A/N: Hi lovelies. I apologise for the missed chapter on Wednesday. Life got in the way. But I hope this 4000+ word chapter makes up for it! It's 100% our ladies.
As soon as August opened the door to the room in which Emma was waiting, Regina rushed forwards. The nerves she had felt before their first meeting for the Restorative Justice Program had been eclipsed entirely and this time she was solely excited to see the blonde again.
Emma was still getting to her feet when Regina barrelled into her, throwing her arms around the taller woman and pressing herself tightly against her.
"Woah, hey there," Emma chuckled, hugging Regina as she staggered backwards, trying to keep them upright.
"I missed you," Regina said, moving away just slightly and kissing Emma's lips, quick and firm. "I missed you."
"Yeah, I missed you too," Emma said, sealing their mouths together once more. At once, Regina's lips parted, her tongue snaking out to meet Emma's, tasting the younger woman and feeling the hot muscle slide against her own. Emma's fingers drifted down to Regina's waist and wrapped gently yet firmly around the older teen's delicate curves. Regina moved a little nearer, pressing herself against the taller girl and letting out a little sigh. The noise caused a tingling low in Emma's belly and her grip tightened against the shorter woman, pulling her impossibly closer.
"Ok, guys, let's keep this PG," Ruby said. She had averted her eyes from the embrace as soon as she realised what was happening but at the sound of Regina's moan, she decided it was time to take back control of the meeting. She and August might not be trying to stymie their romance but it was quite another to allow the girls free reign.
Emma and Regina broke apart, obedient but disappointed. Still, however, their arms were wrapped around one another. A grin spread over Emma's face when she took in the sight of the flushed cheeks of Regina's upturned face.
"Hi," she smiled, pressing a chaste kiss to Regina's lips before uncurling her arms and stepping back.
"Hi," Regina replied, walking around to the far side of the table where August was now sitting as Emma sank into the seat she had occupied before. "So, um, what do we have to talk about today?"
"Well, as you both know, Ruby and I have been very accommodating of your … relationship," August began, smiling as he looked between the two teens, "and we've agreed to keep these meetings going for as long as it takes for you to discuss the events in the bank that day in as much detail as you wish."
"Yes, and both Emma and I are very grateful for that," Regina said, turning to the senior case coordinator. "We realise that this isn't exactly normal."
"To put it lightly," Ruby chuckled. "But we're happy to do it. Neither of us can see any issue will allowing you to spend time together and as long as you comply with the program, in between making out," she winked at Emma who turned fuchsia, "we'll be happy to organise RJP sessions once a month for as long as you need or as long as Emma is at Storybrooke."
"Thank you," Regina smiled.
August nodded his head in acknowledgement. "However, we will have to organise that family session sooner or later."
"Oh yeah, your parents want to meet me," Emma remembered. "Um, do they know about … us?"
"Sort of," Regina nodded. "I mean, not everything but they're aware we have feelings for one another."
Emma grimaced. "God, they must hate me even more now than they did the day we met."
"Possibly," Regina agreed. "But can we not talk about them yet? Let's cross that bridge when we come to it."
"I don't think there is a bridge strong enough to carry me over that fiery pit of lava but ok," Emma agreed. "So, I guess we continue from where we got to last time?" She shot a quizzical look at Ruby who nodded so she carried on. "Ok, so after I … tied you up, Neal came in and then he took Mr Gold to the vault and I stayed with you."
"Yes," Regina nodded. "You sat opposite me holding the gun."
"It wasn't loaded," Emma reminded her.
"I know that now but I didn't then. It was terrifying. As far as I was concerned, I had been left alone with someone who had orders to kill me if I moved or did anything which interfered with their plans."
Emma squirmed. "Yeah, I suppose that's right. But you must know I would never have done anything to hurt you."
"I know that now," Regina pointed out.
"Yes, but I wouldn't have hurt you," Emma repeated.
"But I didn't know that."
