Chapter Five: Coming Undone
Bo's POV
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'Reality pulls at me as I linger between consciousness and my wonderful dream slipping away so quickly I'm already forgetting it. The further I wake the more it feels like winter has set in early, my body beginning to shiver. Still refusing to open my eyes, fighting away consciousness at all costs, instinctively I roll over ready to burrow beneath Lauren and use her shamelessly as a blanket. Only I find a cool sheet to greet me. Groaning to myself, I roll onto my stomach, burying my face into her pillow willing to take any comfort at the point.
Another groan muffled by the pillow, frustration beginning to set in. Here I was expecting to find her scent, only to come up empty. Forgot, hotel. Wonderful. Feet kicking at the mattress as my irritation grows. Another chill washing over my body like I had jumped in a cold shower. The thought of 'I could use one of those' as my lower extremities begin to wake up. Last night's activities beginning to play back in my mind like a nice little movie.
Until an unusual realization starts to set in, well two actually. The first being, we actually hadn't left this bed in seventeen hours…straight. We've sweated over every inch of this bed…among many other things, it should smell just like her. The second, where the hell did she run off to?
After an eternity, or really six minutes according to the alarm clock on the nightstand that I keep opening one eye to glance at says, I find myself fully awake. Frustration and irritation mixing with an unusual feeling of uneasiness all wrapped in a nice little 'I'm freezing my ass off' bow. Unable to fight reality any longer I roll back onto my back, staring up at the celling I've gotten very well acquainted with these past three weeks.
Sitting up, arms wrapped around myself attempting to get warm I glance around the room. It's exactly how we left it. A few days' worth of clothes and sheets everywhere. Little blue lock box peeking from underneath my shirt, Lauren's quote unquote toy box. Thought bringing a smirk to my face. Plates and empty champagne bottles all over the top of the dresser and stand beneath the T.V. Everything is perfect, so what's wrong?
Sighing, I reach over finding my tie for my hair underneath my pillow. Pulling my hair back, throwing my legs over the ledge of the bed as I give the room one last glance. "Huh." Forcing myself to my feet, I grab the first pair of shorts from the floor followed by Lauren's sports bra that's a little too snug, but it works. Debate on whether or not I should grab a shirt quickly lost as my need to find where my wife has gone wins. Stepping over our ruble I make it to the slightly opened door separating the bedroom aka the fun room from the sitting room.
Tense feeling lingering in my stomach relentless and only getting worse as I see my breath in the air, chill rushing down my spine. Artic blitz must be staring early this year. Arms wrapping once again around myself I make my way through a familiar darkness toward the patio's double doors, the left one open just a crack but enough to freeze the entire room.
"I was wondering where you went to." Uneasiness washing away at the sight of her. My eyes running over her bare body, no trace of modesty anywhere in sight. "You're lucky we're too high for anyone to see, otherwise I'd be pretty pissed right now."
"No one is awake yet."
"Skipping right passed my territorialness, huh?" I pout, coming up behind her, hands resting on her shoulders. "Are you okay?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Should have woken me babe."
"You looked peaceful, happy."
"Doesn't matter. I would have kept you company." My chin resting on her shoulder, arms wrapping around her waist not only welcoming the feel of her, but the warmth. "What are doing, planning your next skyscraper? Next city wide festivity? Better yet, world wide festival? Kenz said the part went on for three days after we left in the capital."
"Just thinking."
"About how sexy your wife is?"
"Always."
"And how incredibly desirable she is?"
"Always." She finally gives me a little laugh, tiling her head back so I can kiss her cheek.
"What else is on that brilliant mind of yours?" Words a whisper, embrace tightening as I realize her words are still far too stiff. Something's up.
"You don't want to know, let's go back inside."
"Babe, tell me." I pout, she can't see it but I know she knows I am.
"I was thinking, in a city of sixteen point eight million people, how many of them are legitimately worth the space they take."
"Um, what?" Snorted chuckle mixing with my words, embrace loosening.
"Out of sixteen point eight million people perhaps one fifth of them are actually worth their lives. Another one fifth of them are slightly above useless, which of course would be needed to have an adequate amount of mates. So that leaves us with approximately three fifths of the city's population that are…pointless."
"That's…that's an interesting thought…to say the least."
"Just think about it Bo, all of the food and resources we waste on people who don't deserve it. The poor, the weak and the sick. The uneducated and unskilled. They all may as well be on the other side of the walls."
"I really don't know what's gotten into you," shaking my head I take a step back, arms folding across my chest. "But I think you need to go back to bed and wake up on the right side."
"You're telling me you never once thought that? You never once thought that we were just wasting our time, effort, money and resources trying to help people who don't actually deserve it."
"No, of course not."
"Last month you were complaining how much budget goes to outreach."
"That was different."
"The month before that you were complaining how the people in Eichen don't get jobs."
"That was me venting to my wife after a bad day."
"And last week you were complaining how I was working on the virus again."
