Chapter 20: Under the Envy

Silence. Cold blossomed goosebumps over my skin. Jake released my hand and jumped to his feet. Silence ended as Jake crossed the circle to shout at Sam. I remained seated, frozen on the ground. Billy and Old Quil were trying to calm Jake down, to let them explain. Lauren stood, picked up Embry's jacket, and then sat down beside me. The pack continued to shout over each other.

"Hey."

My frozen body thawed. Lauren put her hand on my shoulder. Two giant shocks in a row. First Jake was told to ignore me. Now Lauren was comforting me.

"Do you love the drama or does drama love you?" she joked.

I rolled my eyes at her Taylor Swift lyric. "I swear I don't love the drama."

"You probably won't listen to me," she said, stretching out her legs, leaning back on her palms. "We're not friends. Obviously. We're only allies because we faced death together." Her nose wrinkled and she smirked. "Honestly, if I could go back to before the meadow, I totally would. I would much rather kill time hating you until graduation… Better that than this crazy shit." She gestured to the shout-fest across the circle. Her face blanked. "Until I met Embry I had a plan. I knew exactly what my life would look like. I would leave Forks and never look back. I didn't want to visit my parents for holidays. I would take out every stupid fucking loan and work two jobs if I had to—but I was not coming back. I had to survive until graduationand then I would finallyget a life."

She paused, closed her eyes, and held her breath. This was the closest to human I'd ever seen her. She wasn't admitting anything new, not really. A year ago, I wouldn't have cared. But she exhaled, lip quivering, and Embry stepped away from the argument to look at her. His eyes were full of her. For a second, he let his eyes meet mine, and his expression was pleading.

Help her.

He wanted me to pity her. To reach out to her and help her. This vicious girl who had envied me the attention I got. She had hated me. For once in my life I hadn't been mute and invisible—and she had hated me for that.

Or, maybe, it was never hate. Maybe what I thought was hate was…envy. Lauren had made one thing absolutely clear: she wanted to escape Forks. The first place that had felt like home for me was her nightmare. I had moved so many times with Mom, never feeling at home. Lauren had stayed put her whole life and felt the same thing. In Forks I had found my home. Maybe Lauren didn't have that feeling—of home.

My hands were clammy. I wiped them on the blanket, crossed my legs and inched sideways to face her better. "Why do you have to wait until you graduate to start a life?"

She rolled her eyes and scowled. "Seriously? Do I have to spell it out—"

"Embry," I said.

She shut up. She looked across the circle. Embry was trying to play peacemaker. He had a hand on Jake's shoulder. Sam and Jared stood opposite, telling Jake was this was for the best. Billy and Sue and Quil were trying to bargain for middle ground.

"It's not that simple," Lauren whispered. "He has to be with them. I need to leave and he needs to stay."

"What happened to working two jobs?" I teased. "Embry isn't lazy either. I'm sure you can both save up for flights while you go off to school. Meet him on holidays and long weekends and summer and whatever else. Once you're eighteen your parents can't stop you from spending summers with Embry instead of them."

I wasn't going to guess what Lauren's home life was like. I had been fortunate to have two parents that loved me, but only one of them had been a good parent. Mom would have been happier in the end if she'd realized sooner that she could give me a good home with Charlie and still live her life the way she'd wanted. Lauren was trying to figure out what my mom had never quite found—how to be happy while keeping the ones you loved.

"That works for the college years," she agreed stiffly, "but after that? What if I want to move to New York? Or Berlin? Or Edinburg?" She ran a jerky hand through her hair. "This was so not part of my plan."

"You'll find a new plan," I said. "If you talk with Embry about this."

Her hand dropped. Her wide eyes turned to me. As I had guessed, that hadn't crossed her mind. She was making the decision hers and hers alone. Embry might have changed Lauren's plan, but she still thought of herself first. Maybe Embry could change that with time too.

"What if he asks me to stay here? Forever?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "He might. But how could you know what your answer is until you ask? And what if instead of him asking you to stay—try asking him to go? Not today, but…when you're both ready."

She shook her head and narrowed her eyes at me. "You're too fucking perfect, Bella."

I laughed weakly and hung my head. "Clearly not."

Lauren tucked her feet under her legs and kneeled closer. She grabbed my hands. "Bella, I know you hate me too. We've given each other plenty of reasons to be enemies, but you didn't abandon me. When that vampire tried to kill us, you tried to talk him into letting me go. When I was a complete jerk and blackmailed you, instead of letting me face a group of wolf-shifters on my own, you came. You were, like, my lawyer, watching for fine print in this imprint thing." She rolled her eyes and laughed nervously. "I've gotten to know the real Bella this week—hell, these few days—better than I've known you since you first moved here last year. It feels like we've been enemies forever, but I'd like to end that."

