Over the past two weeks it's been the same. We hang out at Carlos' and James and I get lunch from the cafeteria. I then go for a guilt trip in the bathroom as I flush the food down the toilet. I've started to get a little irritated though, and eating less and less. I hate eating so much and then throwing up. It's so much easier to just not eat. And it's healthier too. At least I'm not throwing up all the water I drink. I think James is starting to notice too. The day's that we work together he always insists on getting food. I don't know why he doesn't just bring his lunch and leave me alone. It's not like anything is going to come out of this. This being James and I.

Carlos and I are talking about our day in the break room, Carlos is eating his packed lunch while I just try to relax. Logan, one of the doctors here is at the crowded table as well, and I can't help but notice how he keeps glancing at us. Finally, as Carlos starts rambling about something I notice that Logan is watching Carlos.

Oh, my God! He is watching Carlos. Now, this is the guy that Carlos has been crushing on ever since he started almost a year ago. Suddenly, the look on Logan's face changes and we lock eyes. I quickly look back at Carlos who is still talking.

"…and rent would be split and it would be great!" I look at Carlos who is watching me, waiting for me to say something.

I quickly look at him trying to process the last thing he said. "I'm sorry buddy, what would be great?" I do feel bad. I was completely ignoring him. And then I feel worse when he gives me a dirty look.

"I was saying we could move in together. Get out from under our moms wings. We know everything about each other so we wouldn't have any issues." He is smiling again and he is so excited about this new idea. It would be great, getting out on our own. We both have a steady job. We would make enough together to be able to support ourselves.

"Yeah, that would be great. I can come over tomorrow and we can start looking at apartments!" I really am excited. This will be our first big move. And honestly, I'm glad that it would be with Carlos. I've thought about it on and off but I never really wanted to do it by myself. Now I have a reason. I could move in with my best friend.

Then I remember Logan. He was staring at Carlos and then he looked at me. What was that look he gave me? Was is jealousy? I mean, it would make since, if he does like Carlos. But they have hardly talked. I don't know.

I get up and look back at Logan one last time. He is watching HGTV that is on mute. Acting as if we don't exist. I wait for Carlos to stand and when he does he watches Logan for a moment before he puts on his dazzling smile, "Hey, Logan, how are ya?"

Logan jumps then turns quickly, "Oh, hey, Carlos." I see a blush start to creep across his face and he turns back towards the TV. I push Carlos out of the room. I know now.

I start walking down a hallway that isn't used much, "Carlos, did you see that?"

"Yeah, he talked to me!" His smile is brighter than I've seen it in a long time! Probably since the last time him and Logan spoke.

"No, not that. Well yea, but no something different! He was blushing, and when you talked to me about moving in with you I think he got jealous. He almost looked a little pissed at me." I can't figure out why. It's not like he had ever tried to make a move on Carlos and if we got together it would be his own fault. I mean, not like that would ever happen. We are only friends…Wow, I've been saying that a lot. But it's true!

His smile dampens and he becomes serious, putting a hand on my arm to stop me so we face each other, "Wait, Kendall, what are you trying to say?"

I take a deep breath, "I'm saying, you need to gather all that confidence I know you have in that little body and go in for the kill."

He lets out the girliest squeal I have ever heard come out of another male, "You think I should ask him out?" He pauses, "No way, your setting me up. He isn't interested in me."

Wow, i'm a little insulted, he thinks I would joke about this and let him embarrass himself? I mean I would, but not to this degree. "Carlos, I'm not kidding, I really think he has something for you."

We leave it at that before we head back to work.

IT WILL PASS

I'm clocking out when the door to the locker room busts open and Carlos comes rushing in waving a napkin in my face, "Kendall! Look what I got!" His face is red and he is smiling ear to ear.

I grab it from him and notice that there is a phone number scribbled on it with a big LM above it. "No way! Carlos, are you guys going out?! What are you doing? When?" I'm so genuinely excited for him, and for once I get to have fun for him instead of him pushing me to spice up my relationship with James.

