Chapter 15:
"Orzsebet knows about you," declared the spy. "She knows what you've been doing out here." Face gone red, the ogress snarled, "you were supposed to be the Firm's new face, Damien! I backed you as a replacement!" The spy's face was focused on her hands. She had smashed several people with those hands. "My eyes are up here," snarled the murderess! The spy flushed. She thought he was looking at her cans! Not that she didn't have big ones, but his mind was focused on the ugly image of those scarred fingers wrapped around his neck. She was notorious for very personally dispatching people who had failed her. "We never expected him to let her out again," Damien muttered. Few who crossed Finn–man or woman–lived for very long.
"Then you better get rid of her," growled the ogress. "Make her disappear!" "She's a sitting Royal," howled the spy! "She has privileges! The Committee controls her fate!" And he was only one member of twenty. Thumping the table with one powerful hand, the ogress replied, "fine! I'll make her disappear." Brushing back his black hair, the spy rumbled, "I'm working on isolating her. Give me time." In an evil, purring voice, the murderess said, "you're running out of time, Damien. I can't have that bitch revealing my organization until I'm ready."
The rogue spy got out of there. Rising, the angry ogress stood and began to pace. Her plan was in play! She was at risk of that buffoon finding out what she was doing before she had everything in place. She had a dozen actions in progress already. If the King of Ooo's dog found them... Alternately pulling at her horns and her hair, the angry woman howled in frustration, fighting the urge to smash things. She'd been doing better about smashing her own property in reaction to reversals, but this was really bad news. She had a really big operation coming up.
If I don't move forward, I risk wrecking the operation, she thought. She had been working for months under her adversary's nose to get her agents in place. She needed two of the King of Ooo's prisoners. Invading the Candy Palace wasn't for the faint of heart. More to the point, Chelsea was key to the operation. If she found out about this failure, she was a flight-risk. The big woman headed across to the cabinet and pulled out a flask of rice-wine. Slugging down three stiff belts to calm her nerves, the ogress paused to think her way through this. The operation against the palace was seven days out. She'd been looking at ways to insure her foe was away. What better way than to have him chasing her?
Back in the Candy Kingdom, several of the ogress's enemies were gathered around the bed of one of their number. The news of what was going on with Maja had finally filtered out to the Ice Queen, and she'd insisted on seeing the madwoman to assess her condition and figure out just what was going on with her strange somnambulant spell-casting. Just now, the sleeping woman was deeply involved in her game. Finn was aboard a speeding airship, traveling east, with Orzsebet at his side. At the moment, he was talking to the pilot.
"She's still in there, somewhere," murmured Cherry, as she watched the pieces move on Maja's Card-Wars mat. 'Little-Maja' was just as obsessed with Finn as actual Maja had been. Simone had told them that the mat was an extension of her will. Based on things Blargetha and Strudel had both told them, Maja had used the mat as a means of predicting the future–at least as it revolved around Finn. Simone might have told her not to bother. The Quicksilver Curse distorted the flow of time around her husband so much that even now, with it mostly burned up, she couldn't even tell you what he planned to eat tomorrow, much less what he was planning to do. Still, Maja's simple mind continued to play this game. "It's the near-term future," said the Minister for Magic. Simone had made a circuit of the room twice now, looking at the game–and its mad master–from every angle.
At Cherry's puzzled look, Simone said, "tomorrow. Maybe the next couple of days. Her talent with reading the future's strong if she's able to see that much. It explains how she was able to actually find the Fire Bleeder." "Is it dangerous," Cherry asked? Drew shivered at the way she said that. Cherry was still the same utterly ruthless woman who'd seized control of the mob. Simone said, "not as dangerous as you're thinking, dear. I don't think we need to take action on this..." Cherry's eyes suggested she thought Simone was dissembling, and she said, "there's a lot of risk here, Simone." Nodding, the Ice Queen said, "why don't you let me deal with the magic, dear?" "Alright," sighed the Mafia Princess. The trio stepped out and locked Maja's door, leaving her to her dreams of madness.
