Chapter 10:
There was a pile of long faces waiting on Finn when he arrived home. He'd expected that. He'd sent Sarah a text in the middle of the night after Alexia got up and went to the toilet, so there was that. At the same time, he had been irresponsible. He'd been gone all day while rumors swirled and unpleasant things got said. He hadn't hung around to talk things through with his family. Walking into the family dining room, he announced, "I'm sorry. I didn't call. I have no excuse."
Moving to the end of the table, he said, "I've decided to publicly acknowledge my child with Lamprey Princess. That needs to be done. Lollipop, please work with Breakfast to craft a statement and release it to the public. Thor will hire a food-taster and a full-time bodyguard..." Billy flushed. That was kind of his fault. He'd thought it was funny to leave his dad holding the bag dealing with one of his old girlfriends. The whole 'get him sloppy-drunk' thing had been a hoot. Until they saw the consequences.
Finn was still speaking. "I learned last night that the Banana-Guard has now become corrupted by newcomers," he said. "An investigation will be undertaken into shakedowns committed by members of the guard." That news floored Bonnie and her son. "It won't be candy people," sighed Star. "It's... It'll be some of the dudes I took in." She'd needed the help. Nodding, the King said, "it needs to get fixed. The bad apples need to find themselves in jail."
Finn had a string of pronouncements like that to make. The most shocking of all was the news that he'd agreed to father Laurel Princess's child. In the burble of conversation that followed that, Billy missed the final pronouncement. "Actually," said Drew, "far from 'no more pity parties', I'm recommending that you have some counseling. Honey, you're bleeding inside. You need rest, or you're going to snap." "Recommendation," Finn sighed. "Usually that means a beating if I don't agree..." Drew flushed, but she didn't disagree, and all concerned knew she was capable of that.
One by one, the Royal Moms–the ones physically there–came up and hugged their husband. There were things that needed saying, but most of them could wait. In the end, Finn had mostly come to the same conclusions they had. When that got done, Bonnie stepped forward and said, "we concluded that Sheila shouldn't be punished. We're prepared to forgive her transgression. This time." Finn, who was clearly still angry, sighed and said, "alright." Shaking himself, he said, "I'm'a go work a deal over Susie. Then I'll take a shower. I'll come back to work after..." "No," said Bonnie. "As your First Minister, I'm ordering you to take your doctor's advice. Get some rest."
Finn headed out, leaving his wives in charge. Billy rushed out after him. Something needed to get said. He caught the big man as he was just reaching the stairs. "Dad," Bill called. Finn stopped where he was and turned to face his eldest. Taking a deep breath, the younger man said, "dad, I'm sorry. You needed me there, and I bounced on you. I feel like this wouldn't have happened..." Finn's angry expression softened, and he hugged his boy. "How's Adaeze and her mom," he asked? "They're great, dad," Bill replied. "Good, son," he said, as he turned to go. Grinning a little, Billy asked, "sooo... how was it?" Finn flushed to his hair at that bold question. "Cold fish-taco," muttered Finn as he climbed the stairs. He left his son sputtering and laughing all at once. It was a side of his dad that he'd never seen. Finn never had anything bad to say about a woman.
For his part, Finn was still spitting mad and fighting rage when he reached the Penitent Suite. He'd put the Duke of Nuts in here after he got out of pocket and raided Bonnie's kitchen. Again. Now, he'd had to punish all of Peanut Kingdom. There was a difference there. One act was born out of Bonnie's rage at the Duke. The other had been about protecting the weak and punishing someone who clearly meant harm. Reflecting on that, he remembered something his adopted dad had said. Retribution should never be sourced from anger. That made you no better than the person who wronged you. Calming himself, he ordered the guards to unlock the door and go.
Inside, he found Lamprey Princess sitting at the suite's lone table, still wearing the same clothes from the previous day and looking like she'd spent the night crying. Almost as soon as she saw him, Sheila turned on the water. Softly, he said, "you were irresponsible. You hurt me..." Flushing, the stacked princess flinched at those words. Finn's face softened, but he made no move to offer anything like a reconciliation. The ball was clearly in her court.
