I'm the Mess That You Wanted Chapter 6: Getaway Car, a game of thrones fanfic

Chapter 6

Getaway Car

Getaway Car by Taylor Swift

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

It was the best of times, the worst of crimes / I struck a match and blew your mind / But I didn't mean it / And you didn't see it / The ties were black, the lies were white / In shades of grey in candlelight / I wanted to leave him / I needed a reason

X marks the spot where we fell apart / He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself / I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed / We never had a shotgun shot in the dark

You were drivin' the getaway car / We were flyin', but we'd never get far / Don't pretend it's such a mystery / Think about the place where you first met me / Ridin' in a getaway car / There were sirens in the beat of your heart / Should've known I'd be the first to leave / Think about the place where you first met me / In a getaway car / No, they never get far / No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

It was the great escape, the prison break / The light of freedom on my face / But you weren't thinkin' / And I was just drinkin' / Well he was runnin' after us, I was screamin', "go, go, go!" / But with three of us, honey, it's a sideshow / And a circus ain't a love story / And now we're both sorry

X marks the spot where we fell apart / He poisoned the well, every man for himself / I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed / It hit you like a shotgun shot to the heart

We were jet-set, Bonnie and Clyde / Until I switched to the other side / To the other side / It's no surprise I turned you in / 'Cause us traitors never win / I'm in a getaway car / I left you in a motel bar / Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys / That was the last time you ever saw me

Drivin' the getaway car / We were flyin', but we'd never get far / Don't pretend it's such a mystery / Think about the place where you first met me / Ridin' in a getaway car / There were sirens in the beat of your heart / Should've known I'd be the first to leave / Think about the place where you first met me / In a getaway car / No, they never get far / No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

I was ridin' in a getaway car / I was cryin' in a getaway car / I was dyin' in a getaway car / Said goodbye in a getaway car / Ridin' in a getaway car / I was cryin' in a getaway car / I was dyin' in a getaway car / Said goodbye in a getaway car

Sansa - August 2016

Sansa was dreading everything about tonight. But she had to be brave.

She and Jon spent the past month going from her apartment on the weekdays to the family's La Jolla house on the weekends. They were having fun, from sexy times in the pool, frolicking beach days, hiking, paddle boarding, and going out with friends and coworkers. But no matter how much fun she had with Jon, she couldn't shake off the uncertainty that was growing within her. It wasn't about Jon, she didn't doubt for a second how much he cared about her and how well he treated her. The doubt was with herself. She was starting to come to the conclusion that she wasn't ready for any relationship, no matter how great it was.

Sansa tried talking herself into it, into continuing her relationship with Jon. He was good for her, she knew that. But it wasn't fair to him, it wasn't fair that she was still filled with doubt and hesitation in herself. She had long talks with Margaery and Arya about it on her lunch breaks. She spoke with Catelyn about it too. While they were all sad about it and felt for Jon, they each insisted she had to do what was right for her.

She was going to have to break his heart and as much as it pained her to do that, she had to do it for herself. When she found out her company was opening a position in their London office, she put in for it, thinking it was a good way to get her to end things with Jon and try to figure herself out again. With Jon being as good and amazing as he was, it had been really hard for Sansa to end it.

On Friday, she found out she got the position and she would be heading to London the coming week. After trying to give him a great last weekend, it was now Sunday, and she knew it was now or never.

Jon

Jon knew something was up, he just couldn't figure out what. Everything had seemed so perfect but then things had felt a little off lately, like Sansa wasn't completely present. They had amazing times but something was nagging at him in the back of his mind. He tried ignoring it, thinking it was just him being insecure or paranoid.

And this weekend had made him almost forget about it. They drove to the La Jolla house Friday night and enjoyed a night time skinny dip in the pool. The next morning, she woke him up with her mouth around his cock and breakfast in bed. They stayed in bed the rest of the day with a few nap breaks.

At night, she insisted they get dressed up and she took him to a fancy bar overlooking the ocean that had a live band and dance floor. She even successfully pulled him onto the dance floor a number of times for the slow songs. They swayed to the music with her body against his, her head resting against his shoulder and his hand on the small of her back where her dress bared her back. He would dip her and spin her, the dress flowing around her. He wished those dances would never stop. When their last one ended, he wondered if he saw a tear briefly glisten on her cheek before she gracefully flicked it away with a finger. But when she looked back at him, she had a bright smile that melted him.