Morning found Bonnibel Bubblegum seated in Finn's place in the council hall going over the day's business with the cabinet. Hurletta had the floor, and she was giving her report on the establishment of the Bank of Ooo. The flood of money from the bandit-lords had paid handsome dividends. Abeiuewa's merchants had finally been paid for the uranium and the weapons they'd supplied. The Grid-Face People had been paid for the two Tesla Barriers, and there was still plenty of money left in the coffers. She could see daylight.
Of course, their curmudgeonly conscience saw problems. Cherry was used to all the ways money got stolen, and she began to quiz the Slime Princess on the security measures that were getting put in place to store and secure the money. It was a turn of events that found the new-minted Treasurer gobbling. Ragnhild came to Hurletta's rescue, pointing out that they'd secured the funds down deep in the old jail in the heart of Bonnie's capitol. The gangster howled laughter. "It's not my people that are the risk, Ragnhild," she laughed! "It's hers!" The Slime Princess sputtered and spluttered in indignation! Things got heated for a moment until Bonnie waved the pair to silence. "Cherry's right," sighed Bonnie. "We won't get far if our own people can steal the treasury out from under us. We need controls on who can touch the money, and how and how much can be distributed. I need a process on my desk tomorrow morning, 'Letta. This won't wait. Until that process is in place and all the people involved are trained and checked, no more disbursements." "As you wish, First Minister," Hurletta grated.
Before they could move to the next item of business, Breakfast stepped through the door, announcing, "Prince Reinaldo of the Muscle Kingdom to speak with the First Minister..." Frowning in puzzlement, Bonnie asked, "did he say what he needed?" "He wanted to speak to Finn," Breakfast replied, "but I told him Finn's out. He asked to speak to you next..." With an irritated sigh, Bonnie said, "alright. Send him." The tasty treat stepped back into the outer room. Moments later, a tall, muscular man of middle years came through the door.
Like most of his people, Reinaldo Alvarez-Vargas was a fitness afficionado and looked as though he had been power-lifting all his life. In point of fact, he looked as if he could still easily press several hundred pounds above his head. His silk suit was tailored to his massive frame, and Bonnie found herself thinking she could easily see this man with a horde of pretty girls around him wherever he went. Of course, men like this were common in the Muscle Kingdom.
As he bowed to the ladies gathered at the table, Bonnie asked the obvious question, "how may we help you, Prince Reinaldo?" Straightening, the big man got right to the point, announcing, "Princess Nieve is missing." That sent a shudder of unease through the gathering at the table. "Missing," asked Betty? "Kidnaped," announced Lord Reinaldo. "My niece was kidnaped." All eyes turned to Cherry, who replied, "unsanctioned. It won't be gangs. This is proscribed by the Cupola." The muscle-man frowned at her. He'd heard that the lord of the underworld frequently attended these meetings. He wasn't quite sure what to make of this, though he would honestly have said he didn't like it. "The ransom note," asked Bonnie?
Shaking himself, the muscle-bound prince turned back to the First-Minister. "It says that they want two-hundred-thousand coins," Reinaldo replied. Two years of the tax-money Finn was expecting to receive from Muscle Kingdom. Muscle Kingdom was in bad shape from both the Lich War and the ugly war with Wildberry. Bonnie doubted they had that kind of money on hand. Confirming her guess, the prince told them, "Princess Yolanda was deposed partially because she squandered the kingdom's funds, and our lands have not recovered from the unfortunate invasion she caused..." They had nothing with which to pay such an outrageous sum.
Steepling her hands before her face, Bonnie thought of her husband and what he would have done. This was their first test. They were the Peace of Ooo. Finn had as much as said it himself. "I will have an investigator on the job this afternoon, Prince Reinaldo," she said. "We'll retrieve your missing niece. Those responsible will be punished." Reinaldo bowed to her. He lay the ransom note on the table, and, bowing once more, he turned and walked out the way he'd come.