"I think what Regina is trying to say," August interjected, "is that she now recognises your true nature and knows you would never mean to cause her harm. However, the purpose of this meeting is to discuss how both of you felt at the time of these events. And Emma, I know it's hard to hear, but Regina was afraid of you in that moment."
Emma hung her head, a physical representation of the shame she felt; the shame she often felt when she thought of what she had done to Regina. It was an emotion she would never be free of. No matter how many meetings they had nor how many counsellors she saw, the blonde would always, and rightly, be ashamed of what happened that day. Even if Regina forgave her, Emma would never be able to forgive herself.
"I'm sorry," Emma offered quietly. "I don't know what else to say."
"That's all you need to say," Regina replied.
There was a silence as all four people in the room took stock of the conversation so far. Regina was content to move on from discussing the weapon already and she knew Emma was reluctant to talk much about it. The fact that it had never been loaded was a point she regularly wanted to make but she now seemed to be realising that for the hostages, that little detail was irrelevant because they didn't know. As far as they were concerned, it was a loaded firearm and Emma was willing to use it.
"Why did you start talking to me?"
"Pardon?" Regina asked, raising her head from where she had been staring at her hands to look at Emma.
"You started talking. You told me your name and asked me mine. Why?"
"I … I don't know," Regina admitted. "You accused me of gathering information for the police, if I remember correctly."
Emma smirked. "Yeah, I think you could say I was a little suspicious that day."
"I suppose you had good reason. But if you were suspicious of me, why did you tell me your name?"
At the memory of how quickly she had given up her name, Emma blushed. "I don't know. Neal told all of us not to use our first names. We went by initials, remember?" Regina nodded that she did. "But when you asked me, I guess I couldn't help but tell you. I mean, you're so beautiful and I think the realisation of what we had done hit me. We had this plan but it was abstract, you know? And then suddenly we were there with real people and Neal was marching his own father off at gunpoint, not that I knew their relationship then. Still, I guess I was rattled."
"You and me both," Regina remarked. "But how could you not have known there were going to be people in a bank on a Friday afternoon?"
Emma shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I guess we did. Neal sure as hell knew. But it's different to talking through a plan while sat in a park to actually doing it, you know?"
"I suppose," Regina nodded. "And I know it wasn't your plan but you still did agree to be involved in it. You knew what it entailed."
"I know," Emma muttered, casting her gaze downwards. "It was a mistake."
Regina sighed and reached across the table. She tapped her fingers lightly against the wood and waggled them until Emma looked up and, after a moment, slid her hand forwards to meet Regina's.
"Sweetie, I'm not blaming you. I'm just asking questions so I can better understand what you were thinking before that day. I know everything changed for you once we met, once things went sideways in there. But I'm just curious to know about how you shifted from someone who was involved in a plan to the girl I started to fall in love with. You told me your name, you started talking to me, you protected me. Something changed, and I'm curious to know what it was."
"You and me both," Emma shrugged. "I can't really explain it. You're right, I was a different person when I walked into that bank to the one who spoke to you. And then when I found out about Neal's father, I think that was another big turning point for me. And you … yeah, you changed me too."
"I've always thought being the reason a partner changed was a bad thing."
Emma squeezed Regina's fingers which were threaded through her own. "Not with us. You changed me for the better. Bit by bit that day, I went from someone so desperate that they'd commit a felony crime and traumatise innocent people to someone who would do anything to keep you safe. I guess it all started when you told me your name."
"And you really didn't know who I was?"
Emma shrugged. "I'm not up on my New York socialites."
"Hey, I'm more than a socialite," Regina scolded, feigning offence. "But you know I liked that you didn't know who I was? All my life I've been the daughter of Henry Mills and I love my father but for once it was nice for someone to see me, not my family, not my money."
"Well, Neal saw your family and your money," Emma pointed out. "And your status is probably the only reason I made it out of that bank alive."
"For which I am grateful every day," Regina smiled softly. Emma returned the grin. "So, we told each other our names, I asked if you had a plan which, I think we both now know was Neal's plan. But then I asked what you wanted from me and you said nothing. That was when I realised you didn't know who I was."
"You thought the bank robbery was about you?"
