Chapter 16:
The bookstore angle was tedious. It seemed to Orzsebet that her predecessor had been obsessed with the appearance of being non-descript scholars. Because book-worms were known to be outrageously physically-fit specimens. Nobody was ever going to notice that the man behind the counter was built like a brick wall. The Agent Princess had been pushing for a change. She preferred fitness clubs, tailor's shops, and social clubs. Those were places that fit men and women spent their time. The Committee had balked at the changes because of the expense, but their leader was all for moving on.
Striding up to the counter, the slender woman announced, "I seek the darkness so I might find the light." At the same time, she flashed the tattoo on her left wrist. The man at the counter replied, "the wisdom you seek is in the stacks..." The Agent Princess strode past the velvet rope and into the special collections in the back of the store. Once out of sight, the spymaster slipped a special key into a hidden door. That door let her into a hidden space at the center of the shop.
There were five in that space. Three were rogues out of Truth Kingdom. Two more were foreigners from the west. Shedding her disguise, Orzsebet announced, "evening, all. I'm here to get your reports. In person." Straightening from the book-forgery he'd been making, the on-site chief agent fixed her with an ugly stare. Orzsebet waited patiently on his answer, though none of them seemed anxious to give one. Coolly, she announced, "I'm your master. I expect to hear your report on the matter you were to investigate..." Chuckling, Jiang responded with, "and why should I care, Orzsebet? Everyone knows you're Finn the Human's plaything..."
The video had gone viral. Orzsebet the Agent Princess, dancing in a strip-club while a mystery man shouted orders at her. Said man had proceeded to jerk off and blow his wad on Orzsebet's face before throwing money at her like she was a hooker. It was all over Ooo! It seemed that every dirty little male she encountered had seen the video, and she'd been forced to heavily disguise herself just to conduct business.
And now this.
The Committee was irritated. They were irritated with her for backing the wrong horse during the war, and they were irritated with her for getting the Firm on Finn's shit-list. Now she had one more strike against her, and there were rumblings that she was going to get replaced–the hard way. Orzsebet knew something they didn't. Finn wouldn't allow it. Mad as it seemed, he was comfortable with her in the position she held, and he was unlikely to accept a replacement. In a way, Jiang was right. She had become Finn's dog.
Not that she particularly enjoyed that position.
She certainly didn't enjoy being reminded of her unpleasant position. The Agent Princess chuckled, interrupting her detractor's insults. She chuckled a long time, and she seemed to actually suggest they all share the joke. Striding forward, she lay a hand on his shoulder in friendly fashion. When Jiang began to laugh too, she stabbed him in the crotch. She stabbed him and stabbed him, working her way up until she plunged the knife into his heart. Turning to the others, she hissed, "I may be the King of Ooo's plaything, but I'm still your master. Now. Tell me. Tell me, or tell the the Service Dept. I won't ask again." They began talking then. Nobody wanted to make the acquaintance of her secret assassins.
As the Agent Princess dealt with her recalcitrant subordinates, another ugly confrontation was brewing in the west in the King of Ooo's palace. Bonnie, in her typical authoritarian-busy-body style, had grown impatient with the lack of communication from Billy. Now the young man found himself on the hot-seat, explaining what had been going on in front of his disturbed and horrified wife. Ragnhild had very little idea just what violence was like. Billy–and his predecessor–kept her away from such things. The idea that four men would jump him in the train-station shocked her. Nor was she alone.
Bonnie was all business though. She wanted to know why men from Emerald Kingdom would be so far west. And how were they connected to Nieve's disappearance? She had orders for Billy to dig into records to see when and how those men had come. She also wanted to know more about where Nieve was going and who knew she'd be there. They were as thorough as his father had ever been. With Cherry helping to lead the charge, they dug so deep into his business, it felt to Billy like he was getting one of Dr. P's physicals.