"That was…"
"Different?"
"Yes. Because I know what the guilt does to you…to our family."
"Bo please, we both know you aren't the bleeding heart you've pretended to become." Pausing, she turns around finally to face me. "That doe-eyed, innocence left long ago. This act of yours is growing tiresome."
"I really don't know what's up with you, but you can figure it out while you're sleeping it off on the couch." Snorting a chuckle, shaking my head again as I start to back up. "Enjoy."
"I always think that's adorable."
"What?"
"When you speak to me as if I am still weak and frail, like I am beneath you."
"Are you trying to pick a fight now?"
"I am not beneath you Bo, I never have been."
"Never said you were."
"You have never had to, my love," The condescension as she uses her pet name for me causing my jaw to tense. "It's always been implied."
"Yeah, sure. I'm done here Lauren."
I don't make it more than four steps back inside before I find her hand wrapped around my arm, pulling me back. Instinctive growl coming from within my chest, something I forgot I could even do. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Voice raised, only to find my anger replaced with guilt as I clearly see her eyes now, nearly drained of all color except black. "Oh…babe…" Words whispered, my free hand coming to cup her cheek. "I'm so sorry. I knew I've been pushing too far and last night…."
She laughs, colder than I expected. "Far? You think that's far?"
"Obviously it was."
"Last night…this week is child's play Bo, even Dani could surpass that minimal effort of lackluster….pleasure."
"I'm seriously going to chalk that up to bloodlust right now." My hand falling from her face as I attempt to jerk away from her ignoring the pain it causes.
"Of course." She jerks me back toward her. "Make all of the excuses you want and tell yourself whatever it is you need to get through the day."
"Let go of me."
"Look at me." She demands, holding me in place. "They say alcohol brings out the worst in people, but it honestly just shows who they are underneath. This Bo, when I slip…it just lets the real me out. I don't have to pretend."
"Then maybe you should go find Dani." Words said without thought, palms slamming into her shoulders just hard enough to get her to let go of me.
"Oh no, I've hurt your feelings." She laughs. "Not that, that is hard to do. Poor Bo, always so sensitive. Always so jealous. Always so lost. Bo, the little lost girl who wanders, always trying to find her way."
"Take a shower, go for a run, sleep it off, hell sit in the corner all night and think of mean things to say but don't talk to me again until you're over this."
"When will you learn how to speak to me?" Her growl something more vicious than I had ever heard come from her, mind so wrapped up in the shock of the sound that I don't realize quickly enough that she has me pinned against the wall on the other side of the room, hand around my throat. "How long will it take before you learn how to speak to me?"
"Okay, how do you want me to speak to you?" Pushing the anger and fear aside, I keep my voice soft. She's further gone than I had thought.
"With the respect I am due."
"Okay."
"I am your Queen, we are not equal Bo and we never will be."
"Okay.
She leans in, lips hovering over my ear as she growls. "I am your God."
"Okay."
"So pathetic." Laughing she steps back. "Where is the fight anymore?"
"I'm not gonna fight you Lauren."
"Speak up, I can't hear you."
"I'm not going to fight you." My fists clench, voice in the back of my mind repeatedly telling me just to play possum. "You aren't yourself right now and I get it."
"But I am myself." She steps away from me all together. "You can fight for eternity, if I allow you to live that long, but one day you will realize that this is who I really am. And this is who you are, underneath the layers of pathetic lies you hide beneath to convince the world, convince yourself that you are still a good person. Although, the truth is we aren't good people anymore are we Bo?" She stares at as I remain still against the wall. "Answer me."
"What was the question?" I manage a single step away from the wall, mind wandering partially away from the situation in front of me and what the next best move would be.
"Do you still believe we are good people?"
"Sure, why not."
"Answer me."
"I just did."
"Truthfully!"
"No Lauren, I don't think we're good people….I don't know honestly anymore if we ever were."
"Now you're getting it."
Hand running over my face, anger suddenly doing very little to battle off the freeze causing me to shiver. Jaw clenched not only in anger but to keep my teeth from chattering. She looks almost sympathetically as she steps back into me, back of her hand brushing against my cheek almost soothingly.
"Don't…touch me."
"Acceptance is half of the battle."
"No."
"You want this Bo."
"No, I don't."
"But you do. You want so badly to be possessed beyond the limits of acceptableness…so badly to be mine in every way possible, just like your Dani…yet you run. Is that why you hate her so much? Just give in and it'll all be over."
Seductive promise in her painful words holding some truth that I can't quite sort through. The unusual antagonizing feeling of falling from the ceremony from hell slowly creeping back in.
"NO!" '
"Bo. Bo! It's me. Relax."
"Don't touch me!" I yell, bolting upright and kicking at the mattress. The back of my head slamming into the headboard. My lungs on fire as I gasp for breath. The world spinning violently out of control. I can't breathe.
"Bo. It's me." She says softly, reaching out to touch me only to pull her hand back. "It's Lauren."
