Hello again! Thanks as always to everyone who has followed, favourited and reviewed this fic. It's awesome to see that people are enjoying it :D
This one's not got too much dialogue, but I really enjoyed writing Rey's thoughts about Ben here. And there's fluff at the end, which is always great!
Let me know what you think. Reviews are love!
2 years 10 months earlier…
Two weeks.
Every day for two whole weeks Rey had revisited the Jedi temple, and what did she have to show for her efforts? Nothing. Not a damn thing.
She'd explored the sprawling complex as best she could, but there were still so many rooms locked off to her. Whatever Jedi techniques that were required to open them were lost to the ages now; those who knew anything were long dead and had taken their secrets with them. And it wasn't as if she'd been visited by any other ghosts since that first time, no one was coming to help her. Fortunately.
She'd run her hands over the doors, both ornate and simple in design, and felt the power that ran through them. It was the same power that permeated the whole building, humming contentedly at the thought of being needed once more.
But these explorations had ultimately left her no wiser than she had been when she'd first started. The temple was merely a shell without the Jedi there to bring it to life.
And so that was when the meditating had begun. It had felt like an appropriate thing to do in a place such as this, and Rey reasoned that this might be a good way to look inside herself and find the answers she needed.
It was more difficult to gain her focus without Luke there with her; his training had been short yet what little she'd learnt from him was already so precious to her. But as she'd sat on one the of the few balconies she'd been able to find that hadn't been destroyed, she'd heard a voice trying to help her.
It was the same one she'd heard when first drawn to the temple, that of the young Jedi she'd met. Rey couldn't make out his words, but they were pulling her within herself, guiding her to a place where she could find her centre and draw strength from. She followed the voice gladly, grateful that at last her mind seemed to be clearing.
Every time she'd tried meditating before, her thoughts would stray to Ben. He was a distraction that she couldn't allow herself, but he was just such a central part of her life now. She'd closed the bond completely after that one night of weakness when she'd let him in, but the world had become so much colder without his thoughts resting at all times beside her own.
But now, for the first time in two weeks of trying, Rey forced herself to turn away from her thoughts of him and his emotions. She looked deeper inside herself, searching for something in particular.
And when she found it, it took her some time to pluck up the courage to head to that one place in her mind she needed to go. She opened the doors she'd sealed tightly shut, and her worst memories rose in her mind, flashing by her in a nightmarish sequence. It was fortunate that there weren't so many, she thought. She flicked through them quickly, not willing to linger for too long on each one, until she came to the one she wanted.
It was of their fight. Usually when she thought about it, she'd quickly push it from her thoughts, wanting to avoid it and all the pain that went along with it. But not this time. This time, she forced herself to watch every second of it, and felt every emotion that had coursed through her on that day.
She'd felt so helpless against him, his powers much more controlled and focused than her own. In some years, maybe, she would be able to stand her ground against him if he turned again. But for now, she was vulnerable, powerless against his emotions, and that something Rey could not stand to feel.
But what she hadn't noticed before was the fear she'd felt for him too. That if he carried on like this, in time he would lose himself entirely, becoming just a shell for the dark side to control. She could try to convince herself that this would be the worst thing for the galaxy to endure, that whatever her decision was she made it with this fact in mind. But she knew that it was Ben she was most worried about. She didn't want him to have to suffer such a fate.
Rey huffed in frustration. She was done. She leapt to her feet, dusting herself off and turning to find the exit to the temple. The answers she was looking for, she'd never find inside herself; there were too many contradictions and uncertainties in her own mind. Instead, they were out there, waiting for her.
She needed to see him again. All her doubts stemmed from him, from whether the bond that tied them together could ever actually be made to work. And there was only one place she could find that out for certain.
It had been a month since Rey had left the warehouse, and from the outside it was as though nothing had changed there. He'd brought a new speeder, but the place was still filthy and covered in rust and would appear to any passers-by to be abandoned.
But inside her own head, her emotions were a tangled mess. Nothing else had worked to straighten them out, and so she was left with no other option than this. She couldn't say that she was ready for this, or that she even knew what to expect from him, but it had to be done.