Sadly, Sheila admitted, "I guess I didn't think about the consequences, Finn... I guess I thought I was doing you a favor... that you'd not mind being a dad if I took care of it myself..." Brown eyes bleak, she said, "so what now?" "We share this burden," Finn replied. "A kid needs both parents. We do it six months off and six on..." Rising, she came and embraced him. Laying her head on his shoulder, she said, "ok. We can make this work. School with me or you?" "With me," he replied. Stepping back, he said, "you're free to go, Sheila. I need to go cool off. That's going to take a while." With no further word, he left her there.
Far to the east, a most unlikely figure came striding into a half-empty inn in a sleepy town in the ugly badlands west of Truth Kingdom. She was the very definition of petite, being barely five feet tall. Her waxy yellow skin and yellow hair marked her as being a stranger. Flashes of fine silk under her clothing marked her as being well-to-do. Her brown eyes seemed to sneer at the world around her in contempt.
Striding up to the counter, she uttered a secret phrase in soft tones. The keeper immediately directed her to a small room behind his kitchen. Still wearing that unpleasant sneer, the little woman went her way, leaving a relieved innkeeper cleaning his counter while he tried to shake his fear. Inside, she found her partner waiting. The ogress was putting on airs again. She looked simply absurd in a formal kimono as if she was a gentlewoman. The evil little creature looked down her nose at her partner. The ogress paid that no heed.
Snapping her fingers, she summoned the inn's staff. As the servers laid out lunch, the evil little wax-creature stared. The ogress behaved as if she cared not at all if her partner ate or not. She dug in and began to eat heartily. Finally the newcomer stepped forward and took a place at the table. "You've been gone awhile," the ogress opined. Scowling, the stranger retorted, "and you failed to get the Black Scrawl Virus..."
With a shrug, the ogress reminded her, "I did tell you it was a risky game. That old bitch won't roll over." The wax-woman announced, "I'm hearing rumors that he's consolidating power." With a shrug, the ogress replied, "he is. That's what men like him do. He hardly has a choice." Stabbing the meat on her plate, the nasty customer snarled, "I want him dead! Dead, do you hear!" Calm in the face of that murderous rage, the ogress replied, "when we have power, we can do what we want... Let's stay focused. Or do you want to go off the rails like the Thief King did?" By now nearly everyone knew of how the Thief King had lost her marbles dealing with the Finn-crew. The wax-woman glared at the ogress, but she did subside.
The ogress had bad news to share. Their enemy had secured the core of his domain. He had a nearly continuous barrier from north to south. His southern flank was guarded by his batshit-crazy bimbo, Warrior Princess. He was a tough nut to crack. Which was why the wax-woman wanted the virus and the other weapons of destruction. Smiling more than faintly, the ogress declared, "while you've been... traveling, I've been making moves. I've got the future heir to Emerald Kingdom in my pocket." Her pretty guest gasped. They now had money.
Nodding, the ogress said, "that's not all. I've been working on getting into Jungle Kingdom's treasure bunker. Now, if you get me those books like I asked, our pet scholar can teach us how to build mushroom bombs." The wax-woman put on a pout. She was supposed to find the needed knowledge in the far west. Instead, she'd been having a fit of melancholy. Her brother's birthday was one week away, and that always hit her hard. She found herself day-dreaming of setting off a mushroom bomb in the capitol of the Candy Kingdom. So many to kill.
"Ooo to Chelsea," announced the ogress. The wax-woman shook off her daze, growling, "I told you no names!" The little shit was paranoid about having her name associated with the Eastern Syndicates. With the Mafia Princess consolidating her power over all of Ooo's underworld, with the clear sanction of the other Royals, it was dangerous to have your name associated with the gangs. Leaning forward, the ogress said, "you spend too much time on what you can't change, Chelsea. I need you to focus. The death-metal in Jungle Princess's bunker is only half as useful without the blueprints for a bomb and an airship to carry it. Get me those blueprints, Chelse."