"I don't know, I saw him in the hallway and I asked him if he wanted to just get a drink. Nothing fancy. He told me to hold on and when he came back he handed me this and said text me."

As we head out to our cars Carlos keeps talking about how excited he is, and we try to think of places for them to go. Until Carlos brings up that we should go on a double date, and I remind him that James and I are not dating.

"Well, you might as well be. Kendall, seriously. You guys go on a lunch date once a week down in the cafeteria."

"It's not a date!"

"Then what is it?"

I roll my eyes, "Lunch."

"Yeah, with a guy you have been crushing on, and he has a crush on you, and you guys are beautiful and perfect." As we make it to our cars I wait for him to stop rambling.

I turn towards him, "First, they are not dates. Second, he is not crushing on me. Third, we are not a we!"

"Whatever, that all will change soon enough. And he is crushing on you, have you seen the way he treats you. Your like a God to him. Seriously Kendall, open your eyes."

On my drive home I do everything in my power to not think about what Carlos said. There is a reason why I'm in denial. Because if I deny everything then nothing will happen. I can't get my hopes up and get my heart broken.

IT WILL PASS

That night I lay in bed waiting for a text from James and Carlos. James texts me every night around 9:00. It's like clock work. Carlos said that he was going to wait till later tonight to text Logan and I'm sure he will give me a play by play.

Though, I will say one thing, I will kick this dicks ass if he even thinks about hurting Carlos. He has been crushing on Logan since they first spoke. I would feel so guilty if something happened, since I'm the one who told Carlos to do it, knowing he would. He trusts me and I will be the one letting him down. I can't let that happen.

I'm jolted from my thoughts when my phone vibrates on my bare chest. I pick it up quickly. It's from Carlos.

'Soooo i asked him out and we are going! I told you we would double date…but that will be our second date. I get him the first time by myself.'

I smile as I re-read the text. I really do love Carlos wether is shows or not. He can always make me smile, even when he doesn't try. He deserves only the best. And double dating, that is something Carlos has always wanted to do. It's some sort of weird obsession he has.

'That's fantastic dude. when and where are you going?'

'We are going to that little bar on the corner in town. You know what one i'm talking about? We are going on friday.'

'Perfect that mean-' I jump as another text comes through. James. I quickly finish my text to Carlos. '-s you get three days to hype yourself up for it to be wonderful. Now you just need to figure out what to wear.' See I can do this. When all the attention isn't on me I'm almost normal.

'Hey you. How you doin?'

I feel the butterflies come to life and I run my hand over my concave stomach and I gently rub my protruding hips. The butterflies almost hurt when your stomach is so empty.

'Hi i'm good. just laying in bed. what about you?"

Immediately after I send the text to James one from Carlos comes through. 'I know dude! What am I supposed to wear?'

'We will figure it out tomorrow buddy. Get some sleep. You will need it.'

'Alright man, sleep good!'

I lay my phone on my chest again waiting for James to answer, and it doesn't take long.

'Just laying in bed thinking. I have something I wanna do tomorrow and it's making me kinda nervous'

'James Diamond nervous. Pshh. I don't believe it. :)'

'oh, you best believe it. ;) I missed having lunch with you today…'

James, don't do this, please. Don't make me feel like you look forward to having lunch with me. You probably just want someone to talk to. You would go down there with anyone. I don't want a relationship with you. I mean, I do, but i'm not stupid enough to let myself get hurt. I'm terrified for Carlos even. I'm already feeling my anxiety rise. For both of us.

I stare at the text for a moment. Unsure of what to say. I don't want to lead him on, but I don't want to chase him away. I still want to be friends with him. He is a great guy as far as I can tell. Nothing wrong with just being friends. 'I'm capable of feeding myself haha.' I send it and roll my eyes at myself. Stupid answer.

'I'm sure you are, but I really like spending time with you.'