She moved to push aside the huge metal door but before she could take a step forward, it began to slowly open before her. His figure blocked the doorway and his face was half covered by shadows, but it looked so shocked to see her stood before him.
'Rey.' His voice was gruff, though she didn't know if this was from overuse or from the screaming he often did when his anger was released. She looked up at him, and if anything, he seemed worse than he'd been when she'd last opened the bond.
'I… I couldn't sense you on the planet. I thought you'd left.'
His words explained the look in his eyes. They'd always been the most expressive part of him, the one thing he couldn't hide unless it was behind that black, faceless mask. And now they were broken.
She didn't need to see the dark circles that ringed them to know that his actions haunted him even now, and that the consequence of this was a severe lack of sleep. And she didn't need to see the red lines that spread like a spider's web over the whites to know that he'd been facing the strain of being alone and had been rubbing his hands viciously across his eyes as he always did when he was tense.
But there was something else there too. He looked at her as though she were the most valuable thing in the galaxy, as though the whole thing could collapse around them, but he wouldn't care as long as he had her beside him.
She knew it was just the loneliness within him reacting to her presence, but it didn't stop that compassionate part of her, the Jedi within her, the part that was bonded to him and felt what he felt, wanting to run forward and comfort him.
Yet she didn't. That wouldn't help either of them.
'I closed the bond. I needed time to think.' She said with a determined set to her voice, and she pushed past him into the room. But what she saw there made her stop.
The walls were littered with burnt slashes, long lines that dragged in deadly arcs. In some places on the opposite side of the room, she could even see small rays of light stretching through where several lines had crossed and burnt fully through the thick metal of the walls. Not for the first time, she was glad that the warehouse was situated in a practically abandoned part of the old industrial district.
'About what?' His question pulled her back to him, her head turning slowly from the damage and her eyes meeting his.
'About this.' Rey gestured to the room around them, the scars on the walls. 'About us. About whether I had the strength to come back to you. I was looking for answers.'
'And did you find them?' She could hear the hope in his voice. Just by returning to this place, especially since he'd thought her long gone from his life, she'd given him hope.
But she wouldn't lie to him.
'No.' She said resolutely. Rey refused to feel guilty for returning to him without a plan, even if her denial caused his shoulders to sag and his face to fall. This wasn't about him, none of it was. She'd come back to collect something for herself, the answers she hadn't been able find during her time at the temple.
The young Jedi had been right, they were something she'd have to seek herself, so she'd come back to the source of all her problems.
'What do you think I should do?' She asked him.
His eyebrows rose at the unexpected question, shocked that she would even think to ask his opinion after what he'd done, and his eyes began to wander as he thought it through. But he realised quickly that he had nothing to give her.
The selfish part of him, the part of him that had been dominating his thoughts and actions for so long now, wanted to scream at her to stay with him. It wanted to throw their bond wide open and bask in the light that called out to the darkness within him. To show her that they were each other's only equals in the entire galaxy.
But it was that selfishness that had forced her to run in the first place.
'Pick up your lightsaber.'
Ben looked into her eyes, thinking that he'd misheard her. But then she pulled out her own saber from her belt, turning it over and over in her hand. The air around him filled with the cloying energy of his fear, radiating out from him in waves. He didn't move. He was afraid of even touching the weapon in front of her, fearful of hurting her again.
But Rey wouldn't accept his acquiescence so easily, this wasn't about him. It was about her, being mentally and emotionally connected to someone she barely knew. She'd been afraid, and she'd run away, but only because she'd never understood just how far his darkness ran, just how much it was a part of him.
On Ahch-To, when she'd spoken to him, she'd been hoping he'd be able to overcome it and try to be like her. It'd been the same on Jakku. And while she did still believe that his darker tendencies needed to be reined in and controlled, she'd come to realise that destroying his darkness would destroy who he was.
His family had tried to erase the darkness. Snoke had tried to release it. She wouldn't make the same mistakes they'd made. It was about understanding him and helping him to find his way towards balance.
'Pick it up, Kylo.' She repeated.
That caught his attention. She hadn't called him by that name for a long time, and now it almost felt like a slap to hear it come from her mouth.