The business continued even after the young man hung up. Cherry, in spite of past promises to the capos was seriously considering digging into this herself, and Nadia was egging her on. Hurletta wanted an international police force that they controlled to help look into these little problems. Betty could only think of finding help for Billy. He had no backup right now. He was in pretty serious danger and working all alone in a kingdom that was less than friendly.
"Shut it," Bonnie told Cherry. "This isn't up to you alone. I agreed to let you handle things with Engagement Ring Princess, but this is bigger." She was still a little irritated that Cherry had given away what she saw as an advantage over Marceline's nasty vampire-spawn. Turning to Hurletta, Bonnie said, "it's a little early to pursue power grabs, 'Letta. We'll table that for now." She had peace in the room. That gave her space to think.
Calmly, the pink princess said, "we owe Muscle Kingdom an investigation. A thorough one. At the same time, I don't plan to lose a member of the Royal Family. Princess Ragnhild? I should like you to go north and speak to my son-in-law, Randy...?" "That's excellent, Bonnie," Hurletta squealed! "Nobody'd mess with an elemental!" Cherry rolled her eyes. She already had. Several times. Scrawling a name on a page, she said, "princes make bad detectives, Ragnhild. Here's another name to try. While you're at it, Pedersen is on his honeymoon there now."
Grimly the Froyo Princess nodded. Her private train was sitting on a siding. She could leave in just two hours. She just had to grab her kids. With a grimace as she realized she'd have to deal with Abeiuwa and Noemi, Ragnhild rose to go. She'd been guilty of selling Anders short. She'd planned for a daughter, niece, or cousin to replace her on the throne. She'd had her eyes opened. Now there were honestly moments she wished Anders was already a grown man. He could relieve her of some of her work! Bonnie's son was quietly doing yeoman service, keeping the Candy Kingdom afloat.
The pretty princess rushed home, arriving to find both her cospouses present. She hadn't expected to find Noemi home today. That ratcheted up the risk of trouble. There were rumblings that Noemi was up to her old bad habits. There wasn't proof, and Noemi had been mostly quiet as her pregnancy advanced. Still, there was distrust there and friction between Abeiuwa and the Purple Princess, not least because of Noemi's use of her pheromones on the Jungle Princess months ago. Abeiuwa had come very close to murder that day,and the hard feelings were there still. Billy had enforced peace between them, but it was an uneasy peace, and Noemi's continuing antics of trying to slip around and fuck other men on the side weren't helping.
Ragnhild found the pair feeding their daughters in the garden, with the Jungle Princess opting to do it the old-fashioned way, while Noemi opted for the bottle. It was another source of friction, with both women expressing contempt for each other. Abeiuwa thought Noemi a fool for choosing artificial milk for her child. The Purple Princess, being vain as anything, was far more concerned with keeping her boobies youthfully firm. Age–and its distressing effects on her beauty–was more important than her child. She had laughed at Noemi and Ragnhild both for choosing to risk their bodies on pregnancy and nursing babies. That did little to endear her to either of her cospouses.
Almost as if at her wits' end, Abeiuwa rose immediately to greet the Froyo Princess. "I thought you'd be working," the Jungle Princess opined. "What has you home so early...?" She sounded suspicious. And shouldn't she be? Her first husband, Oreva, had gone off to deal with a small problem for her Kingdom and come back enslaved to Wildberry. He'd turned on her, forced her off the throne, and proceeded to try murdering her. More to the point, with the way she clung to Billy, Abeiuwa was in grave danger of losing herself. Billy was her bulwark against depression and madness, and she was terrified of losing him. Knowing what she was going through, Ragnhild wanted badly to protect her by way of hiding the news from her. Don't lie, she told herself. It would just destroy trust, and trust was what they desperately needed right now.