"I….Lauren?"
"It's me." Her eyes run over me frantically as she sits beside me, almost as cautious of me as I am of her. "It's me."
"I was…we were…" Every confused thought toppling over one another. My eyes searching the room, everything exactly how I remember it. Everything perfect. Except my wife is my wife, in control and loving. The room warm and comfortable. It's safe. "What?"
"Baby, talk to me. What's happened?"
"I just…we were…"
"Are you hurt?" She asks, moving onto her knees beside me. She's looking at me like a patient now rather than her wife. It's been a while since I've seen that look. My body dripping in sweat, I look like I just took a swim. Shit. "Bo, answer me."
"I just…we were out there…weren't we?"
"Out where?" She looks back toward the door.
"Out there!" I snap. "You were….and I woke up and…we were…"
"Bo, I promise you we've been asleep since last night. I woke up to you screaming."
"No."
"Yes. Remember you said this version was as crappy as the sixteen version, but it's…"
"So cheesy, it's kinda good." I say along with her.
"And then the last ten minutes I was teasing you and you were complaining because…"
"I don't have any more clean clothes." Taking a deep breath, my heart beginning to slow. "We made love, but we didn't feed."
Shaking her head, she takes my hand. "Not last night."
"I fell asleep listening to your heart."
"I know, you were counting the beats."
"It just felt so real."
"It's okay," She scoots back up onto the bed, her hands resting on the sides of my stomach. "I'm here. I've got you."
"It's was just so real." I repeat myself, practically lunging at her.
My arms wrapped around her so tight I know it must hurt but I can't bring myself to let go. Her smell, her feel, the sound of her breathing all sooth me. A realization slowly beginning to dawn on me. What I saw…my nightmare or what the hell ever, she didn't smell. She didn't feel the same. I don't know if I can even say she was breathing. Each tiny realization calming me further, but still I can't bring myself to move.
"What happened?"
"What?"
"What did you dream?"
Heart beginning to speed up just as it had returned to normal. Her words enough to cause me to tense once more, my hold on her loosening as I sit back, my eyes meeting hers. "I was drowning, again. I guess that vision thingy stuck with me more than I thought."
"You said I was there. That we were out in the salon."
"Yeah, yeah." I nod, forcing a weak smile as I run my hands through my hair. "We were. We were out there, by the balcony and then…I was drowning. I don't really understand what happened. I was just…you were gone."
It's not a lie…not completely. She, my wife here in front of me was gone replaced with….something else.
It's not a lie.
It's not.
"Are you okay now?" Her eyes moving over every inch of my face, her hand cupping my cheek. "Really my love, are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm awake now."
'Are you?'
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Charlie's POV
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"Hiya." Smile fading as I realize how stupid I sound saying that. I really just can't pull these things off. "Hey." I repeat sounding more like myself.
"S'up." She mumbles through a labored breath, not bothering to look up from the pile of bricks she was creating.
"I was on my way to the hospital and saw you doing…whatever this is. Figured I'd say hi, gawk…maybe help."
"You don't have to."
"I know." I nod. "I want to though. These people need help, all they can get."
"Yeah, true."
"And I enjoy your company. Most times." My laughter quickly dying out as she doesn't bother to crack a smile, just continues throwing bricks into a pile. "Hey, um, did I…I mean did…"
"Charlotte, I'm busy."
"Since when am I Charlotte?"
"It's your name isn't it?"
"I just, just tell me what I did Trini?" It's more of a plea than anything as I take a hesitant step forward, my voice lowering suddenly very concerned if anyone passing by hears this. For some reason this feels like an intimate conversation…not that I've had one before…but this feels like it should be.
"Charlotte, I don't play games. I don't have time for them and I don't like them. I don't like getting played and I don't enjoy playing other people, if I don't have to."
"Good. Me either."
"Yeah, that's what I thought too."
"Thought?" My arms folding over my chest, eyebrow raising. I must look just like my mother now. "What does that mean?"
"I'm not jealous or possessive, certainly not over girls I've known for a minute. And I'm not one of those people who are all into their feelings and superstitious and shit."
"You keep telling me what you aren't, how about you telling me what you are?"
"Charlotte…Charlie, you're…you."
"Thanks?"
"You're cute and smart and surprisingly genuine. I ended up liking spending time with you more than I thought possible, but we need to stop."
"I was unaware you could breakup with someone you weren't dating."
"Don't be so dramatic." She rolls her eyes, tossing one last brick before meeting my posture. "Seriously."
"So that's it? We aren't…friends anymore?"
"Something like that."
"Something like that…or exactly like that?"
"I guess exactly like that."
"Do I get an explanation or-?" I'm cut off as I find myself stumbling backward several steps. My eyes leaving the cause of unusual pain within my chest to the cause of pain in my shoulder. A group of twenty young men storming by with lax military precision. "Excuse you."
