Bayonetta and I fell from the sky until we finally landed on something solid. But as soon as we did, something felt wrong. I grunted in pain and dropped to one knee, holding my chest. It felt like someone was jamming a million needles into my body all at once. "W-what the hell?!" I demanded.
"Sai! Are you okay?!" Bayonetta asked, kneeling beside me, before realizing where we were. "Jesus. This is..." She said as she looked around.
"Paradiso... Nothing but heavenly light and energy all around us. I'm out of my element here... I can feel myself getting weaker..." I said, struggling back to my feet. "But... I think I can make it... Let's just keep moving and find a way out of here." I said.
"You're right. I'm not liking this place any more than you." She said, standing up, before closing her eyes.
(My dear, sweet child... Fear not, for I shall be watching over you...) The voice rang out in her head.
"You okay?" I asked.
She shook her head again. "Fine. Let's be on our way." She said, the two of us walking off.
We soon reached the edge of the platform we were on, but luckily, there was another large platform not too far away which we could jump to with a platform of angelic energy. Soon enough, we made our way to actual land, but we were immediately ambushed by a trio of Ardors, two wielding the large tuba-like weapons and the third with their classic sword and shield, except its sword was a giant key we'd undoubtedly need to unlock something. "I believe that key is for us, darling. So why not just hand it over?" Bayonetta asked.
However, it simply screeched and swung at her with the key, forcing her to dodge, activating Witch Time. "Your funeral, then." I said as we both rushed. She slashed and sliced away at the angel with the key, quickly destroying him while I made my Asmodeus cards circle around me as I stood in between the two other angels, slicing them all to hell before actually attacking with the hand I drew, a Flush: a 4, Jack, 8, 2 and 9, all in clubs. I split them into a group of 3 and 2, moving my hands in an X motion, causing the cards to follow the motion and slice through one of the Ardors like the X I'd just motioned, pulling my hands back, the cards moving behind me before I shot my hands forward, running the angel through with the cards, before raising my hand skyward. "Flush!" I announced as the cards angled themselves at the angel and began shooting energy bolts at it as they circled it, before glowing with demonic energy, slamming into the angel and exploding it.
Time restarted at this point and the remaining Ardor fired its musical energy blast at us, which we both had to avoid, Bayonetta cartwheeling once again while I jumped and twisted to the right in mid-air to avoid, but I only just barely avoided, unlike how I normally dodge with plenty of time to spare with much space between me and the attack. Regardless, we still did manage to dodge and defeated the ardor together with several slashes from Murasama and Masamune, followed by one powerful smash from the giant key. "Having some performance issues, are we, Sai?" She asked.
"This is different from just those portals into Paradiso. We're like in the actual heartland. My attacks really are weaker here. I'm not nearly as effective as I normally am. I should've been able to finish both of those tuba-playing freaks with that one hand, or dodged that attack like nothing." I said.
"It's like you said, you're out of your element here. You can't be blamed that the environment weakens you. But don't expect me to fawn over you and protect you like the little one." She said.
"Don't worry. I'm not that helpless." I said, before noticing something to the right. "I've still got my instincts." I said, heading to a small building with a cracked stone door. I destroyed the door with a fireball and broke into the chest behind it, revealing a third of two different LP's.
"Excellent work. Even when you're weakened, you're still a force to be reckoned with." She said, putting the ki into the the statue of a woman sitting on some round object, creating beams of light that became rings, allowing us to get up to the small planet-like sphere above us.
We made our way up to the planet thing and encountered another group of angels, 3 Affinities and an Applaud, wielding another key. Bayonetta quickly summoned an iron maiden and kicked the Applaud into it, killing it instantly and disarming it of the key, which she used to easily destroy one of the Affinities while I did a break-dancing headspin with Ryuk attached to my legs to land several killers strikes on the other two Affinities, nearly cutting their heads off, getting back to my feet and unleashing a powerful blast of wind from Kamaitachi to finish them, the force of the wind finally taking their head off.