When he'd gone, Hurletta said, "it has to be Billy..." Glancing at Ragnhild, Breakfast replied, "why him? There's nobody else to send?" Betty reminded her, "Fionna and Star are pregnant, and Ingrid's out on some job that Finn gave her. Thor's patrolling the border with Peanut Kingdom. It's either Patrick or Billy." And Billy was, by far, the better fighter. Anybody dumb enough to kidnap a Royal would likely be able to put up a hell of a fight. More to the point, Finn's first born child was an expert tracker and detective. None of the other kids had the combination of skills he had. Star came closest, but she was out of commission right now.
"Where's he now," asked Bonnie? Blushing, the Froyo Princess said, "he's with Abeiuwa." Learning to be a husband for a woman who was a bit of a mess at the moment. Nobody was particularly happy about that. Abeiuwa had been a mess the whole time Billy had been in the east with his father. She'd barely had their baby, and now they were asking Billy to go again. "I'll tell him," said Ragnhild. "You sure," asked Cherry? "I want to be the one," the Froyo Princess replied. This came with the job of being matriarch of Billy's now-extended family. She had to be the adult in the room when Abeiuwa was a wreck and Noemi was thinking of creeping on them.
Rising, Ragnhild said, "Billy will want to spend his last hours with our kids, so I'd better go tell him now." Leaving her place, the pale princess strode across the room and slipped out. Cherry opined, "she should be encouraged to go to counseling." Bonnie's face whipped around. The little crime boss said, "I'm... I'm going to make an appointment to see someone, Bonnie. We all should. Finn's not the only one with problems." It was a shocking notion, but Betty found she approved. She seconded Cherry's motion. "Alright," said Bonnie. "I'll take it up with Drew."
Meanwhile, Ragnhild got into her limousine, ordering her driver to return to the home she now shared at the edge of town with Billy and her fellow wives. As the car took the twists and turns, the pale princess rehearsed what she was going to say. Abeiuwa was the long pole. Billy had a sense of responsibility every bit as strong as his father's. He was going. She had to get Abeiuwa to accept that. Her co-spouse had become surprisingly needy.
They shared space in a converted laboratory at Bonnie's botanical gardens. Billy and Sarah had spent a month renovating the place. The gardens and tree-shrouded walking paths were a balm for Abeiuwa, reminding her of her homeland. She spent hours walking there, and Billy spent as much time as he could with her. Ragnhild was ashamed to admit it, but her husband had stepped back from protecting their world. He'd been spending every waking moment on his three project-wives. That had to stop. Abeiuwa needed counseling before she smothered Billy.
As she'd expected, her husband was walking in the botanical gardens with Abeiuwa. The Jungle Princess was dressed in a gauzy white outfit today instead of one of the fantastical outfits from her homeland. Billy was holding their daughter while he pushed a stroller carrying Simon. Anders was walking at his side, staring in his usual childish excitement at everything around him. The Froyo Princess found herself watching and listening. She didn't often see Billy like this–where he was unguarded and not expecting anybody to be listening to what he said.
"He's doing better," Billy opined. "The tantrums are mostly gone. I was afraid for him. The world isn't nice to boys who grow up with no discipline." Abeiuwa sniffed derisively. Billy laughed at her. The prickly wench glared back at him. She didn't like his independence, but then Ragnhild had gone through that herself. "You were born with an advantage, babe," he said, "and you don't even see it. Your mom and everybody around you was excited and always pushing for you to succeed. If you're a boy, people expect you to get shit done, and they don't really care about your excuses. If you don't, you get shame. Nobody's going to pat Anders on the back if he fails and tell him it's all ok."
Those words shocked even Ragnhild. Had she really been failing her son?! Abeiuwa glared at Billy and demanded, "are you saying I'm a failure?" In spite of the provocation, Billy replied, "I'm saying I want Anders to be as good at running Froyo Kingdom as his mom. Thanks to centuries of princesses, nobody much gives slack to princes." Abeiuwa glanced away, and Ragnhild found her heart skipping a beat. She was just as guilty as everyone else. After Simon was born, she'd gone back to the well as it were to have a daughter. She would have cut Anders and Simon out of their birthright without even giving them a chance!
