She threw herself at him, but this time, her hand wrapped itself around the collar of his kimono, forcing him to turn around.
"Don't you walk away from me. Not again. Not like this."
He took her hand and detached it from his kimono without much effort and to her utter dismay. All of her years of training, and she couldn't event resist his strength. She thought about engaging in combat, but stopped herself before putting that consideration into action. She finally had him to talk to her, and a part of her knew that, if he really wanted to leave, he would've already. He was staring at her with carefully-put disdain, but she knew better. She knew him. She loosened her grip, and faced him completely, scouting for a spark of hope, affection, or feelings in his back orbs.
"What happened to you, Sasuke?..."
He didn't answer to her plea, but his hand around her wrist relaxed slightly. Slowly, she raised both of her hands to lightly cusp his face, her fingers trailing through the little hair on his temples. He let her do it, but she could feel he was battling conflicting emotions. When did loving each other became so complicated? It took her so long, to find him. So long, to get back to him. So many hardships, so many battles, yet he was here and more distant than ever.
"Help me. We can help each other. I only need duplicate of the scrolls."
She was lying. She needed the originals to prove Danzo's guilt to court. She, however, poured every fibre of her being in this lie, her stomach twisting painfully. They still had a week. A week would be enough to convince him to come back to the rebellion. It could work. One week would be enough. It had to be enough.
Sasuke looked at her for what seemed an eternity. During this moment, Sakura wondered what he had seen, during these years. Where would all those scars come from? Who did he see, who did he go to? She wanted to young hear all of his stories, all of what made him the man standing in front of her today. His onyx eyes were piercing right through her, and she felt that the attraction between them had shifted. She fell in love with him a, foolish, naïve girl. But now, she realised, she loved him a woman, with unwavering strength and faith. She never stopped loving every single broken, flawed, precarious parts of his being, and that devotion had only grown stronger with time. She could feel the sizzling energy coursing through the air, wrapping them in something unique and raw.
Heat rose to her face for an instant as she withstood his gaze, her lips parting, her breath hitching. They were so close, she realised all of a sudden. Adrenaline from their encounter had just worn off, and now if was a very different kind of energy driving her body. Her fingers lightly hooked the side of his head, still in his silky hair, and she felt him falter, just for an instant.
Sasuke felt the inviting press of the tips of her fingers in his hair, and all of a sudden he couldn't think straight. He knew he had to get the originals of the scrolls only, and knew she needed them too. However, they had one week before the trade. It could be enough for him, to come up with a strategy. He could have her for one week, just as she wanted to, and carry on with his goal, just as planned. She could be useful. She could help him secure the scrolls. She was just a mere distraction, a mirage of the past, a means to an end. And she was here. In front of him, after all these years. Years after hearing news of her marriage to Takeshi Asano as her father planned, years after he had to let her go. Who had she became? What had happened to her? He heard of Asano's demise at the battle of Awazu, but what about her? He could feel that the girl was gone for good. Something else had been born, and he was now facing a woman. She was here, radiant, beautiful, fierce, a warrior in the skin of the maiden he fell foolishly in love with many years ago and who had never left his thoughts.
She was everything he ever wanted, and so much more.
"Fine", he whispered while leaning closer to her.
His own hands went to wrap themselves around her frame, slowly, caressing her body with attentive gentleness. He suddenly realised he never touched her like this, never got so close to her. The last and only kiss they shared was chaste, messy, and desperate. It was under a willow tree, while their whole worlds were burning down, and here they were, facing again, standing on the ashes.
He felt heat invading his whole body, and took a few more seconds to look at her, so open, wanting. His heart leap into his chest painfully as he realised he had never stopped being hers. He was so enthralled and trapped by this woman that the whole world could disappear without him caring.
Let them perish. Let them starve. He didn't bother.
He hadn't thought of anyone else, hadn't desired anyone else as much as he wanted her, and, when one of his hands went raking through her tresses while crashing her body into his arms, he took one hungry gulp of air. He drowned himself in the smell of her, the feel of her, and despite his shaking legs and her trembling from, despite her tears he could feel wetting his collarbone and the shudders of his own ribcage, they embraced like long-lost lovers, old souls that spent too long looking for each other. It was pure, raw, unaltered emotion, despite the war, despite their plans, despite his revenge and her loyalty to her master.
