Author's note at the end of this chapter!
It's difficult to focus for the rest of the day, my mind is swirling frantically about what Christina and Will said. To be honest, it isn't just in my mind. It's on the tongue of everybody at school, filling the air with whispers and giggles of gossip. It seems as soon as I found out, it was spreading like wildfire from person to person, and soon enough everybody knew all about it.
So much for not wanting to attract attention. I thought it was just Christina and Will, as well as the few people around us after training who heard it, but apparently, it wasn't Christina's doing. She and Will have been apologising profusely about it all day, shutting down the rumours when and where they here them, and I must say I'm thankful.
I don't mind them getting excited, but it doesn't stop me wanting to crawl into a ditch in the ground somewhere and just lay there rolled up in a ball forever until I die. From the moment I leave training to the moment I step off the bus, I'm bombarded with questions and gossip.
Jealous, angry girls whispering in crowds about me while looking at me, making it blatantly obvious to me that they're talking about me. Confused, shocked guys talking and laughing about how Four "finally got some". I don't have to tell you what that means, and it horrifies me. As soon as I heard that tall blonde boy in one of the older years say "Yeah, Four's getting laid by that Tris girl in first year. Took him long enough to get some though!" I burst into mortified tears and ran to the nearest bathroom, which just happened to be crowded with giggling girls taking selfies in the mirror while talking about me. The moment I walked in they all went silent and stared at me wide angry eyes.
I ran from the bathroom, with Christina and Will struggling to keep up with me. Unfortunately, this was only at the end of lunch, so I still had to endure stares and whispers for a few hours. I spent those classes fighting tears and shaking like a leaf.
Home Ec was kind of fun, and I got partnered with Al for the term. We were mostly just learning about calories and healthy diets, but at the end we made a simple salad. Again, it was kind of fun, but I was constantly being looked at, and the teacher lost it with a group of girls constantly whispering. Whispering about me. Al was really kind and comforting, telling one girl to "Shove her jealously where the sun doesn't shine." Which made me laugh quite a bit.
The next training session was okay, but I still had to completely avoid eye contact with everyone barring Christina, Will and Al. I mostly just stuck to the punching bags again, occasionally throwing a few knives, but it was all half-hearted with sadness and embarrassment. I didn't look at Four the entire time, I was too upset to. He probably thinks this is all my doing, that I'm just another slutty girl, who started untrue rumours to get attention. People actually think we're having sex after knowing each other less than a week.
Training finishes, and we're instructed to leave our bags on the hooks again for paintball in the woods. I've been looking forward to this all day, and I'm not going to let stupid rumours spoil it for me. It's at this point that Marlene and Shauna come over to where I'm standing with my friends. I know that we're all friends, but I know Will, Christina and Al are pretty annoyed about the rumours and how upset they are making me, and they won't hesitate to shut up anybody who spreads them.
"Hey, Tris…we know what's being said right now, and we know it isn't true. So, just know we're gonna try and make sure everybody knows it's just rubbish. It was Peter and his little gang that started it. Apparently, he saw you two this morning, on the bags. I think this is his payback for losing to Four this morning, and for you standing up to him like that yesterday." Shauna says, earning genuine smiles from me. They even hug me, which lifts my spirits a bit, but now I know who started the ridiculous rumours, I have a newfound rage at Peter stored up. We're led into the forest by Max and another leader once our bags are hung up, and once again, I shiver
After a good 15 minutes of trekking in a noisy line through the forest, we arrive at a clearing. Scattered on the ground are just enough guns for our entire group, as well as crated filled with transparent plastic tubes. Max holds up a gun and takes a tube out of one of the crates, showing the first years and reminding the second years how to hold, shoot and reload the guns with the colourful balls. When fired, they explode like water balloons, covering the target in colourful paint.
They are very firm when they tell us that you are never allowed to shoot somebody at point blank range, which they say is about 10 steps away from somebody, for safety reasons. We have to separate into 2 teams, and start on opposite sides of the forest, competing to reach the flag in the clearing we're currently standing in.
I listen intently, but I still see the glances and stares I'm getting. The stress is really getting to me, and I have no idea how to stop this…even if it started as a rumour, it'll soon become common knowledge even if it's a lie. I feel entirely powerless.
Max and the other leader pick 2 of us to be leaders for the team, so they have to pick us for the teams until the last person just gets allotted a team. I'm going to be that kid for definite, that stereotypical one in movies who is last picked, but I'm going to prove bullies wrong and stand up for myself, I'm just not getting picked until last for 2 reasons. One, the other team captain, Eric, certainly doesn't want to have the supposed slut the school is talking about on his team, and two, the other team captain is Four. No explanation required.
Eric is first to pick, so he chooses Peter. What a shocker! I keep staring at the ground, focusing on every little detail in the dry mud so I don't see the stares, but when I hear Four's deep voice call out "I'll take the stiff." I look up with my mouth hanging slightly open, I am completely baffled. What is he doing?
I'm the only first year whose parents are Abnegation, so I'm obviously the stiff here. Why is he doing this? Does he not realise that be picking me, he's just confirming the rumours of our supposed "hooking up"? I sigh and bat back the little tears pooling in the brim of my eyes and step forward shakily, standing behind him to his left. He gives me a small, sympathetic smile as I pass, but his eyes convey so much meaning, a meaning that says "I have to talk to you."