"You don't make this easy," Abeiuwa muttered. Cupping her face in one of his big paws, Billy explained, "my grampa used to say the last easy day was yesterday. I didn't know how true that was until my wife got caught out doing every ugly thing I ever fought against. She killed herself. She killed our family, and she left me holding the bag. There was a time I wanted to swap places. I don't anymore. I have lots of reasons to keep going. They come with names like Anders, Simon, and Adaeze..."
Ragnhild stepped out of the shadows. "Momma," chirped Anders! "Poppa was teaching me about the plants!" Striding up to Billy and Abeiuwa, the Froyo Princess practically snatched Anders off the ground and tried to hug the stuffing out of him. Then she planted a smoking kiss on Billy, somewhat startling him. "Hon, I thought you were at work," said he. "The Muscle Kingdom sent an envoy, honey," Ragnhild replied. "Princess Nieve has been abducted. The Inner Council needs you to go and find her." Billy muttered swear-words under his breath, and Anders burbled, "but why does poppy have to go, mommy?" Abeiuwa opined, "I'd like to know that too."
Ragnhild gave her a dirty look. The Froyo Princess told her son, "when you're a man like poppy, you have to go out and do things to keep your friends and family safe from bad men..." The little boy looked up at his step-dad and asked, "poppy will be ok, won't he?" Billy found himself worried that the little guy had gotten scarred by the whole business with Wildberry's spores. "I sure will," Billy promised as he kissed the little guy on the cheek. Turning to Abeiuwa, he said, "but I have a little time. Let's walk... All of us..."
Late that afternoon, Bill Mertens sat himself down on a southbound train. He was traveling better these days. This was a far cry from the days of sitting on his dad's lap as they rode the train or being in a bucking, broken-down truck as it bounced across the wilderness. It was funny, but he was respectable now. If JJ had walked away from the gangs for good like she'd promised, she'd be here at his side, enjoying the fruits of their labors. His world wasn't always good, but he thought he'd attained a pretty good standing.
As the train rolled out of the station, the big man put his feet out, as he stared out the window, reflecting on what–and who–he'd become. He was his father's strong right hand. He was the man who handled a lot of the ugly business of keeping the peace. And he was coming to accept that. It kept him away from home, when he'd rather have been with his kids, and that had helped him understand his father more too. Finn had already walked this road. He'd been walking it when Billy was hanging onto his mothers' skirts. There were a lot of lessons there, and he was struggling to try and make use of them.
Get this done, he told himself. His dad put the family out of his mind when he was on the job. He drove hard at the task at hand, got the job done, and that let him get his ass home to his wives and kids. Billy had seen his dad be abrupt with both the ladies of the Mertens household–usually when they called him for something trivial while he was in the middle of running down some peeps who were out of pocket. He made it up to them later, and they'd come to understand it. Billy would just have to make Abeiuwa understand it.
Riding all night, Billy rolled into Muscle Kingdom in the early morning hours, finding a kingdom climbing back to its feet after years of turmoil. The young hero had little time to reflect on that as he climbed out of his little compartment and shouldered his gear. He saw much but noticed very little as he crossed the station to the entry. Like his father, he was becoming more and more focused on the business in front of him as he found less and less time to 'sniff the flowers'. Hostile eyes followed him as he approached the door.
The attack came as the young warrior was in the doorway. Two men slammed the door on his arm, pinning him. A second pair rushed him from behind, one armed with a garrot, the other with a heavy dagger. Billy, who hadn't been in a fix like this since the railyard in the wastes, found an eerie calm swept over him. He needed to live. His kids needed him.