We found the next keyhole and Bayonetta used the key once more, causing the planet to rotate and create another path of light, allowing us to continue. We went up the path and dropped down on an upside down platform with a snake-like statue giving us another path to continue on. "At least it's still a pretty linear path we have to take, nothing too complicated" I said. But just as we got onto the snake statue, a giant, green ball with a ruby-like orb for an eye, looking like a green Minecraft Death Star, suddenly appeared and began chasing us.
"Yes, run or be crushed! Not complicated at all!" Bayonetta said, activating her Panther Within state and charging down the path.
"Just when I didn't think I could hate this place more!" I snapped, hurrying after her.
We hurried down the snake statue path, avoiding angels in the path and lightning strikes from above, using them to our advantages to activate Witch/Bullet Time to let us get further ahead of the green, block-y wrecking ball behind us. soon enough, we made it to another platform as the green orb fell into the abyss below. We discovered we were on some kind of wheel platform or something that could be turned, so after filling in the missing gear with one of those strange walls that change form if you hit them enough, we turned the platform so we could move to the next area, which was the city we had fought in Fortitudo destroyed.
"So, apparently cities go to heaven, too." I said.
"Yes. And it looks like this city can also be rotated. We just need that key over there to unlock the turning device." Bayonetta said, pointing to the key, before the green orb from before fell in from nowhere and smashed it, sending its pieces into 5 separate chests.
"Oh, real mature!" I snapped at the orb before it flew back into the sky, abyss, I don't even know anymore. I hated that place and wanted to leave. I could feel myself getting weaker. "Split up and grab them?" I asked.
"You read my mind." She said as we did so, busting open the chests and collecting the pieces, dealing with the occasional angel or two when they popped out of the chest with the piece, as well as dodging the green wrecking ball that repeatedly tried to come down and crush us, but ultimately, we reassembled the key and activated the mechanism, creating 4 rows of spinning angelic platforms for us to jump to so we could reach the next island.
"That wasn't so bad. What did you think?" She asked.
"Well, I opened all the boxes with the angels in them, so that sucked. But still, it's not like they were Beloveds or anything, so they weren't a big deal." I said as we continued. After reaching the island, though, we only got a few steps in on the next path before a pair of angelic viking ships known as Kinships appeared, the roof of its cabin opening to reveal a small silo of missiles, which all launched out at once at us. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me. First cars, now viking ships?! And they have missiles!?" I demanded.
"It's certainly unexpected, but nothing we can't handle. Let's go sink their battleships." Bayonetta said, the two of us dodging the missiles and activating Witch/Bullet Time, Bayonetta jumping on the ship attempting to fly over us while I jumped to the ship in front of us.
I began beating on the cabin, or specifically the jewel on what would be the door, smashing at it with powerful kicks backed up with bullets from Last Regrets while having another hand from Asmodeus spin around and me and slice through the bow behind me and the cabin and its jewel in front of me, before I returned the cards to handheld size and looking at them, a Straight: an 9 of clubs, 8 of diamonds, 7 of spades, 6 of diamonds and 5 of hearts. "Straight!" I announced, shooting the cards forward like a spear, before pulling them back, repeating the maneuver several times to saw through the cabin and building up energy in the cards. Just before they sawed all the cabin, I clenched my fist, causing the cards to explode and destroy the ship before they returned to the deck.
Meanwhile, Bayonetta had been slashing, kicking and smashing the cabin and the orb with Shuraba and Odette, doing some massive damage, before having to jump into the air as the jewel fired a beam at her, forcing her to jump onto the back of the boat to continue her assault, doing noticeably less damage. The boat then fired another barrage of missiles, which she dodged this time with Bat Within, getting back around to the front of the ship, landing another powerful combo, before finally destroying the ship with a devastating axe kick, accompanied by an icy Wicked Kick. The two of us then jumped back onto the main path, just in time as another third of each of our records appeared. "Well, that was a pleasant little cruise. And we received a wonderful parting gift." She said as we each collected our third.
