Wow. Thank you for the response guys! I'm excited to keep going. Here's another one!
I stare at myself in the mirror. I have on a pair of black jeans, they are hanging loose, nothing a belt cant fix. I have on a white wife beater and a red and white plaid button up shirt. This was supposed to be a fun easy going night. Not something I had to stress about! I hadn't eaten today to make sure that my stomach would be as flat as possible. I lift up my shirt and run my hand over my stomach. It's not sunken in like I was hoping, but it is flat. So I achieved that goal.
I looked at the clock, 6:47. I have plenty of time to get to Carlos', I don't even have to drive. We have lived next to each other since 8th grade and have become best friends. He has been there for me through everything, and I the same to him. I put on a little bit of cologne before, look at myself one more time deciding that this will have to do before I turn out my light and shut my door.
"Mom, I'm going to Carlos'." I say as I walk through the kitchen where I grab my jacket and head straight to the door.
"Are you coming home?" She asks as she continues to do whatever it is she is doing, I didn't even bother to look.
I pause for a second. James will be there, but I usually stay the night at Carlos', "I'm not sure. I'll text you."
"Ok, have fun sweetie."
"Thanks!"
I practically run out the door so my mom doesn't have the chance to ask me more questions. It's cold out, and it goes straight to my bones. There is a frost on the ground already and its dark. I hate winter. The cold kills me a little bit inside.
I make the short walk to Carlos' house and when I see the driveway I let out a sigh of relief. James' car isn't here yet. I'm in the clear! For the moment.
I rush up to the door and don't even knock. I push off my shoes and run up the stairs to his bedroom.
"Hey," I huff as I let myself into his room. He is sitting on his bed and doesn't even look up.
"Hey." He throws his phone off to the side. I take off my jacket and throw it across the back of the chair he has pushed into his desk. I flop on the end of his bed before I look at him.
"You couldn't have given me any warning!?" I practically yell at him resting my hands over my stomach.
"What?! You need to get over you're fear Kendall! It's not healthy." I roll my eyes because I know that he is just trying to help me. I get it. I need a push or I'm going to always be afraid to talk to James.
But what if James doesn't like me? What if he doesn't even want to be friends with me? I push on my stomach. I'm not perfect yet. I'm probably not even good enough. He is beautiful with a good job and is amazing with the kids. Has a sense of humor and an all around wonderful life.
What do I have? A half way decent job, some family, and a Carlos. And lets not forget a fucked up mind.
"What about me isn't unhealthy, Carlos. Not much!" I don't know why I'm so defensive when I know he is trying to help. Maybe because I don't want the help. I want to continue living in agony and not getting anywhere.
He rolls his eyes and lets out a breath. "I know. Look, i'm just trying to help you. Maybe even find you another friend. If this doesn't work out then what did you have to lose? Meeting one person! Right? Maybe he will get you out of the house a little more. I don't do that much."
"Fine, I will try to be a normal human and interact." I sit up so that my back is against the wall and pull out my phone. I drape my other arm over my stomach.
"And he is bringing beer, so don't be shocked." He sounds a little peeved but he will get over it as soon as James gets here.
There is always food or drinks with Carlos, another reason why I skipped the food today.
We sit in silence for a moment before we hear the car door slam and I know who it is. Carlos jumps off the bed. "Now, I want you to have a good time tonight and be happy. None of this," He waves his hand through the are, "depressing shit."
I give him a blank stare and raise my eye brows.
"Ok," He opens his door and runs down the stairs to meet James at the door….he doesn't do that for me….
As I sit here waiting, my heart is pounding out of my chest. I'm trying to control my breathing. I hate that I have anxiety over things like this. I'm honestly very envious of Carlos. He makes it look so easy. Talking to people and the way he flirts with Logan is out of this world. No shame.
I open facebook on my phone and I'm trying to act casual. I can hear their voices, they are probably putting the beer in the fridge to chill. Then to soon I hear them coming up the stairs. Every footstep is daunting. Carlos opens the door and I glance at him, he is smiling. I glance at James as he walks by into the room, give him a quick smile, before I return to my phone.
Carlos claps his hands together to get my attention, i'm sure. "So, James, do you like scary movies?"
Alright I'm down with a movie. I like those. I put down my phone and scoot to the edge of the bed. None of this 'depressing shit'.
He smiled excitedly, "Duh! Who doesn't?" Yes!
"Alright!" Carlos said, "Let's pick one out!"
Half an hour later we were walking back into Carlos' room with Hills Have Eye's and getting ready to watch it. I sit down on the floor, my back against the bed, and pull the blanket off of Carlos' bed, wrapping it around myself. It's so cold. My heart is pounding because I don't want James to sit next to me. Well, I do, but I don't. Ugh, he doesn't bite! It will be fine.
I watch Carlos put the movie in and James is standing there like he doesn't know if he should sit down or not. I watch Carlos grab the remote before jumping up and turning off the light. Please sit next to me, please sit next to me. My heart stops as he sits at the end of his bed, far from me.
He looks up at James and pats the floor between us. "Have a seat, my man!"
As James sits I feel butterflies erupt in my stomach. He was so close I could feel the heat radiating off of him. I don't understand why he makes me so nervous. I scoot over a little so that we aren't so close. I look at the screen and try to focus. Carlos has the remote and presses play. The room goes black before the movie starts and my heart is pounding for more reasons than one.
Half way through the movie I have the blanket pulled up to my chin and my knees to my chest. I hate scary movies but I love them at the same time! All the gore. It's great, but sickening. I jump at a loud noise and move closer to James. He looks at me with wide eyes. In that moment, it's like the movie stops, everything stops. I feel my heart flutter, my stomach flips, and my cheeks heat. I move away from him.
James moves closer and whispers, "Where are you going with that blanket?" He lifts it up and puts it over his own lap. He looks back at the screen and seems to not think another thing about it.
I sit up straight so that I can see Carlos from behind James. Carlos looks at me and smiles. I glare. Little bastard!
I'm sorry it took so long guys! I started a new job! I haven't forgotten! Please let me know what you think :)