Late that same day, Finn came out of Bonnie's palace, striding down the stairs in a bit of a fog. Drew had been as good as her word. She'd made him sit still for an embarrassingly thorough physical. She even had Simone give his strange artificial arm a look. He got kicked out of his office. Breakfast locked the door and wouldn't let him in. Now, he was headed for his first 'counseling' session with Dr. Brulee. As he headed down the stairs, Drew's voice arrested him. Turning to face his wife, the big man did his best to force the anger off his face. She was doing this for his own good. It didn't feel that way, but then he was pretty bad at taking care of himself. That wasn't what a man did. He'd told Fi the truth about that.
Drew had Hurletta at her side. Finn flushed. He'd told Hurletta that he would help her get counseling. He'd never figured he'd find himself going too. As the pair drew even with him, the pretty doctor said, "since you're going to be having counseling, I thought you could take 'Letta here with you, Finn. You won't exactly be sharing a doctor, but it doesn't hurt to have someone to go with." Finn nodded. He knew Hurletta needed this. She probably needed it more than he did. "C'mon, 'Letta," he murmured. "Go along to get along."
He might have turned away. He was angry about this. But Drew was his lady, and she'd always been there quietly taking care of him almost since the first he'd come to the Candy Kingdom. Turning back to face her, the big man took her face in his hands and gave her a scorcher of a kiss. Unaccountably, the tall woman flushed to her hair before bursting into tears and fleeing back up the stairs. As Finn stared, Hurletta said, "I thought you knocked them dead, not chased them away in tears." Blushing himself, he turned and offered her his arm. It was time to go get this done.
Upstairs, Betty Mertens stood at the window, watching as her husband went down and got in the car. As the limo rolled away, Betty turned to her daughter, who had her nose stuck in a book. "Well some good came of Sheila being a shit," she said. Finn was getting treated. Finally. Simone nodded, absently. She was often distracted these days, and Betty sometimes worried about her 'condition'. The Ice Crown didn't have the power it held before, but Betty still worried. Right now, though, she was curious about what Simone was reading.
Slipping the book out of the younger woman's hands, the nosy mom asked, "what is it?" With a shrug, Simone replied, "a book on toxins." Frowning, Betty asked, "why are you reading this?" "Trying to cure Maja," Simone replied. Betty's mouth came open in shock. She knew Finn wanted that. He and Fionna were both fixated on keeping 'the promise'. The pair of them were creature's of their word. It didn't make sense that anyone else wanted that.
Calmly, Simone told her, "we're in the big-leagues, mom. This isn't what I wanted, but it's reality. I had to learn to accept that a long time ago." Betty flushed. Far from being flighty, Simone Mertens was a very earthy woman–like the man who had fashioned her out of a dream. Coolly, she lay out some hard realities regarding their shared life. "We're the Royal Family, mom," she said. "We're a big, fat target. Someone's bound to realize that fighting dozens of guards is too hard. Then they'll switch to poison. If it's not poison, it's likely to be magic. Maja is one of the oldest and most dangerous witches on Ooo. She knows things I may not know."
It was a risk bringing Maja back. It was a terrible risk. At the same time, Finn had a rapport with Maja. They had a mutual respect and a strange affection. He couldn't compel Maja, but he could likely persuade her to answer a few questions. Simone could sweeten the deal with access to the Grand Master's library. More to the point, Maja was a de-facto member of the Royal Family. She now had a dog in the fight too. There were people in the world who would harm her because she was mother of one of the Finn-kids. She needed allies too.