Taking a deep breath, the Froyo Princess explained, "Billy's run into a little trouble with his investigation. He's doing fine, but we're sending backup, just in case..." Abeiuwa started to swear. In just moments, she was leveling accusations at Ragnhild. Noemi wasn't the only one chaffing under the reality that Billy considered Ragnhild his first priority. Fighting her own irritation, the Froyo Princess calmly replied, "we're acting out of an abundance of caution, dear. I'm going home to round up some of my agents. I'll be back in a couple of days. Billy's laying low until I get back. Ok?" Her eyes searched Abeiuwa's, as she tried to project calm. Choosing her words very carefully, the Jungle Princess softly responded, "he's our husband! Why are we risking his life on Bonnibel's schemes?"
Rolling her eyes, Noemi remarked, "what do you think we pay him for, Abeiuwa? We've paid him and his father both. First with money. Now we pay with pussy. His job as a man is to go fight the wars and fix the problems. You're just getting in the way." The Jungle Princess spat curses at her, which made the Purple Princess howl laughter. There was a moment where Ragnhild was terrified it would get to violence. Abeiuwa's hand was on the knife, and this wouldn't be the first time she'd come close to stabbing her rival. Billy had deflected two previous altercations. After the second, he'd made it clear there would be no violence in their home. That admonition seemed to work. Without a word, the Jungle Princess turned and stormed off rather than risk the alternative.
Meanwhile, Lollipop Mertens sat down with her 'partner' over a lunch of meat stew. Their 'rescuers' had laid out a board of savory-smelling stews and soups. "Venison," Ingrid murmured. Lollipop sighed her relief. "Harder than Finn makes it look," she admitted. Ingrid smiled. Yes it was. Their honey made it all seem easy. With a heavy sigh, Lollipop asked, "what's our next move?" With a shrug, the blonde replied, "same as before. We find out who the factions are, figure out who's worth supporting, and try to make contact." They were somewhat better placed now with hosts who weren't aiming to spice the pot with their corpses.
"You handled yourself well," Ingrid opined. "You should be proud." Lollipop flushed, but she gave as good as she got, answering, "you weren't half-bad either..." The proud princess smiled. "So you've known Finn since he was ten," she remarked. Lollipop smiled in fond memory. She'd been fifteen–five years older. Finn had been a jerky little boy until she'd sort of developed affection for him. She'd known Finn thirty years–three quarters of his life. Ingrid sighed, and Lollipop knew she was feeling the sting of jealousy. She didn't have that kind of history with their husband. She'd spent that time in limbo being threatened by Theo.
"Ok," said Lollipop, "you've gone silent. What is it?" "Nothing," Ingrid lied. Lollipop rolled her eyes. "The mystery woman again," she retorted. "Ever think opening up might help you? It helped me." Ingrid frowned at her. "We're in this together," Lollipop insisted. "You're not here scheming for the other side anymore. It's time to figure out how to fit in." The soldier blew out a breath. "I don't know how," she muttered. "I... I never had friends..." Smiling, Lollipop replied, "if an evil gangster and the Dark Lord of the Night-O-Sphere can fit in, what's your excuse..." Ingrid blushed. What indeed? "Ok, sugarlips," she said. "I'm game..."
Back in the east, Finn the King sat in a semi-dark room pouring over Shoko's report. She was making good progress but the amount of death-metal she was projecting to need was excessive. He feared both that Abeiuwa would balk at supplying so much and again that she wouldn't. She could bankrupt his fledgling government if she asked too much money. While she had married Billy, joining her to their family, he feared that the decision was more about saving herself from an ugly scandal at home rather than a real desire to be a part of the Mertens clan. I need you to get the cost down, Shoko, he thought. He wanted to be open with Abeiuwa about what he was doing, but he didn't want to get bent over either. As he worked on his response, knocking on the door announced Orzsebet's return.
He knew it was the spymaster because he'd given orders that he only be disturbed when she came back. Taking his time, the King closed out of his note to Shoko. Then he put Bonnie's radio gadget away. Only then did he call out for his guest to come in. His bodyguard opened the door, admitting the skinny spy-girl. His eyes took in the familiar shape of her as she came striding across the room. Strangely enough, he'd come to know Orzsebet over the years. When she was doing her thing–fucking with people for fun and prizes–she had a way of walking. It was her sexy-spy-girl walk. She wasn't sexy spy-girl today. He could see faint traces of real distress there.
