Chapter 20:
"You're the famous Finn the Human," murmured a soft female voice. The figure sat deep in shadow, while Finn and his irritating companion stood under bright lights. "I'm the King of Ooo," Finn responded. "I don't meet Royals often," the stranger rumbled. "You pick a strange way to gain audience..." Folding his arms in front of him, he said, "I didn't want to meet this way, but you're a hard person to get hold of." "You want to talk," his adversary murmured, "is that it?" "I wanted to give you the chance to change course," Finn replied.
The figure said nothing. Finn took the opening. "War is an ugly way to solve problems," he said. "But are we solving a problem," the stranger asked? "I'm advancing myself in the way that lies open. The only problem I see is a man from the far side of the world getting in the way." Nodding in acknowledgment of that, Finn replied, "I'm a man with great power, but I'm also reasonable. I understand your ambitions. I'd be willing to cut a deal..." The figure laughed. In cold tones, she responded, "how would I even trust you? You've done nothing to earn my respect..." Finn replied, "I'd be happy to make what gestures are needed to earn trust."
The dark figure paused for a moment. Finn waited with baited breath, doing his best to show no emotion. After a wait that seemed to go forever, the stranger finally spoke. "Alright," said she. "As a gesture, I wish you to sell me your companion. Finn the Human is known to only sleep with the most beautiful women. Sell me your companion. She'd fetch a good price..." With a shrug, Finn replied, "sure. Not sure you'd get much. She's no spring-chicken. Kind of well-used too, if you take my meaning..." Orzsebet's face whipped around, but Finn actually grabbed her by the ass and shoved her forward.
One of the guard's grabbed the Agent Princess by her hair and dragged her to the figure in the shadows. Their host growled, "you're right. Nobody's going to buy this dried-out old cunt. Kill her!" The guard pulled Agent Princess's head back, drawing a massive dagger as he did so. Orzsebet produced a knife made of obsidian wrapped in heavy cord and slashed his face, throat, and neck. With every face focused on her, Finn was easily able to kill the two guards near him with the grass sword.
Time slowed down for Orzsebet in that moment. At least it seemed that way. Two men she hadn't even seen in the shadows of the room stepped forward, leveling guns. Finn literally dodged through that deadly hail of gunfire, twisting and turning, even as he strode forward. The curse, she thought, even as Finn hurled the heavy desk their host sat behind at the two gunmen with an almost negligent flick of the wrist. One man died, his head and chest crushed. The other lay his gun in line with Orzsebet's face and let fly. She had a moment to scream in terror. Then she was looking up from the floor as Finn hurled her dagger with the force of a speeding truck, skewering the second gunman right between the eyes.
Finn huffed and puffed like an old man for several moments before turning to glare at her. "You going to just lay there," he puffed? The stunned spy-girl climbed to her feet. Their host lay sprawled on the floor. "A dummy," Orzsebet spat. Glancing at him, she demanded, "when did you?" "Spy 101," Finn retorted. "Real people move when they talk. They can't help it. They gesture to emphasize points." She knew that. Her face flushed as she realized that this man had kept his cool when she was losing hers.
Finn was already moving on. The commotion of the fight would soon be drawing more enemies. He passed one of the rifles to his companion and headed for the door. Almost as soon as he stepped into the hall, a dart clipped his hat. Finn returned fire, wasting the thug. Orzsebet covered his back as they made their way back the way they'd come. A man stepped out behind them, and she quickly shot him. More men arrived, drawn by the commotion, coming in ahead and behind. The spy-girl, clipped one after another until her gun ran dry. Finn ended up handing her his gun in favor of powers he hadn't tried since the last time E attempted to teach him magic.
As a fifth man came at him, the King of Ooo reached down deep inside himself and projected a forcefield that hurled the hapless humanoid into the ceiling. The King promptly chopped him in half, accidentally cutting his gun in two. Agent Princess howled, "I could've used that!" "Sorry," Finn muttered as he slaughtered another man. He was in his groove, though. This was what he did. He would just let himself go, functioning on instinct.
Step by step, the dynamic duo tore through the patsies in the darkened recesses of the casino. There seemed to be an endless array of them. Lizardfolk and blond giants out of Warrior Kingdom. Truth-Kingdom people and even a fat berry-person. The King and his Spymaster cut their way through them all, finally reaching the door through which they'd entered earlier. One of Sybil's fast-growing demon-seeds shattered the lock, and then they were through. Home stretch, thought Finn.