We then proceeded on to another one of those strange Witch Pillars at alters gravity and used it, sending us careening forward down a long path, filled with tentacles we smashed our way through, eventually landing on another platform, only to be ambushed by a trio of Joys. We dodged their attacks once again, Bayonetta summoning the wooden horse, torturing and killing one of them, before rushing in at the next one and easily putting it down with a powerful combo from Shuraba. I dodged a few strikes from the last one before doing a back-flip, hitting the angel with an uppercut kick, launching her into the air and allowing me to summon... "Zuul, mothafucka, ZUUL!" The demon canine roared as he rose from the ground and ate the angel in one vicious chomp.
We proceeded onward, jumping to the path in front of us, there was a large staircase with a small open area where the green wrecking ball would keep slamming down into, but we avoided it. There was an entrance to the Gates of Hell, but we decided to ignore it until we had all the pieces of the LP's , so we went on, discovering another light path leading upward, but past it was another path. We decided to take the new path, destroying some statues that held angels inside them and eventually finding another stone door, which we destroyed, opening the chest behind it, finding the last third to both of our LP's, forming them into complete records. "Perfect. Hopefully Rodin can make me something that can even my odds until I get out of here." I said.
"Yes, I'm also quite curious as to what will be drawn to my record." Bayonetta wondered as we headed back to the portal to the Gates of Hell.
We entered the bar and I let out a sigh of content, entering a place much closer to Inferno and demonic energies than Paradiso, my strength was coming back quickly. "Oh, man, this place is a life saver." I said, sitting down at the bar. "Cupcake Vodka martini. Double." I said.
"Rough time out there?" He asked, pouring me the drink.
"We were in the middle of Paradiso. If there are two places in the universe I should never be, it's there, or in the middle of the ocean. That's mostly what this is for." I said, taking a large swig of the drink.
"Damn. You've got my sympathy." Rodin said.
"A couple more LP's? You two are working me to the bone." He said. "Oh, well, I ain't got nothing better to do. Wait here while I do my stuff." He said, playing the LP's and descending into Inferno. A few minutes passed and he appeared, once again looking pretty beat up, but victorious. "They don't have a lot of charm, but they certainly made up for it with personality. Here you go, Bayonetta. Stand at attention for Lt. Kilgore." He said, handing her a set of rocket launchers tonfas.
Bayonetta smiled as she took them, a bit surprised by their weight, but still holding them without much effort. "Very impressive, Rodin. I was hoping for a nice heavy hitter. And these are exactly that." She said.
"And what have you got for me? I'm gonna need something good when I get out of here." I said.
"Oh, I think this will help you out quite a bit. Be careful. It's REALLY sharp." He said, placing the weapon on the table. It was a giant scalpel with a 5 foot handle, four 6-inch long spikes on the back just before the blade, which was another 3 feet long with a ridge on the back of the blade, as well as another small ridge and slight hook on the front of the blade towards the very beginning, leaving a perfect, long cutting edge toward the front. It would work perfectly as a naginata, a staff with a sword on the end of it. I gave it a few practice swings and found it to my liking. (Google "scalpel sword", you should be able to find it. It's a big 3D model spikes on the back, that should be enough for you to find it.)
"Very nice. I wonder just how sharp it is, though." I said, taking off my trench coat, hanging it up on a nearby coat rack and sliced downward at the sleeve. to my shock and amazement, it actually cleaved right through the sleeve, leaving it dangling as two separate halves, but thankfully, it sealed right back together into a normal sleeve. "Ohh-ho-ho... This baby is just what I needed." I said with a smirk.