As they parted slightly to look at each other, vivid with feelings, all dishevelled and gasping for air, their hands oddly moving against their lover's body, they both found the answer. They leaned towards one another, and, with the frailty and the might of a cursed infatuation, their lips crashed together. Softly, they found one another, and brushed, grazed their long-lost love with what felt like the epitome of themselves: unaltered passion, undying devotion and sheer despair. In this kiss, there was everything left unsaid. It screamed their names, their longing, erased the wounds and cured the fears, appeased the monsters lurking into their hearts, dispelled the nights spent alone, or crying silently at the wrong bedside. There was a hunger in every move, a might stronger than the will of men and the course of the earth. As they finally got to one another, mouths against skin, stifled moans and clumsy embraces, everything else just faded.
One week, they both thought in this instant. The gods had given them one week.
In this garden, far away from prying eyes, the two lovers felt like time had stopped. But all around them, the crushing machine of war was already in motion, and they only were pawns in a game much bigger than themselves.
They knew reality would catch up.
They couldn't care less.
Sasuke had lost himself in Sakura's wavering features. He could see, in-between her eyes, the little folds her eyebrows did when she was focusing, the twitch of her jaw, the light balancing of her head that said so much about her: nobility, graciousness, skilful display of sheer dominance. She was all about the very fine control of everything that made her powerful: her emotions, her skills, her secrets. Sakura had always been like this, dancing on this precarious rope without ever falling. It was her biggest strength, one of a born ruler: a tight restraint and self-discipline that reminded him of his own mother's.
She would have loved her, he thought briefly. She already did, in a way. The Ronin pushed away the tender memories of her, knowing all too well that they would always get tainted with the last image he had of her, embraced in his father's arms in one last attempt to protect her, cold, pale, her beautiful black tresses pooling in their blood, eyes shot open in a panicked state, frozen in a silent scream. He shook his head. There was no need summoning ghosts of the past. Not anymore.
The garden was still vibrant with the noises of the party, and Sakura had sat down in a more informal stance, her legs folded in front of her like a man's. It made him smirk slightly. It reminded him of their times in the mountains of Mist country, where he discovered a whole new side of her. The warrior, the healer, the skilful politician. Now that he was looking at her as she pretended to read diplomatic documents, he took an instant to admire her in all of her glory, at the apex of her talent. How could there be anyone else. How could anyone see anything but her?
Her voice dragged him out of his thoughts, and he realised she was looking at him.
"I know you think this isn't me", she said gesturing at all the papers scattered around her.
He remained silent, guessing the contents: trade deals, markets, hiring of soldiers, supplies, and much more.
"But it is. It has been for longer than you were around, and it has been because I had no alternative. I am a woman, and women in this world don't get as lucky as I was. Despite everything I went through."
Sasuke looked at Sakura, mute. She wanted to get something off her chest. He could see the fire burning in her eyes and knew better than to stand in her way.
"I have been making choices, for the past decade, that led me here. Some were forced upon me. Some were of my doing. But I never, never, betrayed who I was."
Her eyes were shining from unshed tears, but she was, once again, in control. She was like a raging storm in a teacup, enclosed, inhibited, untamed.
"I am all of this. All of it. All of my mistakes. All of my failures. All of my restrictions. I am not trapped, waiting to be set free, I am part of the cage, I built it, and not even for you would I get out as long as my goal is complete."
She exhaled, as Sasuke felt his own heart plummet. He knew the feeling very well. He was, in his own way, trapped in his own web of goals, lies, and values he could not escape.
"But you know that very well, don't you, Sasuke? You made the same choice. Took the same path as me, in your own way."
It was his turn to breathe out. Of course, he knew. He remembered, even. It was not the first time they were confronted to this situation. They had this conversation before, he recollected, and he understood where this was heading.
He took a few more moments to gaze at her, drowning in the sight of the woman she became. The way her long hair was flowing on her shoulders, trapped in the folds of her light kimono top, all reflections of the colour of spring. The way she was slightly bending her head on the side, her doe-like eyes withholding his own. Like two sides of the same coin, they were equivalent, forged from the same fire. He could feel the painful tug of his heart, wishing to belong to her in a world not ready for them. They knew they had to endure, just a little longer, just a little harder. Would he have to see her marry yet another man in order for peace to be restored? Could he withstand the sight of her being dragged away until Danzo was dead? He knew he had nothing to say. It was her choice to make, her burden to bear.
