Thank you guys! Here is another one!
Two beers down and a movie we aren't even paying attention to is playing in the background of our conversation. Well, Carlos and James' conversation.
"Dude, why didn't we hang out sooner?" Carlos says after he downs the last of his second beer. He then giggles…what a light weight.
"I don't know. I don't really hang out with people outside of work. I have work friends and outside of work friends." I kind laugh at James' sentence. 'out of work friends' ha. Ok, I'm also a light weight. But I have a reason. Carlos has lots of lean muscle on his bones. Hm. Carlos is hot. I shake my head before thoughts start to get weird. That's why I'm keeping my mouth shut, I get weird when I drink.
I reach between Carlos and James for another beer even though I know that I might make a mistake. What kind of mistake? I have no idea. I lean back against the bed with beer in one hand and my arm draped over my stomach. It's warm and full of beer. I normally would hate this feeling, be pissed off about it with an enormous amount of anxiety about all the calories. I haven't drank in so long. The only time I really stop caring about what I look like is when I do drink.
They go quiet before Carlos says, "Well, Kendall, aren't you being a little anti-social."
"No, I'm here aren't I?" Why does he even put up with me? I glance at James who is staring at me and I start to straighten up before guzzling down a fair amount of beer. I feel my cheeks heating and hope that beer kicks in soon so I don't care. I can see him still staring out the corner of my eye as I look at Carlos. Why the fuck is he staring.
"I suppose."
I get an evil though, "So, Carlos, do you like anyone at work?" He looks at me with a puzzled look, clearly taken off guard. I know Logan pops into his mind and he starts to blush.
"Nah, not really." Lier.
"Are you sure, I thought that you had said something to me about one of the doctors?" I say questioning, pushing the issue even though he is clearly trying to avoid it.
He stumbles over his words before he settles on what he wants to say, "Yeah, I mean I wouldn't say a crush but there is one cute one." He is blushing, James is just looking between us, probably not sure what to say, "But isn't there a nurse that your dying to get your hands on?"
Ouch. I don't even know what to say, and in the pause James decides to pitch in, "Oh, you gotta spill the beans guys." I think this calls for another guzzling session. I drink down my beer and it's already half gone. I take a breath before taking another gulp.
I look at Carlos, "By all means, please, enlighten him." I wave towards James with a smirk on my face.
"Ah, shit." Carlos is blushing and I love it that I was able to finally get under his skin, "Yeah, there is one guy that I've been flirting with!"
"So, who is it? Are they on the unit?" James has his elbows on his knees and he is so damn cute with the way he is pressing Carlos, looking all enthralled in what he has to say.
"Uh," Carlos pauses, I'm guessing he is trying to figure out if it's safe to tell James these things, "Yeah, he is on the unit." Pause, then he blurts out super fast, "But you probably wouldn't know him!" Carlos acts busy with another beer.
I try to avoid James asking me the same question, "So, do you have anyone you like?" James looks at me then away for a moment thinking about his answer, "I mean there is one person who is really hot, but I don't know. They don't show much interest in me." How the fuck not?! Your beautiful.
"Oh, that sucks." I don't want to show much interest because I don't want to seem upset that he didn't tell me who, and that he didn't lead on at all that it was me. I rub my arms "Carlos, it's so fucking cold in here!" I'm really good at avoiding things. Usually.
"Oh, here," James pulls off his sweatshirt and hands it to me.
"Oh, thanks." I say trying to hide the blush. I pull it over my head and bring it up to cover my face up to my eyes. I breath in and all I can smell is James. It's a musky smell and I can smell some of his shower gel. I do everything to hold in a moan as I breath out.
As the night went on we talked about nothing of importance. Just about work drama, about our families. I even joined in some now that I had been pulled out of my silence by a ruthless Carlos, who got burned in the end. James never did get the answers to his questions.
I text my mom and told her that I wouldn't be coming home before we get ready for bed, the clock on my phone says 2:32AM I don't think that anyone planned on staying the night. But after the beers and how tired we are now, it just happened. Hell, I could walk home. It would be easy, even a little tipsy, but why would I want to? James is here!
I pull out a drawer where I know Carlos keeps all the clothes he sleeps in. I pull out a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt. I stand up and start to move toward the door.
"Hey, James, you can get clothes to sleep in. You don't have to sleep in those." Carlos pulls out clothes for himself and looks at me as I reach for the door to go and change in the bathroom. I really dont' want James to see me. He looks at me like I'm crazy. I hesitate then look at James who is going through the clothes.
Carlos shakes his head. Well, heres my chance to change before James sees. I pull off my jeans real quick and pull on the shorts. He stands and turns to look at me holding his own shorts and a cut off t. "You can keep the sweatshirt, I wont need it."
"Oh, thanks." I feel put no the spot. Even though he is undressing himself. I watch him pull off his shirt, the muscles. They are amazing. I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Why? It's like this stress has completely sobered me.
I shake my head then pull off James' sweatshirt and throw Carlos' shirt on me. It hangs loose. I have to role the waist band of the gym shorts down around my hips so that they don't fall off. I pull the large hoodie back on before any one notices. But when I look up, James is looking. With just the gym shorts on. His face said it all, he looked shocked, but also sad.
I clear my throat, "I'm going to the bathroom."
As I move out of the room I hear a weak, "ok" from Carlos, I don't know if he saw what happened or not.
I slam the door and I'm trying to keep it together. I'm trying not to yell at myself for being so stupid! Why did I ever think that he would be accepting? I lift up the toilet seat, roll up the sleeves of the sweatshirt, and stick my three middle fingers down my throat until I start to gag. The beer comes up and it burns. I do this repeatedly before I'm sure I got it all, before I flush.
I stand and look at myself in mirror. My eyes are watering, my cheeks are red with anger, and I look awful. James' sweatshirt hangs on me and ends at the middle of my thighs. I wash my hands, hoping to get the smell off of them. I take a piece of tissue paper to get the tears out of my eyes. I straighten up. They can't know what I'm doing and that I just had a major freak out. Act like every thing is fine Kendall. Your fine. A little embarrassed but nothing you cant live through.
I take a deep breath and let it out before I fix my hair and put on a happy face.