Betty blew out a breath. It was nothing like she would have done. At the same time, it was a remarkably nuanced and mature view. "Ok," she said. "We try and find a cure. Do we keep Cherry in the dark?" Simone snorted in derision, "who do you think suggested I look?" Cherry saw it as one more gun against a world going slowly mad. Freed of her rage by Breezy's song, the Mafia Princess was devoted to their family. Betty chuckled. Yeah, it was hard breaking old habits. She was accustomed to hiding things from people 'for their own good'. It was past time to change. "Ok," said Betty. "Let's do this. What else have you got? Where haven't we looked?" With a smile, Simone slid a list across the table.
As mother and daughter batted about ideas to cure their resident madwoman of whatever was afflicting her, a friend an ally was dealing with an affliction of her own. In the heart of Bee Kingdom, the Queen Bee had just returned to the quarters she shared with her husband of more than twenty years with Barton in tow. They had spent the evening negotiating the marriage of their oldest daughter, Aerwin, and the Queen Bee was looking forward to crawling into bed for some much-deserved rest. The negotiations had been sticky, with Aerwin's would-be in-laws driving a very hard bargain. They saw that the Queen had money and influence now, and they wanted some of that for themselves. And Barton? He'd been prickly all evening.
Barton had been something of a shit for weeks now. Really, he'd been a shit since she'd come back from the final campaign against the undead. Did she look far enough back, she thought he might have well been a jerk for longer. She'd been a little too busy to notice, and that was a lot of the problem. She'd thrown herself into the business of protecting her kingdom and then protecting Ooo from destruction. She been gone from home for months, and she imagined that had taken something of a toll on their relationship.
As Barton hung his jacket, Breezy found herself looking him over. Tall and lean, like every other bee-person, Bart wasn't built like a wall the way Finn was. Certainly, he didn't have a giant dick like Finn. At the same time, they'd made this work for twenty years. That counted for something. Making a decision, the Queen crossed the room to her husband's side and tried to slip her arms around him. She hadn't given him any in well over a month now.
The Consort stepped back out of her reach, his face contorted in rage. "What," he asked? "You think I want what you gave to that barbarian?" Breezy's mouth hung in shock. What was he saying?! "Keep it, Breezy," growled Barton. "You can keep fucking that lump for all I care." "I don't know what you're talking about," she retorted. She was in a state of shock at hearing that awful suggestion. It helped not at all that she'd thought it so many times. If Finn wasn't such a gentleman, she'd have fucked him six ways to Sunday and committed every sin there was.
At the same time, she hadn't done anything with Finn. They'd been on the up-and-up, and she told her husband, "I've been protecting my people's interests!" "Like you did when you personally flew that fucker into Breakfast Kingdom," Barton demanded?! "Like you were when you flew all the way to Frozen Yogurt Kingdom for him?!" This was going south fast, and she wasn't sure how to get out of this mess. "So what do you want me to do, Barton," she asked? "I've had no further contact with Finn since the war ended. I turned down his request to join his cabinet. I can't do anything more than that to prove my loyalty." "But you don't have any loyalty, Breezy," retorted the Consort. "You're just going through the motions. You don't love me. You don't really love our family..."
That was the limit. "Get out," snapped the Queen. "If that's what you think, you can get out." Barton chuckled, "what? Have you forgotten the cost of divorce?" "Oh, no, Bart," she retorted. "I haven't forgotten at all, but I'm tired of you holding it over my head. We're dissolved, Barton. You can go fuck yourself. Get out of my home. You have until the end of the week." Giving her a mocking little bow, the former Consort took his coat, spun on his heel, and stalked out. The Queen went and threw herself on the bed and cried.
The Consort went out to the landing platform, and, after a glance around him, vaulted into the sky. The guards, having heard one more nasty altercation in the string of them, knew better than to follow. He'd circle back in a couple of days. Breezy had never had the guts to actually go through with dumping him. As many times as they'd fought–as often as she'd thrown Barton out–she'd always relented. It was tradition. She was supposed to find a mate, settle down, and make babies. She was supposed to be faithful until death. No matter how tempted she got, the stupid bitch would never take that last step. She was terrified of what the kingdom's leading families would do.