'He's still in there, isn't he? I want you to let him out. Pick up your lightsaber and don't hold back.'
But he still wouldn't move. The thread between them was so tenuous, and his fear of hurting her overrode his wish to do as she asked. But as she opened the bond again, just a fraction, he felt how desperately she needed this from him. She'd been searching for… something… since she'd left and something had led her to believe that this was the key to it all.
'I won't ask again Kylo, pick it up.' His eyes flashed again at the name, but her tone was full of authority, and left no space for him to delay any further.
Slowly, he bent down to pick up the black handle from where it had been carelessly dropped on the floor after his last angry outburst. It felt right to be back in his hand, despite the fear he felt at seeing it there once again.
Rey walked over to the training area, forcing her steps to be much more confident than she felt inside, and he followed.
She ignited her lightsaber, and her entire body was bathed in the cool blue glow. The light made her seem almost ethereal and lent a sharpness to her features; she looked like some sort of vengeful ghost he'd read about in stories as a child.
'I want you to let it all out. Everything.' Her tone was serious, and he could only nod silently in response, but she needed to know he understood exactly what this meant to her. 'I mean it. If you hold back, I'll know. And I'll walk out of here. I need to see everything you have.'
He lit his lightsaber and rushed towards her. She lifted her own to block, pushing her whole body into the movement to force him away. But his strength was so much greater than hers, and she couldn't get him to budge. Instead, he pressed down harder, the red blade coming closer and closer to her face.
Rey twisted her grip on the lightsaber, spinning out the block and jumping back several feet from him. His blade had scraped down her own, with the heat of it grazing her knuckles and leaving a small red streak of blood on each one it had touched. But she pulled her thoughts away from that. She'd ordered him not to hold back, and he certainly wasn't doing that.
He leapt at her once more, not allowing her the chance to go on the offensive this time. She threw her own force powers into her blocks, able to keep him at bay for a time, but it quickly became clear that the fight was taking much more out of her than it was him.
His actions were fuelled by his fear over her leaving, and his need to follow her orders and unleash everything he had in order to make her stay. It was terrifying to see the power this one man alone had contained within him.
But she knew it was worse to feel that power.
She sensed the tendrils of his mind reaching for hers, just as they had last time they'd fought, his darkness taking over him to ensure his victory in battle. But this time at least, she was ready for it.
Rey tried to reinforce her mental defences, as she'd been practicing since she'd left Luke on Ahch-To, but it was so difficult to do with Ben's constant attacks raining down on her. With every brick she managed to place in the wall, his mind countered by destroying ten of them with ease.
Her plan wasn't working, she couldn't defend herself against him. His years of training and his extraordinary natural ability in entering and manipulating minds was the perfect conduit for the dark side.
She looked around for something to help her, her eyes darting from side to side as she was backed into a corner by the viciousness of his swipes and lunges. And when she looked into his, they were hard as granite. There was no hint of that rare warmth in them that he reserved only for her.
His lightsaber came down on her once more, and though she raised her own to block it, it was clear that she didn't have the strength for much more of this. His own powers fell on the lightsabers like a tonne of rocks, pushing them lower and lower until they were crossed in front of her throat. Sparks shot from the red saber, falling on her clothing, and leaving tiny singed marks all over.
And in that moment, she was sure he was going to kill her.
Stop fighting him Rey. Stop fighting the darkness and find the light. Be the balance.
The voice of the Jedi echoed within her head, and she had just a split second to decide whether to follow his instructions.
Rey chose to trust in his words.
She closed her eyes, looking for the power within her that she knew could easily match the raw intensity of Ben's. It was easy to find, a bright light that had always been there and filled almost every part of her. She collected it, pushing and forming it into a weapon and when she was ready, she opened her eyes.
It was released in a massive blast, pushing Ben halfway across the training floor. She felt the darkness retreat in fear from her mind, running back to a safe haven at the feeling of such a strong wave of light energy.
Ben blinked several times in confusion, as though he couldn't remember anything that had just happened between them. But he quickly did and dropped his lightsaber to the floor in shock. He'd almost killed her, he would have if she hadn't fought back against him.
