Chapter 23: Pretending to Be Normal

It was difficult to get out of bed that morning. I wish I could've blamed the harrowing interview with the FBI agents. No doubt it was the trigger. No doubtit was the reason my thoughts were spinning like a twister over Kansas. Instead of watching witches fly past my window I saw only dull, gray skies and apathetic rain drops. My chest cavity felt as hollow as the Tin Man's. I must have lacked courage too, because I was huddled under my blankets, not a whisper of will to step out of my room. Dad checked on me at noon and the good daughter in me—as weak and small as she was—spoke to him. The good daughter lied and said she was fine. The good daughter got dressed, went downstairs, told her father that she'd had trouble sleeping because she kept thinking about the agents and the murdered woman. The good daughter who knew there was no place like home, and knew the storm would blow over and she'd wake up happy to be exactly as she was.

The lie worked for Dad. He was concerned, but he believed it would get better. I'd be happy again soon. He was a good Dad. A great Dad. I wished I could have gotten to know him better sooner—before my life started straddling fairytales and horror and reality. He deserved to know the good daughter he'd described to the FBI agents. The last person who would go near anything dangerous? Ha.

The lie didn't work on me. It popped like one of Glinda's pink floaty bubbles too near a wicked witch's pointy hat. The reason I felt hollow wasn't because of the interrogation yesterday. I had been expecting it to go that way. What had burst my bubble was the one thing I hadn't expected. Once again, I hadn't seen him coming.

I was feeling guilty about the continuous direction of my thoughts. I texted Jake. He was the current—and only—guy in my life. Dwelling on a dead past wasn't good for anyone, especially my already heavy conscience. I needed to kick all thoughts of Edward out of my head.

Stupid, FBI. Kicking dead horses. Just when I thought it was buried and frolicking through a happy after-life, someone had to kick it in front of me again. Maybe not the most inspiring metaphor, but it matched how glum and pitiful I felt.

Thankfully, I was snapped out of my storm of depressing thoughts by the metaphorical sunshine of my life. Jake apparently was not allowed to see me today—as expected—but he wouldn't abandon me. Anything I needed to tell him, he was ready to listen. He even sent a horrible, but darkly hilarious, gif of a werewolf (aka lycan) from the Underworldseries murdering someone with the word JERKS over their faces. It was juvenile, but sweet. How did I get so lucky?

Or maybe it was exactly the amount of lucky I deserved to off-set all the bad luck in my life.

I wanted to complain about how Agent Tanner focused too much on questioning my ex than asking important questions. I couldn't. It felt…like I'd been cheating on Jake. Cheating with a memory. I hadn't brought it up, but the way my thoughts had turned made me guilty. If I was a good girlfriend talking about Edward shouldn't have affected me. I should've moved on completely. My feelings about him should be neutral. I couldn't explain to Jake that blaming Cullens for the mess they left behind made me feel worse about it. I couldn't explain that as much as I wanted to close that chapter of my life, the Cullens would always be a part of my story. If I could rip out all the bad and keep the good, I would. In a heartbeat, I'd keep it all.

Since I couldn't shake the guilt of my memory-cheating, and it wasn't exactly appropriate to discuss it with Jake, I decided to burden my next closest friend. Angie answered my call after a couple rings. Her first words weren't hello or what's up, she asked how I was doing. It had been a few hours since we'd last talked, and that was her first question. I was lucky to have her in my life.

Angie listened to my big fat guilty dilemma with a saint's patience. I obviously left out the more fantastical bits, but I shared the fact that my second dream last night had ended with Edward.

"Sounds normal to me," Angie said when I was done ranting.

I laughed weakly. Without all the mad supernatural pieces, it probably was a very normal first-world problem. Ohmygawd, I keep thinking about my ex during this crazy murder investigation? Hashtag story of my life. Hashtag, I am a bad girlfriend.At least that was my impression of my selfish woes. Angie was much kinder about it.

"Bella, stop beating yourself up," she said. "You didn't break up with Edward. You didn't end it because you didn't want it to end. Obviously, that would leave behind some unresolved feelings. Add that up with the stress going on in your life right now, I would be more stunned if you didn't have some weird dreams."

I laughed—for real this time. I rolled onto my stomach and hugged a pillow under my chin. "You're like a Sherlock for relationships. It's only obvious after you explain it."

Angie laughed. I could practically hear her eyes roll. "Listen, I know you well enough by now to know you wouldn't date Jacob if you didn't genuinely like him. You're not using him or playing him. But that doesn't mean your heart's a faucet. You can't turn off feelings for someone just because feelings for someone else have turned on."