I raised an eyebrow. Beginning as enemies hadn't been my choice; beginning a friendship wasn't my choice either.

She rolled her eyes again. "Bella, I don't mean let's be BFFs. I'm saying screw the past and let's decide to be allies. We're two humans and we can be in thistogether."

My eyes stung. I had always imagined Angela or even Jess as my human ally, but I hadn't been able to tell either of them the whole truth. Lauren was the last person on earth I would have chosen. In some weird way, it made sense that it had to be her. I turned my hands in hers and grasped her hand in a firm handshake.

"You're right. We both need a human ally."

"We're all we've got," she said with a practiced sneer. The menace didn't reach her eyes. Green irises paled behind a deep well of wet. She blinked rapidly and, careful not to smudge her mascara, patted her tears away.

We released hands quickly, smiled conspiratorially at each other, and then she returned to her spot on the log. She clapped her hands above her head. The arguing died. Embry raised his eyes up, ready to apologize for whatever Lauren was about to announce. Jake's jaw was clenched tight, but he wasn't shaking. Paul was pacing some distance away, trying to calm his fury. Harry Clearwater hadn't moved, but his wife and son were standing beside Jake and Embry now.

"Bella and I have talked and she's agreed to add some distance between her and Jake," Lauren said.

My eyes doubled to twice their size. I felt like Daffy Duck after finding out a certain bunny had switched the sign to duck season. Jake's hands unclenched. Concern and rejection coloured his face.

"But obviously it's going to be suspicious if Bella stops seeing him entirely," Lauren continued. "Charlie knows that Bella and Jake are dating. If henoticed there's weirdness, I'm sure the FBI would eventually notice. Limiting Jake's exposure to the FBI makes sense but making him disappear entirely is just a different sort of spotlight. Now that Bella and Jake are going to discuss your terms fairly, Sam, how about you explain how you plan to keep Bella safe from Victoria?"

Everyone was silent. Sam's reasons for keeping some distance between Jacob and the FBI made sense. But if Victoria got to me, whether she killed me immediately or did something else first to threaten me, it was possible the FBI would notice those consequences as giant clues.

Embry suggested that if Lauren and I saw each other more, he could take over some guard duty. Unfortunately, that raised the question of my sudden closeness with Lauren—something anyone in town might take note of and mention if questioned by investigators. It was a risk. Staying near Jake was less risky. Was that why Lauren had mentioned it? Was this her way of proving she was my ally? Her smirk in my direction made me think that it was.

"There's one thing we haven't considered," Sam said coolly. He looked at the other wolves.

Jake growled. The sound was all wolf. "No."

"The last thing we need is more vampires," Paul shouted from his pacing spot.

"The Cullens will not break the treaty," Old Quil spoke firmly. He spoke like it was the last word. No one disagreed.

Sam stepped around Jake. "Bella, do you still have the number of the Cullen vampire who contacted you last night?"

Lauren stood. "Paul is right. We don't need another vampire in Forks."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I also agree with Paul," Embry said tonelessly. He moved to Lauren's side. She gave him an approving nod.

"Me too," Jake said. He glared at Sam's back.

I curled my legs up. "I have the number. I don't know if it'll still work."

"Jake, take Bella home. Bella, call your vampire."

That sentence sent a shard through my heart. My vampire. Jake started to shake again. Billy grabbed his son's arm and reminded him that this was to keep me safe—and to protect the pack. He wouldn't agree with Sam if he thought this would put anyone in danger—including me.

I stood and faced away from the pack. Jake was beside me in a second. He took my face in his hands, drawing my eyes up to meet his.

"You don't have to do this," he promised. "I'll protect you."

I laid a hand over his and tried to smile. "This situation keeps getting more and more dangerous. Who knows how many vampires Victoria has turned? Who knows when she'll finally decide it's time to kill me and anyone else who gets in her way? I'm not willing to risk their livesfor mine." I gestured to the pack and Jacob dropped his hands. "I'm not willing to risk your life. If any of the Cullens are willing to help, it's worth it to keep you safe."

Jake stepped back. He shot Sam a glare, but said to me, "This is your choice, Bella."

I touched his arm and turned him away from the pack. "This is my choice."