Regina nodded. "Self-centred much? But yes, I did. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time the daughter of a high-profile businessman had been kidnapped for ransom."
"True but why go to a bank to do that? Wouldn't it be easier to snatch you off the street?"
Carefully plucked eyebrows raised. "Planning your next crime?" The words were said jokingly enough but Emma bit her lip.
"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. It was stupid. I wasn't thinking."
"No, you're right. There are easier places I suppose. But in that moment, I did think I was the target. You know, my father made me go to self-defence classes when I first started going out in the city without my parents. He was paranoid I would be at risk from something like that."
"You know self defence?" Emma asked.
"A bit."
"You didn't use it on me," Emma pointed out.
"You were holding a gun."
Once again, Emma sobered at the bluntness of the words. Of course Regina hadn't tried to fight her when she tied her up. For all she knew, the blonde was carrying a loaded weapon.
"I'm sorry," Emma said once more. How many sorrys would be enough? There was no answer to that question. The best they could hope for was to deal with their past and move forwards.
There was a pause, neither teen quite knowing where to go next in their conversation. After a moment, August spoke, stepping in to prompt them both in line with the restorative justice program expectations.
"So Regina, we've heard about what happened and how you felt. Emma, could you perhaps tell Regina what was going through your mind during that time?"
"I mean, I was scared shitless," Emma shrugged. "Sorry for the language but it pretty accurately explains how I felt. I think I realised what we'd done and that our plan to walk in, get the money and walk out wasn't going to happen. And then Neal disappeared with Mr Gold and I was left with Regina. She wasn't part of the plan and I suddenly realised that she was an innocent person who might get hurt by what we were doing. I know it sounds crazy that I didn't think of this before but seeing Regina's face and how scared she was seemed to somehow bring reality home. Plus, the fact that you're so beautiful kinda threw me."
Regina looked dopily at the blonde who was grinning at her. "You're beautiful too."
"I'm not but thanks. Anyway, you didn't know that. I had the ski mask on for half the time. I mean, you must have been so scared to be there with someone in a mask. I was scared but I was also in control, I guess. At least I knew who everyone was and vaguely knew what we had planned, even if Neal hadn't told us everything."
"Yeah, it was scary," Regina nodded. "But even before you took off your mask, I could tell you were young."
"How?"
"I dunno," Regina replied. "The way you moved. The way you spoke. What you were wearing. Your hair was sticking out of the bottom of the ski mask too."
"My hair and clothes should have just told you I was homeless," Emma replied dryly.
Regina said nothing. In truth, she had presumed that whomever was wearing the ski mask was sleeping rough. The grimy tendrils, the ripped and stained clothes. Oh, and the fact that they were robbing a bank. What other crime screamed such desperation?
"Well, I gave up with the ski mask eventually," Emma sighed. "It was so itchy and hot."
"And you took my breath away," Regina said simply. "Even after everything that had happened already, seeing your face changed the way I saw you as a person but I already knew you were different to the rest of your group. The text from Zelena and your anger at my privilege. It's not new to me but you seemed so hateful in that moment. Then I tried to make a Siri call to my father and then 911. I realised you were not completely on board with your friends when you found out about the call but didn't tell Neal. I want to talk more about that by the way. That's why I asked you to keep me safe when we walked to the front of the bank. And then when I was talking to Daddy and Neal got angry and … my lip." Her fingers drifted up to touch the healed skin.
Emma's eyes locked on the damage which the butt of Neal's gun had done to Regina's face. Her heart clenched, the guilt overwhelming her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish I could have stopped him."
"Yeah, me too," Regina replied. "But he would have hurt you if you'd got in the way."
"Better you than me," Emma shrugged. "I deserved it. You didn't. And I promised you I wouldn't let him hurt you."
"You tried."
"And failed. I'll never forgive myself for that. Every time I see that scar I'll think -"
"No, Emma," Regina interrupted. "No, you can't think like that. If you and I have a chance at being together properly in the future, you can't be thinking about how you failed to protect me from Neal. I mean, that's no way to live your life, right? If looking at me reminds you of that day, then what are we even doing here?"