Throwing his free hand up near his face, he blocked the garrot from closing around his neck. The dagger aimed at his spine slashed his coat and met a layer of glacial ice. Billy felt a stinging sensation as the knife skidded off the ice and slashed his rib. The young soldier was aware of screams ringing out as the would-be murderer tried again. Meanwhile one of the men outside had begun sawing at his arm with a foot long blade. Fortunately his conjured ice was keeping the knife at bay. The hero channeled bitter, stinging cold up the wire rope, causing his assailant to let go. Punching through the plate-glass door with a glacial punch-dagger, he gutted the man holding the door shut on his arm. Now the tables turned.
Jerking his arm free, Billy brained the man with the knife, staving in his skull. He went toe-to-toe with the garroter, who'd pulled a knife of his own. Blocking with his ice-covered fist, he crammed the punch-dagger deep up under his opponent's ribs. His final assailant was nowhere to be seen as Billy emerged on the streets. But suddenly there were a dozen anxious guards on hand staring at him.
Hundreds of miles to the north-east, Lollipop got out of a truck and set her booted feet in the lush soil of Wildberry Kingdom. They were meeting with Vizier Banapple to look at some kind of settlement. There were a couple of factions fighting over the succession. Wildberry had no heirs and no relatives. It would be an election of someone new. It helped not at all that there was a Royalist faction wanting to stage a raid on the Candy Kingdom to rescue their former master.
Of course Lollipop had her own problems closer to home. "Are you sure this is the spot," Ingrid asked? Gritting her teeth, Lollipop replied, "this is where Bonnie's navigation beams converge..." Waving the gadget at her nemesis, the former model said, "welcome to the future, ghost-face!" Rolling her eyes, the warrior woman clambered stiffly from the conveyance. She'd never been one for carriage rides. Horses were far more involving. Fionna had suggested she try one of the strange two-wheel contraptions, and she'd been considering it. Stretching, the leggy blonde said, "alright. Let's get this thing done." Lollipop fished the signal flare from the truck and lit it off. Then the waiting began.
Ingrid found herself watching the living sucker as she paced nervously back and forth. Rail thin and round of face, the other woman cut a strange figure. Her honey had an eclectic taste in women. Stopping in the middle of her pacing, Lollipop fixed her 'partner' with a glare and said, "I don't do that, you know." A puzzled Ingrid burbled, "do what?" The candy-woman's face said it all. Ingrid knew the demon and the gum-woman were a thing and had been long years before she was born. Rumor said the plump wizard, Elizabeth, might be carrying on with the sex-machine. Ingrid snorted, "well you have nothing to fear from me. I only like men. If I'd my druthers this sharing thing wouldn't be..." Lollipop laughed at her. "But you don't get that choice," she retorted.
Before they could get to bickering, the sounds of movement in the undergrowth brought their bodyguards to full attention. Momentarily, a prissy looking fruit-person came ambling out of the woods. "Hello," he greeted them. "You aren't King Finn's soldiers by chance? We've been desperately hoping you would come!" Before Lollipop could even open her mouth, Ingrid strode forward, declaring, "I am Princess Ingrid, Royal Consort to the King and Lord General of the Privy Council! To whom am I speaking?!" The wrinkled prune chaffed his hands with glee. Perfect.
The Berry-person had a small party of soldiers with him. That raised Lollipop's hackles somewhat, but Ingrid waded right in, declaring, "I wish to speak with Vizier Banapple." The prune bowed before her imperious demeanor, offering, "I'll take you to him..." His eyes flicked to the gathered soldiers. "No more than bodyguards," said the ugly prune. "You understand, yes?" An alarmed Lollipop tried to intervene, but the arrogant wench was already dismissing their soldiers. In short order, there was just the four of them. Lollipop glared at her co-spouse, but Ingrid was already moving on. "Lead on," said she.
Lollipop's irritation turned to worry and then to fear as the Berry-Folk led them deeper into the woods. All afternoon the pair followed their hosts up and down through the trails and back-roads of the fallen kingdom. Hour by hour, minute by minute, they grew further from help. The former model found her mind going to her babies again and again. She had to live. She needed to live for them.