Diesectomy: In the chaotic, savage lands of Inferno, a unique advantage is required for survival. One demon had claws, which he would sharpen on the strongest rock in Inferno, until he cut through that rock. But even those claws couldn't save him from Rodin, who turned the claws into this all piercing, all slicing weapon.
"A pleasure as always, Rodin. We'll be sure to drop in when we have more halos for you." Bayonetta said, heading to the portal.
I gulped down the rest of my martini and laid down a few halos for it. "You're the best, Rodin. Not even Paradiso can bother me now!" I said with a smirk, hurrying after Bayonetta, the two of us teleporting back to the world of angels.
"Oh, I was wrong! I was horribly wrong!" I said as the holy presence began to weaken me again.
"Oh, come now, Sai. The more time you take to bellyache and moan, the longer it will take us to get you out of this place." She said.
"Then let's go!" I said, rushing down the path we needed to take. We rushed ahead, jumping across several platforms and repeatedly dodging the green death star as it tried to smash the platforms we were on, but to no avail. Eventually, we made it to a long, narrow, winding path, following it up to another castle with a crescent moon in front of it, but before we could reach it, the green death star crashed into the ground in front of us, revealing itself to be a Golem angel, preparing to fight us.
"Ugh. This one is annoyingly persistent." Bayonetta said.
"Then let's tell him to CUT it out!" I said with a smirk, readying Diesectomy.
Background Music: "Bleed it Out" by Linkin Park
The Golem transformed into a Minecraft version of Gamorrah, striking out at us, but we easily jumped out of the way, Bayonetta blasting it with rockets from her tonfa while I landed a strike to the beast's jaw, slicing it off, causing it to screech in pain and turn back into the Death Star. It floated back a ways and transformed into Malphas, rushing us with insane speed from its massive body. However, we easily dodged it once again, Bayonetta attacking the red energy orb that was its eyes as I sliced the tail off the beast, causing it to crash and roll back up into ball form.
"It seems to be throwing all my summons back at me." Bayonetta mused, before glaring angrily. "How infuriating. I have no use for pets that don't obey their masters." She snapped, kicking the massive ball into a wall several times, apparently stunning it.
"Ha! Try not to fall apart on us now, you overgrown Lego monster!" I smirked. But unfortunately, Paradiso had weakened me more than I thought, so when the Golem turned into Hekatoncheir and threw a backhand at me, I was unable to get out of the way in time and was knocked into the air, before a punch sent me flying back about 10 feet. Thankfully, Bayonetta had used this time to land several hits on the red orb before the Golem reformed into a ball. It became a Gamorrah once again and tried to strike at her, forcing her to jump back, before it turned back into Hekatoncheir, throwing a barrage of punches at her.
"Sai, whenever you're ready, darling, now's the perfect time to help." She called.
I got to one knee and panted for a bit, before looking up and grabbing Diesectomy. "I'm on it!" I said, jumping and slicing the left hand off the monster, apparently stunning it as the hands collapsed to the ground while the red orb still floated in mid-air. "Perfect target!" I said, jumping up, slicing and slashing at it repeatedly before Bayonetta switched Lt. Kilgore to her feet, jumping into the air and throwing an upwards flying kick, one rocket launching her higher into the air while the other fired a missile into the orb. She did this a second time, before delivering a devastating combo with Shuraba. It reformed into its green ball form as we landed and started spinning wildly. "Now!" I told her.
"Right!" She said, rushing forward and kicking the green death star high into the air. "AFAA TADAAG NEPTA!" She announced, doing a dance as her hair unwound around her, summoning the REAL Hekatoncheir, which... bounced the ball back and forth between the 3 sets of hands like a volley ball. That was, until, the last pair of hands failed the return, causing the Golem to lamely bounce on the ground. The demon then resorted to simply pummeling it to destruction, with one final massive punch from 4 of the fists all at once completely shattered it into nothing.
End Music
The portal closed and Bayonetta redressed, before blowing a kiss to the angelic barrier in our way, allowing us to proceed. "Well, this has certainly been fun, but I believe it's time we moved on." She said, continuing forward.