"Don't I remind you of that day?" Emma shot back. "Are you honestly telling me that you don't think about the fact that you were held hostage in a bank every time we're together."
"No, I don't. Why, is that what you think of when you see me?"
Emma looked down into her lap and pulled her fingers away from where they had been clasped in Regina's. "I mean, yeah, sort of," she admitted. "Not all the time but mostly. Perhaps it's because we only spend time together here talking about that day or in court but I can't help thinking about how we met and how I hurt you and how my so called friends were responsible for the worst day of your life."
"That wasn't the worst day of my life," Regina replied quietly.
Unable to stop herself, Emma looked up. Green eyes scanned the earnest face before her. "It wasn't?"
"I mean, it wasn't the best for many reasons but I don't care about all of that. I met you that day, Emma. And yes, the circumstances weren't great but I don't regret it. Just like I don't think you should regret your actions that day."
August and Ruby glanced at one another. Silently, they both agreed not to interfere with wherever the conversation was going. The RJP was supposed to be about victim and offender coming together and having an honest, frank discussion. They were just there to mediate and guide if challenges arose. For now, they trusted the two teens.
Emma frowned. "You're saying you're glad I decided to rob a bank?"
"Stupid, right? And obviously I'm not glad you got convicted and are serving time but I'm glad we met. It wasn't exactly the fairytale circumstances I dreamed of meeting my first love but I can still be glad it happened. I don't regret going to the bank that day, Emma."
"Regina," Emma began after a few moments of stunned silence, "I do regret it. I will always regret that day and I believe I should regret it. I mean, yes, I met you and you've changed my life but is whatever we share worth the pain and upset that day caused? We might be working towards some sort of happiness but what about the rest of the hostages? What about Mark?"
"Who's Mark?"
"The man who was killed," Emma said quietly. "I met with his family last week. It was awful. Their lives have been ruined. Regina, I am always going to regret what happened that day, even if it did mean I met you. The damage I caused is so much greater than whatever positive has come into our lives. Can you understand that? Can you accept that I will never come to terms with my actions? It will always be something I regret and hold guilt over. And that's ok. Ruby and I talk about it a lot." She glanced sideways at her counsellor and offered a grateful smile. The fact that she was able to have this conversation showed how far she had come since arriving at Storybrooke. "I made a mistake and I'm learning from it but I'm not going to write it off as something in my past and get over it. That day is a part of who I am and I have to take responsibility for it."
Regina looked intently at the blonde, trying to process the words. It wasn't exactly a surprise, she supposed, to hear how Emma felt. But in her mind, the two of them had gotten past the trauma of that day and were ready to move forwards in their relationship. She hadn't considered, however, that Emma was dealing with a lot more guilt as she faced many other victims from that day. It was one thing to meet with Regina, someone who had forgiven her and fallen in love with her. It was quite another to meet with the widow of a victim and sit and listen to the impact that day had on a grieving family.
"I'm sorry," Regina said quietly. "I didn't mean to in any way belittle the emotions you have about what happened. I know this meeting program is supposed to help us understand one another but I don't think I'll ever be able to understand how you feel, or certainly not relate to it. But I can accept your position. What you said makes sense and it was selfish of me to try and persuade you to forget about everyone else. I just want us to be happy, Emma, and I can't imagine how that can be the case if we always have the bank haunting us."
This time it was Emma who reached out to Regina. "It won't always be there," the blonde said, tangling her fingers with Regina's. "With time, we'll both come to terms with what happened. And I feel differently about that day when I'm with you compared to when I'm with another one of the victims. We can get past it, I'm sure. But I'm never going to be glad for what happened just because I met you. The pain I caused so many people isn't written off because we found each other."
"So, I'll always remind you of the other people who were there that day?"