"Charlie," She whispers my name, light touch on my wrist pulling my attention back to her. "Don't. Not with them."
"What makes them special?"
"They're rebels."
"So? It doesn't mean they own the streets."
"You don't get it," She snorts, pulling her hand away. "There are rebels who run around yelling death to the queen and shit. Then there's rebels, real rebels who make up militia. That's them."
"Difference being?" I huff, I've never encountered someone being so brazenly rude much less touching me in such an aggressive way. It's irritating and what's more irritating is that I want to demand an apology. More irritating than that is that I feel like I deserve one.
"You're so damn frustrating, it's like you came from under a rock." She starts walking in the opposite direction then them and part of me knows it's to get me distracted, but I can't help but follow. "They are the ones who take action. Like fucked up action."
"So they're the police then?"
"Police?" She laughs. "What's a way I can explain this for you to understand?"
"Try small words."
"Feisty." She smirks at me. "You know history. Okay, here. World War Two, there was the German army, the Nazis and those S.S. bastards, right? Well we don't have any of that. We have guys who would make the S.S. freaks run away. You see them Charlie, you walk away. Hell, you run away. You hear me?"
"I'm not afraid of them." I can of snort, hands buried deep within my pockets.
"No? What makes you so special?" She stops, maneuvering in front of me. "You think because you're cute they won't touch you?"
"I'm not…cute…or at least you don't get to say that I am right now." Mentally I kick myself, another slip up. You're getting too careless Charlie.
"They kill humans just as quickly as they do the demons. In fact in my experience they kill the humans worse, make an example."
"You aren't describing rebels Trini, you're describing terrorists."
"Terrorists don't exist anymore. Only demons and humans. Weak and strong. Survivors and prey."
"That's a horrible way to view the world."
"It's realistic."
"No, it's not."
She starts back toward the hospital and I take a good ten seconds debating whether or not to head back home. My parents will be back soon and this here is definitely not worth getting caught for. Not when she is being so…and the rebels are marching around like they own everything…and I can't keep my emotions straight. Though, by the eleventh second I'm staring after her shamelessly glutting for punishment.
"I don't trust that girl you chill with."
"Dani?"
"Sure, whatever her name is. I don't like her and I don't trust her."
"You don't know her,"
"I know her type quite well."
"The type?"
"Yeah. Overly sexy, too smart for their own good—slightly unbalanced."
"You get all that from meeting her what—three times?"
"She has an agenda."
"Yeah, to help."
"Doubtful." She snorts. "But I meant with you."
"So you're jealous."
"What?"
"Yes, you're jealous." I laugh somewhat prideful. "You think that she…well, that she wants to…"
"Fuck you? Yeah, I'm pretty sure she does. That isn't my problem with her." Ow. "She looks at you, watches you like she's studying you."
"Isn't that what you do with someone you're interested in?"
"Not like that. She's playing with you, waiting for something."
"I appreciated you're worry but I disagree." I shrug. "She isn't like that."
"For someone so smart, you're completely fuckin' naïve."
"And you're an asshole who stands on a soapbox looking down at everyone who doesn't conform to your way of thinking." I snap, never seeing more of my mother in someone in my entire life. "So closed minded and closed off. You play nothing but games Trini."
"She is playing you and you're letting her."
"The only one playing me is you Trini."
"Really?" She snorts a chuckle, waving me off as she stomps in front of me like a child. "You asked and I'm telling you. She is why we can't be friends anymore. She is trouble. There's something wrong with her, not off, wrong. And I hope you see that before it's too late."
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Bo's POV
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Dropping the towel from my hand, my reflection in the mirror catching my attention. I can see everything, head to toes and all the goodies in between. I know them, I know me…same body I've had for…let's not go there. But I look different somehow. Feel different somehow. It's subtle, all so subtle I barely notice, but I do.
"Who are you?"
'I know the answer, do you?'
"Of course."
'Liar.'
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Charlie's POV
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"And here everyone thinks I'm the deviant, if they only knew what you were doing." Michael smirks taking a seat beside me on the grass, his smirk implying he's teasing while his tone say something different.
"That a threat little brother?"
"Maybe." His smirk turns to a smile when I tilt my head to face him completely. "Naw, maybe later."
"I'll be holding my breath."
"You know you missed their welcome home party?"
"Oh no, another one of their parties wasn't perfect. How ever will they survive?"
"La'kr'a." He laughs, glancing toward guardian line. "Ca'la, ca'la."
His instruction to calm down doing little to actually calm me, although to be fair he isn't actually the target for my aggression, for once. "Do you ever wonder when mother decided we needed a new language?"
"Not new, one."
"Who was she to decide that?"
"Um," He laughs, shaking his head as if I was a child. "You might not be aware but our mother is Queen."
"But what does that mean?"
"What do you mean, what does that mean?"
"Does that really give her the power to make new languages? To change history? To erase disorders she so sees fit?"
"Yes."
"Do you think she should?"
"Do it? I don't know."