My mouth popped and I rolled onto my back, propping the pillow under my head. "You've blown my mind. How did I not realize before now that my heart is not a faucet?"

Angie giggled. "Shut up. You know I'm right!"

"Yeah. I do. But it's easier for me to feel guilty than deal with the fact I love two guys at once."

Angie was quiet. I looked at my cell to make sure the line hadn't dropped.

"Angie?"

"Yeah…I…hadn't thought about that."

My brow furrowed.

"You love them both. Geez, Bella, I've never told any guy I love them."

I was about to ask about her current dating life…but then I got sucked back into my brain. I hadn't thought about it. I just said it. I was in love with two guys. I'd practically strong-armed Jake into taking me seriously, but I wasn't over Edward. Stupid. I was stupid to think that telling myself to get over him was the same as actually getting over him.

That's what my dream was telling me. Angie was right. The stress had made my dreams say what I couldn't face consciously. Talking to Alice, dealing with Victoria's machinations, and pack drama… No wonder my heart was speaking in dreams. It couldn't get a word in with so much madness going on.

"I spoke to Alice," I said. I don't know why. Angie and Alice had barely interacted, and it was always through me.

"Are they coming back?"

I tucked my hair behind my ear. It was a pointless nervous gesture, as my hair immediately fell out of place. "No. I don't think so. Maybe some of them—but not…him."

Angie sighed. "She didn't say that he was still hopelessly in love with you and wanted to give it another go?"

I snorted. "No." I paused and sighed. "But she wouldn't."

"Really? I got the impression she really liked you dating her brother," Angie said, just a hint of jealousy in her tone. "She practically claimed you as her new sister."

"And that's why she wouldn't," I explained. "Even if he was—which I'm sure he's found something…easier…better maybe—whatever he needs. She wouldn't hurt me like that. I know she'll always be on his side, because they're family, but she's my friend too."

"Okay," Angie huffed. She had never been against the Cullens while they were here, but I know that I'd favoured them over her many times. I didn't blame her for having some residual negativity over them monopolizing my time.

My phone buzzed from a text. I glanced down at the screen. Lauren. She'd sent a group message suggesting we all go out to keep Bella's mind off the tragedy. It felt a bit wrong to read about my tragedy in the third person.

"Did you get that too?" Angie asked.

"Yes."

"Group date? Lauren's gone mad. First she's trying to be friends with you and now a group date?"

I glanced at the message again. Ah. This was her trying to help me spend time with Jake. I noticed she said twice in the message that couples were a must. "We talked a little after the wolves in the forest incident. We're trying not to hate each other anymore."

She laughed humorlessly. "I know. She said the same thing. Hard to believe though. Lauren hasn't changed since the first grade. I suspect maybe she was bitchy even before that."

I laughed. It was funny hearing Angie bad-mouth anyone, even Lauren. Angie was nice to everyone.

"Are you considering this?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Yeah. Maybe. I think Bella might need this to keep Bella's mind off the tragedy."

Angie laughed loudly. "She did say that, didn't she? I guess if you and Jess are there we won't have to deal with Lauren completely. Okay. I'm in if you are."

"I'm in," I decided. What was the worst that could happen?

Jake was convinced more easily than Angie. We were both happy to have any excuse to ignore the pack's ruling. It was also part of my evil plan to fool the FBI agents that everything was normal. Jake didn't quite agree that it was an 'evil' plan. He replaced 'evil' with 'clever' and pitched it to Sam. Maybe Sam was going soft or maybe he actually believed that presenting Jake as a normal teenager that goes out with his girlfriend and her friends left little room for inklings about a double-life as a supernatural shapeshifter.

We decided on a movie outing in Port Angeles. Apparently, Mike was trying to keep up his record of seeing every Marvel movie in theatres. I had seen most of them—enough that Jess decided I would be able to follow along—but I hadn't seen more than a couple in the theatre. Some action comedy sounded like a welcome distraction. Jake, Embry, and Lauren joined me in my truck for the drive up to Port Angeles. Jake filled me in on things I had missed—I hadn't seen Captain America:Civil Waror Spider-man:Homecomingor Thor: The Dark World. Lauren complained that none of the things Jake was rambling about mattered and I would be fine without a detailed history of the Marvel Universe. I was grinning the whole drive. It was nice to be talking about normal stuff. I never thought I'd be so happy that Marvel hadn't brought any vampire or werewolf superheroes or villains. It made me giddy, focusing on fun for once.