At first, I'm confused as to why Four is picking the weaker, smaller individuals of the class, but after a few minutes of pondering it, I realise what he is doing. Eric continues to pick all of the muscular, beefy members of the class, while I notice Four is choosing all of the smaller, skinnier of us. I'm actually impressed with that logic, we need the faster runners to get the flag, those who can run fast with a gun. At least it took my mind of my current crisis for a little while.
When we're into our teams, one leader each has to lead us to our starting spaces. The forest is magnificent. The trees are made of a drake pine, smelling just as you would expect a luscious forest to. Little twigs and pinecones snap under my shoes, and the cool breeze is refreshing. It helps the anxious, mortified feeling in my stomach settle ever so slightly to watch the ravens fly above the tree canopy.
The group continues ahead, and I curse a million times in my head that all of my friends no less ended up on Eric's team, barring Zeke. I think Eric did that intentionally. The majority of the group continues ahead, but I make sure to linger at the back. Zeke eventually slows so he's walking next to me, and I curse silently once again when Four lingers just ahead of us.
"Hey Tris." He says silently, with a sympathetic smile.
"Hey." I say in a shaky whisper.
"You okay? I'm really sorry about all this gossip." He says in a serious tone, quite different from the light, joking tone I always here him speaking in. I smile at him, and he even gives me a side hug with his arm around my shoulder.
"I'm absolutely mortified. Four and I aren't even friends, and everybody thinks w-we're…we're-"I start, almost crying towards the end of my sentence.
"Having sex. Yeah, I know. It's entirely uncalled for, especially since you're 14, and in your first week of school." He finishes for me. I manage a nod, before a few silent tears roll down my cheeks. Four turns his head slightly ahead of us, making eye contact with Zeke. They simple gesture makes Zeke release his arm around me and join the rest of the group ahead, until Four drops in silently next to me. I don't look at him. I don't want to. I just want to say silent and invisible until everybody forgets they ever heard of me. He speaks up in his low, deep voice, and it makes me want to take off running through the forest.
"Well. Say something." He says quietly.
"I don't want to say anything. I just want to disappear…" I say in a raspy whisper. It doesn't take too long for the stream of thoughts about the whispers and stares to resurface, and what everybody must think, to cause thick streams of gentle tears to run down my face and onto my top, dripping onto my maroon top.
"I know, and I'm sorry, but you can't just ignore what is happ- "he starts in a gentle but frustrated tone. I can tell by his demeanour he isn't angry at me, but angry about what is happening. I cut him off before he has a chance to finish his sentence.
"I hardly even know what is happening, except that I want to be invisible right now. Do you know what everybody thinks? What they say?" I say, my shoulder shaking with hollow sobs and angry words. I continue, "I don't know what you care for, your reputation hasn't changed. You're still playboy, popular Dauntless prodigy Four. I am not, I am "that slut who is hooking up with Four!" and I don't want to be that, because I'm not! So, can we just not talk about this right now please?" I say quietly, before mentally telling myself to calm down before walking off faster, half jogging half running towards Zeke and some others in our group.
I turn my head slightly to see him, and what I see surprises me. He looks sad, and for a moment I think he's going to cry too, but his eyes are just so glossy and dark I'm clearly mistaken. His hands are buried in his pockets and a slight pout is on his lips. He is almost always pouting slightly, his bottom lip being so full and his top being so thin. I think he actually does care, but what I said still stands. He doesn't need to care, because is reputation is still perfect. Mine is now at rock bottom.
When we arrive at our base, it's just a slightly smaller clearing. Guns are handed out, as well as loaded with blue paintballs for our team. Once you're hit, you're out, so we will know because the other team's paint is red. We have to trek through the trees until we get to a starting space on our half of the woods, until a gun is sounded. We then have to do everything in our power to get to the flag.
Determined to get a good start and prove I'm stronger and smarter than some may think, I immediately start jogging towards where I gage to be the centre of the trees. I actually have a great sense of direction – when our family go on our annual camping trip, I'm always the one to lead us in the right direction without a map or compass, I can just gage where we're going.
Once I'm where I understand the flag is in a direct path with, I brace myself by a tall sturdy tree, and turn my head in a loop to see where everyone else is. There aren't many people, jut a few girls bracing themselves to run straight at the other team a little way off. That is, until Four comings running over a hill, clearly looking for a good place to start. I sigh and put two hands on the tree, one in a hollow and the other on a low branch.
Four's footsteps slow behind me, so I can tell he is approaching. A part of my mind is screaming for me to shout at him, or run, or cry, but I don't. I stay rooted to the spot, listening out for the gun, facing straight up at the tree.
"What are you doing?" his deep, rumbling voice echoes quietly.
"Getting ready to climb this tree." I say bluntly, not wanting to talk to him still. He nods and moves ahead of me, walking off through the forest. His gun is strapped diagonally across his back, moving every time he takes a step. I shake the thoughts out my head just in time to hear the gun go off, and pull myself up the tree quickly, like a squirrel. My size and weight is a huge advantage, my hands and feet work away carefully, yet much more confident after my climb up the metal structure earlier.
(A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! This actually happened to a friend of mine once, so I know it does happen a lot. I'm trying to make chapters longer and more interesting, but I did just start school again. And my timetable…is a bloody mess. Not going into details, but this year has set itself up to be a hot, embarrassing stress. Thanks for reading!)