His blue eyes burned into her chocolate brown eyes until she glanced away. Coldly, he demanded, "did you find the name?" "My agents weren't able to get a name," she replied. She still wouldn't look at him. "There are layers of protections around her," said the spymaster. Finn frowned. It was like Cherry–or Penny. Rare was the man or woman who really got close to Cherry if she didn't want them too. That had become all the more true when she'd smashed her final two rivals. Marjorie was pushing up daisies, and Sugarlump was out of business. Her life wasn't worth spit right now, and Finn imagined James Plumly's wayward daughter was eking out a living in some distant hell-hole. Honestly he didn't like the idea of a girl selling herself for money, but he didn't give two damns for that little bitch. She'd tried to murder two of his sons. She'd tried to murder his wife. A part of him hoped she suffered for every vile act.
"Her goals," Finn growled? "Power, Your Majesty," the spy replied. Not Finn. Not Finn the Human. Not even Mr. Mertens. That was better. Orzsebet explained, "the wars have cast a lot of small players adrift in a sea of opportunity. They have the chance to take what stood beyond their grasp. She fancies herself a Princess." Finn's fingers toyed idly with Bonnie's radio, and he left her standing there a while in an uncomfortable silence. There had been a time when he was awkward and terrified of leaving a silence like that too long. He'd always rushed to fill the void. Now he knew that often you could learn a lot if you let the other person stew a bit. Finally, he let her off the hook with, "you need to get agents into her organization as you slipped them into mine."
The spy's face went red-hot, and she glared at him. She was halfway afraid that some of her agents were deliberately ignoring her calls and commands. Judging by what she'd encountered today, the Firm was on the brink of rebellion! She was angry enough to shout at him. It took all her will not to do just that. "That wasn't nice what you did," Orzsebet growled. It took a moment. When he realized she meant the video, he laughed at her. It was clear that he either didn't understand the problems he'd caused or, worse, he didn't give a damn. That had to get sorted. He could ruin her!
"It made things more difficult with the Committee...," she muttered. "Fuck the Committee," Finn replied. There was no heat or venom in his words. He wasn't blustering or even particularly angry. He simply didn't count them as important to him. This was her problem. She had to convince him otherwise. "They're the instrument that controls my organization," she reminded him. "They can make business harder than it needs to be. If I'm to accomplish your goals..." Finn nodded, and she thought she'd gotten through to him. She turned to go.
"Orzsebet."
His voice arrested her. The spymaster stood there a moment, and he could tell she was trembling. "Do you fear me," he growled? She took a breath. Then another. Finally she spoke, "yes." He was the one man she couldn't bend to her will. He always had been, and now he was a man with all the power in the world in his hands. She'd spent a lifetime twisting men either using their pricks or using their families as leverage. Finn had made it clear that he wouldn't be terrified or cowed by threats against his people. He'd simply kill you stone dead on the spot and step over the corpse. And woe to the person who actually managed to harm someone he cared for. "You can go," he told her.
Orzsebet stepped back into the hall, still feeling the terror of that moment. He was a man with an army. He had a race of cyborgs doing his bidding–possibly ginning up weapons for him. He had an army of burning elementals at his disposal. And he had the power to slip time itself. She wondered. What did he fear? Why did this matter so much to him? He had enough tame princesses sharing his bed to live comfortably the rest of his natural life. He had a vast kingdom stretching from the burning ice of the north to the southern jungles and an army of heirs waiting in the wings to inherit it. What difference did it make if this idiotic upstart took on airs and decided to declare herself a princess? Of course the door had no answers for her. Muttering curses, she turned and headed back down the hall to her own room.
Poor Billy. Dudes trying to kill him at work, and his wives trying to kill each other at home. What's a dude to do?