She didn't belong to anyone else but herself, he realised. Even thrown in the arms of another man, even when on the battlefield, she would always be this raw, unattainable, primal beauty and grace. She was true fire, like he never saw before, and could never be tamed. He only wished they had more time. More than a week, more than a night. But for their ambitions to be fulfilled, one lifetime would probably not be enough.
"Not even for me, then?" he murmured.
"Not even for you", she replied in a whisper.
Three years ago, day of the trade deal
"Suzume-san", Kabuto asked. "Have you finished with the final preparations?"
"Y-yes, Kabuto-sama", the young woman replied, faking indecision. "I am just worried the dosage is a little bit too strong. The smell is terrible!"
The dosage was perfect, she knew. The pieris flower extract had been dosed to the milligram, which explained the stench. It was part of a larger experiment in order to extract the poison agent from the plant that Sakura would've found fascinating if it didn't involve testing it on prisoners. Luckily enough, the tests were scheduled for tomorrow, and by then she would be long gone. All she had to do was to get away from the estate as soon as her day was over, slip away from town and join Sasuke in the woods where he told her to wait for him. The meeting between the two parties would take place in a remote village near their hideout, and they needed to prepare.
"Kabuto-sama, I don't feel so well, I think it might be the flower extract. If you don't need me anymore, I will go and rest for the end of the day", she offered.
Kabuto looked at her for an instant, and she thought she saw something flash in his eyes, a spark, a waver. He was one of the most trusted advisors of the Snake, and all of a sudden she feared her connection to Sasuke had been discovered. His small, black eyes were piercing right through her and the unsettling sensation was crawling inside of her.
"Sakura", he whispered.
She froze in place, physically feeling herself become ill. He knew. He knew. She was done. There was no way she could escape now. Did Sasuke betrayed her? On top of her distressed state, she felt her heart plummet. No! It couldn't be.
"Sakura flowers would be a nice addition to our mixture, to keep the stench away, don't you think?"
The young woman looked at the medic. He was still staring at her, with the disturbing look of someone who knew more than he was letting along. He was messing with her. Sakura put on a perfect fake smile, then responded:
"The smell is so terrible that I doubt it will ease much, but it is worth trying! I will go and ask the gardeners about it for our second batch on my way."
Kabuto kept silent for a while, as if pondering. His eyes were still on Sakura, unmoving. After a few seconds, he finally adjusted his glasses and walked away from her.
"I'll see you tomorrow, then, Suzume", he said.
"Of course, Kabuto-sensei. See you tomorrow."
Sakura suppressed a shiver. As if. She sprinted in the large, cold halls of the mansion, avoiding anyone that could see her, straight to her quarters. There she changed, putting her combat gear under her more traditional medical uniform and removing her wakisashi from its hiding place to slide it in between her breasts, under her haori. She tightened her hair in a traditional bun, her ribbon, as always, holding every falling strand into place. She took some medical gear and money in a small pouch, and left everything else behind: she didn't need any of it.
Slipping out of the estate and into town was a precarious effort, but as soon as she reached the small city, everything got easier. Her clothes and hair, plain, did not attract attention, and soon enough, she was running carefully at full speed in the woods to reach her meeting point with Sasuke. No one had followed her, she was sure of it, but she couldn't help to feel that something was off. It is then very anxiously that she reached the spot, concealed near a cliff, under heavy trees.
As she suspected coming from Sasuke, the entrance to the hideout was properly invisible. It was only thanks to his indications that she managed to lift a carefully-painted cloth out of the stone wall, revealing a cavity she slid herself into. It reminded her of the way the rebellion hid their bases, and that thought made her smile. She arrived in a hollow space, rearranged as a functional basecamp. Everything was here: weapons, maps, and even some living essentials. Light was coming out from carefully-dug openings, too small to be seen, but big enough to let light go out and the smoke from the torches out without being discovered. She settled there in a sigh. All she had to do was prepare, and wait.