On the far side, the casino floor was empty. Finn was hardly surprised. You couldn't have missed the sounds of mayhem coming literally through the walls as he'd blasted, stabbed, and shot his way up the halls in the back. Of course, this was the tough part. "Stay close," the King of Ooo snapped. "Here's where it gets nasty." Orzsebet was only thinking of the run out to the door and freedom. Finn was thinking that this was where he would have ambushed somebody raising hell in his place. The casino floor was open, and there were balconies above where you could get a shot off without risk of getting the grass-sword crammed in your belly.
It was a lot like fighting the aliens with E at his side. As the first of the thugs opened fire from across the room, Finn, grabbed Orzsebet by her skinny waist, did a neat pirouette to dodge the incoming darts, and dropped the spy-girl on her feet again in a position to slag the dude. If she was surprised at all by that move, the Agent Princess scarcely missed at beat, as she plugged dude between the eyes. The pair fell into a rhythm then. With Finn's speed and Orzsebet's skill with weapons, they made quick work of their foes.
The big man tossed her into the air, taking her out of the line of fire of a half-dozen dudes, as they rained death around him. Spinning in mid-air, she shot three of them before he caught her again. The King twirled her around his chest, and she shot the men behind them over his shoulder. Over and over the big man twirled and spun the slinky spy-girl, as she put the hurt on their enemies. They were halfway across the room now. As Finn considered the risks of just rushing the door another threat appeared–this time holding a bomb. Slinging the Lady of Spies under his left arm, the big man lashed out with the grass-sword, snatching up a table and literally catching the blast with that.
Now, as the burning fragments set the ornate, lacquered floor alight, the King of Ooo decided it was time to make tracks. He took the trip to the door in one big rush that left him a little breathless and dizzy. Outside, he let the spy-girl down, and the pair made a run for it. They didn't stop until they were over a block away.
The big man leaned heavily against a parked car, huffing and puffing. Critically, Orzsebet opined, "you need to maybe get some real exercise. Fucking doesn't take the place of cardio." He flipped her off, as he turned to look at the mess they'd left behind. The casino was fully engulfed now, the floor having gone up like kindling. You could see the fire from here. The Red Queen social club was burning. Money was burning.
"Would you have really sold me," Orzsebet burbled? "Yeah," said Finn. "You would have cut your way out of there." She laughed. Yes, she would have. Turning to face him, she said, "what now?" With an eloquent shrug, Finn replied, "we keep looking." Looking down at his now-ruined suit, he muttered, "the girls are gonna' kill me when they see this suit." Turning to go, Orzsebet snorted, "my people can have that replaced in a day." Narrow hips wig-wagging, the spy-girl headed off to their car. Over her shoulder, she tossed out, "coming, hero?" Smirking and shaking his head in amusement, the King of Ooo followed that wiggling little ass back toward their car.
Back in the Candy Kingdom, Noemi the Purple Princess woke up from a deep sleep to the sound of her child crying. Rising, she gathered on a robe and went out into the common room of the suite shared, looking for the maid. She was still hunting and trying to shush the child when she remembered Billy's nasty little sister firing her maid because she was compromised. Muttering curses, the curvy princess went into the kitchen and rummaged for a bottle. She didn't even notice Abeiuwa until the latter started laughing at her.
As a flustered Purple Princess stared, the Jungle Princess took Fabiana from her and, opening her own robe, settled the baby at her left breast. The plump princess glanced down at the floor. "It's natural," said Abeiuwa. "You should try it..." "May not have a choice," Noemi blurted. She had been a hot mess all day–basically since Star showed up with a dozen guards and hauled her maid away. Sitting down, the stacked princess asked her rival, "what're you doing up? Why are you here sitting in the dark like this?"
Really, she knew the answer. Abeiuwa had been something of a mess since Billy got on that train. While Ragnhild was quietly coping with the pain of separation and the anxiety and fear of what was happening to their husband, Abeiuwa was slowly falling apart. Noemi tried flattery. As long as she'd known the Jungle Princess, the key to Abeiuwa's heart was through her ego. "This isn't like you," Noemi offered. The tall warrior glanced up sharply. Her eyes were haunted.