I lay my phone down again, not sure how to answer. Sometimes it's just easier to not answer. But this is the first time James has said something like this. We normally just ask how we are, what we did today. But something is different tonight.

'I know. Good night. I'll text you tomorrow. Sleep good.'

'Good night Kendall, I look forward to it.'

Stop being weird! I put my phone on it's charger and set it down on the side table.

I don't understand why he is acting like this. It's almost like he is admitting to liking me. Or what if something is going on? Something bad? I hope he is ok. I will ask him tomorrow. I will have to ask Carlos if something is wrong tomorrow.

IT WILL PASS

At about 11 the next day I throw on a sweat shirt and sweats before heading over to Carlos' to look at apartments, I'm so excited to actually start looking for a place of our own. I had told my mom and she got all emotional saying her little boy is all grown up and that I'm not allowed to go far from home. I promised her I wouldn't. When I mentioned I would be moving in with Carlos she told me thank god I'll have someone to watch over me….Why does every one think I can't take care of myself!?

Once at Carlos' we look at multiple apartments around the area. We had a list of the places we were going to go to pick up applications.

We took Carlos' car and once we were on our way I decided I would ask what has been bothering me since last night, "Carlos, have you been talking to James?"

He looks at me side ways, "Yeah, why?"

I start to fiddle with the hem of my sweat shirt, "He was just really weird last night. Telling me how he missed eating with me, and how he likes spending time with me. I was hoping everything was ok. "

"Kendall, why do you think that when someone is nice to you there is something wrong?" His voice was even and I could tell he was dead serious. I looked at him, with my mouth hanging open. He didn't take his eyes off the road.

"I…I…I don't know." I tried multiple times to come up with a good answer…nothing came.

"Don't say anything Kendall, but he really likes you, he does enjoy talking to you, but he is scared to say anything."

"What? Your joking, why would he like me?" I shake my head in disbelief.

Suddenly Carlos almost seemed mad, "Why wouldn't he Kendall? Your amazing. Your funny when you want to be. Your smart. Your gorgeous. Why can't you see that? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you."

I start to lose my temper, "Why would he want someone who is sick? Has no confidence. Hates being around people because I have so much anxiety. We hardly text. Last night was the first time anything has happened. And you wanna know what I did?"

"No, I know what you did. He called me. You told him goodnight. I told him to try and show you he liked you. He is scared of exactly what you did. Pushing him away. You still push me away at times. Why, Kendall? Why can't you just try and accept yourself. You have people that love you but you cant love yourself. You have guys like fucking James who would give anything just to say they took you out once."

"Well then you both need to get your damn minds checked because both of you are to good for me." Carlos pulls into the parking lot to the apartments we had talked to. He turns to face me and he looks like he is battling himself. Like he doesn't know what to do but I don't care, I keep going. "I don't understand get it. Have you seen me recently? I'm not getting better. Why would be want to burden himself with that? I throw up all the food-" My eyes go wide when his lips are suddenly on mine. I don't kiss back. But I don't pull away. He is then climbing into the seat with me pulling me close to him. He puts his hand on my cheek, wrapping his fingers around the back of my neck. I then give in, close my eyes and kiss him back. I wrap my arms around his neck and lean back against the door. He comes with me and the kiss starts to deepen and I can't help but let out a moan. Holy shit, who has Carlos been kissing? God, I haven't been kissed like this in years. Probably since I was 16. That was like 8 years ago. He starts to pull away and I lean forward keeping our lips together as long as possible. When we part we are both breathing heavy. His cheeks are red and I have nothing to say as all I can feel is my lips tingling and my head becoming more clear as oxygen flows again.

"What the fuck was that?"

Alright! As always let me know what you think! Ideas, concerns, anything welcome. What do you want to see? Your comments are what keep me going and they help me update faster when i know that you guys like the story. I have many ideas and different pairings but I don't know quite what I'm going to do so any input would help! Thanks guys! I hope you enjoyed it. Until next time!