"No," Emma replied, "but I will always carry that guilt. I'm not saying I can't be happy with you but I do think it would be stupid for us to think it is going to be easy. And, let's face it, your scar is a constant reminder." Regina's free hand drifted up to trace the skin once more. Emma reached out and pulled her hand down however. "You're still beautiful," she murmured. "So beautiful. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
The two women fell silent, their hands clasped in the middle of the table. Ruby glanced at her watch and saw they were almost at the end of the meeting.
"Right, girls, that was very good. I feel like the two of you are making great progress. The communication is important both for the two of you coming to terms with what happened that day but, let's face it, your future relationship. Are there any final comments either of you would like to make?"
Regina shook her head. Emma hesitated. "Well, I mean, you realise we skipped over quite a bit. The fact that you called 911 but I didn't tell Neal and then the phone call with your father and then what you said to me, asking me to keep you safe."
But the brunette just waved her hand dismissively. "I don't think I have enough emotional energy to get into all of that now. Next time, right? Plus I think we've kinda ended on a positive."
Emma couldn't help but smile. "Ok, then I guess we're done for this week. Month, actually. That's how often these meetings are going to be, right?" she said, turning to Ruby for clarification.
"Yes," Ruby nodded. "The next one will be in early January. As far as I'm concerned, I'm happy to keep going. August?"
"Yep, fine by me," August nodded, gathering up the files on which he had been making some notes during the meeting. "I've got to disappear now actually. I have an appointment in Brooklyn. Ruby, are you ok to finish off without me?"
"Sure," Ruby nodded.
August expressed his thanks and got to his feet. Saying goodbye to both teens, he picked up the paperwork and slipped it all into his briefcase before heading out of the room. Ruby returned her focus to the girls and clarified, for the purpose of the program, that they were both happy to meet again in four weeks' time. Of course, Regina and Emma both nodded enthusiastically, all the while thinking about how far away the meeting already sounded.
And then they were standing, preparing to part. Ruby headed towards the door, focusing on her papers she needed to file. Regina circled around to Emma's side of the table and wrapped her arms around, holding her tightly. Emma lay her head on Regina's shoulder, breathing in the now familiar scent of the brunette. She smelled vaguely sweet, with just a hint of apples.
"Oh, I got you something," Regina said as she pulled away.
"You got me something?" Emma frowned. "Why?"
"Well, I don't have it here with me. Security checks, you know. But Ruby said she'd personally deliver it to you before Christmas."
"Christmas?"
"Yeah, I mean, it's the beginning of December now so I won't see you until the new year."
"You got me a Christmas present?" Emma asked, dumbfounded. She couldn't remember the last time she had received a Christmas present. The foster family she had been with before she ran away only gave gifts to the younger children.
Regina could see the mix of emotions flash across the blonde's face. "Yes, sweetie. I got you a Christmas present. I only wish I could be there to watch you open it. But we'll just have to save that for next year."
The talk of their future bypassed Emma in that moment. She was too overwhelmed with Regina's simple act of generosity. "Thank you," Emma said, placing a gentle kiss to Regina's lips. "And I'm sorry but I didn't get you anything."
"Oh, that's ok. I didn't expect anything from you. It's not like you could have walked down Fifth and bought me something."
Emma grinned. "True. How about I make it up to you next year?" There was that future talk again.
"Deal," Regina smiled back.
"Um, girls, I'm sorry to break this up but we really have to leave. The people who have booked this room next are waiting outside," Ruby said, after poking her head around the door and out into the corridor beyond.
Regina sighed and nodded her understanding. Emma pouted. "I'll see you in a month," she said, kissing the pout in the hope that it might perk Emma up.
"Yeah, I guess. Merry Christmas. Thanks for my present."
"You're welcome. I love you."
"I love you too," Emma said, kissing Regina one more time before unwinding her arms and stepping back.
With a final smile, Regina turned and walked from the room, August by her side. Emma watched the teen march down the corridor. At the end, she paused and turned, shooting a brief smile over her shoulder before disappearing from view. Emma let out a deep sigh before joining Ruby in the doorway and the two of them vacated the room together.
A/N: enjoy the rest of your Sunday! I have all the remaining chapters already mapped out in my mind … It should be all wrapped up by 40 chapters as promised!