Ingrid might as well have been off on a lark. She was having a grand time, seeing the sights of the forest and enjoying the hike. Which was also grating on Lollipop's nerves. She felt old all over again next to a woman who was physically twenty and in the bloom of youth. A part of her wanted Cherry's fountain of youth now, now, now! Mostly she kept her mouth shut and listened, as Ingrid chatted with their hosts. Most of what the Warrior Princess got was a lot of 'soon' and 'not much further' with the occasional, "the Vizier is anxious to see you..."
The berry people brought them at last to a rough little camp in the wilderness where they found a hundred Berry-Folk working up dinner and caring for weapons. The camp was strangely quiet, and their guide hustled them through, barely acknowledging the questions of his fellows. Lollipop found herself getting a little creeped out, not least because of the strange hunger for meat these folk had. Forcing those thoughts to the back of her mind, the sweet-treat refocused her mind on business. Finn needed a name and face he could trust to deliver the Kingdom to. It was up to Lollipop and Ingrid to find that person.
Their guides delivered them to a small shack and bade them wait. Lollipop immediately set to pacing as she puzzled at what they should do here first. Ingrid sat herself, stretched out those long legs, and began twisting and turning, as if limbering up. The wench always seemed to be doing something like that. Lollipop couldn't help thinking that half the time, she was faking that whole 'warrior' thing. She'd heard the wench showed up to bed once wearing chainmail.
Out of the blue, the blonde asked, "what do you think of our hosts?" In mid-turn, Lollipop answered, "creepy. They're weird, even for Berry-folk." "Says the living sucker," Ingrid chuckled. Lollipop glared at her. "What do you taste like, girl," asked Ingrid? "I hear the pink one tastes like gum..." Rolling her eyes, Lollipop retorted, "I don't actually lick myself, ghost-face. If I could do that, I'd never leave home. Besides, I hardly think you'd care. Unless you've changed your mind." Ingrid spluttered and sputtered at the suggestion.
Lollipop let her. It was a good way to shut her up. It was funny, really. Half of the Royal Wives had a mad on against the other half. Cherry could stand Breakfast not at all, and Lollipop had pretty severe issues with Bonnie, Marceline, and Phoebe for the way they'd treated Finn over the years. It was something she knew they had to work on. Cherry had been saying it for months since the war ended. Unfortunately, Lollipop didn't really have any good ideas for how to fix it. She'd come to peace and even a friendship with Cherry. Their hijinks north of Purple Kingdom had helped, and she'd seen the older woman basically go to the mat doing the right thing. Unfortunately, she had no such common ground with Ingrid.
The berries left them stewing for hours. With little in the way of positive conversation from her companion, Lollipop was up and down through much of it. As she made her fifty-fifth circuit through the doorm, the Warrior-Princess had finally had enough. She wasn't exactly thrilled with their situation either, and, rolling her eyes, Ingrid growled, "cease that!" "It helps me think," retorted the candy-person. "It annoys me," Ingrid responded. "Thinking doesn't require walking." Turning to face her, the pretty ex-model began to cuss her, but before the bickering could get too far, the door opened, revealing their host. "Is there something wrong," he asked? Smoothly, Lollipop replied, "nothing. We were having a discussion. Matters of the Royal Family... Heh-heh."
Nodding sagely, the little prune said, "come along. Our grand council is meeting over supper. They'd like to meet you." He gave them a toothy smile as he said that. Given these people's habits, that smile sort of gave Lollipop the willies. There were two ways to take his suggestion that his friends wanted to 'meet' them. Ingrid simply stepped off as if she scarcely had a care in the world. The pretty candy-person slipped a hand into her pocket and flicked on their locator beacon. With any luck, their guards could get here before anything unfortunate happened.
The encampment was fixated on putting together a meal when the pair emerged from the shack. The sounds of spoons clattering in pots filled the air, and a pungent blend of spices tickled Lollipop's nose, reminding her of the last time Finn had cooked for her. It felt like a lifetime ago. "Finn ever cook for you," she murmured? Ingrid frowned at her in puzzlement. That was hardly the work of a man. "Well, you're hardly doing the work of a woman," Lollipop opined. The blonde flushed. "It makes me feel special," Lollipop sighed. Finn hadn't cooked for any of them in literally years. The last time he'd made a real dinner was the unhappy gathering before Wildberry's war.