His body moved before he could think to stop it, running across the small space to her. He didn't care that she would undoubtedly leave him after this and chose instead to hold onto her small body as tightly as he could. The strength in his legs finally gave way, and he dragged them both down to the ground.
He leant into her, pressing her close with one hand and holding his body upright with the other. His head pressed tightly into her neck, and she could feel the tears wetting the fabric of her shirt. His shoulders shook as he sobbed silently into her.
Rey wondered how long it had been since he'd let out his emotions like this. How long had it been since someone had forced him to see the consequences of his actions? He was the product of hurt, a broken child, and in his anger and need to wipe out his past he'd hurt so many others.
They still needed to have a conversation, but it could wait. For now, all he needed was her silence, a moment to take in everything that had happened and how close he'd come to losing her.
But the revelations were not only his. Rey too felt as though something within her had changed. She'd needed to know that she could help him, that when it came down to it, she was someone who could counter his darker side. She could force it into submission when it grew too wild and out of control, but she would never smother it as others had sought to in the past.
She finally felt as though she was growing to be his equal. It would take time, the fight alone today had sapped so much of her strength from her that she was leaning on him just as much as he was her, but one day she would be a person who could help him to keep the balance.
And maybe this was why the force had seen fit to bring them together, to bind them through a bond that never should have been able to exist.
But all of that could be discussed later. Instead, they just sat with each other, his sobs slowly dying out until there was only silence surrounding them. His grip grew lighter, as though afraid he'd overstepped a boundary by being so close to her. But her only response was to wrap her arms around him before he could pull away.
And for the first time in a month, she threw open the doors to their bond completely and let his mind back into her own.
'Rewind the feed.' The creature spoke quietly behind the mask it wore, the hollow black markings where its eyes should be trained on the video looping in front of it.
The unfortunate guard sat at the console shook as one hand reached to wipe a bead of swear from his forehead and the other reached for his keyboard. The footage rewound quickly, but the figure behind him could still easily recognise what was going on.
'Stop' it ordered, voice modulated and disguised by the mask. 'Play it again, frame by frame.'
The video stopped, before jumping back to life as picture by picture appeared on the screen. It was of a corridor, surrounded by grand pillars and broken statues and looming staircases. The Imperial Palace.
Nothing happened for a while, the space as cold and lifeless as it had been for the almost thirty years since the Empire had fallen and the palace had been ransacked.
Then suddenly a small figure appeared at one end, her body naturally stealthy and locked in a defensive position as she made her way down the hall. She was wearing a cloak, several sizes too large for her and trailing slightly through the dust on the ground, but the hood was down. Her back was turned to the camera, and her head swivelled left and right, occasionally running to the railings to look down at the great expanse beneath her.
He could see the side of her mouth opened in a 'O' shape, shocked and amazed. He knew the feeling, had felt it himself when he'd first been assigned to guard the place. It had a grand history, spreading out over thousands of years if the legends were true. Yet so many had died here, and the Palace seemed… it felt strange to say that a building could feel sad, but that's what it was. Sad.
Her head shot up, jerking to face the camera as though a voice had shouted out her name.
'Stop!' The masked figure shouted. Her could hear its breathing speed up, as though excited by the image of the girl in front of it. But the guard had heard the stories that followed this creature, as all on Coruscant had, and he knew that the girl may as well be dead already. It wouldn't be tracking her otherwise.
'It's her.' The voice whispered so quietly under its breath, the guard barely heard the words through the mask's modulator.
He reached up to wipe yet more sweat away from his face, not helped by the beads already gathered on his palms, and it was these small movements that reminded the masked figure that it was not alone.
No one else could know what it had found, and in one swift and silent movement, it grabbed the blaster from its holster and shot the guard square between the eyes. He hadn't even had time for his face to register any hint of shock, slumping over the console and hitting the buttons of the keyboard with his lifeless body. His help had at least earned him a quick death.
The video began playing again, frame by frame, and the figure stared at it for a few seconds longer. The girl would be theirs, her bounty would pay for them to live like kings on this planet that would happily accept money in return for status. And if she could lead them to the man, the one the First Order were willing to offer any amount of money for?
Then even better.