"Yes, please. Get me out of here." I said, following her as we proceeded forward into the castle.
We entered some large, strange chamber, which Bayonetta began exploring with great interest, noticing a certain symbol on the wall she traced her hand over, before suddenly going into some trance.
"Vigrid... I've been there before." She said quietly, before stumbling onto some strange statue. Looking on the bottom, she discovered a pair of names. "Jeanne? Cereza? The little one?" She wondered.
"What could she have to do with this?" I asked. Suddenly, the floor gave way beneath us as a number of tentacles shot out at us, Bayonetta stylishly jumping off them while I simply jumped back to where the ground wasn't broken, slicing all the tentacles coming at me with Diesectomy. One of the tentacles managed to grab Bayonetta and yanked her down towards it, but she fired away with Scarborough Fair until she forced them to let her go, to which they screamed in pain, before receding into the hole they came from. "Nice work." I said.
Bayonetta then gasped as she felt something on her leg, lifting it up and bouncing a bit as she grabbed and removed the tentacle climbing up her leg. "Tentacles... Why did it have to be tentacles?" She groaned.
"I don't know. Tentacles have served me well in the past." I said, remembering how helpful my Kraken gauntlets usually are. Too bad, for the sake of this story, I can't use my Devil May Cry weapons.
Suddenly, another trio of joys launched out of the hole and prepared to face us, an angelic barrier forming over the hole. Bayonetta dodged a kick from one and hit it with a few slices from Shuraba, before stomping down on it with a Wicked Kick, sending it flying away with a second Wicked Kick. I dodged a barrage of green energy bullets from another, activating Bullet Time and throwing a double jumping round kick with Kamaitachi equipped to my feet, blasting it back into a wall with two powerful waves of wind, before slicing it to ribbons with Diesectomy. The third one tried to strike at Bayonetta with a whip and golden feather, but she dodged it and summoned the wooden horse, torturing and finishing the angel off with the cruel device. The first one, which had survived Bayonetta combo on it, attempted to attack her while she tortured her sister, but I wildly, yet stylishly swung Diesectomy, sending energy waves through the air, rushing at and through the Joy, before I stopped, spinning the naginata above my head, before stabbing it into the ground, at which point the Joy exploding in an eruption of blood and tiny pieces flying everywhere.
"Very impressive. I'm looking forward to seeing what that can do when you're at full power." Bayonetta said, before destroying the barrier, allowing us to continue.
"Yeah, that's gonna be REALLY fun." I said with a smirk as we dropped down into the hole. We appeared back in the city, dropping down in the town square, or town circle, rather, surrounded by 3 Affinities. However, Bayonetta actually landed on one of them, killing them instantly, before rushing at the next one and killing it with some crushing kicks aided with the strength of Lt. Kilgore, finishing it with a missile as I ran up to the last one, slicing one of its legs off, stabbing it in the chest and flinging it to the ground, flinging it to the ground while rotating the blade to cut it in half horizontally. "An ambush. Right idea. WRONG caliber of angel." I said.
"I would expected a pair of Courages at the least." Bayonetta agreed. We then noticed we were on another large gear with the transforming walls nearby, meaning we'd need to smash them into the missing gears in order for us to proceed. We did so, dealing with a few more Affinities along the way until we replaced all the gears, at which point a Grace and Glory appeared. "A minor challenge. Much better." Bayonetta said, dodging the attacks of the Glory, activating Witch Time, stabbing the angel a few dozen times, before preforming her own spinning breakdance move to beat the angel with the tonfa rockets, finishing the move with a flying double kick to the face, accompanied by a pair of rockets to obliterate the beast.