"No, have the power."
"Ca te sa'va za'ven."
Many paths to treason…yeah, I'm sure I've been on that one for a while. "You'd say that to me?"
"I was six when I used that the first time, to our mom."
"Don't you see the problem with that?"
"At six? No. Now? Eh. I understand married life a lil' better. I don't know what your problem is Charlie. There's our Queen and our mother. Same person but two different people. If you start realizing that, would make your life easier."
"They're the same person."
"La'te." He waves me off, tired of this conversation. Tired of anything that requires him to use more than an ounce of brain power. "Eventually they're gonna catch on you're missing a shit ton of classes."
"You miss more than me, they've yet to notice."
"Ah, is that what this is bout? Tying to get mother's attention?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Is that why you're acting out?" I snap, staring him down.
"As a matter a fact…might be. Maybe I'm just desperate and lonely and in need of constant love and care."
"You're such an ass."
"And you're a coward."
"Excuse me?"
"You sneak out here, sit in the same spot day in and day out wishing you had the guts to go out there. You never even get up to the line."
If he only knew how wrong he is. "And you've yet to pick a fight with someone actually willing to fight you."
"Bullshit. I fought Grady the other day, twice my size."
"No brains. No technique. No strength."
"Bullshit."
"It's amazing how much you're all like mother." I say under my breath, more a thought to myself than an insult to him.
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Bo's POV
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"Hey." Lauren smiles, half looking up from the folder in her hand. "I thought you'd be working?"
"I was, I am."
"This is not working."
"It's called a break, you should try it." I tease, sitting on the edge of her desk, my foot resting on one of the legs of the chair.
"I would, except I took an amazing month off with my wife and now everything has gone to hell."
"It wasn't a month."
"Nearly."
"Nearly is not exactly." Sticking my tongue out at her, I push around some of the folders on her desk glancing down at them. :
"Medical reports for this quarter."
"Mm, fun."
"Highly." Laughing she reaches out, fingertips brushing over the top of my hand. "We actually have a task, Your first as co-queen."
"Co-queen?" Chuckling, I take her hand within my own. "How very high-schoolish."
"Population in the cities has become unprecedented, especially since we have cities within the city. Now there's consideration of changing the name from cities to possibly states or providences. I suppose really anything other than city."
"This is…a little more paper-pusher task than I like."
"This is what you signed up for my love."
"This is…damn." She's got me there. Blah. Shaking my head, I smile down at her, nodding in agreement. It's actually pretty easy, make a decision. Sure, no problem. I just don't feel quite like myself. "But, you know, just tossing this out there. I can think of something twice, maybe even five times more fun."
"You're mathematical skills need some assistance." Her hand coming to cup my calf, thumb lazily brushing over my shin. "Generally after twice it would three times as much, not five"
"I know I've told you geek-speak is a turn on but genuinely that's when you're half naked, or fully naked or planning on getting naked and I'm thinking you're not planning on that." All I get from her is a heightened eyebrow. "Proper order of operations there enough for ya?"
"Order of operations?"
"I looked over Michael's homework this morning,"
"Oh God."
"Thanks for the confidence babe." Pouting, using my foot I give her chair a little nudge.
"We both know I didn't marry you for your brains."
"Nope, just how I can give it." She stares at me blankly. "Oh come on! Seriously, brains-you know-"
"No I don't-oh. Ha. Funny,"
"Do you get it or are you just saying that?"
"I get it." Nodding, she leans back in the chair.
"Then what's the face for?"
"Sometimes I just think you forget I'm a woman."
"Um, no I'm pretty sure I'm well aware that you are a woman. Believe me—I do daily inspections."
"Your comment applies to males only."
"What? It does not."
"It does."
"My joke MAY have been cryptic, sloppy, somewhat offensive, dirty—but it does apply."
"It really doesn't," Starting to lean forward to grab one of the folders, I use my foot to push her chair further back. "Bo."
"It was metaphor for giving head."
"I'm aware."
"Then how does it not apply?"
"The metaphor applies predominantly to males and fellatio."
"The metaphors for fellatio," I add emphases to the last word, rolling my eyes at my wife's sudden embarrassment and need to be scientific about this otherwise ridiculous argument. "Is the same for men and women alike,"
"No." She sighs, maybe I'm not the only one who woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Really missing that hotel. "You know what…you're absolutely right."
"It must kill you to say that."
"No." She lies, earning a laugh from me.
"You're such a liar."
"I'm not. I'm just saving my daily wife's 'I'm right by default' card."
"Oh—so you're a chicken then." Smirk working it's way onto my face as I notice her eyes focusing my thighs, my legs lazily opening and closing ever so slightly. First just something that happened and now just something to see how much I can distract her. "Afraid of a lil' verbal banter?"
"Yep. That's exactly it."
"Knew it." Deciding to play devil's advocate as Lauren loves to say, innocently my hand comes to rest on my inner thigh.