She hadn't seen Sasuke since their reunion a week ago. They both knew better than to be careless; and she longed for the moment where she would see him again. How hard it had been, to know he was just here, in the shadows of the estate! At several moments during the week, she thought she sensed a pair of eyes trail on her from across a room, like a lover's caress, but there was nothing to turn around to.
As she was changing into her battle clothing and preparing her sword, she couldn't help but to let her mind unravel. She had to convince Sasuke to come back to the rebellion with her, it was the only way. He was, despite her efforts, much stronger than her, and could easily incapacitate her, however. At this thought, she pulled a small vial of a crimson liquid from her medicinal kit, and her heart constricted in her chest. It was her last resort. This poison, if ingested or in contact with blood, was a powerful sedative. It would knock him out in a matter of minutes, and allow her a couple hours ahead of him to escape. Thinking about betraying him in such a way, right after meeting again, stung her deeply, but she had to be careful. Even if she knew the man she loved was still present, she couldn't imagine what Sasuke had to go through in their years apart, to avenge his clan and find his bigger brother as a Ronin, a hunted man. Who knew what he had to do, who he had to become? She couldn't overlook this or it could mean the death of her. She hid away the flask and started preparing her medicine kit. Better be cautious, in case anything went awry.
Sasuke arrived only a couple hours later. Hearing some noise at the entrance of the hideaway, she took cover, sword in hand, in a spot between two patches of the fading light. Only when she saw his face peeking out of the dark, she allowed herself to let down her guard. He hadn't betrayed her, after all. He spotted her nearly right away, and something in his features relaxed slightly. She noticed he too had his sword in hand when coming into the cave.
"Afraid that I was going to kill you?" she teased.
He sheathed his sword back, before smiling slightly.
"It took me only mere seconds to spot you", he shot back.
"Hey! It's not like there is anywhere else to hide here. It's dangerous to have such a hideout, with no other way out."
"This is why I never use it. But it was the best for our ambush."
He looked around, considering the mess she made while preparing her medicine kit.
"Are you ready to go?"
"In a minute. I'm finishing up with these. It's only precaution."
He silently nodded, before overlooking his own equipment. It was basic, really, but of extremely good craft. He had always been like this, cautious, considerate, careful. Everything had a place, and there was no room for fantasies, decorations … Distractions. His look slid to Sakura, who was putting away flasks, bandages and ointments. Why did she had to be here? Did Tsunade sent her on purpose? At that thought, he couldn't help but feel a surge of resentment towards the rebellion leader. How could she do this to him. How could she do this to her. Sakura didn't seem aware that she was going to run into him, so it had to be the princess' doing. To him, Sakura couldn't fake emotion, and what he saw in those jade, glistering eyes of hers was truth, and raw feelings. Part of him wished he was right, as war had changed them both, deeply, and he was afraid to realise that his image of the radiant, young girl she once was had faded forever. How would she react, when he would leave again? He couldn't step away from this goal. He had to deliver those scrolls to Danzo himself, to win his trust. It was his only way to reach Itachi, to learn more about the monster that had executed their whole family.
It was, in a way, the final test. If he could detach from her the way he did from everything else, maybe that would mean he had become strong enough to get his revenge.
"Sasuke-kun?" she enquired, her voice dragging him out of his thoughts. "Are you good to go? I'm done, and I've reviewed the plan you gave me. We should go and set the traps."
He took a moment to look at her, all plum lips, beautiful eyes, unwavering determination, radiant of everything she was on the verge of becoming. He nodded once more, unable to make a sound. She smiled softly and led the way out. He didn't know if, when the moment was right, he would have the strength to betray her. Right now, he couldn't even walk away.
Sasuke had left her to her thoughts last night, silent as a shadow and understanding. After everything they went through, after everything he did to her and everything she chose to forgave him for, they were stronger than time, stronger than everything the universe was putting in-between them.
That morning, Sakura woke up too early as always, getting bathed and dolled up by her maids. She joined Kakashi on the paths in front of the gardens, as every morning, and as usual, they talked. She was, just like the day before, terribly worried. However, that time, she noticed a stiffness in her friend's shoulders, a slump, a crack in his customary laidback behaviour. She deduced it was Sasuke's presence that was making him question her own determination.