Meanwhile, I side-stepped a few attacks from the Grace, before backflipping over a sweep at my feet, slicing off the angel's claws with Diesectomy. Impressively, it still tried to attack me, even without arms, but the attacks were simple and easy to dodge. "Okay, time to put you out of your misery." I said, picking up the trumpet of a defeated angel and firing a beam of red energy from it, vaporizing the Grace. "I always was a KILLER musician." I said with a smirk.
With that out of the way, we returned to the town circle and Bayonetta spun the town to connect the proper path, allowing us to continue. We proceeded onward until a bunch of Harmonies appeared, but we made quick work of them, me cleaving most of them in two with Diesectomy while Bayonetta jumped on the last one and summoned another giant chainsaw to cleave it in two. We then proceeded to the next large platform/clearing, where Fortitudo appeared. "What?! It can't be! We killed him way back in the Colosseum!" I said.
"It's not him! Look! It's much smaller and nowhere near as colorful. It must be a mere copy of him. Let's see if he compares to the original!" Bayonetta said, rushing in.
Background Music: "I'm The Boss" by Big Bad Bosses
It was certainly more of a challenge than the rest of the angels thrown at us recently, but still nowhere near as challenging as the original. It lunged at us and shot both heads down at us, which we easily dodged, leaving its heads stuck in the ground and vulnerable. Bayonetta attacked its left head , with several slashes from Shuraba and a trio of kicks and rocket blasts from LT. Kilgore, while I jumped into the air and hit the right head with several kicks with Kamaitachi equipped to my feet, hitting him with blasts of wind the rose me higher into the air along with my kicks, until I was above the monster's neck, at which point I came crashing down with Diesectomy, cutting the head off.
This caused the monster to free its other head, roaring in pain, before charging after us, repeatedly weaving its head back and forth as it chomped in an attempt to either smack us away with its head or, obviously, tear us apart in its jaws. However, once again, we easily dodged its attacks, Bayonetta activating Witch Time and landing about a dozen kicks to its head, followed by a rocket straight to the face as I hacked and slashed away at the main body, leaving giant gashes in its upside down, baby face stomach, legs and even slicing off its tail. Time restarted at this point, the angel roaring in pain at the loss of its appendage, flying about 10 feet into the air and dropping down in an attempt to smash us. But of course, we jumped out of the way, stopping time once again, rushing in. I sliced off its wings, doing a jumping backflip into the air and diving down, stabbing my naginata into its back as Bayonetta charged up and delivered one final, fatal slash.
But as soon as the Fortitudo clone disappeared, it was replaced with a clone of Temperantia. It stayed back at a distance, forcing us to shoot at it with our pistols while dodging its forehead eye laser beams. But as it continually missed, it kept getting closer, until it got within 10 feet of the platform, at which point it lunged forward and grabbed the platform, firing a series of fireballs from its forehead eye, which completely failed to hit us as we hacked away at its face, eventually stunning it and causing it to slump against the platform, allowing us to get even more its on it, before a Wicked Kick from Bayonetta knocked the massive angel back.
It then started firing giant energy bullets at us from its massive gun fingers, but again, they were rather easy to dodge. "Man, this thing really needs to work on its aim! We barely even had to dodge those." I said.
"Certainly doesn't have the aim of the original." Bayonetta agreed, the two of us dodging as it tried to smash us with a giant, electrified punch, but we dodged once more, allowing use to hack away at the hand and I even sliced the fingers off, causing it to quickly pull back the remains of its hand in pain, before wildly firing more energy beams at us and we continued to dodge. It managed to nearly hit me with one beam, but I managed to even cut that in half with my might scalpel.
It roared in anger and fired bullets once more from its remaining hand, but we once again dodged. It then summoned all of its remaining energy into one kamikaze attack, rushing towards us, but Bayonetta simply smirked and fired one final shot from her gun that obliterated the weakened angel.
End Music
With them out of the way, Bayonetta destroyed the next barrier and we continued on our way. We were about to jump to a church-looking temple, but suddenly, a giant tentacle with a baby's statue face at the end shot out from nowhere and smacked the temple, causing it to spin. "Oh, come on! That was totally unnecessary!" I snapped.