"He never offered," Ingrid murmured. "Well," said Lollipop. "It's something we're all gonna' work on. We're gonna' pry him away from his job and turn him back into the family man he was." Ingrid snorted. As if. He was King. "King's can cook," Lollipop retorted. Ingrid would have reminded the little idiot that Kings had far better uses for their time than cooking meals when they had a staff of servants on hand, but their host brought them into the circle where the council was sitting.
The Warrior Princess scanned the scene, her keen eyes trying to pick out which of the men present was Banapple. It could have been the fellow on the left. He looked like a giant, plump version of the nasty crab-apples she used to find in her mother's garden. It could have been the shriveled fellow on the right. In the moment, it really didn't matter. Striding to the center of the gathering, she said, "I'm Ingrid, Lord General of the Privy Council. I am sent by the King of Ooo to negotiate a peace with the Berry Folk..."
Their odd little host turned and gave her that odd little grin, saying, "not now... Eat now. Talk later." He cut her off in mid-sentence, and the proud princess glared at him. Lollipop stepped in, saying, "that would be wonderful! My companion's just anxious... you know... to get things straightened out. I'm sure it'll wait a little longer." Tugging on the Warrior-wench's arm, the candy-person led her over to a vacant log. An irritated Ingrid sat herself.
They found themselves mostly let alone, with the Berry-folk going about the business of putting together supper. Lollipop was a little famished herself. After nine months of carrying a baby, she had a little extra weight on her, and Drew had put her on a diet. This was her chance to sneak a little extra! "Extra," howled Ingrid, as she looked the wench up and down?! "Where?!" Primly, Lollipop said, "ladies don't ask other ladies about their weight." Ingrid was getting close to boxing her fellow lady's ears.
Their host came and went, bringing them dishes and inquiring as to how much stew they might like. Lollipop asked for a double portion. Ingrid went along to get along. In short order, their host had handed them a bowl each. The scent was heavenly. Peppers. A little cayenne. It smelled a little like Finn's Hot-Hot Spaghetti and Meatballs. Ingrid put on a wounded look when the ex-model mentioned that. "We're going to have him cook you up something, dear," said Lollipop. "You shouldn't be left out."
So saying, she raised the spoon to her lips. Ingrid huffed in wounded dignity, but she too raised her spoon to blow at the piping hot contents. With the stew as cool as it was going to get, Lollipop opened her mouth to eat, but Ingrid slapped it from her hand, growling, "don't!" At Lollipop's glare of anger, the tall princess murmured, "don't ask me how I know this, but that meat is tainted. That was a humanoid..." Lollipop's jaw came unhinged, and her head was already turning towards their 'hosts' when Ingrid's voice arrested her. "Remain calm," she whispered. "Talk about trivialities..."
Unfortunately, their hosts had already taken notice. "Is something wrong," asked the little prune? Putting on a gracious smile, Ingrid announced, "I'm sorry, but duty is duty. Surely you understand? I should speak to Vizier Banapple before I sit down to dinner. Isn't there any way we can... move things along..." The little creature chuckled. Then he broke into titters. In short order, he was howling laughter. "I am Vizier Banapple," howled the fiend! "You've walked right into my trap!"
In cool tones, Ingrid told him, "we're here to negotiate. There's no need of hostilities. The King of Ooo..." "Delivered tasty morsels to me," howled the fiend! "I've always hungered to taste candy-flesh!" Lollipop, who'd gone a little more green than usual at the knowledge that she'd almost ate somebody's bod, looked up in terror. "Mmm," said the fiend. "We'll cook the skinny one... She's not as plump as I like, but she'll satisfy the hunger. And then we can use the other's hair as bait for the King..." A second cannibal spoke up, offering, "she's a little stringy. We'd have to fatten her."