"You have to get yourself together, Abeiuwa," said the Purple Princess. "What would you know," growled the warrior-woman? She almost stormed off. Likely she would have if Fabiana hadn't been attached to her left knocker. Flustered, she glanced away. She wouldn't be running off for a number of minutes–not with somebody else's child in tow. She sat there a few moments, staring around her, doing anything she could not to look at her rival. "Look at me, Abeiuwa," Noemi murmured. "For the love of glob. Look. At. Me." Finally the tall princess turned to face her.
"You can't keep doing this," Noemi insisted. "What would you know," Abeiuwa snapped?! Breaking into sobs, the tall woman muttered, "you don't know what this is like..." Noemi stopped herself from rolling her eyes. That was an ingrained habit. She was sarcastic and even caustic to everyone around her, even to women who were trying to be friends and a man who, against all odds, was becoming the husband she needed.
"You have to grow up, Abeiuwa," Noemi said. "I did." The Jungle Princess turned to stare at her. Letting out a long, unhappy sigh, Noemi said, "I spent my life whoring around Abeiuwa... In the casino of life, I was born with all the chips, and I... I squandered them. I fucked my way through boyfriends and other women's husbands. When my friends were settling down, I was trying their husbands behind their backs. I could get away with it because I was princess. Then I got older and found out I wasn't the belle of the ball anymore. Men were happy to take me to bed, but they didn't stay longer than a week. I lucked out when they asked me to help them cure young William. I found a young man I thought I could take, but he... he ended up saving me from my own wretched life."
Abeiuwa stared, as her irritating sister-wife explained, "William turned out to be my last chance. Even without my... hold on him, he was kind and respectful... For men my age, I was just a pump-and-dump. I mean... you can't turn a whore into a wife. Most men his age would have treated me as a starter-girlfriend and dumped me when something better came along. There's nothing sadder than an elderly whore, Abeiuwa. I had to change myself or lose him. Now you have to change too..."
Looking the Jungle Princess square in the eye, the Purple Princess declared, "decide, Abeiuwa. Do you want respect? Do you want to be a woman of influence or do you want to wimpy back to your lair and hide your face? That's your choice. You got greedy, and you got handed a shit-sandwich. You're ashamed of how your choices wrecked your life. I think any of us would feel what you feel in your place. I've felt it plenty of times when I stood looking in the mirror at the smile-lines or when I saw a former friend of mine with her new hubby and their new baby.
"Your pride's wounded, and you're having trouble facing yourself. But the world's moving, Abeiuwa. It won't wait on you to pull yourself together. It'll take your kingdom and every last shred of pride you have left in you. It'll grind down whatever ego and whatever soul remains. You have the choice to be a part of the world–our shared world–or be ground up and forgotten. That's your choice. William can't make it for you. None of us can."
Rising, the busty princess took back her child and headed back to her room. There was work to get done–work that had piled up while she was laid up–and she'd have to get a new maid if she wanted to have time to do it. The world was moving, and there were plenty of terrors out there waiting to descend on them. If there was one thing she'd learned from the travails of the last few years, there wasn't any time left in her life for shirking.
Abeiuwa was gone when the buxom woman rose. Noemi wasted little time wondering where she was. Her things were till in their place, so it was unlikely she'd left. She'd be back when she was of a mind to return. Instead of wondering at things she had no control over, the Purple Princess threw herself into work, stopping from time to time to look at her options for replacement maids. As the day wore on, she experienced the joy of changing a baby. She actually had to call Simone for instructions. After that, she found that the supply of milk in the fridge was gone, and that left her with a real bind.
With her hungry baby staring her in the eyes, the stacked princess found herself left with few options, and, with a long-suffering sigh, she opened her bodice and let Fabiana have at it. Shockingly, it wasn't nearly as bad as she'd feared, and, in the end, she found herself actually sort of enjoying it. That was when she heard the door unlock, and Abeiuwa came striding in with Adaeze on her hip and Princess Nadia in tow. "Well," announced the Jungle Princess. "What do we have here?" "Oh, stuff it," muttered Noemi. "I didn't have time to go and get milk." Smiling, Abeiuwa hefted a heavy bag and set it on the table. "Is that," Noemi burbled? "You're welcome," Abeiuwa replied, as she motioned for Nadia to join her before the window.