"The adventure's never fun without a nice challenge." Bayonetta said with a smirk, becoming a panther at the last minute and making the jump. I simply used Instant Transmission to appear beside her after she made it.
"Yeah, but I've always been raised to work smarter, not harder." I countered. A trio of Enchants appeared before us, but I sliced one in half while Bayonetta grabbed the second one and spun at high speeds, throwing it and causing it to slice the third one in half, before crashing and destroying itself an instant later.
We then broke through the back wall of the temple and jumped onto a platform outside it. Suddenly, 3 Kinships appeared, lined up in front of each other at different altitudes, the front one the lowest and the back one the highest. We scattered as they fired missiles at us, Bayonetta jumping to the right and firing at the one in back while I ran to the left and jumped on the one in front while the other two aimed more missiles at me. Fortunately, they crashed into the cabin of their comrade rather than hitting me, doing even more damage as I sliced the ship apart, destroying it before jumping to the next one, slicing its missiles in half before they reached me, at which point I landed on it, equipping Ryuk to my legs, doing the breakdance spin again to do huge damage and cut into it with a few dozen slashes, before hopping up, slicing upward with Diesectomy as I got up, contorting to an upright position in mid-air, then hacking down on the ship with one final strike to finish it off.
Bayonetta then landed on the remains of the ship beside me. "Impressive, Sai. I've taught you quite well. But don't assume you've grown stronger than your teacher." She said, jumping to the final ship, destroying most of the missiles coming at her with Kusheldra, before catching the last missile with the whip and flinging it back at the boat, landing on it and switching to Shuraba, slashing at the ship's jewel a few times before stabbing it a few dozen more times, then finishing it with a duo of devastating Wicked Kicks.
"Nice work." I said as we continued forward, heading down a path of energy platforms onto a new path with a long, roofless corridor in front of us, with dozens of tentacles with giant, spiky boulders waiting above, no doubt to crush us. "That's not particularly inviting." I said.
"It's our only way of getting out of here, so you really don't have an option. If you spend much more time here, you'll turn whiter than your hair." She said, pointing out how I was significantly paler than when we first started.
"It's silver..." I grumbled as we rushed ahead. I jumped in place a few times to loosen up and prepare myself before I blasted through the corridor, leaving a trail of fire behind me and shattering the statue of a Fairness in the middle of the hallway, Bayonetta soon joining me after rushing through the hall herself. We walked down a set of stairs and a pair of Glories burst out of statues of themselves at the bottom of the stairs, but we dodged their attacks and cleaved the monsters in twain, pushing forward.
Meanwhile, somewhere in the forest, Cereza was happily bouncing around as Luka followed her, watching her while also trying to figure out where they were. "What happened to Mummy?" Cereza asked.
"Well, you see, she just went to look for something, that's all." He explained, before looking away. "I can't believe that witch. Placing a poor helpless child under her spell. And that demon is supposed to protect humans from monsters like her! If they did anything to this little girl's parents, I swear..." He ranted.
But suddenly, Cereza fells down, starting to cry. "Mummy." She sobbed.
"No need to cry... We'll get you to your mom in no time. Here, I've got some candy if you want." Luka asked, snapping his fingers and somehow producing a lollipop.
"Mmm... What is this? It's yummy." She asked, happily sucking on the sweet.
"I don't know... It's candy. Strawberry, I think?" He explained.
"Hey kitty, I've got some yummies. Would you like some?" Cereza asked, looking at her cute toy cat.
"Is that cat your friend?" He asked.
"Yes he is. His name is Cheshire. He's cute, isn't he?" She asked, showing him off to the journalist.
"Cheshire... What a stupid name." He said to himself, taking a few steps away. "Well, so much for taking the highway... That just means we're gonna have to find something else. Now all I have to figure out is what to do about you." He wondered, looking at Cereza. "So, Cerezita. That woman's really your mom?" He asked.