The theatre was buzzing with activity, but since the movie we were seeing had been out a while, we were able to snag enough seats to sit together in one row. Jake and me shared licorice and popcorn—and I didn't mind that his wolfish hunger meant I only got a little. Jess and Lauren had let their boyfriend's get their own popcorn and junk food; they were sharing some home-packed snack mix that Lauren had brought. Angie had brought Eric. He didn't say more than a brief hello to me or Jake, but it was best that way. During the movie I tried not to whisper questions to Jake when there was some event referenced that I didn't get. Most of it was fairly easy to follow with inferences. All of the quips made me laugh.

After the movie we had dinner in the food court styled area of the theatre. Junk food followed by dinner-themed junk food. But no one complained, not even Lauren. We all gushed over our favourite parts. Jake and Mike were in complete fanboy mode, mentioning things I was pretty sure weren't in the movie I'd just seen. Lauren and I had the same favourite part—which made everyone laugh at the odds of that. Mike had his arm over Jess' shoulder. Embry and Lauren were holding hands. Angie and Eric were sitting together, but even next to each other there was some distance. I'd have to ask Angie about that later. Gently.

Jake seemed to notice the pattern. He took my hand and squeezed. I smiled at him. It felt really good to go out with him and my friends. I wanted more time like this. I think I said all that in my smile, because Jake laughed, shook his head at me, and gave me a quick kiss. Yeah, definitely more of this.

That seemed to be the signal everyone needed. Maybe I was projecting, but it felt like the couples were moving closer. The friend's night out was nearing a close. We called it a night and drove back to Forks.

Mike, Jess, Lauren, and Embry had driven to Port Angeles together, but Lauren had maneuvered the couples by that point so that Eric and Angie were going home with Mike and Jess instead. Jess seemed a tad hurt that her best of best friends was joining another group, but she didn't object. Jake, me, Lauren, and Embry returned to Forks in my truck. I'd driven up so Jake volunteered to drive back. I figured his wolf-vision might be better for night-driving; I let him take the wheel.

Lauren bragged about her brilliance on the drive back. She was right that this outing had cleared Bella's tragic moping. While I thanked her coming up with a fun night out, I refused to acknowledge that she had somehow saved me from endless wallowing. Embry had no problem telling Lauren that she'd come up with an idea that we'd all needed.

Mike's vehicle had disappeared a few minutes ahead of us. Angie texted me that she was home and a couple minutes later Lauren's phone lit up with a similar message from Jess. Lauren implied that she couldn't show us the message to protect Jess' privacy and gave me an insider look that I didn't know what to do with. Embry exhaled softly and Lauren gave him a mocking shove.

Jake offered to drop Lauren and Embry off first, since Jake was planning to spend more of the evening with me, before Sam got it in his head that he'd been lenient enough. We were near my dad's place before Lauren and Embry decided what they wanted. Dad and Billy had gone to the bar for evening, mostly likely because Billy had sent out a group text about distracting Charlie from his tragedy. It was amusing to imagine, but it probably wasn't far from the truth. Dad deserved his own friend's night out to distress.

Jake seemed disappointed he couldn't monopolize my time, but Lauren had voted to continue what had gone from group date to double date. Lauren was monologuing about how unpredictably easy it had been to insert her new supernatural boyfriend into a totally natural friend group. I reminded her that tonight was the easy part. It was keeping secrets that made it hard. Lauren shut up at that. I felt guilty. She was probably thinking about how she'd split from Jess tonight to regroup with me. Secrets and supernatural. One came with the other. Lauren was handling it better than I thought, but this was only the start of a trek up a mountain. It would only get harder to breathe from here on.

"How long do you think Chief Swan will be out?" Lauren asked.

I unlocked the door, key paused in the lock. "Not sure."

"With my dad there, probably hours," Jake joked.

"Billy Black might seem like a responsible elder," Embry warned, "but he's a party-animal at heart. I've heard a few stories. Some I don't dare repeat in the presence of fair women."

Lauren laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. She had to raise up on the pads of her feet to reach him. "You are a ridiculous gentleman, Embry. Absolutely ridiculous." She kissed him and both their faces warmed.

He shrugged. Jake seemed to shudder. No doubt it was more from seeing his friend turn to mush looking at Lauren more than being reminded of his dad's younger, wilder days. I laughed and shoved open the door.

That subtle change of air popped the bubble of bliss. Embry grabbed Lauren and pushed her behind him, halfway to the truck. Jake caught me in a distressed bear hug and dragged me back too. I dropped my keys. The clang of them touched inside the front door. Lauren had already half-voiced an angry question, but she swallowed the sound when shattering glass sounded from my window. My bedroom window.

"Stay with Embry!" Jake shouted back at me, kicking off his shoes. His shirt was already discarded on the ground beside me. He was hunting the vampire that had been in my house.