"So," Nadia murmured. "You asked me to come down..." Nodding, Abeiuwa crossed her legs artfully, as she leaned back into the cushions. It was her 'confident' pose. Nadia found herself wondering who'd come and swapped back her friend. Abeiuwa had been a mess for the last six or seven months. She'd feared the confident, plucky woman who could go toe-to-toe with just about anyone was gone for good. In tones that spoke of her confidence, Abeiuwa told her old friend and rival, "horse-trading. Death-Metal for one of those barrier-machines."
Nadia goggled at her a moment. Abeiuwa twirled a lock of her hair carelessly in one hand. Her heart-rate was low, her temperature within nominal ranges. She wasn't stressing at all. She might have been talking about the weather. "You going to keep scanning me, or deal," asked Abeiuwa? Flushing, the cyborg asked, "w-what're we talking about?" "Listen," said Abeiuwa. "I would gleefully send some of my troops to deal with some of our little problems. I'm part of this little coalition. I didn't want to be at first, but I can see now that it's better to be in it than going my own way. Unfortunately, I have a little problem of geography."
The Grid-Face Princess frowned a moment. "Alright," she said. "Say on." Steepling her hands before her, Abeiuwa the Jungle Princess explained, "my people are at continual war against the jungle and the thousand-thousand little deaths waiting inside to consume them. My soldiers spend their time keeping those thousand deaths out of every village and hamlet." "You'd like something to keep them out," Nadia surmised. "Just so," Abeiuwa replied. "In exchange, some of my troops would be freed to... conduct some of the council's business. Under William's command, of course." "Of course," Nadia agreed.
The tall princess got up and went to one of the bookshelves. Taking a map off the top shelf, she returned and spread it out on the couch. "These are the borders of my kingdom. From the western ocean to the great desert in the east," she said. "I know that your machine can't protect all of it, but if I had something for the heartland..." "One barrier would protect all of these major villages," Nadia agreed, "but I have no right to simply hand you something..." "Which is why we're horse-trading," Abeiuwa agreed.
The bargaining began in ernest, with Noemi listening in and offering pithy comments that left both women occasionally laughing or spluttering at her outrages. In the end, Nadia drove a very hard-bargain, making off with a half-ton of precious nuclear fuel in exchange for one barrier. It was a pleasant turn of events and one that left Noemi cautiously optimistic. Indeed, the pleasant mood persisted into the evening call with their husband. For once, it was Billy that was stressed and worried, and his wives behaving.
"Hey," Billy greeted the trio, as they sat before the phone. "William," Ragnhild greeted him. "Just calling to let you know I'm ok," he told them. For once, Abeiuwa started things off, announcing, "when you get back, I'd like to talk about reorganizing our army, beloved." A little startled, Billy replied, "uh, sure." She had a number of things to discuss regarding their shared life, and Billy found himself promising to find the time to talk about them.
Noemi was the one to point out that he sounded off. Of course, a woman who'd spent much of her life playing love-games with other women's husbands, was very good at sniffing out when a man was hiding something. At Ragnhild's sharp glance, Noemi opined, "something's wrong, William. It's better to say it and have it in the open. You'll only have to tell it to Bonnie anyway." "We got jumped," he admitted. "I... think maybe Nieve's either cooperating with her abductors or maybe even in on it." As the trio listened, he laid out what Tom had seen and what Olesia had surmised.
"But you don't know," Ragnhild rumbled. It was only half a question. Severely, Abeiuwa said, "you are a detective, William. Why are you dithering?" The big man flushed to his hair. He was being called out. The irony didn't escape him regarding just who was doing it either. "We will make a pact with you, William," the Jungle Princess rumbled. "You will do your utmost, and we will maintain our family home. Do what needs to be done and return." "I-I will," Billy burbled. "I'll get home as soon as I can." With that, the girls signed off, leaving a disturbed and stunned Billy staring at his phone.
And Finn fights his way out of a jam... Wonder what's up with all the puffing and wheezing, though? And, mercifully, Abeiuwa's putting in work to help the cause as opposed to being the cause of the problems... Time to Buckle Up. It's about to get rocky.