"This is work Bo."
"Afraid your boss will walk in and catch us?" My hand slipping a little lower. "Oh wait," Innocently I bite my lip giving her the best bed-room eyes I have at the moment. "You're the boss."
"I'm aware."
"Then?"
"This is work."
"Yeah, yeah. All work no play." Sighing, eyes rolling as I give up. My hand going back to her folders, slightly curious what else is in the mountain of paper.
"You're cute when you pout."
"Mm-hm."
"I'll make it up to you later." She promises, standing up.
"I won't want it." I say flatly, rereading the same work 'constructive' repeatedly to keep a straight face.
"I'm sorry?"
"You should have seen your face." My words swallowed by uncontrollable laughter, leaning forward just enough that I'm resting on her. My arms wrapping around her waist. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"You're such a pain in the ass."
"Well technically no yet, but I can be later if you wanna try that again." My play smack of her ass followed by one of her own as she whacks my arm. "Owwy."
"Don't say things like that so loud here."
"Who do you think is gonna hear?" I pretend to glance around the office. "Larry the office gnome?"
"It's not funny."
"Oh, but it is." Laughing, hands sliding up her back as I stand up. "I'd give you a kiss, but now I'm kinda worried Larry might see and you know what a pervert that this asshole is."
"Bo." She tries so hard not to laugh, but fails. Leaning in I steal a quick kiss, uneasy feeling I've had all day, really all week since we've gotten back almost completely gone.
"Have fun with your pile of,.." My joke trailing off as something red catches my eye. Leaning slightly passed her, I reach for it, pulling the envelope from beneath a shitload of other files.
"That's Father Travino's seal."
"I thought so." My fingertips running over the pressed, red ink on the back. "Did you know you had this?"
"Of course not." She shakes her head, starting to say something about an envelope opener, stopping as I rip it open. "That works too."
"What the hell does this mean?"
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16 2 3 23 99
75 39 11
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"What is this?" I ask, pointing to the sideways eight right before the second set of numbers. "The world's most cryptic wedding invite refusal?"
"I don't know?"
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Charlie's POV
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"Where's your girlfriend?" Dani asks, popping up beside me without warning.
"God!"
"While that is my official title, I prefer Dani to my friends." She smirks, and I probably would have smiled or at least grinned had I not been walking around in a circle the past hour thinking about Trini. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing."
"Looking like someone killed your dog."
"I'm just thinking."
"You don't need to come out her to the dead-lands to do that."
"I hate that name."
"What do you prefer?"
"I…" Hesitating, I come to a stop. "I don't know."
"I'm going to give you a piece of advice Charlie, you keep walking around spouting out what you don't like and what's wrong in the world, it's pathetic."
"Geez. Thanks."
"Let me finish." She doesn't look in the mood to joke around, that's fine, I'm not either. "It's pathetic and beneath you. Start having answers to these questions you're asking.
"What?"
"You ask yourself if you should be upset at mommy because of xyz, and walk around behaving like a spoiled brat. It's beneath you. Start making up your mind, because if you are really that mad then you can begin to do something about it. Be…the change that you want to see."
"Be the change that I want to see?" My eyebrow raises at the corniness of the line, sounds like something I'd read in my mother's propaganda. The more I say it to myself though, the less amusing it becomes. "Be the change I want."
Her lips curve into a smirk. "Exactly."
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Bo's POV
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"One. Two. Three. Four." I huff out, pace slowing as the treadmill starts to do the same.
Taking a gulp of water finishing off the bottle my eyes focus up on the clock above the double doors. Half smirk on my face as I remember standing in this very spot doing the same exact thing right before the ceremony. I remember being so excited and ready for this new chapter in our lives, because honestly now, that's how I look at it. Time is just, different after you've lived for quite a few decades. Life in general became summed up in chapters and this was supposed to be a great one.
It has been…mostly.
Despite all of the waiting and the obstacles and Lauren's fears, I was so excited. I was so sure. All the way up until the actual ceremony, that's when the doubts began and now, now I don't know what I am. Truth is I still can't explain why I was so excited. I was already married, twice in fact, though the second time was all I ever really counted since we weren't being pressured. I was, well I am a grown woman who has lived life, several lives actually and have six children, though I only acknowledge five of them. The ceremony was something that women doing this for the first time and young girls like my daughters were supposed to be excited for, not me.
Or I was.
Though I wasn't completely mesmerized by the romanticized nature of it all. Despite what every one thought, I wasn't in some glee filled, delusion bubble. I knew what this was. I was aware of the politics behind it. Aware this was supposed to be something like the Ascension by another name. Aware that this was closer to the Ancient Dark side of things more than anything I had participated in. Aware there was a chance that there might not be a happy ending to it. Most of all, I was aware of the risks and possible aftermath of it.
Or I thought I was.
Stepping off of the treadmill, I wander over to the mini fridge, pulling out another water. Suddenly very tense and not quite sure I'm done running it off for the day.