Ingrid merely smiled back, saying, "I'm sure that's not necessary. If sugar's what you want, we can get you someting... Isn't that right, Lollipop? In fact, why don't we go back and get something right now..." Grabbing the candy-person by the scruff, the leggy blonde tore out of there. The cannibals took off after them, howling to wake the dead.
The blonde ran and ran, and it looked perilously to Lollipop as if she would get run to death. That was a helluva pickle. Get run to death. And eaten. Or just get eaten. "W-wait," puffed the model! "Wait!" "You want to get eaten," puffed the Princess? "You can stay, but I'm gone!" "We... *puff* wouldn't... *puff* be in this... *puff*... if you hadn't run off on our... *puff*... soldiers," Lollipop complained. "Less bitching *puff*... more running... *puff*...," Ingrid retorted.
Up and down they ran, traveling more than a mile in the seemingly trackless bush. Ingrid was running like hell, and Lollipop had no idea where the hell she was going. Stopping stock still in the middle of the trail, the pretty model finally said, "I'm not going another step! We need a plan! We can't just run willy-nilly. We'll just run into more of them..." Rolling her eyes in her usual imperious fashion, Ingrid retorted, "I have a plan, sweet-lips. Do you really think I'd just waltz off without any protection?" Striding forward, she pushed her way through a wall of bushes, declaring, "I told our protective detail to follow and camp out downwind. They're right here..." Lollipop followed the annoying bitch through the wall of trees. And there on the other side, the pair found a horrific sight.
They were dead. Every last member of their bodyguard detail was dead. They'd been shot and stabbed-up. The whole of the camp was kicked over, looking like a wrecked ant's nest. "W-what happened," howled Ingrid? "I was going to ask you," Lollipop snapped. They were sooo boned. They were totally screwed now. This was going south fast. Then, as if to add lace to the dress, the sick fucks who wanted to cook them burst onto the scene.
The nasty little prune who led the cannibals announced, "mmmm, I can taste the fear! It's always good when they're scared!" "Well," sighed Ingrid. "I guess we fight." Grabbing one of the spears her dead guards had dropped, she waded right in. As Lollipop goggled, the pretty princess stabbed one of the sick fucks through his wretched, dead heart. As a second cannibal darted in at her, she spun that spear and cracked him in the head with the butt-cap, smashing his skull.
One thing became clear just looking at her, as she twirled and darted, reaping a toll on their enemies. The nasty little customer could fight. Of course Lollipop soon found she had problems of her own, as three of the sickos rushed her at once. With a shout, she leaped back and gave one of them a roundhouse to the jaw, flattening him. Her booted foot cracked the knee of a second, before she kicked the third square in the ribs. "Not bad, sugarlips," said Ingrid, "but we need more permanent answers." Lollipop cussed her, as she went scrabbling for one of the dead men's swords.
The two beauties fought on, back-to-back, selling themselves very dearly, as the cannibals closed in. Thrust-cut-thrust, and Lollipop skewered one of their assailants, driving her sword deep in his gizzard. As he collapsed, a second and third assailant climbed over him, and she lost her sword driving it down through the shoulder of the second. She soon had the third poised to stab her through the heart.
And that was when the arrow slammed into his back, dropping him. Indeed, a swarm of arrows came out of the brush, slamming into one cannibal after another. Ingrid took the opportunity to grab her unlikely partner and make tracks. The cannibals fled the scene as quickly as they'd come, and a pack of heavily armed Berry-folk came out of the forest. One burly specimen announced, "are you well, Princess Ingrid?" As Lollipop frowned in puzzlement at this development, Ingrid replied, "well enough. And you are, sirrah?" "Lord Plantain," he replied. "We met briefly during negotiations over the machine-army." "Well met, Lord Plaintain," Ingrid said, as she shook his hand. Nodding at the carnage around them, the Lord said, "he's down but not out. We should go and talk somewhere safer."
The family is really getting in deep now. And their enemies are still in the shadows.