"Uh-huh! My Mummy is strong and she protects me from scary monsters!" She explained.
"Monsters? I don't think you know who the real monsters are." He said.
Back with us, we destroyed the barrier created by the two Glories, discovering a deadly spike trap. "Well, they've certainly stepped up their security." I said cautiously.
"That only means we're going somewhere they don't want us. That's always fun." Bayonetta said as the two of us rushed ahead, avoiding the spears shooting up from below. Although, in my weakened state, I was still hit with 3 or 4 of them. Thank the gods for my regeneration abilities.
We went down the next hall and finally found another entrance to the Gates of Hell. "Need a quick stop, be right back." I said, all but diving into the portal. Bayonetta followed and saw I was already at the bar with 5 empty margarita glasses in front of me, with 4 full ones as I was downing another. So 10 total: 5 drunken, 4 un-drunken and one getting drank.
"Please tell me you're cutting him off after that." Bayonetta said.
"Of course." He said.
"It's all I need. I just needed some time out of the heavenly hell-hole and to ease the pain with some feel good juice." I said, swirling the martini, before finishing it off and drinking the next one. "I'm about a third into the Stephen King drinking game." I said.
"Dear god, man! That game's been known to kill people!" Bayonetta said.
"Hey! You know what else has been known to kill people?!" I demanded with a slur, pulling out Last Regrets and firing at her... only to hit the floor 5 feet away. "Yeah! Whaddya know about that?!" I said, shooting again, somehow hitting the roof.
"I'll wait outside until he sobers up." She said, downing a martini of her own and walking out.
"Yeah, you better run! I'm 'onna shoot all 5 a' ya!" I said, shooting and missing my mark each time as I downed the other martinis.
"Alright, cut off. Now get back out there." He said.
"You don't tell me what to do! I'm getting out of here! Because I want to, not cause you told me to!" I said with a slur, tripping over a table and landing on the portal, being teleported back to Paradiso. "Oh! That'll sober you right up!" I said in pain as the heavenly aura attacked me once again.
"Then let's hurry and find our way out of here." She said, continuing to a pit with a small island in the middle. Suddenly, a pair of Beloveds that appeared to be made out of golden water appeared, trying to attack us. Bayonetta noticed the Witch and Sage statues and realized. "I see. We must have to destroy them, turning them to water, then I use Witch Time and we walk on the water to reach the ledge up there. Seems simple. Don't you think, Sai?" Bayonetta answered. No response. "Sai?" She asked, looking around.
"AAAAAAAAAGH!" I screamed in blind rage and determination, vivisecting one of the Beloveds with Diesectomy, starting to fill the pit, turning to the next one and throwing the giant scalpel like a spear, slicing the next Beloved's head in half and filling the pit more, retrieving the weapon and rushing in at the next Beloved, slicing its legs off, causing it to fall forward onto my raised weapon, stabbing it in the head and turning it to water. An Inspired then appeared and started flying around, at which point I screamed again and held the weapon straight up as the flying serpent prepared to fly over me, cutting itself in half. One more Inspired rose from the ground and rushed at me, but I simply started spinning wildly with the weapon slicing the angel into sushi and finally filling the room enough for us to escape. I then climbed back onto the platform with Bayonetta. "I am done with this place." I said, panting heavily.
Bayonetta was a bit surprised at this, but smiled. "Well, good. Because I believe our exit isn't much further." She said, activating the statues and triggering Witch Time, the two of us running across the water and jumping up to the next level, seeing a portal back to the human world. "And there you are." She said.
"Oh, finally!" I said, rushing forward, until we heard something.
"Help! Mummy!" Cereza screamed.
"And not a moment too soon." I said, rushing through the portal.
"Little one!" Bayonetta said worriedly, rushing through the portal after me.