I understood the concerns. Lauren's sanity and morals were of course a major one. I had run a mental checklist on every issue a dozen times over. But the sad truth is, the checklist in reality is a possibility anytime and anywhere. Lauren has always been one of the strongest people I'd ever seen, met, heard about, so on and so forth, but she's also one of the weakest. Anytime she got too invested in the results of the F.R.H.K. Virus or the reports of what was happening beyond the city limits there was a risk she would start to shut down again. Anytime there was a chance of another war breaking out there was just an equal risk. Anytime Lauren fed there was a risk it would be just a little too much and set off her hunger. Despite our required lack of regular gentleness there was always a fear when it came to biting, fear that she'd get the taste of blood.
Or I thought I understood.
Running my hands through my hair, I set the bottle atop of the fridge, give the gym once glance over before heading out.
Sunlight hitting me like a truck. It's not so much that it's rare, it's just not normal to be this bright. Somewhere between all of the missiles and bombs raining down, chemical weapons being unleashed, fires raging and all the other horrible things the world had done to itself, the sun just decided to stop rising so much—and when it did it was often dim as though already getting ready to set again. Travino used to laugh with a heavy sadness and tell the kids it was because God was sad, and all the rain was Him and the rest of the people in Heaven crying for everyone on earth. Lauren being Lauren of course would give a much more scientific and probably much more probable answer. It always depended on my mood which response I went with. Sometimes his words brought a sense of comfort while other times a much more Lauren type answer was better.
Until I stopped focusing on it all together.
Taking a deep breath, letting the chilling air burn my lungs she I find peace in the solitude of it all. Over the years I came to find myself enjoying the peace of things rather than the faster side of life I once overindulged in, Kenz would every so often joke calling me the Zen master.
See the thing that no one had really known was that the solitude, becoming a 'Zen master' was the only thing that has kept myself in check. While the world flocked to Lauren and her every wish, desire, and hangnail somewhere along the way they had forgotten about me. Sure there were times when I couldn't help but feel a little jealous, a little annoyed that everyone seemed to forget I was just as much a succubus, just as much an ascended Fae but then I'd remember this was my wife I was comparing my struggles to.
Maturity never was a strong suite, but I've gotten better.
'She would say different.'
I've never been exactly sure why it's been so easy—well easier to control myself, hide my urges. There was a weird sense of irony behind it all considering when we first met I was the one who needed training, needed injections and lessons in self-control and yet now I skate through life, much of it without anyone knowing that I crave these dark things just as much as my wife.
I had lost count of the nights of love-making or fucking when I wanted to push the boundaries as we had so many times before—to throw caution to the wind and feed beyond the bare minimum. When I wanted to know the sweet, intoxicating taste of blood on my lips and the rush that would come after. I've toyed with the idea of following my wife's example and dip into the Dark rituals which had become something of a symbol of elite status, to know their power again. I've contemplated numbing my emotions, my conscience plenty of times, especially during the times when the war was at its peak of destruction. On particular dark days I'd remember what it was to take a life with no consequence and remember the exhilaration-remember the hunger that would follow.
The thing is I've struggled just as much as Lauren—sometimes more so, I just learned to control it. I'd on occasion really think about in depth when I was feeling down and lonely, think about how my mother struggled and lost the fight. Thought about how Danielle lost the same battle without so much as a struggle. Thought about how easily Lauren was consumed—how easily it would be for her to slip again. Even thought about my struggles from before—but none of that ever gave me insight as to how she was now able to emerge the strongest.
'It's in your blood.'
Ignoring the voice in the back of my mind I start walking, first intending to go home, though I find myself continuing on.
I'll admit, I loved attention. Still do, actually, but it's not that I want the type of fawning Lauren gets because honestly I can't stand to even watch it happen let alone be on the receiving end of it. I don't want people to make excuses for me or why I had slipped or why it would be understandable if I did again, like they do for Lauren. I don't even want people telling me how strong I am that I can make it a day without slitting someone's throat or going on a murderous rampage. A part of me knows to a certain degree Lauren needs that pat on the back and the constant praise. I on the other hand don't want that, my never-ending guilt is enough to keep me in line.
'She's weaker than you.'
Now just because I refuse the constant praises and babying I haven't become so self-righteous as to think my wife is the only one to have grown weaker, softer in our cushy life. I've known for a while now just how far we let ourselves go, the ceremony proving that. Sure we still workout three to four times a week, make love for hours which is a workout in its own right. We'd play with our children, go to work and when need be we would bark loud enough to remind everyone just who we are.
'Were.'
But while living the life of royalty and being at the top of the food chain we somewhere along the way grew complacent— in fact apart from the ceremony I can't even remember the last time I had a real fight. I'd have the occasional sparring session with Tamsin who isn't much of a fighter and ONCE with Skylar, but beyond that, I know my technique is long gone.