It was funny, in its way. She'd spent a while hiding out, using magic to appear as a mere creature of the field instead of as a Bee-Person. She'd ducked her responsibilities as crown-princess out of a desire not to grow up and live as an adult. The First Families had taken that behavior not well at all, and they'd lowered the boom on the Queen Bee when she finally dragged her ass home. Breezy lived in a state of terror at what they would do if they even thought she was getting out of pocket again. Thanks to her fears, Barton would be able to live here in the palace until one of them was dead.
He took his time. Breezy wasn't expecting him back tonight, after all. Slipping in and out amongst the lower branches of the trees, he did his best to lose himself. He didn't really want to be the one who got caught after all. Breezy would love for him to be caught doing something that would give her the excuse to dump him! The rogue circled his destination twice just to be sure. Only when he was sure there was no-one following him did he finally move in to land.
His destination was a seedy part of the forest–a place where he could indulge all his base hungers with no worries. He had long ago given up on Breezy. He'd gone through the motions with her, ultimately making five kids total, but his heart hadn't been in it for years. She was middle-aged! She was middle-aged with saggy knockers and smile-wrinkles! There was plenty of young-stuff to be had around the forest.
The little tribe of wood-nymphs lived here on Barton's authority. The guard had been told never to harass them. Indeed, Bart wasn't the only leading-light of the kingdom to visit the place. There was only one other 'gentleman' present when he entered, but there was a handful of drones, looking like they'd just gotten done in the poppy-fields, harvesting nectar to turn into honey. He sometimes wondered where such men found the energy. They worked from sunup until sundown and sometimes even found themselves dodging predators too. It scarcely seemed possible that they had the energy for such basic instincts, but here they were, looking thin and hungry, blowing their meager pay on pussy.
Barton, well-known as he was at the establishment, crowded the line, earning a quick trip past the plebeians and straight into the back. There he found himself waiting in one of the private rooms for his hosts to bring in the selections. He was looking to try something really young tonight. His would-be in-laws had a pretty little daughter, and he'd been eyeing her the whole evening as he thought about how it would be to plug her. Of course, that wasn't done among the upper classes. You didn't go slipping the old stinger to a fellow noble's kid. That was the joy of this place. The nymphs somehow managed to find him whatever he wanted.
As he flicked through old messages on his phone, the door opened. He was only halfway paying attention as the madam came in with a pair of menacing figures. It was only when they were halfway across the room that the rogue looked up. With a frown, the Consort demanded, "what is this? Who are these people?" "Visitors," announced Shawna. "Friends of my sister..." Gemma had been gone for months. Barton had all but forgotten her. Shawna had continued to supply him with his ugly vice, and, to him, nymphs were nobodies. Now he feared he should have paid more attention to the wench's activities!
"You're a disgusting child-molester," rumbled the tall female. The horns and chalky skin marked her as an ogre–from the far east. He might have considered her body beautiful if not for the danger he was in. Gesturing with a twisted finger, she said, "I can have you ruined. I can let the Queen know about your disgusting habits. I'm sure she'd have all sorts of questions. Questions about whether or not you molested your own..." Barton shot to his feet. The other menacing figure growled, "sit down! Sit down before I pluck you!" The Bee-Person sat down in a rush, terror naked on his face.
"You're not stupid, Consort Barton," purred the ogress. "I know you're not stupid enough to fuck around in the palace. I've watched you for weeks..." Bart flushed. "Work with me," she said. "You want the one thing you can't get... You want the Queen ruined or gone... You want her deposed or dead and your daughter on the throne. I can help you get that. I just need a little information. Rumor says that the Queen Bee gifted Finn the Human with a spell... a magic spell that keeps the Quicksilver Curse at bay. I need to know the truth. I need to know how to break it. Help me... scratch my back... I'll scratch yours. You'll be comfortable in your daughter's palace with access to all the teenage poon you want. Deal?"
Yeah, letting the little head think for the big one is a recipe for trouble.