"I will do what's necessary, you know", she offered softly.
Kakashi turned to look at her, and his expression went sour. The wind blew strongly for an instant, and she decided to look at her friend – she only found a silent plea for something she couldn't pinpoint. He took one long, ragged breath in. She never saw him like this, so distraught.
"This is what I am the most afraid of", he replied, his voice deep with untold implications.
Sakura's heart leaped in her chest.
"What do you mean?"
"I know what you are about to do. To protect them. To protect us. I know you. It's maybe the right move, but it's not the right way."
"…I know", she admitted. "But what other choice do I have? If we stay idle, Danzo will never be questioned. If we stay idle, I will die."
"You are putting yourself at greater risk with your alliance to Akamatsu. I don't know what he offered you, but he will not be able to protect you against his men."
"This is why I have you, Naruto and Sasuke. I can trust you all. And if I die, it will be fighting, and trying. Not hiding here, waiting for him to end my life the same way he did with my brother and father."
Kakashi lowered his head, his hand pinching the end of his nose, before sliding across his cheeks and mask, stopping one second at his throat before letting it fall down at his side. It was like he was trying to wipe away doubt and fear physically. Sakura understood, in a way. He and Akamatsu must have had talked last night.
"What did he say to you?" she whispered.
"That he was going to make you his. That you were smart enough to know it was the best way", he snickered darkly.
"You know he is probably right."
"He isn't." the man lost his nerve. "Not like this. Not again. Not for you. You cannot be dragged away again that way. You do not belong to anyone."
Sakura smiled softly, touched by his words. She kept quiet as Kakashi was calming down, regaining composure.
"Naruto was so mad I had to drag him out. Luckily for us, Akamatsu thought it was only because of alcohol, or was polite enough to pretend he didn't notice", Kakashi laughed, a bit kinder.
"He was never good with alcohol", Sakura teased.
"Indeed, and still isn't", he agreed as they both giggled, their breaths swirling in puffs of white haze.
They fell quiet for a few minutes, each of them enjoying the quiet presence of a trusted friend by its side. This was one of these mornings, that they came to enjoy the most: quiet, away from everything else, from the noise, form the heckles and the burdens of living such a life. They were alive, living, breathing, and it was the most precious gift of all.
They parted without a word, Sakura to her maids, Kakashi to the main room where the lords were starting to arrive. As he scanned the room, still quite empty, the man felt the nauseating sensation he had this morning waking up coming back. Today was critical. They had to gather enough samurai clans around Sakura, or she would die. It was as simple as this, as clear.
She would die.
Kakashi's heart was thumping painfully in his chest. She would die, and there wasn't much he could do, except dying at her side. He would fail in the mission he had undertook. Just like his father. He would die in vain, in shame, and the Hatake name would be tainted forever, like a cursed legacy.
He was never much for superstitions and tradition, but, right now, he was suffering from the actual weight of expectations falling upon him. He could grasp the torment his father had been under, and the pain of not having him by his side became suffocating.
He could not loose precious people. These kids, his friends, his former teammates. They were everything he had left. He could not let them die, like Obito, Rin, and his father. He just couldn't bear this kind of agony ever again.
Anxious, he joined Naruto's side, who looked gloomier than usual. Sasuke was making himself not seen, and had discarded his katana, standing in the corner of the room – it was probably for the best. The three of them looked up to the platform, guessing at the shadows behind the panels that Sakura was setting into place. So little lords had come, and it didn't look like there was going to be much more coming.
At the back of the room, Shinzo Akamatsu was the only one smiling.
Hello there.
So, if you are waiting for angst, it's coming. I'm done laying the ground of niceness and soft shivers. Hopefully, you'll like it as much as I do.
I was supposed to make the chapter even longer but I realised I was hitting a wall with the way I wanted to tell the story (aka had another 20 pages to write to wrap up where I intended at first), so here you go - it's probably better this way.
By the way, I realised I had been using some sort of French dialogue style (my native tongue) that did not make much sense for english-speaking readers, please forgive me. Hopefully this new dialogue format is easier to read and more familiar.
Thank you again, for the reviews and the love you are pouring in the comment section. It means the world.
Love, uglypotato.