Occasionally I find myself worrying about it—worrying that we haven't taught our children how to fight beyond the family pileups that happen. But then I just remind myself we live behind giant walls with millions of people who will kill and die for us all. I remember that eighteen years ago we killed the only thing that would ever pose a real threat to us. Now there's no one left above us. Who could challenge us? The humans beyond the wall? The Fae who most didn't even meet half of our strength like Lenny?
'Then why are you so worried?'
Voice in the back of my head getting the better of me, body tensing back up. Train of thought jumping from topic to topic. My pace coming to a complete stop in front of Travino's house. "Where the hell are you old man?"
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Charlie's POV
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"What did you get on the quiz?" Ethan asks, his face buried in his phone as we make our way down the street.
"A."
"A or A plus?"
"A plus, same thing."
"It's not, the plus will bring your GPA up to four point six, you're edging me out."
"Yeah, whoopee."
He looks over at me. "Whoopee? Since when does GPA mean so little?"
"Just a bad day." I lie, more like a bad week. "Rest assured, you're still beating Michael and Ria."
"Not hard to do…hey." He grabs my shoulder, stopping me. "That's two of mother's guard." He points across the street at the two guards standing outside Saint Anthony's church. Before I can say a word he's walking out into traffic, hand held up to announce who we are and how they should stop for us. Irritation aside, I follow after him. "You," He taps the left one on the chest. "Explain your business."
"My prince," He slightly bows his head. "Your mom went inside."
"Mom? When? Why?"
"I do not know why my prince, only that she's been inside now for quite some time."
"What are you doing?" I ask, watching as he steps away, face buried back in his phone. "Ethan?"
"Letting mother know."
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Bo's POV
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"How did you know I was here?" I ask, feeling her before she's near. My voice echoing off the walls, my eyes staying up on the crucifix.
"You, my wife willingly enters a church in the middle of Saturday afternoon," Hesitating, she takes a seat beside me. "There's rumblings."
"SO naturally you had to come check?"
"When they said you hadn't come out for three hours?" She nods, causing me to glance at her. "What's happened?"
"Nothing. I just, felt this need to talk to Travino and what do you know, he still isn't answering."
"You're worried about what that note meant?"
"No. Yes. Maybe. I don't know."
"I was concerned, but if he sent that then he's fine. Probably stuck missionary-ing out in the…helping the infected."
"Yeah." I nod.
"But if it makes you feel better my love, I will let you have a crack at him before Kenzi when he returns." She chuckles, hand resting on my knee. "If it's soon she can infect him with that flu of hers."
"Would be only fair."
"What did you want to speak to him about?"
"Personal."
"I'm your wife."
"I'm aware."
"Bo, what's going on with you?"
I wish I knew. "Do you think about her still?"
"Kenzi?" She lets out another laugh, staring at me. "Quite frequently, she lives across form us. We work with her. See her several times a day."
"Not her." I whisper, eyes fixated on the crucifix, Father Travino always had a way of being comforting and snapping me out of my shit. The comfort I was hoping to find here in his favorite place near nonexistent.
Her hand slides off from my knee. "Oh."
"That's a yes then."
"I…I don't know."
"You don't know if you've thought about her?"
"No, I don't know what you want me to say Bo."
"I want honesty."
"No, you don't. I know you, I know your tones. You're expecting a particular answer, but this time I just can't tell what it is."
"I want the truth Lauren, that's all."
She sighs, looking away from me up to the crucifix. Her features scrunch up for a minute, before she shakes her head. "Of course I have."
"That's what I thought."
"I can't tell you how many times, I never kept track. More so when our youngest began coming of age. When they began looking nearly exactly like her."
"Like me." I whisper to myself.
"When they began acting like her."
"They don't."
"Bo, my love…they exhibiting excessive deviant behavior, just as she began."
"You can't compare."
"Compare stealing headphones to ripping hearts out of bodies? No, of course not. But, preparation for…"
"Lauren." I snap. "They rich, privileged teenagers, of course they're acting out. Just because they look like her, it doesn't mean a damn thing."
"You asked a question Bo, I'm answering it."
"And I appreciate it."
"That's not all is it?" She sighs.
"Do you…have you…?"
"Ask it Bo, have I what?"
"Do you ever forget who she is? Forget that she's our daughter?"
For a moment she's silent and still, just stares at crucifix, maybe passed it. She's thinking, I know that, but I can't tell which way this is going to go. Is she going to dismiss me? Is she going to yell? Maybe she'll lie. Lying is her go-to move when it comes to Danielle. Ha, Dani. I don't know when we began referring to her as Danielle, as if that somehow made a difference.
She stands with a sigh, before looking down at me with a faint smile. "Sometimes I wish I believed in this, really believed. You know? Had faith beyond a fear of what happens in the end. Believed that there was an absolute forgiveness. Must be so comforting."
"That's not an answer."
Her hand resting on my shoulder. "I know." Nodding she pulls her hand away, maneuvering herself out from the pew before walking away from me.