When they were in bed, they began fooling around as usual. But, suddenly, Sansa started to apologize.

"What do you have to be sorry for, love?" Jon asked softly, stroking her hair with his fingers as they lay naked together.

"I want to give you everything, I want you to make love to me. I'm just…I'm just not ready yet," Sansa whispered.

"You don't need to give me anything you're not ready for, Sans, you know that. I don't want to rush you, I'll wait forever and a day if that's what you need."

"I know, I just really wanted to give that to you right now," she said with some sadness.

Jon just wanted her to cheer up and not be sad, especially over that. He would do anything to make her happy. "Well, there are plenty of things we can do to satisfy us," he said, nuzzling into her neck and giving her shoulder a playful bite that made her giggle.

Now it was Sunday. They slept in and woke up in each other's arms. But Sansa felt different today.

Sansa

It was evening now, time to break this amazing man's heart. Sansa was on the verge of tears already without even saying a word about it.

"Jon, I need to talk to you about some stuff," she quietly said as they were curled up together by the fire pit in the backyard. He looked at her and it seemed to her that his eyes were sad, fearful of what her next words would be. "I have to leave."

"Leave?"

"I'm going to London this week." She watched as the pain flashed in his gray eyes and she felt sick with herself. "For work. I'm moving there."

"What are you talking about Sansa?"

"I was wrong, I wasn't ready for this," she replied, motioning her hand between the two of them. "I moved too fast and I shouldn't have jumped into this. I'm still messed up, Jon. And I didn't see it, or I chose to not see it, when you and I began this." She was letting the words stream out of her mouth, she thought she wouldn't be able to continue if she stopped now. "You were so amazing, you didn't want to rush me, but the problem was that I rushed myself into thinking everything was okay with me. It shouldn't be that much of a shock to me, I was still trying to heal when we saw each other again. It felt so right at first and I thought we had taken it slow enough. I was wrong. My past feels like it's a third person in this relationship and it's poisoning us. Maybe I jumped into this, hoping to escape it faster. I don't know." She was trying to not cry, trying to be strong, but a few stray tears kept finding their way down her cheeks.

"Sansa, we can completely slow down if that's what you need," Jon said, gently wiping her tears away. "You don't have to leave," he said in a pleading tone.

"I do, Jon. I really do. It's not about slowing it down, if I'm here and around you, I can't bring myself to slow down or to end it."

"End it? Completely? Is that what you want?"

"It's definitely not what I want. It's what I think I need." She placed a hand softly against his cheek. "I didn't give myself enough time to heal last time and that's left a lot of doubt in me."

"I want you to do what's right for you." His eyes were wet and she silently prayed he wouldn't cry over her, she knew she caused him pain but that would be too much to bear. "I can move back to Seattle, you don't have to go to London."

"I think I need to. Seattle is still close, when I feel weak, I know I could just hop on a flight and be with you in a couple hours. You've helped me be stronger, Jon, you really have. But I can't have you save me, I have to save myself. I know that sounds so stupid."

"It isn't stupid. As much as I want to save you, I want you to do what you feel is right. Do whatever it takes to heal. But there's the part of me that desperately wants to ask you to not go. To stay with me. I'm trying very hard to not be that selfish right now."

"It isn't selfish, Jon. You haven't deserved any of this. You deserve someone stable and that just isn't me right now."

"You may feel differently by then, but when you heal, and I know you will, come back to me, Sansa."

They sat quietly, with her in his arms as they waited for her Uber to arrive to take her back to her apartment. Jon wanted to drive her back, but Sansa thought it would be better for both of them if she left him here. When she got the notification that her driver arrived, they slowly got up, he picked up her bag, and they walked out silently. She opened the car door, turned towards Jon and was hit with the defeated sadness in his eyes. She reached up, gave him a kiss on his lips and she could feel a tear run down his cheek.

"Bye, Jon," she said, looking into his eyes, trying to convey how sorry she was. Jon had been her getaway car from her horrible past but now she got into her new one and sped off. The tears fell freely now.